L - L.A.M.B by Gwen Stefani, 2007

Was it the "sparkling green freshness" (note scare quotes...) or perhaps the leafy water hyacinth amalgmated to pears and white freesia? All I know is that the moment I made the fated decision to don Gwen Stefani L-LAMB in a store today, it became clear that I had made a very serious mistake. Instant headache in a bottle! My poor little neurons were pulsating in pain until I finally made my way out of the store and into the abundant fresh air of the parking lot, where I hyperventilated for several minutes in order to flush out all of my suffering, suffocating cells. Never again will I subject myself to such torture. I tested a few of the Harajuku Lovers collection a while back, which were so banal and BHT-laden that I could only come up with haiku reviews, but L is positively toxic on my skin. Gwen Stefani now numbers among my select list of celebrity "perfumers" to scrupulously avoid. The bottle should have been the biggest warning sign of all. Cheap plastic huge cap, the very antithesis of fondle-worthy, a complete and utter aesthetic mess. Honestly, it brought back memories of a yuppie couple I once knew who had silverware that was so cheap and flimsy and battered and ugly that it looked as though it might have been lifted from a hospital cafeteria. But I digress... Bad bottle, worse contents. Thank goodness I set my skepticism about induction temporarily to one side and had the good sense not to buy this one blind. Oh my, I must be suffering memory loss from today's poisoning: I have yet to describe the smell of this "perfume"! Think BEYOND PARADISE plus molten plastic and insecticide.

First received a sample of this in Sephora shortly after launch. It was May and I wore it to several parties and garnered a slew of compliments, from "wow, sexy!" to "hmmm what's that interesting scent?" L.A.M.B is rather unusual. It's synthetic, but not sneeze-inducing or plastic-y. Imagine a bowl of plastic fruit covered with a layer of dust, sitting in the window of some cute, kitschy, L.A. girl's apartment. She burns lots of musk and jasmine incense and probably has some macrame in her apartment but when she goes out at night, it's all sleekness and modernity. This scent is very modern, but thankfully goes against the grain of all the white florals and pink chypres by adding a little heft: the fruit is almost like spoiled fruit, just a bit beyond ripe, and that sour edge adds some interest. I like this juice for its unexpected quality: it certainly doesn't smell like anything else even though it is accessible. It's quite like Gwen Stefani herself, a woman who made a name for herself being that cute, alt-rocker LA girl who later became a sexy LA woman but kept that alt-rocker vibe about her and let other alt girls know it was ok to be yourself. I like this double-sidedness to the scent, and find it appropriate for daytime, weekends, after-work and even night if it is warm out. Spring/summer only though. I like the bottle design but agree the large bottle (which I own) is a bit of a paperweight.

Sillage is impressive but calms down after an hour or two. Wears a bit loudly for first few hours, and am finding by mid-afternoon, it has disappeared to my nose. Agree that the middle notes are the most boring and the drydown is best.