Her birthday

Why not? It worked for the Boston Strangler.

Seriously, it sounds like a good plan; don't think you need the uniform, though.

Go for it Rich! The uniform's a nice touch, but I too doubt that you need it...

Showing unannounced (especially in the A.M.) can be risky... Is she seeing anyone at all?
You could always call first, from nearby, and inquire if she's alone...

Paul

Do it and don't worry about wrong impressions. If you're planning on spending a bit of time with her she'll be left knowing exactly where you stand, and this sweet gesture needs to be done. Otherwise it's just a sweet idea, and do you want to say to her or yourself, "I was going to..."

Sorry, drummer, IMO this is a suck ass plan. It seems romantic....but it's kinda, I don't know, annoying. Why all the cloke and dagger? Why the jack-in-the-box and *poof* now you see me, now you don't? I'm afraid, my young one, it is very demeaning to the girl involved. You assume too much. I'm supposing you broke up with her, right? I'd say part of you just wants to keep her on a string. It can be flattering and reassuring to have someone loving you 'in the wings' while you do your own thing. It can be a safety net for days when your self esteem is falling.

If the message it truly "I'm there for you, I care for you as a dear friend" you must also offer a degree of security and stability. It must consider her feelings over your whims. Along with the fact that surprises can backfire so easily (she's not home? she has the flu? she has her actual boyfreind with her???), your plan also sounds like no fun, for anybody. I think it would be...kinder, to call ahead of time. Wish her a happy birthday ahead of time. Tell her you'd like to hang out and celebrate, but since you both got classes and you gotta work. Tell her you want to take her out for breakfast Saturday. Do not send flowers. At your age, only boyfriends or boyfriends wannbes should send flowers. Flowers on my birthday from a boyfriend who broke up with me? Pity flowers? I might cry, if I was depressed, but more likely that would seal up my broken heart with a cautery of white hot irritation.

Now, if I have gotten the story wrong, and she broke up with you, then you can send her surprise flowers on Friday. NEVER show up by surprise on a girl's birthday when she has broken up with you. That is definately a stalker move. Even if she broke up with you, you can and perhaps should, call ahead of time to wish her a happy birthday, and you can still tell her you want to take her to breakfast to celebrate.

Of course, if nobody really broke up with anybody, then do whatever seems the most fun to you!

Everyone who listed Shycat as a 'BN Crush' please get out your Secret Decoder Ring:

Ancel-cay Eration-Ophay Ycat-shay. Eapeat-ray: Ancel-cay Eration-ophay Ycat-shay. Ycat-shay oesn't-day ike-lay omantic-ray urprises-say.

You asked for advice - so here's my two cents.

I think the flowers/trip/early morning is a recipe for disaster. The little blurb you wrote in your initial post (below) is perfect - send it with some flowers or even just a card. Follow up later in the day with a phone call.

"No matter how far, no matter how much, I'm here for you. No matter what our relationship is."

You think he's joking??

ROFLMAO! It's true, I don't like surprises.

Me neither. Now if someone wants to do something for me that's great...but I'd like some advanced warning!

Seems most people think it's too.... extreme, but I like it.
The only problem, though, is that it's meant for people in an actual relationship.
This is something that might make her fall for you, and you've already said that the long distance can't work out.
Whereas you might be okay with it, she might not be able to get her head off of you or move on.

Personally, I don't know what kind of a girl she is, but I'd be cautious about making such a strong, typically romantic move on a person you don't plan on having a relationship with.

Oh, yeah, and I just wanted to add that it's not good for her to be crazy about you.
It sounds nice, especially to you, but that's dwelling on something that's either very unlikely or impossible.
Try to keep it at a "just friends" level.
She needs to move on to someone closer, both emotionally and physically.
In my personal opinion, you need to kind of let her go.
Unless the both of you are fine dreaming of what you could be if distance weren't a factor, you need to stray away from moves that could indicate "I still want you."

I'd get her a bottle of Spring Flower instead of actual flowers. It's more personal- anyone can buy flowers, but who on earth would ever give her that beautiful pink bottle? Also, she will always associate that smell with that particular morning. S.F. puts a huge smile on every girl I've seen smell it. And for goodness sakes don't tell her how much it costs.


-ben

Perfect. I was thinking a nice card (maybe even handmade and/or personalized) that expresses your feelings for her in a direct, honest way.

I love the romanticism of your idea, but it might be a little too over the top given the current state of your relationship.

That's my half cent. Good luck. Hope everything works out well in both yours and her favor.

-Sloan

You've just never seen me.

Who the hell gave you a Secret Decoder Ring?

A three-year age difference is pretty small - it just seems significant to you because you're young and also because you're at an age where people change quickly. That should be a non-issue with someone who you really like and connect with.

A co-worker though ---- hmmm, that's the stickier issue. For me, the answer to whether or not to date someone from work is always No.

But I'm in a position of authority, which does make saying no a bit more mandatory. I guess if she's in the same company but you don't work directly with each other very often, it's probably OK. But generally, dating work people can just invite the possibility of infecting your work environment with awkwardness if things don't turn out too well.

I personally don't think age is an issue. I mean, twenty years from now, it'll ONLY be a 3 year difference. Proportions change, man.

Just my opinion (and we all have heard about opinions and assholes, ie, everyone has one)...

Don't hunt for honey where you earn your money... Or, to put it more bluntly, don't shit where you eat...

This is just some sage advice from an older dude who has been in your shoes... Far too many complications...


Paul