Perfume Reviews

Reviews of Sécrétions Magnifiques by Etat Libre d'Orange

Total Reviews: 107
This is gross. The smell up close nearly makes me nauseated. It doesn't smell like any bodily fluids I can't think of. I saw the reference in the previous review to a wet dog, and that's a better description than anything I'd come up with.

From a distance, it's not so bad, but up close it smells sickening. The nasty aroma chemical in this seems to wear close the skin. The smell from a distance and deep in the dry down is soapy.
03rd April, 2018 (last edited: 04th April, 2018)
Yes, it's gross and smell like wet dog - but wearability was never the intention. Can perfume be art?

This is essentially a lovely, salty floral with a delicious woody-coconut drydown.

That's of course fully masked by the metallic "secretions", but otherwise this would have been a smelled-it-before composition that wouldn't have gained Etat Libre's naughty boy image.

For the sake of art, I plan on keeping a reference sample. Although I hope in my heart that it never disappears off the shelf.
04th February, 2018
Harborside at low tide on a particularly steamy August day!

I couldn't quite believe the information on this scent. If it is truly this bad, how can it be selling and how can Turin praise it and give it five stars?

However, it even excels its hype - it's so incredibly nasty that it may be the worst marketed fragrance I have ever encountered in 70 years of experience.

Intensely briney, salty and smelling of decaying crustaceans, it is truly vile, awful, beyond belief. Victor Frankenstein should have been stopped (just because you CAN, OUGHT you to?) in time, ditto the creaters and marketers - and praisers - of this scent.

Milk, blood, iodine? Surely, this was sign enough that the perfumer was mentally and ethically unstable.

Abominable and irresponsible - an insult to the art of perfumery.
02nd February, 2016
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It is hilarious the amount of hate and hyperbole this fragrance generates. I guess that probably was ELDO's intention. I've read reviews for years and just on a whim decided it was time to pop my secretions magnifique cherry. I was expecting eau de crimescene. I was expecting used condom filled with spit and tampon and all the bodily nasties of the world. What I got was totally surprising. The opening is a futuristic metallic oceanic thing with coconutty, irisy nuances. I actually really really liked it. So much so that at first I was wondering whether it got reformulated or I got sent the wrong sample or something. Not to say it's not weird, it just has extremely contrasting elements that (with the aid of marketing and imagination) makes one imagine old spunk and hemoglobin. I legitimately believe that if someone were to smell this without the associations they would be much more likely to enjoy it. To me the opening seems to not be a literal interpretation of blood or semen or spit, but instead seems to be a perfumized version of those secretions, suggesting that they have inherent, perfumistic qualities. I feel like the opening is what Scarlett Johannson's character's spaceship thing might have smelled like in Under the Skin. Futuristic, sexual, and totally strange. Then cums the dry down. The truly awful dry down. My girlfriend said it smelled like dried cum (without knowing the fragrances concept..). To me, I got sour milk and nickels. Maybe it wasnt all just hyperbole... I think the inherently disgusting aspect of this fragrance is that these 'human' elements combine without any warmth or humanistic qualities. It doesnt smell like lovers in heat, it smells like a mortician extracted the fluids of a serial rapist and stirred them all together in a rusted metal beaker. Despite how terrible the drydown is, I totally enjoyed the experience of testing this and appreciate the audacity it took to make, regardless of whether it was a marketing ploy or not. I actually do still like the opening and will sniff it on occasion (the next time i'm craving the smell of sour milk and nickels), but i don't think another wearing is required. Ever again.
26th April, 2015
Got my clammy little hands on a sample of SM, as part of a library of samples from Etat Libre D'Orange. It was not something I expected to like, let alone wear, but was sure it would be an interesting olfactory experience.

Though I wished to crack into it immediately, I held off, and went through the samples as listed in the accompanying sheet, making notes for myself in the process.

By the time I arrived at SM, I expected that this would not smell nearly as interesting as promised, and might even be wearable.

Opened the bottle. Definitely milky, definitely bloody, definitely rancid. At this point it was powerful so sniffing was unnecessary. It was not pleasant, but it was true to the notes which came with the sample, and that pleased me on some level.

Dabbed a tiny bit on my inner arm. This, for me, was a mistake. My stomach heaved and heaved hard. I still had not actively taken a sniff. My mind was grasping for pink notes, sex notes, musk notes, any notes.... anything... any distraction that would allow me to wait things out to engage with the dry down.

