Perfume Reviews

Reviews by Redneck Perfumisto

Total Reviews: 270

Curve Chill for Women by Liz Claiborne

Peony Water
(Acqua di Peonia)

Laurent Le Guernec
Loc Dong, and Jean-Marc Chaillan

"Sir, no pictures, please."
The museum docent said

"Sorry," I told her.
"The peonies and water
I swear - they're moving!"

"We get that a lot.
Look closely at the flowers
They're also roses."

That was when I saw
Interfloral beauty as
Half a methyl group

"Can I get a print of this?"
I asked stupidly.

"They're in the gift shop."
That is how I ended up
In Marshall's buying

Curve Chill for Women
Told somewhat in reverse and
Leaving out Chandler.
21st July, 2018

Curve Chill for Men by Liz Claiborne

Acqua di Churomve
For all your metallic needs
In water vapor.

Top Note: Dog whistle
Heart: OCD-level clean
Base Note: Still smell soap

Clearly a case of
Convergent evolution
In fresh aquatics.

No Curve flanker has
Worked so hard to keep Curved hands
Off Olfaction's flank.

Amazing to smell
The lovely longevity
Of nothing itself.

Let us thus enjoy
Smelling nicely fresh and clean
Without smelling much.
20th July, 2018

Devin by Aramis

My old friend Devin
Your clarity, class and warmth
Remembered fondly.

An old style made new
A ladies' man - clean but with
A whiff of scandal.

The truer scandal
That I walked away from you
For an illusion.

Fragrance not my own
Costume, pretense, vanity
False fragrance, false love.

Lessons of my life
Learned, forgotten, learned again
As I smell you now.

Yet you aged quite well
Growing even more refined
With each passing year.

Go in peace, old friend
Let us keep what can be kept
Your beauty, my age.
18th July, 2018
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Yatagan by Caron

Forest wood spirits!
Arise to this nose and teach
Your joyous life song.
14th July, 2018

L'Envol Eau de Toilette by Cartier

Honey money watch and wallet
Drink it breathe it eat it call it

TJ blind buy holy grailer
Cinematic mind-blown trailer

Blame it on the guaiac wood
Not like perfume's understood

Rocked my world with E D P
Rubble bounced with E D T

Beehive royal ovulation
Citric chypre combination

Feel that smell?

All day long
It's stll there

Magic moment music maker
Melifluent fluid faker

Mead messiah Maid Mathilde
Your ambrosia now my shield

Nervous system integration
Ol' factory fascination

'Lectric lightbulb limbic wires
'Lumined laser's lathing fires

Nervibronic frequintessence
Kleptron bro-san moss fluorescence

Sense the ghost note mystery
Au Ra buzzing like a bee

Apparatus bulbous bottle
Knurly nozzle metal throttle

Spray some lose some smell some more
Win some bin some 'til you score

Cartieric pillarama
Field emergent left-turn drama

Paper loser tragedy
Eye of skin required to see

Fibonacci Cart coorsive
Etchy sketchy steely forcive

Terre d'Hermèsive collar nut
Twist it wrong to close it shut

One-piece flash lamp flask for flanker
Paperweightish twist-top tanker

Lovely liquid light deluxe
Lampy dampy ampy flux

Vaporescent ourobori
Bumpy clumpy 'lectric tori

Close the bottle 'round their wires
Silence vapor's thermal lyres

Thank the Maker for this making
Meadful mother's liquor's faking

Raise a glass or bottle downed
Here's to one more 'lightful round.
13th July, 2018

St. Kitts for Men by Tommy Bahama

Mainstream and Gulf Stream
Like a bank branch office on
Some lovely island.

Beautiful sillage
Another fruity chypre
That's not Aventus.

Gladly it forsakes
All the usual cliches
Of parrothead frags.

Yet pays nice homage
To old Tommy Bahama's
Classic gentle warmth.

