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Addicted: The ramblings of a Fragrance Junkie

Osaka, Japan - A trip to the Body Shop proved near fatal for one American man on Tuesday when a bottle of their “Beleaf” fragrance sprayed sideways into the right eye of Marlen Harrison, an American who claims to be a university professor. Harrison, a self-described fragrance addict whose sole purpose for entering The Body Shop was to “get a quick fix before heading uptown to Hermes for some designer shit” was caught by surprise when after depressing the sprayer on the small green bottle, was hit in the pupil by a renegade stream of alcohol-based eau de toilette. “The pain was immediate and shocking,” said Harrison, “I mean, after all these years of doing this - and I’ve done it everywhere – I couldn’t believe I had actually gotten hit. Still, I took it like a man.” Eye witnesses said that Harrison put his hand over his eye and began to cry. “He put the bottle back on the shelf saying words I couldn’t understand, and then began to jump around,” reported Kaori Wakai, Body Shop employee, “I guess he was in pain. His friend was laughing at him. He said a word I cannot repeat and then ran out of the store.”

Harrison was seen running through the shopping arcade screaming obscenities before entering the restroom. One eye witness said that she saw him enter the lady’s restroom first, “I guess he made a mistake. He was only in there for a moment before walking back out and going into the men’s room.” Harrison vehemently denies this.

The experience became more traumatic as moments passed. While at the sink in the restroom, Harrison was unable to turn on the faucet, “I kept waving my hands underneath the damn thing hoping for some cold water, but nothing. Then I pounded on it. You know, my eye was really hurting and I could only see out of my left eye. I wasn’t thinking properly. I mean, most faucets in Japan are motion-activated!” Masaki Matsushima of Kyoto was in the restroom at the time and had this to say, “This crazy gaijin kept pounding on the tap and yelling. Of course I was frightened! I could see he wasn’t very intelligent and needed help. He was probably American. I risked my life by walking over to the sink and pointing to the faucet knob. He didn’t even say thank you.” Harrison then proceeded to place his head under the faucet, only to be met by hot water. “The pain was unbearable,” remarked Harrison, “I just needed a little cold water to flush the bergamot, fig and musk out of my eye.”

Innocent bystanders were given a shock at the sight of Harrison emerging from the restroom. “It was like a monster,” offered a witness who wished to remain anonymous, “I mean it was hideous. It had water all over its bald head and one eye was red and larger than the other. I grabbed my little girl and told her to run!” Harrison explained that there were no paper towels available in the restroom, “So there I am, with one eye inflamed and red, tears streaming down my face – I wasn’t crying, it was just…automatic – and my face and head all wet from being under the faucet. I was mortified. Scarred for life.” Harrison declined offers of being accompanied to the local emergency room.

The perpetrator, a 50ml tester bottle of eau de toilette was unavailable to comment.

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