A review of English Leather led to an emotional argument on the Basenotes forum, so I need to be a little careful with my words: this cologne smells like senior citizens. I want this to be old fashioned, I want it to be retro, I want it to be back-when-men-smelled-like-men but it's just a convalescent home. Medicinal, powdery, orange-scented institutional-strength professional-grade floor cleaner. It's not a barbershop, it's a hospital. No leather, no moss, just baby powder, citrus and alcohol. It's not charming, it's depressing. No disrespect to the original formulation from the '40s, which I'm sure was just grand.
This smells nothing like English Leather deodorant, either, which is a spicy delight.
There's no reason to douse myself in a liquid reminder of my inevitable death.
Does Tang make a grapefruit flavor? A big and bright clanging of synthetic fruit. Not sure who they're aiming for with this one (do dudes even listen to Maroon 5?) since zesty and juicy candy tastes aren't very popular among people old enough to wear cologne, but I can't give it a thumbs down because hey, tropical gum isn't so bad.
Drifter nails that elusive sweet spot: obnoxious, yet boring. A sandalwood I've smelled before but with a metallic sharpness I wish I hadn't. Maybe True Religion should aim their sights a little higher by reconsidering naming fragrances after homeless people. Bland, woody, and bad enough to make a woman at Target make a comment.
Really nice bottle, though.
A misnomer - nothing really wild going on. A relaxed, comforting and almost soothing blend of cloves and mahogany furniture. An indoors-in-the-winter scent.
Excuse the specific and possibly obscure reference, but this smells identical to Bath & BodyWorks' Boathouse Row candle.
02nd June, 2014 (last edited: 17th June, 2014)
A short burst of a moldy lemon followed by a big medicine cabinet whiff and pool water. This smells like shaving at the YMCA.
An amazing classic. One of my all-time favorites. This is what I imagine wealthy people smelled like in the 1930s - not those powdery Nantucket Canoe kids, but a tuxedo in the city. This powder is very rich, cosmopolitan, and somehow "art deco". Skyscrapers, Packards, cufflinks and cigarettes cases.
I can't verify the reformulation. The original is still available for a few dollars a bottle and probably the cheapest way to class up this joint.
Books. This smells exactly like a bunch of books. Specifically, a library built in the 1960s. Every time I wear it, I'm controlling a microfiche machine. I am the only person on the Internet who thinks Dior Homme smells like books (I checked). Maybe it's because my childhood library also sold lipstick and powder and was adjacent to an iris farm.
I don't know if I like it, so in my confusion I am giving it a thumbs up. I need to return an overdue book.
A boozy, woody, casual and relaxed scent. Think of opening a bottle of red wine and sniffing the cork. I'm not sure what kind of sport they're playing, but if it's in a wine cellar, count me in.
Clean and green, never obscene. A young man's fragrance for sure - not a boastful, shirtless selfie bozo, but a quieter chap with good grades and a summer job. A modest price, innoffensive, fun around women, and not too "cologney" - thumbs up.
The lemon disappeared so quickly I think it stole something from my house.
The magazine ads suggest adultery, the marketing says "let's go right now, bro" and the notes say "roofie jokes" but all I got was Grandma's attic. That's not necessarily a bad thing - it's like a cedar-lined room with a window open near an ocean with a senior citizen downstairs insisting she pays you for cleaning.
This is a safe and oddly comforting fragrance, without any edge, controversy or oomph. Sometimes boredom can be a surprise.
Update: I'm changing my vote to a thumbs up. The woodiness reminds me of L'Eau d'Issey Pour Homme Intense but with an oceanic saltiness that smells very outdoorsy. This grew on me, and I'm surprised.
18th March, 2014 (last edited: 23rd January, 2015)
Gucci hypes this as sophisticated glamor inspired by pants that fit, but Made to Measure has something caught in the zipper. The citrus is too rough around the edges to evoke anything suave, what I'm guessing is labdanum smells more like office furniture than wood, and everything else is a sharp, clumsy mess on my poor nose. Things eventually settle down into papier mâché paste, which isn't so bad, I suppose.
Not a complete disaster, but I can't think of an occasion to wear this other than dressing up as glue for Halloween.
A truly unpleasant experience. Carpet cleaner soaking up onions in a diaper factory. Daycare Team Force wearing Pampers. Sharp and acrid and like it or not, going right up your nose. After a 45 minute tantrum, Moves does everybody a favor and pulls a Keyser Söze and poof! it's gone.
Adidas makes some underrated gems that are unexpected, dirt cheap and just plain fun. This is just dirt.
Cuba Gold has bad, tacky packaging. JPG took Cuba Gold, found even worse packaging, and raised the price from $3.99 to $64. Le Mâle is God's way of telling you have too much money.
A light, powdery, vanilla ripoff of a ripoff. Le Mâle with more tonka bean.
What more can be said? Even the negative reviews hint at something epochal - do you really want to miss out?
I believe Terre d'Hermès is the legend for our time. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Go home and get a nice quiet sleep.
Addictive, sophisticated, expensive and extremely brief. The cocaine of colognes? A dark lemon, dressed up to go to the museum. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Stunning, addictive, captivating
This is the perfect autumnal fragrance. It's exotic but comforting, spicy but restrained, sophisticated and warm. This is Terre d'Hermes on vacation, in cold weather, smoking a pipe.
Some reviewers compare this to body odor; though I find that preposterous, I wouldn't mind living in a world where armpits smell like Déclaration. I suspect these critics also have delicate tummies and fear foreign food.
Pros: Like nothing else
The opening is very synthetic, and very sharp on the nose. The generic citrus / alcohol slowly recedes into a pleasant and rich spicy lavender for about 30 minutes before finally settling into a soft curry-scented soap. If Boss Bottled Sport's middle notes could expand to the whole experience, it would be a hit, but the top notes are so unpleasant, it's not worth the wait.
Just awful. I understand tastes are subjective, but I don't know how Navy for Men got green-lit. There's something wrong with this product. Don't they have focus groups?
Cat vomit on wet cardboard.
I got this cologne hoping it would upgrade my tennis skills. Before a casual match against Andy I put a liberal dose all over, immediately feeling its effects. It starts with a big blast of synthetic lemon, like a refreshing puff of Lemon Pledge to the face. The drydown presents some very nice wood; mixed with the top notes it smells like some drunk made lemonade in a wooden salad bowl. That only lasted four minutes, however, before Challenge settled into a Parks and Recreation cabin that just had its carpets cleaned. Administrative and sterile, but the printer is fixed. It's Timberline if it forgot to rinse its hands after using lemon soap.
Unfortunately, the real challenge was trying to detect this cologne an hour after applying. Embarrassed, I had to make up an excuse as to why I left Mr. Roddick waiting on the court. Four minutes is just too narrow a window to recommend this.