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The Fox Hunt - Diary of a Beginner

Parkinson's and Fibromyalgia - Disease and Fragrance

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My mother is being consumed by Parkinson's. I take on her fragility. I wear it like a dress, each morning, while I wait for the fragrance of expensive coffee and and old pajamas to weave another day into the calendar of this collapsing summer. Fragile. Although she calls me hard. A hard woman.

My mother has lost her sense of smell. My father, too. So now the house gathers the scents of overripe tomatoes and loose corn chips and forgotten newspapers which never seem to find their proper homes. I long for the time when the world was Chanel and Dior and even Jontue,

I remember burrowing inside of mink coats that were piled upon the bed when the parties were at their height. Climbing under the heavy furs which I had carried so cautiously out of the way. The smell of little girls in patent leather and silk linings that exploded in Lancome or Estee Lauder. Everything rich and dark and secret.

I was gifted with an over-imaginative sense of smell which comes along with Fibromyalgia. A side effect which was difficult to pin down, not unlike the butterflies in your chest when someone of importance looks at you just so. But it's a blessing and a curse, perhaps like love. And experience.

My mother says I am a hard woman. Which I have always tried to disguise by wearing Lavender and Honey and white flowers. Still I love the flowers. Now Vera Wang.

But when I wear the darkness, the woods and the Orient of my heart, I am true to no one but myself. I can be powerful and smart and yes, even hard, with the permissions of perfume.

When this summer ends I will change all of the colors I wear. Fragrance in the face of disease.
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Comments

  1. Amit's Avatar
    I've got nothing to add except send you my good wishes. Every day is a new battle..
  2. Redneck Perfumisto's Avatar
    Wow! An amazing and beautiful post.
  3. xmen's Avatar
    Such lovely prose! And a truly lovely person too. Keep up the good work, Foxfollower!!!

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