Joke Contest

Dinner by Bobo. You're not eating dinner by Bobo. What's the deal with that?

This is not serious attempt at making a joke about fragrances...

Fun idea, Cat!
And do I get an honorable mentioning if my guess that the winner will be Quarry turns out to be correct?

One that isn`t too funny, but a start:

Hubby to wife at the breakfast table:- Maybe you should skip work today, dear, seems like your stomach`s not well?
Wife:- Never mind, it`s just that Dinner by Bobo from yesterday...

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kenzo.
Kenzo who?
Kenzo mean he threw me out for wearing Curious. Can I move in with you?


(OK, well I've only had one cup of coffee this morning....)

"When you said you hated me, darling, I never thought you'd put on Kingdom!"

Apologies, this is rubbish:

Q. What do you call a man with perfume spraying out of his mouth?
A. Adam Izer

So, a priest, a rabbi and a doctor walk into a fragrance store and approach a sales associate. "We three serve at a local hospice," says the priest, "and it is our vocation to assist those who must soon release their earthly bounds."

"Our patients are bedridden and often cannot see or move," adds the rabbi, "but on the chance they can still smell, we'd each like to wear a fragrance that helps them move on and accept their inevitable death."

"I've got just what each of you needs," responded the SA. To the priest she sells a bottle of Comme des Garcons Incense Series Avignon, to the rabbi she sells a bottle of Etro Messe de Minuit, and to the doctor she sells a tall, clear bottle with a black rounded cap.

The three customers leave the store and return to the hospice facility to see if the SA had chosen wisely.

The priest visits Brian, a member of his congregation. "Amen," says the priest as he makes the sign of the cross over Brian. From the priest's gesture Brian catches the scent of Avignon, and he is reminded of the sanctity of the Roman church wafting with incense. He is comforted by it and, after a time, feels ready to meet his maker.

The rabbi visits a member of his synagogue. "Samuel," he says as he puts his hand on the old man's shoulder. From the rabbi's wrist rises the scent of Messe de Minuit, and Samuel smiles, remembering his days studying the Talmud in a Judaic library of ancient texts. By and by, Samuel finds the courage to face the great abyss.

Encouraged by the priest and rabbi's successes, the doctor stops outside his patient's room and sprays himself from his bottle of Serge Lutens' Miel de Bois. Within seconds there's a crash, and a nurse screams, "Bob just jumped out the window!"

"Which patient was he?" called the doctor from the end of the hallway.

"He wasn't a patient at all," cried the nurse, "he's the orderly who just walked past you!"

There was a great thread on MUA in which we were invited to contribute to a Fragrance Fanatics Bookshelf; some of the answers were really brilliant. Linked for your enjoyment.
http://www.makeupalley.com/board/m.a...36333548&ipn=2

How about a joke press release?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BPI, Microsoft Announce Alliance
Product Delay Wizard to be Added to Office 2007, BPI to Introduce Xbox and Zune-Branded Fragrances

PARIS, France and REDMOND, Wash. August 23, 2006 Today, Beaute Prestige International (BPI) and Microsoft Corp. announced the launch of a groundbreaking alliance. Terms of the alliance were not disclosed.

"We had this great new technology to delay a new fragrance that everyone's waiting for in one of our critical markets," said Remy Gomez, President of BPI. "But we thought for a moment: why stop there? Why can't every business, big or small, take advantage of this technology? That's why we partnered with Microsoft."

"At Microsoft, we're all about delivering solutions to customers anytime, anywhere, and for anything," said Steve Ballmer, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft. "This alliance with BPI brings us new ways to contnue to infiltrate into the lives of the world."

"You know, we have been delaying Windows Vista many times. But none of them were without a reason," said Bill Gates, Chairman of Microsoft. "With BPI's technology, we'll be able to delay new software launches for no apparent reason for the first time ever."

Under the ten-year alliance, BPI and Microsoft will deliver the following products and services:
-BPI will license its patented Product Delay Manager technology to Microsoft for Office 2007. Already used for the recent US launch of the new fragrance Gaultier², the feature will allow companies everywhere to delay launches of new, exciting products and services without any explanation faster and easier.
-Advertising for BPI's popular fragrances such as Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male and Narciso Rodriguez For Her will be inserted into Xbox 360 games, Xbox Live, the MSN homepage; and for the first time ever, the Windows Blue Screen of Death.
-The new Zune portable media player from Microsoft, launching this fall, will feature a Fragrance Tracker built on BPI's patented technology. This will allow people to track which fragrance someone is wearing.
-Microsoft and BPI will launch a new range of men's and women's fragrances worldwide starting in spring 2007. The new fragrances, to be initially launched under the Xbox and Zune brands in the United States and Canadian markets, will be aimed at the 18-35 year demographic. Further details will be available in fall 2006.