I tried. I did. I really tried.

I am a very good girl. I do not gag. I do not flinch.

60 seconds with SM and this girl was collapsed by the bath, gasping for air, eyes streaming, and scalding her inner arm under the hot tap. These secretions were magnificently insistent and penetrating, for sure.

Not only did I vomit, and vomit hard, I vomited so violently that I had to clap my hand over my face and gulp the vomit back down to avoid drowning. Which was fun. Was able to drop the fourth batch into the toilet bowl, and vomit without having to swallow.

So yes, I got what I asked for. The listed accords were clear and present. The result was magnificently intense, and it is robust in terms of longevity. Which was tough for me that afternoon, but useful if it works for you. SM travels far, whether in sillage or from an opened phial, and should not be presumed to be a secret skin scent. I entertained the idea of keeping it to assess the dry down on another day, but my body vetoed that notion.

Oh well.

Next time I'll be in a field with a bucket, gloves and anti-emetics!
22nd March, 2015
She starts off sweet but grows stickier with time; the transparent liquid is best allowed to drip on the fingers and, in increasing degrees of proximity, close to the groin. I keep returning to her fingers, sniffing them. The scent is unmistakable. Her fingers have been somewhere without me, somewhere dark and somewhere sweet.
31st January, 2015 (last edited: 02nd February, 2015)
numcks Show all reviews
United States
Piercing, shrill, putrid/metallic bilge/curdled/dried spit note floating on a base of relatively banal milky, powdery, sandalwood inoffensiveness. Like a stinky, crazy party crasher at a Daughters of the American Revolution tea. Interesting, edgy conceptual perfumery, but ultimately unpleasant to wear. The deep drydown does mellow the bilge into a fairly innocuous and reasonably well integrated iodine/saline seaweed note adding counterpoint to the sandalwood, but it's too long a ride past the landfill on the way there IMO.
29th September, 2014
Inoffensive musky-sticky-milky-calonic notes wrapped in a harsh bag of aldehydes. I approached this scent quite late, meaning that I've often heard about this one without having actually smelled it, and all the people who owned/used it said this was naughty, raw, animalic, truly "offensive" and provocative (those were people who actually bought this, so... well, no offense). So I expected something cool and challenging. Meanwhile I tested some other scents by Etat Libre and found basically no interest whatsoever in their fragrances, so when I came to this I was quite in a "prejudice" mood. And I was right, because well... this is it? This depressing tin can of aldehydes and randomly-assembled putrid aromachemicals should evoke "sweat, blood, saliva"? No. This is no way challenging. It smells bad, but in no possible creative or provocative way - just dull, boring, pointless bad. Not even that bad actually – more than bad it's a plain, uninspired, clumsy smell. Being provocative in whatever legitimate and credible way means to be able to structure your provocation and contextualise it into a more broad critical discourse – to use it as a tool, or as language. Doing random stuff like this is and giving it a meaning by mere marketing means is not art and is not provocation, it's just a depressing way to exploit a cliché - in this case, the "épater les bourgeois" cliché (and making money out of it). This said, as I said it's not even that bad or stinky - any obscure and cheap chypre from the '50s would kick this in the butt in terms of "animalicness" (or whatever effect Eld'O pretends to achieve). To me it smells more like if Antoine Lie found a disposal bag of Takasago waste molecules and – bingo!. I don't want to sound hateful, pretentious or offensive but personally it really saddens me to think someone really consider this "irony" or "avantgarde" or whatever daring stuff and is actually willing to pay for this.

11th July, 2014
Genre: Soft Porn

Mine smells better.

