Perfume Reviews

Reviews by Redneck Perfumisto

Total Reviews: 367

Secret Teas and Spices : I Am Coming Home by Floraïku

Gentle teas and soaps
In fragrant new arrangement
Prepare for their guests.
25th February, 2020

Enigmatic Flowers : First Dream of the Year by Floraïku

Time's a tricky thing
Delicate yet persistent
Approaching midnight

A clockwork floral
Beauty's fall winds beauty's spring
Not all truth is real

Not all beauty truth
Some magic remains magic
So enjoy the show.
24th February, 2020

Forbidden Incense : Sound of a Ricochet by Floraïku

Is there a flat rock
Smooth rough white black parallel
Not placed by a hand?
23rd February, 2020
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Forbidden Incense : My Love Has the Colour of the Night by Floraïku

The dream was so real
I could even smell the bark
And the hot saw blade.
22nd February, 2020

Jimmy Choo Man Ice by Jimmy Choo

Pay no attention
To the perfumer behind
The white citrus smoke

Ambergris ashes
And eternal trick freshness
Of twice nice ice spice

Any resemblance
To popular fragrances
Where floral powder

Vanishes into
White hazy drystorm freshness
Should just be enjoyed

Don't let liquid lace
Linger longingly lest life's
Lovely luxuries

Waken Spring's senses
Summer's passions, Fall's comforts
And Winter's wonders

Ski-powder sexy
Cold chill smiles in a bottle
Won't last forever

Cuz why have backups
When chance dance nextness greatness
Might just be the one?

Pray tell, fragrant belle
How did you show up in some
Sin bin fairy tale?

Winter wonderland
Sunburn blue sky space cold chill
Spring thaw frosty glass

Of brisk 'n' breezy
Frost face fairy breath freezing
Laughing, get off the

Fucking lift you freaks
Can't you smell the magic of
Kelvin The Fragrance?

Powder's Profumo
Never mind the AdG
It bruises the Ice.
20th February, 2020

Dunhill Icon Elite by Dunhill

Citric wood sandwich
Of toasty fresh vetivair
With juniper sauce.
19th February, 2020

Momentum Unlimited by Bentley

The Scent of Peace for
Luxury Automobiles
Requests the honor

Of your presence at
The First Impression Wedding
Of his Most Woody

Father, Beckham Homme
And his Musk Broxy Mama
Aventus For Her.

Formal attire is
Suggested but not required.
In lieu of presents

Please wear this fragrance
If you should be so inclined
For our enjoyment.
17th February, 2020

Perry Ellis for Men (original) by Perry Ellis

Fleur de Booze, you damn
Old school weak oriental
Pre-Tom Ford For Men

Carnations fading
Softly into cigarettes
And tinkling glasses

Bar night time travel
Leather jacket mystery
Olfactive vinyl

Why you done come back
When you never went away?
You may be a bit

Light on the oak moss
Death, taxes and IFRA, boy
But you still got style

In your neighborhood
And the ladies still love you
So don't go changin'

On your damn fan club
Until you do it again
You old rascal, you.
16th February, 2020

Baldessarini Ultimate by Baldessarini

Sea, salt, pepper, breeze
Good with just a hint of bad
Firstest world problems

Thus, we speak well of
Puredistance BDSR
Its woood-grained panels

Impressive to this here rube
Due to their texture

Their sniff-space veneer
Be they as they may beneath
A bit p'ly-wooody

Yet compl[ie]mented
By Corrrinthian leather
Deerly Bullloved

And easily tracked
By animalic dropppings
Of a manly yet

Also womanly
Grrrather Remi-Ni-scent type
Yet mostly bizness

Not so much pleasure
Although we might conduct our
Bizness on a yaaacht

In some brisk fresh way
The whole afffair thus being
Busy yet relaxed

Like morning cofffee
Sausage and eggs up on deck
With Wall Street Journal

And satelllite phone
Which is one hell of a note
Y'all'd do well to sniff.
13th February, 2020

Les Floralies by Creed

The scent of nature
Teaches by its harmony
Not mere unity.
11th February, 2020

L'Heure Bleue Eau de Parfum by Guerlain

Day's clear light fades in
to Night's cool dark eye static

Textured iris by
Any means necessary
As the mind's eye blinks

"But Flower Puff Girls,
You say I make you tingle
Like it's a bad thing!"

