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Contribute to the Neverending Fragrance Story...

post #1 of 315
2/13/07 at 5:39pm
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  • kbe
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.Well..

How about we compose a story, sentence by sentence, one sentence per post but multiple posts OK as long as someone else has posted after your last. And how about we write about--what else--fragrance?

It can be a mystery, comedy, docudrama or whatever you wish, steer the story your way or continue the general direction when you add YOUR sentence(s).

We can (try to) make it coherent and follow through with the previous contributions or just go our own way, but hey! Be creative!.. and let 'er rip!

I will start it out thus:

__________________________________________________ _______________

"It was another in the seemingly endless queue of dark and rainy nights, and Felix wondered if a splash of Guelain's Heritage cologne, along with a warmed snifter or two of Hine' Rare and Delicate cognac, would increase his misery or dull his aching heart and allow a measure of understanding how he could have lost Sydney so completely to Michael.



.
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post #2 of 315
2/13/07 at 8:08pm
This is a great idea!!! I just don't want to be one of the firsts so I'll chime in later.
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post #3 of 315
2/13/07 at 8:40pm
Quote:
"It was another in the seemingly endless queue of dark and rainy nights, and Felix wondered if a splash of Guelain's Heritage cologne, along with a warmed snifter or two of Hine' Rare and Delicate cognac, would increase his misery or dull his aching heart and allow a measure of understanding how he could have lost Sidney so completely to Michael.

In his frazzled state, Felix poured the Cognac on himself and took a long sip of Heritage... this was going to be a long night, he could tell...
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post #4 of 315
2/13/07 at 8:42pm
All of a sudden there was an unexpected knock at the door.
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post #5 of 315
2/13/07 at 8:49pm
Knowing he was too much of a wreck to answer it, he looked over at the bitter almond he was using to make his latest scent.
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post #6 of 315
2/13/07 at 9:26pm
He began to see it as Sydney, so lovely to the senses yet so dangerous if taken by mouth.
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post #7 of 315
2/13/07 at 9:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shycat

He began to see it as Sydney, so lovely to the senses yet so dangerous if taken by mouth.

And that's when the evil idea started to take shape in his mind... it was the worst, most evil, dreadfully dangerous idea, but so much fun to ponder on. Felix would never be the same again.
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post #8 of 315
2/14/07 at 3:31am
Not a religous man, Felix dropped to his knees, his shoulders slumped from the weight, the memories of all the Sydney's, all the blue eyed blond Sydney's, all the same, and just like his father..........they had all left him.
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post #9 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:51am
Thread Starter 
  • kbe
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Felix thought aloud as he slowly sipped amber liquid from his glass: "Damn father and his lily white Roman collars!... Damn Sydney and her insufferable meat loaf collection!...And damn this cognac!..with its topnotes of bergamot oil, coriander, cypress, Green Note, lavender, lemon, mandarin, pepper...wha..w-what the hell?", he stuttered as he sniffed at the rush of cognac silage emanating from his chest.
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post #10 of 315
2/14/07 at 6:31am
His mind, suddenly transported back to a time long ago while in his mothers room, wearing her black high heels, gazing in the hazy mirror trying on her favorite rosy red lipstick, the smell of L'heure Blue permeating everything, the lace curtains, the homemade bedspread; so thick was this wonderful nostalgic scent that like butter, he could have sliced it with the knife he now held in his hand.
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post #11 of 315
2/14/07 at 8:40am
... and yet his thoughts kept wandering back to Sydney, une Vraie Blonde (Etat Libre d'Orange).

"I saw her once more only. I saw her by accident, at an airport. Changing planes. She didn't see me. She was with Peter. She was holding a child. She was no different from anyone else."

Stolen from Louis Malle's "Damage".
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post #12 of 315
2/14/07 at 9:04am
The persistant knock on the door was heard again so Felix scrambled to his feet and opened up.
There in the doorway, an officer stood, wide eyed at the sorry sight of Felix, drenched in Cognac and burping Heritage.
"Sir, I beg your pardon but... there's a dead body on your front step. Were you aware of that?"
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post #13 of 315
2/14/07 at 9:49am
Felix replied, "What kind of idiot do you think I am?"
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post #14 of 315
2/14/07 at 9:54am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shycat

Felix replied, "What kind of idiot do you think I am?"

LOL!!! (Ok I'll try...)

