Perfume Reviews

Reviews by Redneck Perfumisto

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Total Reviews: 301

Y Collection by Zara

Through Flanker Darkly
Love Notes Lost of Fragrance So
Recalled (un)?Sweetly

Chasing extinctest
Vintagest formulations
Of La Nuit de L'Homme

And YSL L'Homme
Both I cornered by cashier
On twain discount racks

Camouflaged as such
The "DAY Collection", three cheap
Knock-off Zara frags.

"BWA-HA-HA" I cried
Seeing through such bad disguise.
At pennies a pop

No escape could be.
One perp, Versace Pour Homme
Also known as "A"

Purchased, you must see
For the sake of completeness.
Another one, "D"

Quickly joined the queue
YSL L'Homme, more or less.
But this one - this "Y"

Triple enigma
As soon enough before me
Truth most amazing

Not La Nuit de L'Homme
From this universe and its
Reformulations

But from another
Where dark accords were spared and
Clear fougère was not

Through coldest logic
Of Reformulationists
Looking for profffits

Or perhaps under
The excited edicts of
SNIFRA radicals.

Beloved beloved
Of vintage L'Homme fanbois here
Yet Bane of those there.

The other side of
Leafy Page in Book of Thyme
Writ wrongly yet Wright.

Knowing now this truth
This butterfly evasion
A toast is offered:

To Universe ours
With softest sweetest echos
Of those that are not:

Your truest beauty
That no beauty pleaseth all
But all pleaseth true

Whether true or not
And that in this strange beauty
We might see your own

That all may partake
Of otherworldly beauty
Clothed in that of ours

Spread out before us
In most unlikely places
Reserved for many

That greatest beauty
Lies not in beauty itself
Nor in beauty's lies

But in humble truth
That beauty greatest is found
Spread before the Least.
18th September, 2018

D Collection by Zara

YSL L'Hommme-ish
VCR boxes theme-ish
DAY logo code-ish

Nuit joke I get-ish
Collection thing I see-ish
Whole thing Zara-ish

Dry-down is dry-ish
That too-sweet thing is gone-ish
Still nicely sweet-ish

Not sure it's worth-ish
Your mileage not compute-ish
Call's W-ish.
16th September, 2018

Agua de Colonia Concentrada by Alvarez Gomez

Do not miss out on
This exuberant citrus
At drugstore prices.
16th September, 2018
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Cordovan by Banana Republic

Cordovanian
Richest of the Mall Leathers
Spanish Black Walnut

Prince of the Mall Frags
With shades of Dirty English
Hints of the Complex

Clever Concoction
At some optimal Blend of
Sheer Ecomomics

Red-colored Glass Cues
Standing out in Collection
Signaling Fragrance

Smooth barely Leather
Drying down to Clean Clothing
Via not quite Booze

Subtle and pleasant
Just a tad ordinary
Screams "You're in BR!"

Thus recommended
If you find it in Marshall's
Or in some Fine Mall.
15th September, 2018

Ryder by Abercrombie & Fitch

Clear skies, chill air, DUNES
Of warm laundry musks, cedars
Pines, and GOOD TIMES, DUDES!
15th September, 2018

Curve Crush for Men by Liz Claiborne

Cool shiny mossy
Curve with killer top notes that
Plot for your chump change.
13th September, 2018

Soul by Curve for Men by Liz Claiborne

Amber curved Curve's Soul
T'ward The Equator's long Arc
In Componentsphere.
12th September, 2018

Fancy Nights by Jessica Simpson

1

Faulkner story with
A women's prison train wreck.
Read it with some risk.

2

This is what happened
That day when Art found Science
In bed with Indoles.

3

Dear, I told Myrna
Perfume and pornography's
A bad idea.
11th September, 2018

Hempstead by Abercrombie & Fitch

Woods, earth, tangerine,
Theorema, Aventus,
Mall of the above.
11th September, 2018

Ellwood by Abercrombie & Fitch

Unitype citrus
Laundry musks and fashion malls
Conspired to smell niche.

Mannequins proclaimed
Unisexuality
With bipedal charm

While stacks of blue jeans
Sang subtle songs of hipness
To our fresh-faced youth.

Yes, I was right there
When another fine mall frag
Smelled good but not great.
10th September, 2018

Carat by Cartier

Through carbon's prism
The rainbow of sensation
Don't stop the movie.

All hues together
Blinding coherence of life
Facets joined as one.

Say it in new words
Until the words lose their sound
And words are new things.

Did she throw white paint?
Is that cedar on your dress?
Crumbly number pie!

Savor those moments
When you taste Seven as One
Smell One as Seven.

When you see the truth
Value, valued, valuer
Are all the same gift.