Sécrétions Magnifique hardly lives up to it's provocative ad copy or its puerile packaging. No semen, no sweat, no blood, and nothing animalic here: just a powdery, milky white floral composition garnished with an unpleasantly cloying note that smells of stagnant water. When I was an adolescent, my bedroom was host to over a dozen aquaria. They smelled like this when they needed cleaning. Achieves distinction only in being at once dull and repulsive.
02nd July, 2014 (last edited: 03rd July, 2014)
Had to try this because usually i like things that most purple turn their nose to.Wow was I wrong. This is the worst smell i have ever smelled.I am kidding you not it made me sick, it made the back of my throat cold like there was blood in it.Something in this makes me gag literally.I would say the closest thing is a really hot summer day, walk by a dumpster in nyc, but instead of being filled with garbage its filled with blood and body fluids from the local hospital. Pure filth.
17th May, 2014
Secretions Magnifique - Etat Libre d'Orange
Heard so much about this one, being a very dirty smell, that was almost 'impossible' to smell etc... Maybe I created to high hopes about SM inside my imagination, a perfume - thick, full and stuffed with dirty, bloody and animalic notes.
So, when I smelled this, the first thing I thought was: ''this isn’t the real thing'', and the second was: ''this is a joke...'' And it turns out, it is a joke - this perfume is fun, full of humor and 'easy' to wear. To me it smelled thin, very chemical and definitely not as shocking as I imagined it - which was a disappointment, in a way. What I did smell was mushrooms, egg-protein, the smell of jodium, a high-pitched rusty-metallic, spicy-note that smelled like blood, growing into a milky coconut-note dressed up in lactones and musk’s. Best thing about it is the way the coconut-'cream' joints the blood-note; for the rest this thing did little for me, otherwise than offend me because I didn’t like the highly synthetic tonality of it. I hoped that it would smell more like the animalic, 'juicy', fresh blood-way that women's period-blood smells like on a woman- with a more dirty-animalic 'thickness'. Instead - its nice to smell, in the light of the craft, but in the end it misses the 'fleshy'-factor that could have give it more boost. SM scores points for originality - no doubt, but I would have want to see this perfume suffer more, losing more blood... Less magnifique, more secretions.
15th May, 2014
This is pure olfactory avantgarde.
Starts off as a fresh, marine floral with a slightly lactonic quality. After a few seconds, a sharp metallic note kicks in along with tons of salty seaweed. After about an hour, the metal and the seaweed mellow out and it becomes to smell exactly like sea breeze (very salty and slightly metallic) with a pinch of seaweed and light florals.

This is a very clever composition, it just plays with your mind.

05th January, 2014
An arresting somehow strident, (salty/sweet, lymphatic, balsamic, irony and acid) main accord of lacteous buttermilk (pinacolata, tree glue, balsams), orange sanguine (possibly bloody combined with saline metal and sticky milk), salty/ozonic iodine (probably the main feature), metal, wax, brewer's yeast and floral lipstick "assembled" by the super talented "sorcerer" Antoine Lie (Nu_be Sulphur, Puredistance Black, 888 to quote some) in order to create one of the most argued olfactory creations of the contemporary age. Yes, the bloody breath of a lady vampira wearing a pungent fruity/floral and alcaline/ozonic scent over. Indolic crudity, vegetal and human "pollen", fish head, stem lymph, dirty lingerie, sea breeze, brew, vinegar and human anatomy in a bottle. Carnal, outrageous and sweaty fragrance, musky, erotic on a womanly woman, or may be not, not easy to say. One of the very few releases indolic and pharmaceutical all at once. I tend to appreciate the original creations, especially whether unique and immediately recognizable and I've always dreamt being able to prepare magic potions as an esoteric alchemist "stregone" but given it for granted I can't say to be ready for wearing Secretions Magnifiques on me in the course of a special occasion nor in the intimacy of my loneliness (maybe replacing the Marilyn Monroe's Chanel n 5 with this cynical ELDO in order to conciliate the sleep). The truth abides often in the middle.
29th December, 2013 (last edited: 06th September, 2015)
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This really sticks in my throat the first few minutes, but after a short while I begin getting the coconut that totally agrees with me. I choose to smell beyond the nasty notes that are allegedly floating around in this potion. Instead I focus on trying to get the sandalwood, opoponax and iris. Soon I'll be ordering 50ml and wear the hell out of it.
04th December, 2013
A long-lasting, hyper-modern and highly original lactonic floral scent with striking salty/metallic facets.

As far as generating hysterical reactions goes, Etat Libre d'Orange nailed it with Sécrétions Magnifiques. Yet the real controversy is that scent itself isn't nearly as terrifying as people make it out to be.