Land, conquistador!
You think you conquer it, but
It will conquer you.
10th July, 2018

Kâshân Rose by The Different Company

The Peonistas
Ambrists and Pepprists attacked
But the Soapists won.
07th July, 2018

Curve Sport for Men by Liz Claiborne

Allure Homme Curve Sport
Strip-cruisin' Himalaya
Powdered Bro Pour Femmz.
06th July, 2018

Heritage Tricorn / Tricorn by Caswell-Massey

Let me begin with a more standard review of the new Heritage Tricorn, from the viewpoint of somebody who never sniffed the original or vintage.

To me, Tricorn is a restrained, classy, but not formal fragrance. Some would call it versatile - I'll call it mannered but friendly. It is subtle but not shy. It is more like a powerful skin scent than a true eau de cologne or perfume.  I perceive it as a "sandalwood genre" fragrance, meaning it's built primarily around sandalwood, and relies on persistent soft power of base notes rather than piercing accords of the heart or catchy top notes.

There is an enduring base accord, immediately noticeable and projecting, which is primarily sandalwood, cedar, amber and most of all vanilla. That plush base of amber-warmed, cedar-boosted, vanilla-softened sandalwood IS Tricorn to me.

I do not find Heritage Tricorn to be overtly masculine.  Rather, it seems "not girly" - even though somewhat powdery.  That powder is NOT the standard baby powder - more like "sandaltonka".  It feels like a powdery texture of the base, more than a powder note per se.

Heritage Tricorn has the vibe of a rejuvenated classic - exactly what it is.  It smells neither modern nor out-of-date.  Women can wear this easily, in my opinion, and may steal it, so watch out, boys!

Longevity is good for me, with a couple of hours of sillage, several further hours of nearby projection, and many hours longer as a strong skin scent.  Heating up or exercise will bring back scads of sillage later, so be careful!

The base and drydown are extremely nice, and superior to many top-name designer scents, thanks to the Australian sandalwood.

This is a very safe scent, in my opinion.  Very unlikely to offend, and somewhat likely to be noticed positively but not raved about.  I got a nice compliment from my wife when I first wore it.

I am a huge fan of Australian sandalwood, and was driven to write an ode to the fragrance for that reason.

Cheers!  -Red

Sandalwood smelled like
Sustainable victory
That Fourth of July.

Twelve score and two years
Tricorn and Twilly rose where
Quiksilver did die.

Brave at the Battle
Of Santalum spicatum
Disco surfer mine.

Act of rebellion
By means of fragriculture
Aussies held the line.

Wearing our ballcaps
America's new Tricorns
Thrown into the air.

Oath made that Mysore
The famed Santalum album
Would grow ev'rywhere.

Come if it will to
The miracles of science
Stylish woods will thrive.

Fragrance remaining
Dear to Mother Nature and
Universe alive.

Swore on my home land
Sugi and Hinoki, their
Fragrant trees to grow.

Somebody's children
Playing beneath their branches
Love of scent will know.

Not ev'ry battle
Is fought with guns and cannons
Smoke across the lands.

Some are more quiet
But ev'ry bit as hard fought
Seedlings in our hands.

Wood's perfume arise!
Let fragrant trees fill our skies!
May we be so wise.
05th July, 2018

Liquid Night by A Lab on Fire

Sleek, stylish, complex
All oddly harmonious
Modern wood and steel.

Asking who wears who
You or the art museum
Not just for a friend.

Jazz score magnetized
All in perfect direction.
Classic? You tell me.

The virtue here lies
Not in note but symphony
Timelessly abstract.

The wood and the steel
They are what you made of them
Not what they once were.

The bricks of perfume
Showed up, smiled, punched the clock, and
Built the city night.

"It smells like money"
The dear boy said of Polo.
This smells like tickets.
04th July, 2018

Sugi by Comme des Garçons

Sugi moto san
Your fragrance was our blessing
Stature your reward.