"With the highly successful launch of Xbox 360 and the forthcoming launch of our new Zune portable media player, we wanted to take the Xbox and Zune experience a step further," said Peter Moore, corporate vice president of the Interactive Entertainment Business in the Entertainment and Devices Division of Microsoft. "And what better way to do it than with a fragrance?"

About Beaute Prestige International
Beaute Prestige International, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Shiseido, is the exclusive global fragrance licensee for Jean Paul Gaultier, Issey Miyake, and Narciso Rodriguez. Based in Paris, France, BPI had sales of over 300 million euros in 2005.

About Microsoft
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) is the worldwide leader in software, services and solutions that help people and businesses realize their full potential.

Be careful what you wish for.....

A man was walking through a desert for many many days and nights. One day when his tears of despair were mixed with sweat and he could not really see where he is going, his foot touched something. He picked up it up, it turned to be an old bottle. He opened it hoping to get a sip of water and a genie came out of it.

"For letting me out of this old bottle, I will grant your three wishes," said the genie.

"Well, I am so thirsty, my first wish will be to have a lot of water. I am so sweaty, my second wish will be to feel clean and fresh. And my third wish will be to have pretty women around, touching me, admiring me and wanting more of me," replied the man.

"It is easy!", responded the genie and made him a Tester bottle of Cristalle EDT.

a couple of my parody perfume advertisement photo-manips and some other stuff:

http://spoofume.blogspot.com

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

Jaelynn, thank you for that wonderful Death Song for Guerlain! No one has said it better!

Thank You Elf! That was a fun one to rework from the original JRRT piece. Fitting as well in reflection.... but first borne from my utter annoyance that they pull back lovely time-tested impeccable fragrances with real backbone and replace them with mere shadows of former greatness. And I believe it would be economically wiser to do stateside relaunches of stuff like Apres l'Ondee which your non-fanatical perfume wearer on the street may well have never heard of than to go about making new things just for the sake of making new things.

OK, which jokes tickled your funny bone the most, Chicat?

Hey! I thought she was MY beloved musse. Okay, we can share.

Must this be original poesy or could it riff off another work? Would like clarification before choosing my ammo since I do believe I misunderstood that the joke requested here was to mean prose avec ending punchline as opposed to sight gag or parody/pastiche - which is mostly what I do.

I will get from Chicat more than I deserve already, but I could`t resisit to throw along yet couple of clumsy jokes relating for perfumes:



"An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City appartment building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.

Not to be done in by these snobs, just before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and gives a grizzly fart and says..........."Broccoli .49 cents a pound.""






Eau de Blonde

Two blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it.

"That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?"

Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"

"Viens a moi" replies the store clerk.

"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
The store clerk offers some more help, "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French.

"Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks,

"That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"






The clerk showed the fellow the store's most expensive
perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285
per ounce."
"Listen," the fellow shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't
want something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called 'You
Can Bet Your Sweet Bippy On It'."

Wait now whats this poem contest? Can you describe it for me please. What you want and what the rules are and such that is. Apparently all the honors english won't be going to waste!

Here you go. With apologies to poets everywhere:

A prodigious collection of fragrance have I;
With bottles stacked scarily near ceiling high!
There's Guerlain and Caron and Etro aplenty,
At last count approaching a hundred and twenty!

Somebody please stop me, I'm losing control,
This "hobby" of mine sure is taking its toll
Depleting my money, as well as my time...
(I'm sorry, can't think of an end to this rhyme.)

As my fragrance envelops me in a smell so heavenly
The symphony of scent develops until the very end
The crisp morning air could not take it if it dared

Wafting, drifting, blowing in the wind
It makes no difference because where ever my scent has been
It always seems to come back to where it started
With all the strength it had just before it parted

As my fragrance dies down I breathe in just once again
I say, "Goodbye for now my scented friend."
Then my fragrance burns out without any warning
As I lay down in bed I whisper, "I'll smell you in the morning."

The Stranger by Jesse Sword

She smelled of jasmine and rose
Heaven "scent" all angels know
Blood red lips, her fair skin so soft
Black, the hair she wore aloft

She walked about so precariously
Floating about like smoke
Her eyes told me "dont proceed carelessly"
So, I opened my mouth and spoke

"From what order of angels are you?"
To which there was no reply
She simply put her mouth to my ear and said
"Now stranger, I bid you good bye."