Opening with a striking juxtaposition of waxy plastic and marine notes, this is essentially a metallic floral crossed with a powerful lactonic effect. There's a faint fresh, green aspect to it as well as a subtle bread tone that runs throughout, and it's essentially a linear wear that allows you to focus on and track the individual components as they conspire to produce a legitimately original fragrance. It doesn't smell overly synthetic, but the metal effect sits somewhere between the rusty sharpness of an old water tank and the kind of metallic taste that can periodically develop in one's mouth. And that's all set against a series of milky components that also includes a semi-sweet floral note. So, in essence, what you're getting is a series of clever juxtaposing notes aren't entirely discordant, but do catch you off guard and keep your mind racing back and forth between them. In this respect, it's brilliant.

Once you've adjusted to what it's doing and the scent has settled down a bit, it reads more as a long-lasting, bitter/sweet milk scent with some unusual nuances popping up throughout. It's not all that different in tone to Womanity—especially after a few hours of wearing it.

Is it avant-garde? Absolutely. Is it unwearable? Not at all—quite wearable, in fact, but clearly it's not going to be for everyone. The scent indeed creates some bodily associations (mainly through the metallic effect that could be read as saliva or blood), but these associations are partially reliant on the concept and the packaging which serves to amplify them further. Without these peripheral attributes, Sécrétions Magnifiques is simply a clever, unusual composition—which raises questions about the process of production in that it appears that ELdO essentially sacrificed a perfectly reasonable fragrance (one that's no more challenging than some of their others) for the sake of shock and curiosity. This is the exploitation of sex—a conceit that should be overly familiar to anyone with a passing awareness of the way mainstream perfume is marketed—only here, it's rendered as tongue-in-cheek and as cynically as the brand's other infamous mockeries of an industry that tends to take itself too seriously (the Tilda Swinton celebrity scent and the comedically contrarian Rien spring to mind). On the one hand, this has brought ELdO great publicity and respect from the perfumista; on the other, it's falsely demonized a scent that perhaps didn't deserve it. Frankly, it would be very easy to make something absolutely vile and unwearable from aroma chemicals and essential oils, so that's clearly not what this. Instead, it's a tastefully assembled and fully developed fragrance that's fascinating to analyze while wearing it.

There are far more offensive fragrances than this being sold in mainstream department stores on a daily basis, so if you're after a milky floral with some intriguing salty/metal facets, there might be safer options out there, but don't dismiss this based upon hyperbole and ELdO's apparently successful strategy of provocation.

Pros: Makes an absolute mockery of the mainstream perfumery's reliance on selling sex.
Cons: Potentially detracts from an otherwise solid composition by instigating silly hysteria."

22nd September, 2013
blueyezz Show all reviews
United Kingdom
More an experiment than a perfume

As an exercise in a trying to transform a concept into an odour that can be tried and sampled, its interesting and partially successful. But as a fragrance to be worn and enjoyed its totally unsuccessful to my nose. These days I try to evaluate if a fragrance is "good" as well as determining if I personally like it. And I think its a "No" on both counts.

Its sour milk, slightly metallic edge isn't particularly interesting and a long way from challenging. My feeling is that, if you ignore the hyperbole and reputation, its simply meh - not particularly anything other than a fragrance thats not that "nice".

I was slightly put off by the retail environment, the new ELdO boutique in Shoreditch. It featured a large Tom of Finland book, perched on the unit in the middle of the shop, as well as a couple of S&M accoutrement, as if to hammer the edgy point home. It all felt a wee bit puerile and dated, bringing back the Madonna Sex book era.

I've sat on the fence with the stars rating as its important that perfumers - and the people that wear them - take these risks.

Pros: I'm pleased perfumers are taking these sorts of risks
Cons: As a fragrance, it simply isn't that good

05th July, 2013
I got this bottle as a joke, I wanted to blind buy a highly controversial fragrance and I ended up getting this one and Lutens Musc Koublai Kahn. When I first smelled Secretions i just laughed because i didnt expect it to smell the way it does. Its a cloying aquatic white floral that smells metallic and chemical, the fisrt representing blood and the second semen.

I wasn't shocked as I expected but the blood note is VERY disturbing on my skin and makes me wanna puke. And the worst thing is that it sticks to skin like nothing else. I tok a bath to take it out and it didn't work. It lasted all day long...

In the end you get a very bold concept and a highly unwearable fragrance. To gimmicky for my opinion

1 ouf of 5
23rd March, 2013
This is the most VILE and repulsive thing i've ever smelled.

Have you ever smell egg yolk on a plate thats been sitting around for a while? Or even worse, an egg yolk outdoors.