Said Snow Blow Glow Go
As night descends upon the
City of Townsville

Tucked into bed by
Professor Bleuetonium
Somewhere in Paris

Safe from the monsters
Buzzy Spice with his Wood Gun
'Fumey thoughts of HYMN

So behold this here
E'r-fashioned innocence of
Oldform sniffstoffe

Me Ambroxan droogs
Iris, Jasmine, Bergamot
Rescue or rescued

One more story time
Our olfractured fairy tales
Good, bad and pretty

This precious ado
That never quite turns vintage
Cuz there's a n00b born

Ev'ry frag minute
Ready to behold the truth
None of this is real

What ever that is
And yet we're so good at it
That would be our crime

Ask your self again:
"When does it make you feel, child?"
"Twilight!" "Good answer!"
08th February, 2020

Noir by Bath and Body Works

Even the little
Anti-bacterial gels
Will get compliments.
03rd February, 2020

Botanical Blend by Bath and Body Works

O, Botanotes!
Though weak and discontinued
Forever classic!

Herbal and soapy
You stand accused of being
Halston Z-14

By unbelievers
Scoffers, cynics and pagans
Those who cannot bear

Joyous fragrant truth
That fragrances of the gods
Are still to be found

In the bargain bin
On Flyoveria's shores.
Come!  Travel with me

To Perfume City!
Queen Perfumisto awaits
To honor you, sir!
29th January, 2020
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Fatale / Fatale Black by Agent Provocateur

This calculated
Multi-genre multi-tease

Through a balance of
Mutual imbalances
Resulting in a

Somewhat hypnotic
Failure to figure it out
Kinda like women.
25th January, 2020

Freshwater by Bath and Body Works

The faintest echo
Of perfume in the valley
Announced our return

With headspace rifles
We stalked the wild dryer sheet
Through forest and field

Following oakmoss
And synthetic bergamot
We tracked our prey to

The Chypreless Hills
Where the strange beast stood its ground
White, clean, and fluffy

With a tinge of green
Emitting those pleasant musks
Familiar to all

Cornered by Red's wife
It put up no resistance
And thus now resides

In fragrant friend zone
For going undercover
As Normal Fresh Guy.
23rd January, 2020

Jersey Eau de Parfum by Chanel

Relax on the shore
Feel the sun and breeze they will
Never leave this dream.
22nd January, 2020

Nuit by Zara

Was drunk in her mini-skirt
Looking for trouble

Meanwhile, Eau d'Hermes
Leaned out her window and cheered
As she remembered

Fresh floral bouquets
When she made everyone talk
And Roudnitska wink

So just another
Warm night in old Opera
Where the joint had class

The music had style
The booze was all top shelf and
The city had life

And yes, her perfume
Smelled like the next hangover
The last drunken kiss

And her one shampoo
But I'll never forget it
As long as I live.
18th January, 2020

Seoul 532-8 Sinsa Dong Gangnam-Gu by Zara

Chromey 'quatic citric blue
Why you smell the way you do?
Kinda right
Kinda wrong
Then the way you last too long
Yes you're living here rent-free
No you're not the one for me.

Some address somewhere in Seoul
Eau so hip, if that's the goal
Why blue juice?
Makes no sense
Très generic's no defense
Yes you've got that Zara style
No you're only here a while.

What's a redneck boy to do?
Gaga for this loco brew
Eau it sucks
Eau so bad
Wish it weren't so sniffin' rad
Yes I can't stop smellin' skin
No it ain't go'n' on ag'in.

Do not buy this weirdo frag
Metal water citric gag
What the heck
Buy it now
Weirdly worldly worthy wow
Yes this stuff is cheap as hell
Know this one to know know well.

