Perfume Reviews

Reviews by pandaKrusher

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Total Reviews: 31

I Love New York for Him by Bond No. 9

A big, dumb, sweet bore. There's nothing "street-smart" about it, or any kind of smart. Floral notes disappear and we're left with a Bath and Body Works amber-scented body spray, a toffee vendor at the mall, or a cloying dessert-themed scented candle. Grandma's Christmas Caramel. This does not accurately mimic the swirling odors of New York at all.
29th September, 2016

Voyage d'Hermès by Hermès

Spicy and woodsy. Shares more in common with Cartier Déclaration than Terre d'Hermès, but without the exotic intrigue. In agreement with other reviewers, it does have a soapy base, but with a cardamom twist that prevents boredom. The top and drydown is amazing.
23rd September, 2016

Purple Label by Ralph Lauren

A dry and smokey mahogany with wisps of mandarin incense. Restrained spice. The whole thing is restrained. A toned-down and tamed L'Eau d'Issey Intense. Disappointing longevity.
11th September, 2016 (last edited: 10th September, 2016)
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Burberry for Men by Burberry

Starts out nicely enough. Spicy, warm wood. Ends up being floor mopping solution cleaning up fake apple juice. A cloying, artificial mess that won't go away. Everything about this is synthetic.

This might be the most dramatic drop-off from top to bottom in a men's cologne.
18th August, 2016

Grey Vetiver by Tom Ford

Perfectly masculine. Just barely some spice. Understated, not flashy. A soapy drydown fades to something more comfortable. The new suit and tie.
30th June, 2016

Adidas Ice Dive by Adidas

My favorite Adidas fragrance. Sporty sandalwood. Fresh and clean but doesn't smell like anything else. Longevity is poor, so it's a perfect after-gym juice. Fits right into my duffel bag's cologne flap. Even has a sporty, tactical grip so it doesn't fly out of my hand during exercise. Almost impossible to put on too much, which makes the price even more appealing.
25th June, 2016 (last edited: 24th June, 2016)

Burberry London for Men by Burberry

Truly outstanding. The metropolitan brother of Terre d'Hermès. Earthy, dark, natural, relaxed. Like a city park after the rain. My only complaint is the longevity - I wish it lasted all winter.
12th June, 2016

Brit Rhythm for Him by Burberry

Sweet, woody, smoky. No spice, no spark. Alleged leather smells more like artificial bacon. Brit has difficulty standing out, especially compared to the superlative London. A disappointment.
12th June, 2016

Freedom for Him (new) by Tommy Hilfiger

A big blast of cucumber and basil. Very similar to a watermelon and basil salad. Excellent for warm weather. Weak longevity.
06th June, 2016

Coco Extreme by Comptoir Sud Pacifique

Suntan lotion with a vague metallic tang. Not a lot going on here. Coconut La Croix right out of the can.
04th June, 2016

English Leather by Dana

A review of English Leather led to an emotional argument on the Basenotes forum, so I need to be a little careful with my words: this cologne smells like senior citizens. I want this to be old fashioned, I want it to be retro, I want it to be back-when-men-smelled-like-men but it's just a convalescent home. Medicinal, powdery, orange-scented institutional-strength professional-grade floor cleaner. It's not a barbershop, it's a hospital. No leather, no moss, just baby powder, citrus and alcohol. It's not charming, it's depressing. No disrespect to the original formulation from the '40s, which I'm sure was just grand.

This smells nothing like English Leather deodorant, either, which is a spicy delight.

There's no reason to douse myself in a liquid reminder of my inevitable death.
10th June, 2014

Adam Levine for Men by Adam Levine

Does Tang make a grapefruit flavor? A big and bright clanging of synthetic fruit. Not sure who they're aiming for with this one (do dudes even listen to Maroon 5?) since zesty and juicy candy tastes aren't very popular among people old enough to wear cologne, but I can't give it a thumbs down because hey, tropical gum isn't so bad.
08th June, 2014

Drifter by True Religion

Drifter nails that elusive sweet spot: obnoxious, yet boring. A sandalwood I've smelled before but with a metallic sharpness I wish I hadn't. Maybe True Religion should aim their sights a little higher by reconsidering naming fragrances after homeless people. Bland, woody, and bad enough to make a woman at Target make a comment.

Really nice bottle, though.
08th June, 2014
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Wild Spice for Men by Coty

A misnomer - nothing really wild going on. A relaxed, comforting and almost soothing blend of cloves and mahogany furniture. An indoors-in-the-winter scent.

Excuse the specific and possibly obscure reference, but this smells identical to Bath & BodyWorks' Boathouse Row candle.
02nd June, 2014 (last edited: 17th June, 2014)

Artisan Acqua by John Varvatos

A short burst of a moldy lemon followed by a big medicine cabinet whiff and pool water. This smells like shaving at the YMCA.
02nd June, 2014

PS by Paul Sebastian

An amazing classic. One of my all-time favorites. This is what I imagine wealthy people smelled like in the 1930s - not those powdery Nantucket Canoe kids, but a tuxedo in the city. This powder is very rich, cosmopolitan, and somehow "art deco". Skyscrapers, Packards, cufflinks and cigarettes cases.

