Reviews by pandaKrusher

    Showing 1 to 10 of 10.
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    Made to Measure by Gucci

    Gucci hypes this as sophisticated glamor inspired by pants that fit, but Made to Measure has something caught in the zipper. The citrus is too rough around the edges to evoke anything suave, what I'm guessing is labdanum smells more like office furniture than wood, and everything else is a sharp, clumsy mess on my poor nose. Things eventually settle down into papier mâché paste, which isn't so bad, I suppose.

    Not a complete disaster, but I can't think of an occasion to wear this other than dressing up as glue for Halloween.

    13 March, 2014

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    Adidas Moves by Adidas

    A truly unpleasant experience. Carpet cleaner soaking up onions in a diaper factory. Daycare Team Force wearing Pampers. Sharp and acrid and like it or not, going right up your nose. After a 45 minute tantrum, Moves does everybody a favor and pulls a Keyser Söze and poof! it's gone.

    Adidas makes some underrated gems that are unexpected, dirt cheap and just plain fun. This is just dirt.

    24 February, 2014

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    Le Mâle by Jean Paul Gaultier

    Cuba Gold has bad, tacky packaging. JPG took Cuba Gold, found even worse packaging, and raised the price from $3.99 to $64. Le Mâle is God's way of telling you have too much money.

    18 February, 2014

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    Touch for Men by Burberry

    A light, powdery, vanilla ripoff of a ripoff. Le Mâle with more tonka bean.

    18 February, 2014

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    Terre d'Hermès by Hermès

    What more can be said? Even the negative reviews hint at something epochal - do you really want to miss out?

    I believe Terre d'Hermès is the legend for our time. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Go home and get a nice quiet sleep.

    17 February, 2014

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    John Varvatos STAR USA by John Varvatos

    Addictive, sophisticated, expensive and extremely brief. The cocaine of colognes? A dark lemon, dressed up to go to the museum. Enjoy it while it lasts.

    17 February, 2014

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    Déclaration by Cartier

    Stunning, addictive, captivating

    This is the perfect autumnal fragrance. It's exotic but comforting, spicy but restrained, sophisticated and warm. This is Terre d'Hermes on vacation, in cold weather, smoking a pipe.

    Some reviewers compare this to body odor; though I find that preposterous, I wouldn't mind living in a world where armpits smell like Déclaration. I suspect these critics also have delicate tummies and fear foreign food.

    Pros: Like nothing else
    Cons:

    03 October, 2013

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    Boss Bottled Sport by Hugo Boss

    The opening is very synthetic, and very sharp on the nose. The generic citrus / alcohol slowly recedes into a pleasant and rich spicy lavender for about 30 minutes before finally settling into a soft curry-scented soap. If Boss Bottled Sport's middle notes could expand to the whole experience, it would be a hit, but the top notes are so unpleasant, it's not worth the wait.

    13 May, 2013

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    Navy for Men by Dana

    Just awful. I understand tastes are subjective, but I don't know how Navy for Men got green-lit. There's something wrong with this product. Don't they have focus groups?

    Cat vomit on wet cardboard.

    23 April, 2013

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    Lacoste Challenge by Lacoste

    I got this cologne hoping it would upgrade my tennis skills. Before a casual match against Andy I put a liberal dose all over, immediately feeling its effects. It starts with a big blast of synthetic lemon, like a refreshing puff of Lemon Pledge to the face. The drydown presents some very nice wood; mixed with the top notes it smells like some drunk made lemonade in a wooden salad bowl. That only lasted four minutes, however, before Challenge settled into a Parks and Recreation cabin that just had its carpets cleaned. Administrative and sterile, but the printer is fixed. It's Timberline if it forgot to rinse its hands after using lemon soap.

    Unfortunately, the real challenge was trying to detect this cologne an hour after applying. Embarrassed, I had to make up an excuse as to why I left Mr. Roddick waiting on the court. Four minutes is just too narrow a window to recommend this.

    23 April, 2013

    Showing 1 to 10 of 10.