It smells like that, mixed with a dirty wet dog and metallic blood.

I bought a sample because it just sounded too crazy not to smell. At a night out, I and my friends popped it open and we each put a dab on. It smelled exactly the same on everyone. I thought i was going to vomit. Gag reflex kicks in within 6 inches of it.

My poor fiance was the one that administered this rancid liquid on our friends, and ended up spilling a little on herself.

Terrible, terrible stuff. Don't even bother wasting a even a few dollars on a sample unless your just HAVE to know what it smells like. But a coffee instead.
10th February, 2013
I truly had hoped that somehow the sexy, slightly-dirty, warm scent that I associate with a natural Man Scent had somehow found it's way into a bottle. Perhaps that is exactly what this is, but I can't help but notice the addition of a somewhat bacterial addition that may say "poor hygiene" but doesn't say sexy, to me. Or perhaps all it is lacking is the pheromones.
This smells like cat urine with a floral note on me. I put a tiny dab on my forearm, instantly took a shower in scalding hot water, scrubbed with scented body wash, applied different perfume on top of it, and still I'm plagued by this touch from the bog of eternal stench. Only now, it has ripened to reveal coppery, fresh-from-the-gym-man-underarm smell. With vetiver, but that may be the Florabotanica. Not the sexy man musk I was longing for.
I did mange to neutralize the scent with Lolita Lempicka, Coral Flower, so I could get some sleep. The next morning I awoke and to my horror, Lolita had dissolved but Secretions was still there. We lived with each other for the next 9 hours, despite additional washing, and finally, with another shower, we seem to have parted ways.
I am incredibly impressed by the sticking power of this scent! It has been an interesting day.
14th December, 2012 (last edited: 15th December, 2012)
I don't find the bloody/metallics notes, I don't find semen notes, I don't find milk note...
I think it's a very nice nautic/floral perfum, smells like "ocean rain" of mario valentino.
I love this secretions ;)
28th November, 2012
I'm not very fussy when it comes to fragrances and I'm very seldom put off by something but this is an exception. There is something there, perhaps this so-called 'blood accord' whatever it is, it is unpleasant.

There is definitely an iodine tang combined with a salty and yes, slightly milky note. This all lies on top of a floral base. The combination is very strange and difficult to describe because it smells more like these things taste, not that I know how flowers taste.

This is weird and unwearable. It works very well as a publicity stunt.

One thing that I have to give this fragrance is its absolute tenacity. I really wish more fragrances could last like this does. I honestly had to wash and thoroughly scrub my hands several times with dish-soap and eventually resorted to rubbing it with alcohol and then spraying CDG Wonderwood on top of that. I am not exaggerating: this stuff is very potent. Do not get it on your clothes.

This is my first thumbs down and only the second fragrance ever that I've had to scrub off. It made me feel a bit sick.
16th November, 2012 (last edited: 23rd November, 2012)
Tucker Show all reviews
United Kingdom
I suppose writing a review of Secretions Magnifiques on Basenotes is like a rite of passage, and as it's on the back of my hand as I type, maybe I too will be invited to join the fraternity - after all, it does smell a bit like the dirty washing basket in a frat house.

A lot, if not all the reviews mention how this is a fragrance that reacts differently on different skins - at Les Scenteurs where I acquired my sample, neither assistant wanted to do the decant - although the girl was far more adamant than the boy (thanks Callum!)
Apparently, women react far more violently to this scent than men. And, even more interesting - the main customers for it in the London branch of Les Scenteurs are... wait for it ... almost exclusively French.

Without getting into some dangerous national stereotyping, this did make me wonder if, as Anglo Saxons, we are conditioned not to respond to fragrances that are too obviously linked to bodily functions. I remember Luca Turin writing that the British relate well to fragrances which contain disinfectant type nuances - Jeyes Fluid, Dettol, Wrights Coal Tar Soap etc, which might explain why Comme des Garcons ranges go down so well in the UK. Perhaps this also justifies why there are so many negative reviews from English speakers, it doesn't sit well with our attitudes towards sex and sexuality, and we are still indoctrinated into that Victorian belief that bad smells cause disease and can only be obliterated by stringent hygiene - and more disinfectant. So sperm? No Way.