Quiet your refuge
And the root of our respect.
That you did not move

To some was weakness
But to those cooled by your shade
It was your true strength.
04th July, 2018

Wanted by Azzaro

Pine-Sol tracked me down
Got a tip from lemon oil
Through some mall frag cop.

"Look at your finger,"
Talkin' 'bout the missin' one
"You and me go back."

"You was just a kid,"
He says into princess phone
"When you joined the gang."

Begging Sixties Mom
Around the grocery cart
"[Buy the holy grail!]".

"You got one more job."
One more promise. One more lie.
"Then you can retire."

Damn cleaning products.
Best part of one more shit job
When you're just a kid.

Easy stuff he says.
Try some juice until it clicks
Or maybe it don't.

So when it didn't
I thought I was free, but then
Av'rage Grl shows up.

Simulation face
Straight from Universe Central
Dam her Elan Musc.

The boy can't resist
The deep-data smooth-skin math
Of Future Girl-Face.

"It's my favorite"
She says truthfully to the
Human polygraph.

I knew it was crap
But she stabbed me with her truth
Sim-level venom

Average beauty
Dope to mainstreaming junkies
Who see the clear Curves

Of Plain Jane Goddess
Like some CGI dream girl
Perspective just right

Nobody sees it
Cursed to see Beauty with my
Glasses from "They Live"

Kinda like Zeus said
"Curse his ass!", so Athena
With resting bitch face

Smugly complied and
Bestowed upon acolyte
Her bash-box bargain

Hundred-eyed watchman
For the beauty of women
"Sufficiently cursed?"

She said with a smirk.
"Can you give him a pig's nose?"
"As you wish, my lord."

And so it was done.
Dropped into Beauty's home world
Forced to perceive it

Chemical gears whirled
And hit the damn jackpot of
Three Laughing Pine-Sols.

Remembering fresh
Back when it was an insult
To Argus-eyed men

"Oh, yes, it's quite fresh"
Pine-Sol laughed at the store clerk
Of my fresh kid dreams

Loving all women
Drawn like child-wonder magnet
"Why are they pretty?"

Piney grail brought home
In some fragrant fantasy
That never happened.

But patient Pine-Sol
In days of teenage error
Cut the kid a deal.

"Work some extra hours"
He said, counting his money
"And sniff ALL YOU WANT."

So there I was, mate,
Nose junkie freed by DARPA
Pine-Sol on the wire

Av'rage Grl morphing
Until she hit the jackpot
Just like they all do.

Az'zaro Frg morphing
Until it hit the jackpot
Just like they all do.

Athena laughing
Zeus pretending to be pissed
And there was Argus

B'logical machine
Trusting Simulation to
Deliver Beauty

One more 'mazin' time
Pine-Sol laughing whole timeless
Damn cleaning products.

Who the hell knew that
Lemon, cardamom and some
Cryptic vetiver

Were all working with
Pine-Sol to frame me as the
One-star scent loser?


Well, leave 'em for me.
Turn up your noses, and there's
More left for this one.

Riding off, laughing
One short day's ride ahead of
The frag-love posse

Another town of
Av'rage Grlz and Wanted Frgz
Lookin' for Lovin'

And gettin' some, too,
'Cause their Beauty cannot hide
From Argus the Kid.
30th June, 2018

Marem by Caswell-Massey

Time to water that
Dry bouquet and old bottle
With our memories.
26th June, 2018
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Speed Smelling 2017 Postmodern Collection : Jean-Christophe Herault by IFF

Not exactly sure
Why great booze is postmodern
But I'll sniff to that.
23rd June, 2018

Speed Smelling 2017 Postmodern Collection : Anne Flipo by IFF

Chypwrecked on Ifra,
We hid our oakmoss in the
Heart of patchouli.

