A bit off topic here but what the hell.
As a hotel bartender, my worst idea of hell is getting stuck working a day shift in which the Daytona 500 is on TV, because I get swamped with cheap hoosiers. Â*Sunday i had a group of about 20 Jeff Foxworthys, Larry the Cable Guy types and their wives in my bar to watch this crap. Â*They were leaving the next morning for a trip to Mexico ( I say lets send them to Mexico permanently, and let the poor Mexicans who have to put up with them come HERE!). Â*The loudest group of hootin' and a hollerin pieces of crap I've ever met. (Of course we get some ghetto fabulous morons any time a Philly Eagles game is on-don't get me started there!)
I call these hoosiers "War Chesters" when they come in. Â*They're too low class to actually start a proper tab. Â*And they're too lazy to pay round for round for their drinks...So they each pull out a hundred dollar bill and let it sit there in front of them (their "war chest"
Â*Then everytime their bottle of "cuurs lawt" is empty, they expect it to be replaced, and they expect the bartender to keep taking money from their "pile" to pay for it, returning their change to the pile. Â*Anytime people pay in this slovenly, redneck method...it only means they will never leave a tip.
These are the kind of guys who return their crabcakes saying they smell fishy, and by loudly chuckling, "they smell like panty perch", and remarks like that. Â*The kind of guys who still use words like "colored folk" openly in a crowded, mixed bar in 2006. Â*The kind of guys who descend on a bar like locusts, watch Daytona 500, drink like fish, stay for two hours, spend a hundred bucks and then push a small pile of mixed change onto the rail for a tip.
The only revenge I got was one of the guys went to hand me 50 cents and he accidentally said "Here you go HONEY...uh, I mean, uh, dude." Â*ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!! He called me "honey" Â*And his friends all noticed but were too embarrassed for him to even give him a hard time. What a Freudian-Brokeback moment he was having.
I do have the notes for Daytona 500 if anyone is interested.
Top notes:Coors light, sweet tea notes
Middle notes:chewing tobacco notes, Winstons, rusted pennies
Base notes: Panty Perch, armpits, Jeff Gordon's jockstrap, Jefferson Davis' DNA
They're screwing up by letting Elizabeth Arden market this scent. Â*If they want these rubes to automatically buy it, all they have to do is get the Franklin Mint to distribute it!
No offense to any rubes.