The officer said, all flustered and stammering:

"Sir... Huh, sir, there is a dead body on your front step. Judging by the facial stubble and hairy legs, I would say it is male, however the bright yellow sundress and lipstick threw me off a bit.
And it is smelling very strongly of huh... whatever it was that you had to drink. Sir. I apologize. But there seems to be a problem here, don't you think?
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post #15 of 315
2/14/07 at 10:19am
Felix looked down at Sydney's lifeless body, thoughts racing through his head, did he black out last night and do what seemed so obvious?
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post #16 of 315
2/14/07 at 10:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by TDDanae

Felix looked down at Sydney's lifeless body, thoughts racing through his head, did he black out last night and do what seemed so obvious?

Vraie Blonde my foot! There it was: ugly, dark stubble and roots! Felix felt himself get dizzy.
An open, fine Italian leather handbag was opened, near by, its contents spilled. Felix glanced at mess and recoiled in horror: there! amidst the handbag paraphernalia, a small bottle of cheap drugstore perfume!
Felix' s world came crashing down.
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post #17 of 315
2/14/07 at 10:53am
Thread Starter 
  • kbe
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"Oh! It's Michael!", Felix shouted as he stared down at the half naked and poorly made-up body on his doorstep. "Look at what they have done to him!
He didn't deserve this kind of an end."

The officer took a step back and waved his hand in front of his face to break the ever widening cloud of bay oil, cinnamon, jasmine, lily of the valley, orris and rose that crept out of Felix's nostrils and mouth and took direct aim at his face.

"I know Michael stole my darling Sydney away and was a so-so stage actor to boot. But even if his recent transgendering stage performance as Anne Frank DID prompt an overly critical first night audience member to shout, during the scene where the Nazi's were entering the house looking for anyone hiding, 'SHE'S IN THE ATTIC!', he didn't deserve..this, this horrible, grisly end. Why, my God officer, Michael was a Basenoter.. a 5 star General! You don't get to that lofty height by being a bad actor or not shaving your face and legs at least bi-weekly, you know..but, why, oh why would Michael dress up as Sydney in the first place?"
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post #18 of 315
2/14/07 at 10:57am
He saw what had fallen from the bag, Chanel 5, Le Baiser Du Dragon, Samsara, Daim Blond, Tabac Blond, "Awwww," he screamed, ten more fragrances were all piled in a heap and not one was anything by him.
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post #19 of 315
2/14/07 at 11:16am
Suddenly the obvious question became deafening: IF THIS WAS MICHAEL, WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO SYDNEY??
And why all those different frags in the bag?
And why on earth was michael wearing Agent Provocateur undergarments but a dress from the <gasp> clearance section at Victoria's Secret?!
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post #20 of 315
2/14/07 at 11:40am
And blue fur?
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post #21 of 315
2/14/07 at 11:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by TDDanae

And blue fur?

The officer cleared his throat and said to Felix:

"Sir... You need to come with me to the precinct. Just a formality of course. But I must ask you to come with me. NOW."
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post #22 of 315
2/14/07 at 12:25pm
"Well, I don't have any other choice, but please, let me change my outfit and grab my favorite Lutens," said Felix pleadingly. Knowing how rich Felix was, the officer knew how important the changing of his suit was, but the Lutens, he shook his head.
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post #23 of 315
2/14/07 at 12:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TDDanae

"Well, I don't have any other choice, but please, let me change my outfit and grab my favorite Lutens," said Felix pleadingly. Knowing how rich Felix was, the officer knew how important the changing of his suit was, but the Lutens, he shook his head.

"Sir, you may go change out of your pink bloomers and acid green tank top, but I hardly think the Lutens are necessary. Just hurry along, please."
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post #24 of 315
2/14/07 at 12:34pm
My Creeds then?
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post #25 of 315
2/14/07 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TDDanae

My Creeds then?

The officer decided to be blunt: "Sir, where you're going, it's better if you do NOT take any perfume with you. TRUST ME ON THIS."

Needless to say, Felix's bowels turned to water instantly.
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post #26 of 315
2/14/07 at 1:36pm
If there is a god, oh god, what have I done to deserve this. I'll probably be put in with a bunch of sweaty, stinky people who haven't even tried Clive Christian No 1. Please, I beg you in the name of all that is holy or unholy, at least let me take my Old Spice?
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post #27 of 315
2/14/07 at 2:00pm
No, not Old Spice either, said the officer, but I promise you that as Bubba's bitch, you should have access to a decent supply of Paris Hilton or Britney Spears Curious. See? Things are looking up already! Grinned the cop...