Music of the spheres
Remembered and forgotten
Through carbon's prism.

-Red

Carat is another beautiful, artistic, and somewhat subtle work by Mathilde Laurent. It is a bright, pleasant, ethereal floral, simultaneously transparent, translucent and gently refractive and diffractive.

And yes, it's incredibly commercial, and screams "this is a really good normal fragrance - buy our diamonds". Still, there's no law that says good perfumery can't be wasted on the normal and the commercial.

Carat clearly and very successfully (though subtly) addresses the themes of its brief and marketing - jewels, white light, and the composite nature of the latter (see below).

And my wife likes this fragrance, too, so there is that.

The joys of finding quiet, higher beauty in fragrance (see above) are small and far apart, unless one looks for them. Look for them here.

Sincerely,

Dr. Roy G. Biv

From Press Release and NST

Introducing the new Cartier Carat Eau de Parfum. An invisible jewel that radiates in a myriad of facets just like the diamond.

Perfumer Mathilde Laurent aimed for a perfume that would transmit light with the brightness of a diamond. Seven colors (violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange and red) are represented by seven floral notes (violet, lily, hyacinth, ylang ylang, narcissus, honeysuckle and tulip).
09th September, 2018

Speed Smelling 2017 Postmodern Collection : Sophie Labbé by IFF

Fake cologne, thank God
Will prove to be a very
Long-lasting problem.
08th September, 2018

L'Air du Desert Marocain by Tauer

It's not the desert
But mirages of cities
That enchant me so.

These wooden antiques
No age is asked or given
Lest question vanish.

Fair perfumed ladies
Laughing over the next dune
At sure oasis.

Some sweet confection
Warm in a breezy window
There in the distance.

Just let me be there
Long enough to remember
To return to here.
07th September, 2018
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Supernatural Number Six by Caswell-Massey

The lemon sun shined
Down through cool, powdery clouds
And crystal clear skies.

I'd no idea
That this one was Number Six
But spies are like that.

I expected some
Older formula made new
Not past beauty now.

I expected some
Complicated timeful charms
Some this before that.

I didn't expect
Smoothness without artifice
Simple, clear and bright.

Slowly and with time
I saw her mother in her
In some youthful way

Giving the sense that
She was in fact the elder
That which cannot be.

It made me believe
That behind nature lies some
Supernatural

Where our destiny
Is repeated until we
Somehow get it right

A bit like perfume
Endlessly reborn in some
Free fall of decay.

Naturally, I
Failed to report her promptly
As Crown demanded

Letting another
Do so in certain ways that
Left me assured that

We would all be blessed
With her radiant beauty
In some grand future.
07th September, 2018

Eau des Merveilles Bleue by Hermès

Salty bikinis
By any perfumed story
Are an acquired taste.
06th September, 2018

Eau de Citron Noir by Hermès

Shiny burnt citron
Entwined with soft, cool lemon.
Love's burn is burn's love.
04th September, 2018

Baccarat Rouge 540 by Maison Francis Kurkdjian

Do not allow yourselves to be tricked
By this notoriously excellent and highly unorthodox fragrance
That's pretending to be something else.

Second opinion:

Somebody mixed up
Earth, air, fire and water in
The wrong proportions.

Third opinion:

I refuse to buy
Stolen information, this
Tire fire in heaven.

Fourth opinion:

Olfactive psy-op
To make us sympathize with
Burning museums.

Fifth opinion:

Divine trickery
Mixing up good and evil
In new-fangled ways.

Sixth opinion:

We may not need whales or oceans any longer for the sake of perfumery, but this fragrance shows that we owe them both a debt of eternal gratitude.

Seventh opinion:

Repeat after me:
Radical abundance is
Gonna be some fun.
01st September, 2018

Tiffany & Co by Tiffany

At clearest point where
Tiffany blue vanishes
Lies an idea

Air glass and water
Enclosure and the enclosed
Enclosure itself

What is a jewel?
Limited without limit
If folded just right

A kind of beauty
To possess what we cannot
But yet somehow can

Sheer experience
As if possibilities
Pass through a bottle

That cannot hold them
But the bottle is a gift
Changing all futures

And then ask yourself
Who would you dare give it to
If not out of love?

Crossroad collectors
Rememberers of journeys
Dreamers of futures

Beloved bottles
Of own possibility
Somehow never owned

Close your eyes and see
All the wonders not yet false
That love can make true

If trapped in prism
Of such beauty's construction
Would you embrace it

Or grab one future
And ride to crystal station
Where someone awaits?

Maybe the answer
Is close your eyes, take a sniff
And then you find out.
31st August, 2018

Terre d'Hermès Eau Intense Vétiver by Hermès

"Terre d'Hermèsmerized
By an Eaude in Vetiverse!
Parfum d'Eau My God!"