The movie ended
Standing at the crossroads of

The beauty of the
Olfactory steel I-beam
Lies in its future.
22nd June, 2018

Bleu de Chanel Parfum by Chanel

Heartwood soul set free
Fresh and woody inside-out
Yet utterly Bleu.
19th June, 2018

RÒS by Caswell-Massey

Spicebomb Rose Extreme,
Your anise is the secret
That I cannot keep!
12th June, 2018

Fierce by Abercrombie & Fitch

You cannot unsmell
This charcoal gray three-piece suit
Mall-rat stud T-shirt.
12th June, 2018

Boss Selection by Hugo Boss

Let the scent with no
Pleasant mediocrity
Wet the first scrub brush.
12th June, 2018

Ylang Ylang by Lorenzo Villoresi

When Muzio's bus
Stank of Lorenzo's ylang
And Rome's women smiled.
06th June, 2018

Curve for Men by Liz Claiborne

Gold Hot Rod Tweed says
Ye must be Claiborne again.
Liquid nostalgia.
06th June, 2018

LX48 by Caswell-Massey

Let perfume coordinates
Wrap this universe.

My huge, multi-paragraph Basenotes review can be found here, in a thread about this scent when it launched:

Selected paragraphs:

I'm not sure I would recommend a blind buy on LX48, for people who get any regret from blind buys that don't click. It's a real roll of the dice, because my first impression is that there is nothing out there like it. When they say "unique", they really mean it. And when they say "niche", they mean that, too. I am having a very hard time coming up with a good description, though I will do my best. I'm glad I bought it, but I think it's not a scent for impatient personalities. It has to grow on you. You have to come to the scent - to learn how to love it. It will not come to you. It has to be appreciated simply for what it is, without apology. Also, experimenting with application may be critical. People who expect to spray it on by some routine and it must work that way or money will be demanded back, will likely demand their money back. It's a grower. Don't give it a chance to grow, it won't.

In fact, of the four notes they list (tobacco, leather, cedar and oakmoss), I can detect every one of them, and yet none of them are so prominent that I would want to CALL it a leather, a chypre, a woody or a tobacco scent. They all contribute to a well-blended whole.

One of the first things I noticed - which is not listed anywhere - is incense. In fact, it immediately reminded me of Neil Morris and his crafty use of incense to mimic all sorts of things, though much more subtle. What I'm reading as incense may actually be dry and mineralic facets of the cedar, or there could be incense, but whatever it is, it's noticeable and pleasing.

If I had to describe the scent, it would be "ambient old-school luxury". I think the brief that is used in marketing is definitely what they were trying to achieve in the fragrance, while hiding any prominence of any of the components or accords they used to achieve it. It's basically hints of fine things - wood paneling and floors - leather furniture - vague tobacco - old perfumes - all kind of swirled together into a pleasant whole - a "place" that smells good. It isn't a standard niche perfume - it's more like Dans Tes Bras for an old gentleman's club or university club in New York City.
05th June, 2018

Curve Wave for Men by Liz Claiborne

Dear L'Eau de Lizzie
Please thank Miyake-san for
Liquid oxygen!
31st May, 2018

Speed Smelling 2017 Postmodern Collection : Alexis Dadier by IFF

The smell was a child
Who refused to use base ten
For eighty-one's sake.

I saw its beauty
The part with the burning hemp
In a waking dream

The wooden clock face
Shaped like that of a bison
With dozens of eyes

All at the bottom
Held by counting's gravity
Numbering the time

As eyes disappeared
The clock told me without words
It's time to wake up.
22nd May, 2018

Jazz by Yves Saint Laurent

New, old, hip ___ square
Lightly spicy green fougère
Weirdly fresh and clear

Notes in nose's ear
Catching jazzy melody
Miss___ beats ____ set ____ free.
18th May, 2018