Well, I've just taken another big slug of SM from my wrist, and my verdict is frankly ambivalent. I don't particularly like it , but there again I'm not keen on nautical/ozonic scents ( they're too Nineties - and there's nothing as unfashionable as something that was once the height of style) The sperm note is Ok and inoffensive. Unless you've got funky spunk, - there are far worse things than gism - which to me almost has a bleach-y tinge. I don't get the milkiness, perhaps I'm fortunate, and the bloody metallic aspect doesn't endear me to the fragrance but I don't hate it either. Funnily enough, I love feral fragrances - Kouros, Bal a Versailles, Knize 10, MKK, Yatagan etc- all those animalic notes completely justify why fragrance can be something erotic. But SM? - someone else said it before me - it's like having sex with a robot, impersonal, metallic and not remotely sexy.

However, as reviewer no 87, I'm going to give this a thumbs up, purely on the basis of originality. I'd rather smell this any day than Lady Gaga's Fame which apparently has notes of blood and semen too, but to me is just another saccharine bomb in the arsenal of overtly sweet female fragrances that are dominating the market. So well done Etat Libre D'Orange - keep pushing the boundaries. Maybe you could do a fecal gourmand next?
06th November, 2012 (last edited: 16th November, 2012)
But in art it is like that, some things are made just to admire from the distance, this is like some Picasso paintings to me :) i cant understand it, i honestly dont find it beautiful but i see how it could be beautiful if only i can accept the mess in it :)!
Thumbs up for the scent, its really masterfully done, my body just cant stand that metalic note, so i cant judge it!

the opening is surprisingly pleasant, but after few minutes this metalic note comes out and spoils everything, that note is painful! my reaction to it is the same as when i put fork into mouth that was rubbed over aluminium, or when someone goes with nails over the blackboard, or at the dentist, i get that instant horrific reaction.

The airy , transparent and saline feel to it may be associated with some secretions, but maybe closer to a see cucumber secretion :)

but so far never did any parfume give me other painful reaction then vomiting! so hands down! this one makes me crumb my teeth from horror

so secretions horrifiques for me :)
26th October, 2012
Most reviewers are interested in communicating how this fragrance makes them feel rather than what it smells like. As such, several of its notes are not mentioned at all.

What it smells like: the fragrance could fall into an "aquatic leather" category if such existed. I think they have done something akin to Angel: married notes that are not usually seen as having something in common. I smell a lot of a certain variety of leather (help with this, please?), which brings to mind that I've also seen no one mention this fragrance's initials (S.M.) in the context of the use of leather in the practice of S/M. I also detect something like a sweet but hissy, piercing cherry, possibly the smell of leather conditioner (another S/M reference, since you have to care for these expensive items). There is also cheap incense here, a possible source of the revulsion expressed here. I think much of that response is due to mixing florals, leather, and aquatic notes. Finally, all the drama vanishes about 2 hours in, and you get the smell of lipstick/facepowder/inside of elegant lady's purse. This accord is really pleasant and fashion-forward, and reminds me of other Etat Libre d'Orange fragrances (Incense and Bubblegum, Jasmine and Cigarette).

I may have an advantage here, since I sampled all the EldOs when they came out, and have lived with a full bottle of Secretions for about 2 years, wearing frequently. I like it, and others tell me they like it on me.
18th September, 2012
This is the most disgusting thing I have ever smelled in my life. I smelled it in a department store on a dare, and I thought I would vomit, which seems to be the reaction of a lot of people. Why would anybody want to smell like this? Do people actually buy this stuff? ?
03rd September, 2012
Blood, rusty razor blades, dried semen (smells different from the kind that’s fresh out of the cucumber, take it from one who knows) – but masked by a cloud of something that’s screaming ‘fresh’ and ‘milky’ at the same time. The cumulative effect? To my nose, this is marine verité, seawater lapping in the docks with the whiff of all kinds of urban detritus and dead organisms, but somehow resolutely aquatic. Much as I appreciate the spirit of adventure, this is more than I can bear.
13th July, 2012
Pure UK Show all reviews
United Kingdom
I read the hype, tried it and it turned my stomach. Its awful. Its the same smell as when you get a nosebleed, the metalic taste of blood trickling down your throat. When and where could you wear this???
It lasts forever aswell, shame Creed can't match its longevity!