Swooned one young lady
The Cowgirl Perfumista
Red's alter-ego.

"Nagelization
Of Ellenaic art forms!"
Cried Elleniac.

But Nagelophile
Countered with "Over-ripe Fruit
And Theorema!"

Sycomorephant
Long-nosed toasty vetiver
"Thanks to Mike Perez!"

Charles Atlas Cedar
Un Parfum, did Sens eth Bois:
"Ninety buck weakling!"

Kenzo Tokyo
Nopined about the Basenotes
"She's the fall guaiac."

At Long Lasting, bros
Projecto, Sillago, and
Longevito asked

Mystery Blogette
(Not a single damn comment)
Who spoke Nageled truth:

"Why so serious?"
Terre d'Hermès smiled and they all
Went out for a drink.
29th August, 2018

Sander for Men by Jil Sander

Citric cylindric
Asymmetric aquatic
Wherefore the therefore?

Sander philander
Pepper coriander and
Basely notes galore.

Hide in the blue juice
With cardamom and two spruce
Nothing too formal.

Scent of a biped
Parallelopiped of
Uniquely normal.

Normie objective
Roudnitska more effective
Smell both good and one.

Disco detective
Naturally selective
Find it and you're done.

Rhomboid reaction
Tester box satisfaction
Worthy bottle found.

Scent's poison ivy
Hook note's stayin' alivy
Keep this one around.

Mileage may vary
Even never scary juice
Like Sander For Men.

Fail not to try it
Though you may not buy it, save
All regret for then.
24th August, 2018

Opus 1870 by Penhaligon's

Soft spiced pepper sparks
Echoed as Blenheim Bouquet
Bottled as Opus.
23rd August, 2018

Blenheim Bouquet by Penhaligon's

A touch of pepper
And a wee bit of moss made
For a quaint cologne.
22nd August, 2018

Speed Smelling 2017 Postmodern Collection : Juliette Karagueuzoglou by IFF

Chococat worship
Deserves this perfume, not those
Polytheist types

With bedroom shrines to
Sanrio's plush pantheon
Of sweetness and light

With their Kitty and
Badtz Maru and assorted
Cuteness deities

Ambretsuko or
Whatever her real name is
New gods for new times

Featuring some new
Offering like chocolate
Okay, scratch that one

But you get my point
Only CHOCOCAT deserves
Choco-incense bliss

Be that to hold it
All together in these days
May require touch of

Ethyl saccharine
Enough to fill Tonka's Truck
Under Christmas tree

There we go again
'Nuther syn(cr|th)etic outburst
For sweet Coco nuts

So Hello Kitty's
Adoring guaiacolytes
May want to sample

Not to mention those
Reformulation lovers
Itching for the next

Modernization
Timeless style remaining thru
New techno fashions

But ultimately
You either believe in fine
Fragrance or you don't

The latter thereby
Giving fragrant believers
Someone to convert

Thanks be to (^.*$) no
Religious test of fragrance
Or fragrance lovers.
19th August, 2018

L'Envol by Cartier

Beauty symphonic
Harmonic, melodious
Don't tell me your notes

I don't want to know.
Treat kind bliss, ignorance and
Their conspiracy

Longing to teach me
To enjoy the damn show. Send
My regards to where

Ever you came from
Whoever did make you, and
All of the rest. Let

Me sense you as I
Perceive you, free from what's less
And less than your best.
17th August, 2018

Tiveden by Zara

Zara therapy
Santal 33.3
Thirteen short of free.

Tively buyvly spree
Tester bester yestery
Spritzy ditzy me!

Iso Super Z
Creamy bogus Mysore glee
Labo minus Le.

Leatherr leathery
Pleather's pleasure's reverie
Wood-hide sniffery.

Card-a-mom-musky
Prouder powder loudlessly
Sant al Creamery.

Zantal 33
Schticky schtollen wooden whee
Sandal scandlessly.

Website checkery
Lucky bucky chuckery
Disco dash E D!

Ti-gone's buy-gone's flee
Clubly bubbly endery
Last call spritzery.

Closeout buyout "Reeeeeee!"
Unicorn zoology
Perfumystery.

Zara clarity
Flashin' fashion fannery
Eau, pour 'phemmery!

Stor'ly mor'ly be
"Fiat luxe et odor-e."
Contin'-you-us-ly.
12th August, 2018

Prada L'Homme by Prada

Judge not copy frags
By inconsistent standards
Lest ye be so judged.