And with that, he slapped the cuffs on poor Felix who was suddenly sporting a strange mud green complexion.
Felix's mind was racing, wondering if his lawyer could pull him out of this latest jam.
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post #28 of 315
2/14/07 at 2:12pm
The officer rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, you'll be safe with that one."
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post #29 of 315
2/14/07 at 2:25pm
Suddenly the stench of moldy pickle juice assaulted Felix's nostrils.
"Officer?... Are you wearing chypre Rouge?"
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post #30 of 315
2/14/07 at 2:33pm
Felix had never been in a police car, and the journey was uneventful except for the strange Pine scented sillage wafting from the little card dangling from the mirror. "Is that Northern pine?" he asked.
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post #31 of 315
2/14/07 at 2:48pm
But then a sweetish, smoky aroma filled the air and Felix thought that the officer couldn't possibly be smoking hashish, so he must be wearing Fumerie Turque.
His snobbish side reacted strongly at the thought, as he couldn't figure out how a doughnut scarfing cop could possibly know anything about niche fragrances.

Things just kept getting stranger by the minute...
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post #32 of 315
2/14/07 at 3:30pm
Deciding to test the waters some, Felix asked, "Are you fellows aware of the fact that the formula for Mitsouko has been changed?"
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post #33 of 315
2/14/07 at 3:34pm
Thread Starter 
  • kbe
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"Like my Versace Dreamer Car Freshener?", the officer whispered softly, instantly changing the subject, and capturing the attention of a now suddenly wide-eyed but still securely handcuffed Felix. And it was a smiling policeman who suddenly turned the fragrant squad car into a darkened alley..."
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post #34 of 315
2/14/07 at 3:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbe

"Like my Versace Dreamer Car Freshener?", the officer whispered softly, instantly changing the subject, and capturing the attention of a now suddenly wide-eyed but still securely handcuffed Felix. And it was a smiling policeman who suddenly turned the fragrant squad car into a darkened alley..."

LOL. I have a few ideas here but I'm afraid it would get deleted. Will need to think of something else and defer to somebody's less depraved ideas than mine...
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post #35 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:03pm
Don't look at me for help.
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post #36 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:13pm
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  • kbe
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CHAPTER 2--The Awakening

Felix began to sweat. Lightly at first, but as Officer Django stopped the squad car quickly right behind Hung Lo's Chinese Deright Restaurant, the cognac-scented sweat began to flow freely.

Should he say it? Was this the right time? Should he admit...that he had..an MSG allergy and coundn't share any Chinese takeout? Would Django consider a side trip to McDonalds?
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post #37 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:16pm
Oooops edit. i like the previous one better...
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post #38 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:23pm
Having swapped sillage, and viewing the officers profile a little more closely, Felix noticed a strange resemblance to Sydney.
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post #39 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:36pm
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  • kbe
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Could it be? Was Officer Django, with holster and baton and 9mm Smith and Wesson and those calf-high black boots really his beloved Sydney in disguise? The very thought of being so close to her again made Felix's vital juices roar through his body!

Then, out of nowhere, he belched. A long, loud, fetid belch that had already overstayed its welcome inside and came out reeking of amber, cedar, cstus oil, musk, patchouli, sandal, styrax and, of all things tonka! The Heritage drydown had at last 'Awoken', and no puny Versace Dreamer Car Freshener, no Wonton Soup sans MSG would satisfy this renewed and emboldened Felix! She was alive! His Sydney was alive! And she was dressed the way Auntie Wilma always dressed on 'those nights'!
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post #40 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbe

Could it be? Was Officer Django, with holster and baton and 9mm Smith and Wesson and those calf-high black boots really his beloved Sydney in disguise? The very thought of being so close to her again made Felix's vital juices roar through his body!

Then, out of nowhere, he belched. A long, loud, fetid belch that had already overstayed its welcome inside and came out reeking of amber, cedar, cstus oil, musk, patchouli, sandal, styrax and, of all things tonka! The Heritage drydown had at last 'Awoken', and no puny Versace Dreamer Car Freshener, no Wonton Soup sans MSG would satisfy this renewed and emboldened Felix! She was alive! His Sydney was alive! And she was dressed the way Auntie Wilma always dressed on 'those nights'!

"Officer" Sydney purred... "Happy birthday to you... happy birthday to you..."
while girating slowly and emulating Marilyn singing to JFK.
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post #41 of 315
2/14/07 at 4:46pm
I am going to die laughing, I think I'll get a little work done.
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post #42 of 315
2/14/07 at 5:55pm
Thread Starter 
  • kbe
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Along with several other things, Felix felt his spirit immediately begin to rise..