Freddy Kreuger wears this in my nightmares!
27th May, 2012
The metallic mineral note in this perfume is stunning. A masterpiece.
26th May, 2012 (last edited: 27th August, 2012)
I could never even pretend to be enough of an individual to say I like this. My olfactory apparatus having evolved like everyone else's over the eons, and my general sense of decency, wouldn't allow me to lie that much to myself or to others. What I do find interesting about Secretions Magnifiques (and no it's not that there are human beings walking this earth and choosing at some point in their day to spray this putrid spume on themselves uncoerced. No, I am well aware people will do anything to make an impression on anyone for any reason whatsoever. No, I understand all that). It's merely that S.M. has an undeniable marine note which brings to my mind the smell of the ocean, a smell that I, like many others, am quite fond of. What I find interesting is that the scent being brought to mind (the ocean), one of such awesome power, is conjured up by a marine note in Secretions Magnifiques that is just off enough to be truly awful. As if the perfumer took only the truly awful smells of the ocean and distilled them all into one even more awful smell. I guess that's where the art comes in. But anyway. It succeeds in it's own horrible way.
I read an admired reviewer tell of his getting sick in the loo in Barney's (not on S.M. by the way). I sympathize. I too became sick in Barney's. By God's grace I was not in the loo but in a fitting room by myself. I experienced an attack of dizziness after checking the price tag on a pair of jeans I was interested in. Fortunately I recovered quickly enough to be able to complete the purchase.
25th May, 2012 (last edited: 30th May, 2012)
"Secretions Magnifiques." I say: It's not quite as vile as "Muscs Kublai-Kahn," (I think i mentioned I vomited in the loo at B's when I tried this--i sniffed it on a mouillette and thought: "hmmmm---not so bad" (I love musk) then sprayed some on my wrist. By the time i made it up to the 5th floor I was getting nausea--and hadn't even the chance to get a fitting room full before I was nervously rushing off to the gents to try to scrub--scrubbing made it bloom--I then actually vomitted and had to get a taxi home!) The "Secretions," which is meant to smell like sperm, actually does: It's the strangest, bleachy-est oddest most bizarre thing I think I've ever smelled that is called perfume. It smells exactly like this: Lone Saturday morning you stayed in bed until noon and knocked out at least four, and, each time, just let your t-shirt soak up the results. Then, you got up without changing and went out to get buttermilk, got home, then, in attempting to open the carton, spilled it all over you. This is EXACTLY what "Secretions Magnifiques" smells like--(layer in a set of pent up blue balls--and you're there.) My question: Why ever would anyone want to smell like that? On the other end of the spectrum, "Rien," from ELO, actually has many merits which are remarkable, and worthy of the investment. It would be the perfect scent to wear were you going somewhere you knew any scent would be....frowned upon. (Where ever that is: I'm imagining perhaps an heavy metal concert: I don't know where I'll wear it--but I know I will--eventually.) Usually, I wear Molinard's "Patchouli" or CdG Zagorsk if I'm going somewhere like this--but sometimes I know I can't wear anything: That's where "rien" comes in. Carries its name beautifully. Actually, I quite like it--I'm certain it would be a good one in bed--this time not alone--applied very sparingly: However....I am imagining in this bed a somewhat sordid situation: Not in bed with your wife or girlfriend. In bed with...someone else. At any rate it would be difficult to find it unappealing. It hasn't the faintest "perfume" quality to it-- It truly smells like a very expensive, brand new leather jacket, that's never been worn, but at a level that is much, much higher than, say, a $1500.00 one. I once tried on a $128,000.00 alligator biker jacket at Hermes. Naturally, it fit perfectly. It was a dun colour--a greenish taupe. Of course, I wanted it desperately: So much I wanted to try it on bare chested--it was....that feeling: The wicked sensation that overcomes you, making you want it so badly you want to sleep in it....the memory of this immediately came to mind when I tried "Rien," and it only got more "natural." Daim Blond and all of the leather nonsense hocked by Tom Ford tries desperately to capture this fleeting desire--and it's precisely a noticeable lack of this marked effort that differentiates Rien. Don't hesitate to actually put it on skin. Concerning the matter at hand, "Secretions Magnifiques," enter here at your own risks and perils. Fearless sniffer that I am, I dove in. The results allowed me to offer the scabrous description above. I suppose........there is an audience for this......Where it lurks and of whom it might be composed, I can not intuit. Wank Booth Cinema? I'm at a loss......
03rd May, 2012 (last edited: 17th August, 2012)