I can't verify the reformulation. The original is still available for a few dollars a bottle and probably the cheapest way to class up this joint.
28th May, 2014

Dior Homme by Christian Dior

Books. This smells exactly like a bunch of books. Specifically, a library built in the 1960s. Every time I wear it, I'm controlling a microfiche machine. I am the only person on the Internet who thinks Dior Homme smells like books (I checked). Maybe it's because my childhood library also sold lipstick and powder and was adjacent to an iris farm.

I don't know if I like it, so in my confusion I am giving it a thumbs up. I need to return an overdue book.
28th May, 2014

Sport by VFiles

A boozy, woody, casual and relaxed scent. Think of opening a bottle of red wine and sniffing the cork. I'm not sure what kind of sport they're playing, but if it's in a wine cellar, count me in.
27th May, 2014

Curve for Men by Liz Claiborne

Clean and green, never obscene. A young man's fragrance for sure - not a boastful, shirtless selfie bozo, but a quieter chap with good grades and a summer job. A modest price, innoffensive, fun around women, and not too "cologney" - thumbs up.
23rd April, 2014

Gucci Guilty pour Homme by Gucci

The lemon disappeared so quickly I think it stole something from my house.

The magazine ads suggest adultery, the marketing says "let's go right now, bro" and the notes say "roofie jokes" but all I got was Grandma's attic. That's not necessarily a bad thing - it's like a cedar-lined room with a window open near an ocean with a senior citizen downstairs insisting she pays you for cleaning.

This is a safe and oddly comforting fragrance, without any edge, controversy or oomph. Sometimes boredom can be a surprise.

Update: I'm changing my vote to a thumbs up. The woodiness reminds me of L'Eau d'Issey Pour Homme Intense but with an oceanic saltiness that smells very outdoorsy. This grew on me, and I'm surprised.
18th March, 2014 (last edited: 23rd January, 2015)

Made to Measure by Gucci

Gucci hypes this as sophisticated glamor inspired by pants that fit, but Made to Measure has something caught in the zipper. The citrus is too rough around the edges to evoke anything suave, what I'm guessing is labdanum smells more like office furniture than wood, and everything else is a sharp, clumsy mess on my poor nose. Things eventually settle down into papier mâché paste, which isn't so bad, I suppose.

Not a complete disaster, but I can't think of an occasion to wear this other than dressing up as glue for Halloween.
13th March, 2014

Homme by VFiles

An absurd rose-scented fancy fragrance. A buffoonish parody of cologne: effete, aloof, overpaid. Very difficult to take this seriously.

A scent so vapid and effeminate, the only reasonable explanations are: hidden camera prank, performance art, or hoax.

There is no such thing as carbonated water accord.
10th March, 2014 (last edited: 06th June, 2016)

Adidas Moves by Adidas

A truly unpleasant experience. Carpet cleaner soaking up onions in a diaper factory. Daycare Team Force wearing Pampers. Sharp and acrid and like it or not, going right up your nose. After a 45 minute tantrum, Moves does everybody a favor and pulls a Keyser Söze and poof! it's gone.

Adidas makes some underrated gems that are unexpected, dirt cheap and just plain fun. This is just dirt.
24th February, 2014

Le Mâle by Jean Paul Gaultier

Cuba Gold has bad, tacky packaging. JPG took Cuba Gold, found even worse packaging, and raised the price from $3.99 to $64. Le Mâle is God's way of telling you have too much money.
18th February, 2014

Touch for Men by Burberry

A light, powdery, vanilla ripoff of a ripoff. Le Mâle with more tonka bean.
18th February, 2014

Terre d'Hermès by Hermès

What more can be said? Even the negative reviews hint at something epochal - do you really want to miss out?

I believe Terre d'Hermès is the legend for our time. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Go home and get a nice quiet sleep.
17th February, 2014

John Varvatos STAR USA by John Varvatos

Addictive, sophisticated, expensive and extremely brief. The cocaine of colognes? A dark lemon, dressed up to go to the museum. Enjoy it while it lasts.
17th February, 2014

Déclaration by Cartier

Stunning, addictive, captivating

This is the perfect autumnal fragrance. It's exotic but comforting, spicy but restrained, sophisticated and warm. This is Terre d'Hermes on vacation, in cold weather, smoking a pipe.

Some reviewers compare this to body odor; though I find that preposterous, I wouldn't mind living in a world where armpits smell like Déclaration. I suspect these critics also have delicate tummies and fear foreign food.

Pros: Like nothing else
Cons:

03rd October, 2013

Boss Bottled Sport by Hugo Boss

The opening is very synthetic, and very sharp on the nose. The generic citrus / alcohol slowly recedes into a pleasant and rich spicy lavender for about 30 minutes before finally settling into a soft curry-scented soap. If Boss Bottled Sport's middle notes could expand to the whole experience, it would be a hit, but the top notes are so unpleasant, it's not worth the wait.
13th May, 2013

Navy for Men by Dana

Just awful. I understand tastes are subjective, but I don't know how Navy for Men got green-lit. There's something wrong with this product. Don't they have focus groups?

Cat vomit on wet cardboard.
23rd April, 2013