Who wants to smell like Gene Simmons?

Apparently, KISS has a perfume. Or, to be more precise, TWO perfumes. And I know this because my boyfriend thought it would be high-larious to buy the dudes' version for me. Here's the blurb, from a website:

"KISS Him begins with top notes of bergamot, white pepper, anise and black cumin over mid notes of lavender, cypress, dark rum and fir balsam. The scent closes on masculine base notes of sandalwood, tonka, moss and honeyed amber crystals."

Get that? MASCULINE base-notes. I hope you like that word, because it is ALL OVER the packaging. Kiss wants you to know that you are NOT A SISSY for wearing their perfume, because honeyed amber crystals are VERY MASCULINE. Yes, KISS wear lipstick and eyeliner, and yes, the name of the fragrance is "Kiss Him," which is ever-so-slightly homoerotic, but you don't need to worry about that, because when you wear the stuff, people are going to take one whiff of those manly tonka beans and know that YOU ARE NOT A GIRL.

So, how does it smell? Kind of like my dad. And he smelled like Brut, Kools, and old leather jacket. It's very trashy, very 80s, but sort of comforting.

The girl's fragrance supposedly smells of "top notes of apple-tini, wet fig leaves, racy bull accord and red peppercorns followed by middle notes of red poppy, black orchid, sueded frangipani petals and calla lily. Base notes of amber crystals, musky bare skin accord, patent leather and mahogany give the scent a sensual finish."

Bare skin, patent leather, and racy bull accord. Apparently KISS like their lady friends to smell like mad cow. AND it comes in "Lovin' Body Lotion," which will make your skin creamy smooth when you're flashing the stage during "Detroit Rock City." Hot.

MadScientist - I have nothing against KISS, really... my stepdad was a drummer in a metal band, and my Uncle Boozer (he legally changed his name after flunking out of rehab) was a biker who loved the stuff, so I grew up with KISS, Pantera, Metallica, Sabbath, etc. It's nostalgic stuff for me. (I may be the only person in the world who hears "Cherry Pie" on the radio and thinks "aww, so heartwarming.")

I would argue, though, that a KISS lunchbox won't make you physically ill, whereas KISS Him (with its charming aroma of spilled rum, burning rubber, honey and crotch rot) will do exactly that. (Did I mention that KISS Him also comes in deodorant form? It may be the only deodorant in history that actually makes you smell WORSE.) I'd save my money for the t-shirts if I were you.