Thus, the defendant
L'Homme Prada (also known as
Prada L'Homme), is found

FBW
On all charges, including
Similarity

To a Known Flanker
Which in the case now before
This most August court

Would be a certain
Dior Homme Eau For Men, an
Excellent fougère

Currently owned by
One Redneck Perfumisto
Residing within

The jurisdiction
Of Perfumisto County
And Perfume City

And this here Court of
Olfactory Appeals and
Random Displeasures.

It should be noted
That Dior Homme Eau For Men
(DHEFM)

Has been found guilty
On numerous occasions
Of misdemeanors

Listed as follows:
Representation by a
Smug Twilight Actor

(The latter having
"Bedroom eyes" or "sleepy eyes"
As judged by experts),

Chocolate Facets,
Resale of Stolen Accords,
Use of a Cheap and

Tenacious Heart Note
As an Addictive Top Note,
Cash-Grab Design for

The United States,
Gender-Bender Flip-Flopping,
Conspiracy to

Scent Clothes So Strongly
As to Promote Failure to
Launder Properly,

Fougèrization
Of a Non-Fougère Classic,
Redundant Naming

And other minor
Quibbles and Peccadillos
But has not been found

Bad in any way
In fact taking second place
In number of wears

In the wardrobe of
Said owner PERFUMISTO.
Further it is found

That the defendant
L'HOMME PRADA, being likewise
Frequently guilty

Of misdemeanors
Including the following:
False Pillar Fragrance,

Flankerization
Without Proper Flanker Name,
Ambiguity

Of Relationship
To Feminine Co-Release,
"L'Homme" Me-Too-ism,

Excessive Homage,
Monopolization of
The Iris Market,

And most notably
Luxe Line Impersonation,
Has nevertheless

Shown admirable
Qualities and excellent
Performance, causing

Said PERFUMISTO
To wear said Prada fragrance
In preference to

DHEFM
Despite not much remaining
Thus we are compelled

To recommend both
Modern tenacious fougères
With equal vigor.

In the matter of
Redundancy exemption
This court also rules

That the defendant
Be granted residency
In Perfume City

Indefinitely
And in any quantity
Permitted by law.

SO RULED this Tenth day,
August, Two Thousand Eighteen.
This court is ADJOURNED.
10th August, 2018

Cologne du 68 by Guerlain

Though we shall defer
To "complicated cologne"
Luca's description

As ultimate truth
There are ways to make that truth
More complicated.

Even agreeing
That it could bear a name like
L'Instant Le Cologne

We find it useful
To complicate the matter
In numerous ways.

Saying all the things
That make haiku not so great
But perhaps to pause

And enjoy bits of
Oddly wrong embellishment
In the wright places

Delighting in some
Tall tales instead of lattes
Shaggy dog stories

Though perhaps in French
And involving a stroll on
Le Champs-Élysées

For what good is life
Without wasting some bits on
Happy liberties?

Letting DNA
Do it's complicated thing
Smelling up the place

And though you need not
Ask what dear Guerlain is four
I said anyway.

Oh, complications!
What would sniff be without them?
I don't want to know!

For though 'tis nobler
Something, something and something
Fuggeddaboudit!

We'll take all of those
Sixty-something notables
Crammed into cologne

And call it all good
Definitely Guerlainish
Just a bit girlish

But not quite enough
To get thy ass thrown out of
Better biker bar.

See? Complications.
We swear we can't live with 'em.
Can't live without 'em.
68 /end
09th August, 2018

Centuries Sandalwood Eau de Toilette by Caswell-Massey

Austreality
May lack chemistry's magic
But has its own charms

Beyond gold-capped dreams
And vain imaginings of
Mysore's better days

For though our noses
Grow weary on santal quests
Memories do not

And thus coming close
As horseshoes or hand grenades
Mirage to waken

Beauty's beholders
When in right place at right time
Wrong sheila shows up

Twilly in her hair
Tricorn hat from some movie
Quiksilver T-shirt

And right about then
Making some new memories
May seem more of an

Opportunity
Than pining away for scant
Possibility

Thus discovering
That G_d made Foster's Lager
For d_mn good reason

Despite the fact that
More reputable products
Can be found elsewhere

So raise a glass for
Twilly's Yankee solibor
And Tricorn's new core

The woody essence
Of Santalum spicatum
My Aussie santal

Surely the fragrance
Of Ms. Quiksilver's surfboard's
Future memory.
04th August, 2018

Acqua di Parma Colonia Assoluta by Acqua di Parma

The intersection
Of perfume and cologne can
Unite boundless joys.
03rd August, 2018

Speed Smelling 2017 Postmodern Collection : Bruno Jovanovic by IFF

funk.warm && jazz.cool
paper.rose.tigress.add(skin)
&& fur_gonna_fly
01st August, 2018