Final point of final 'vice
Chromic moxide does entice
Is it bad?
Is it good?
Seouly eauly neighborhood?
These to you my final thoughts
Love's find's pleasure's hater's naughts.
18th January, 2020

Eau de Rochas by Rochas

Eau, bold, fresh citrus
Tinged with little temptations
And complications

Satisfactions and
Rumors of satisfactions
In Eaux de Cologne

Things not of genre
But rather effortlessly
Thus reminiscent

Don't make me make you
Stay away from my wardrobe
Just linger longer

And prove your beauty
Your Coco sister magic
To this greedy boy

Just make me regret
That I found her before you
Before you soothe me

With seductive thoughts
That it was the only way
I would have found you

Then as you praise her
By the flattery of your
Coy deviations

Each one becoming
A new beauty of your own
Let me not question

Appreciating magic
Nor question its loss

As loss of our own.
05th January, 2020

Shalimar Parfum Initial L'Eau by Guerlain

The teenage groupie
Of Shal Lite flankers got an
A in calculus.
02nd January, 2020

Jimmy Choo Man Blue by Jimmy Choo

You new Choo bleugère
Match Givenchy if you dare
Gentle manly heir

Lest Lorson's latest
Lend of lightly leathered luxe
From lady-leaning

Gent-ly glandstanding
Gentleman Givenchy (new)
Gent-ly brandfragging

Through thinly thoughtly
Throuple naughtly yetly in
Threedundant boughtly

Daft in deft devoid
Proclaim, that this then therefore
Through some sameful shame

Throw worthy warrior
Onto Gentlemanly pyre
Then thusly thisly

Thinking thee require:
For foxy fougèrity
Crafty clarity

And any Arts and
Sciences in perfume served
Let any money

Spent on shoe Choo Blue
Be pronounced per se deserved
For woody chalky

Recently boughtly
Sniffile sample snuffly told
Of franker flanker

Hip flask for hanker
On the line then Red be sold.
Thus rejoice boy blues

In our Jimmy Choos
As the girls to die for theirs
Grandish and standish

Tip-toe wares, spray we
Choo amigos free, low sparks
Of our vanity.
25th December, 2019

Le Jardin de Monsieur Li by Hermès

I told Mr. Li
His soap garden is quite fine
But I don't want one

I found his garden
Strangely contemplative but
A challenge to walk

The beauty of plates
Washed in a field in China
On a bright spring day

A burst of tulips
In an oil-sheened puddle on
A treacherous trail

Still smelling the soup
That odd foreign concoction
That I almost liked

That day they performed
"Memories of Surfactants"
At our conference

I kept wishing for
Somebody to get naked
But not Mr. Li

Or as we called him
Back in our undergrad days
Mister Lithium

And got to thinking
Damn, this post-modernism
Actually works

Although perhaps not
In ways the post-modernists
Ever intended

Wondering now if
Art and Science intersect
Or just hide the null

And so I recall
At the strangest of moments
For oddest reasons

Such as when I hear
Or even think of some term
Like "dishwater blonde"

The beauty of when
We bid Monsieur Li adieu
And they locked us out.
15th December, 2019

Boss Orange Eau de Parfum by Hugo Boss

Orange Woman good!
This small yet dangerous truth
Arrived unfiltered

The sample said "Boss"
There was no denying thus
This joyous coolant

Of immortal coils
'Twas elevator music
Of the squared-off spheres.

Orange Woman good?
"Oh, the humanity!" as
Fake Perfume News crashed

First into itself
Then into ev'rything else
"Run! It's Yugo Boss!"

"But no politics!"
Redneck troll trolled Redneck troll
Lest he speak the truth:

Orange Woman good!
Breath of citrus clarity
Sweet transparency

Yet in persistence
Giving glimpse of nature's more
Through sweet chemistry

Oddly giving thus
Transparent window into
Glass's purity.