Santa Fe for Men by Aladdin Fragrances

Sagebrush Obsession
Your dry wood, hazy smoke and
Spicy cool Brut breeze

Make me happy that
Cowboys appropriated
French perfumery

Or some such story
Explaining storybook juice
In cheap-ass bottle

With clay pot texture
In Obsession Sprayer Brown
Your feel-trigger skin

Oldest chromed plastic
In the Western Hemisphere
Your pueblo sky-hat

You localized Brut
With good localization
And not so much Brut

Helping this cowboy
Remember enchantment by
Silver jewelry

Skies in Turquoise Blue
Navajo Galaxy rugs
Kachina doll eyes

Back-seat travels through
Dry wood, hazy smoke, clay pots
Some such story of

Purifying some youth by
Sagebrush Impression.
16th May, 2018

Prada La Femme by Prada

Xena of Prada
Gabrielle on steroids, your
Tuberose ray-gun

Surely powered by
Floral Amplification
by Simulated

with Aromachemicals,
I think I love your

Nearly dangly tart/tangy

Though I prefer your
Herculean L'Homme flanker
That Prada fougère

With Dior mojo
There is something about you
That stands on its own

Sharp, biting florals
Brightly radiating with
No apologies

Your tagline is truth
Quintessentially Prada
Yet new, strong and bold.

Stay legendary
Fearless Frangipangian!
Many adventures.
12th May, 2018

Burberry Body by Burberry

Subtle, corporate,
The pale Beige vanity wand
Of flower power

Tempts even the boys
To pick up the crystal rod
And see if it works.

The lightly powdered
Rosy Iris Cashmeran
Flirting with makeup

But never quite there
Cool, calm, professional yet
Still quite feminine.

So the boy sighed and
Put back the magic wand that
Works better for girls

Wishing macho wish
For macho magic wand that
Sprays some spicy sparks.
10th May, 2018

Givenchy Gentleman by Givenchy

My oldest vintage
Kept by logic and love in

Sometimes referred to
As Gen[e]ral Givenchy
Of Scentral Command

Heart-scarred vet[e]ran
Of the innumerable
Stories of my life

A million reasons
Not to be worn again and
All of them are me.

We are assembled
Here today in Vintage Land
Not to bury them

Nor to recount them
Nor to even explain why
I don't wear vintage

With analogies
That somehow fail to compute
In lives not my own.

Instead, we shall praise
This fragrance my father wore
By some mystery

As demonstration
That the sins of the father
May or may not be

Passed down to the son
Along with good or bad genes
Or whatever taste

But at the same time
Love for fashion's apples falls
Not far from its tree

For there was a time
Long ago in galaxy
Not so far away

When big patchouli
Was creeping counter-couture
And death of fine ways

One more travesty
Wrought by damned hippies on our

"Downfall!" as heads shook
But hardly a thing next to
Women wearing pants

And yet quality
That thing of lasting value
That thing we desire

Somehow transcends time
Reminding past our fashions
Of something greater

Of new things done well
Of new things that might endure
Of new things grown old

By proper mixing
Into the wonder of our

Reading from the Book
Of Blue Cheer, Outsideinside
Which did not age well

We find a poem
I used to know who wrote it
Not that it matters

Followed by the rest

Not amenable
To the format of haiku.
Be that as it may

And mattering not
For there is no right answer
In choosing between

Living each day in
Our own private Osmothèque
Or just visiting

On grand occasion
With Givenchy Gentleman
By fonder absence

So damned glorious
On scar-strewn back of my hand
Swatting away those

Painful memories
Of how ev[e]ry scar got there
But remembering

That my refuge in
Is as much tribute

To that fine vintage
Musical raw patchouli
That made women laugh

Long straight hippie hair
No doubt looking more current
Somewhere in space-time

As reveling in
Then and the thenness of then
By Cheerful vintage.

So I guess I lied
And did somehow explain things.
So one final thought

From between the lines
Of many diff[e]rent books
That uncertainty

In many fine ways
Is nature's way of lying

Some such beauty that makes me
Want to live in it.
09th May, 2018

Vétiver by Christian Dior

The known vetiverse
Is greatly enriched by this
Silk-smooth masterpiece.
04th May, 2018