Orange Woman good!
Clarity through chemistry
Nature's one spoke voice

From each molecule
Fragrance according to its
Lone reality

To each molecule
Fragrance greater thus perceived
Through their unity

Orange Woman good!
Even if by Yugo Boss
Said matrix magic

Sparsely thus arrives
Fewer's sharper's harmony's
Greater's sharper's still

And so what if by
Diff'rent choice some nose arrives
Loudly to proclaim

Orange Woman good!
Chalkboard fragrance stopped clock strikes
Twice as 'twas designed

IFF Orange Man good.
Redneck had nothing to fear
Truth speaks for itself

Leaving only thus
To ponder usly sparsely
What is that it is.
13th December, 2019

Broadway Nite by Bond No. 9

Bombastic beauty
That won't let men go to sleep
Or so he found out

Figuring that the
Lily of the Grand Canyon
Might just raise the dead

ULTRA Violet
That changes its own gender
And changes it back

Aldehydes so strong
They can be picked out and thrown
By the carbonyl

And where do you hide
Some titanic golden Rose
But amongst titans

Some part of The Girl
Living in The Big Apple
Très incognito

Or so they all thought
When they tried to stash her ass
Far from the French mob

Some other New World
Some other Old World that sent
Peace bribes not war brides

So give that lady
An apartment with Maurice
Show her a good time

Some day she's gonna
Have one more address for her
Little collection

But then she stepped out
Leaving behind all of that
Witness protection

Ring up Ernest Beaux!
Tell him The Girl has gone {rogue|rouge}
The Old Boy just laughed

What was that address?
They say the fragrance smells like
Chanel No. 9

Bride of Leafzilla
That's right, that's what he called her
That kid who found her.
07th December, 2019

Polo Red Intense by Ralph Lauren

Polo Red's freshness
Identifies as Sauvage
In this brisk flanker.
30th November, 2019

Bois Farine by L'Artisan Parfumeur

This bready iris
For all, reminder, thankful
That one, the non blonde.

Thus in her footsteps
Seeking first to understand
I understood it.

Flower becomes bread
And yet bread becomes flower
Savor mystery.
28th November, 2019

Hermèssence Vétiver Tonka by Hermès

"Let Tonka cancel
Vétiver, leaving only
Thy divine Ratio!"

Said Redneck never
But thought immediately
Upon that 1st sniff

By which 1 can C
That A sum of parts B less
In sum magick way

Negative beauty
Naught B held positively
Noted multiply

Sum gold missing root
Ore contrapositively
Sum missing base root

Pow'ry piece of 5
Deducted on 1 of 2
Bestowed o'er them both

Sum fonder absence
Sum imaginary loss
Sum -negative gain

Artful algebra
Perpetually moved by
Dodgy remainder.

Thus we C as real
That Red's <3 B 1 2 steal
Should A B i deal

Through powder-puffs of
Vétiver not Vetivèr
His powder-room cry

Quoth: "There is a God!"
When 1st this 1 he B held
Midst Midas' mean throne

B 4 foolishly
Resolving 2 tell whole truths
No 0 left out.

Yet even odd fool
May chance upon greater truth
By sum lesser means

And thus praise ratio
Of Vétivèr o'er Tonka
As proof less B more.
29th October, 2019

Baldessarini Del Mar by Baldessarini

On the 9th Bond Sea
Near I Love New York For Him
We found good Delmar

Adrift but alive
Far from Baldessarini
But in good spirits.

A worthy crewman
We pressed him into service
For his safe return

But feeling no need
To keep the man thereafter
We bid him adieu.
10th July, 2019

DKNY Men (New) by Donna Karan

Acqua di Donna
The tall smell of glass and steel
Flat as a picture

Almost black and white
Cool as wind warmed by concrete
More silver than gold

Ultra violet
Maybe even prismatic
Like rhombodendron

The natural smell
To get a bit technical
Of a Dyson sphere.
21st June, 2019

Globe by Rochas

O, what irony
That globalization wood
Fell this base of tree

That in travesty
Discontinuation wood
Befall its timber

Lest good Cedar Oyl
Escape Earthly destiny
"Et tu, Cedramber?"

For only Karma
Wood dare a smile, knowing she
That on other Globe

Where Cedramber trees
Please others' other senses
Cedrol bears the knife

Of blood brotherhood
Spoken first and foremost by

Where in larger Truth
Beauty recapitulates

As permitted by
Schrödinger's periodic
Isles of Innocence.

Take me then, Fake Wood
To distant star and forest
Show me Beauty now

And Truth thereafter
When some cedric oxide lie
Speaks Truth once again

Brave Pocahontas
All our jokes and lies then lost
But truths remembered.
17th June, 2019