.
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post #43 of 315
2/14/07 at 6:20pm
"But wait Felix, aren't we forgetting something important?"
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post #44 of 315
2/14/07 at 6:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TDDanae

"But wait Felix, aren't we forgetting something important?"

'What? The condom or the stiff?" (pun intended)
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post #45 of 315
2/14/07 at 6:35pm
Oh Michael? We'll get to that, but have you sampled the new Chanels yet?
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post #46 of 315
2/14/07 at 6:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TDDanae

Oh Michael? We'll get to that, but have you sampled the new Chanels yet?

I'm afraid that 31 rue Cambon gave me jock itch, darlin'...
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post #47 of 315
2/14/07 at 6:54pm
Thread Starter 
  • kbe
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It was Felix who smiled now. But the smile was not one of laughter or even of mirth. It was the smile of an infant burping soured milk. It was a smile rank with the odor of lemon, petitgrain, bergamot, clary sage, basil, lavender issuing forth from his very soul!

"What the HELL was in that cognac"?, Felix muttered between clenched teeth, the pseudo-smile frozen on his trembling lips, even as one eye--his good left eye, the one Auntie Wilma had failed to suck out that sweltering August night in the attic. The very one she had tried to suck out while dressed in a police uniform, wearing Gendarme Cologne, and found her smoke-
weakened lungs no longer up to the job--that same eye that now rolled slowly upward and hid under his eyelid.
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post #48 of 315
2/14/07 at 7:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbe

It was Felix who smiled now. But the smile was not one of laughter or even or mirth. It was the smile of an infant burping soured milk. It was a smile rank with the odor of lemon, petitgrain, bergamot, clary sage, basil, lavender issuing forth from his very soul!

"What the HELL was in that cognac"?, Felix muttered between clenched teeth, the pseudo-smile frozen on his trembling lips, even as one eye--his good left eye, the one Auntie Wilma had failed to suck out that sweltering August night in the attic. The very one she had tried to suck out while dressed in a police uniform, wearing Gendarme Cologne, and found her smoke-
weakened lungs no longer up to the job--that same eye that now rolled slowly upward and hid under his eyelid.

That Auntie Wilma... Back in the days she could have sucked the fangs off a vampire's mouth and sent him running and screaming for dear life.
She wore Gendarme but she was really a Black Cashmere type.
And the things she could do with that whip, oh!...
The memory alone got Felix weak in the knees and all misty eyed.
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post #49 of 315
2/14/07 at 7:05pm
A loud blast lead Sydney to scream, "duck!"
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post #50 of 315
2/14/07 at 7:13pm
Thread Starter 
  • kbe
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Hung Lo was angry!

The customers swore they had ordered Egg Foo Yung and flatly refused to even consider switching to the Peking Duck poor Hung Lo had lovingly prepared and plattered for them. Cursing steadily in Cantonese, Hung Lo held the duck platter in one hand and with the other swung wide the door to the alley behind his restaurant. And with a mighty heave he tossed the duck, platter and all, out into the dark corridor and straight through the passenger window of the parked squad car..
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post #51 of 315
2/14/07 at 7:27pm
When Felix saw what had happened, he opened the car door indignantly, "See here, young man; what is the meaning of this?"
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post #52 of 315
2/15/07 at 4:32am
"We got a problem sucker! Like a broken bottle of Hai Karate you two stink up my alley! The cleaver weilding Chinese cook was not in the mood to be reasonable.
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post #53 of 315
2/15/07 at 8:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riddle

"We got a problem sucker! Like a broken bottle of Hai Karate you two stink up my alley! The cleaver weilding Chinese cook was not in the mood to be reasonable.

Sydney stared the cook down without a word, pulled a bottle White Shoulders out of her pocket and maced him in the face.
The cook turned several shades of purple and started coughing like an old diesel engine, fell to his knees, tears rolling down his face, then fell face first to the ground in an explosion of Peking Duck bits, stone cold dead.
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post #54 of 315
2/15/07 at 9:33am
Sydney looked down at what was left of Hung lo, taking in the entire picture and thought, damned, what a waste. That had been vintage perfume he had used, could it be replaced, he wondered.
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post #55 of 315
2/15/07 at 2:11pm
Thread Starter 
  • kbe
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Felix stared at Sydney with an unblinking eye--the good one.

His trained 'Nose' picked up a scent trail leading back to her that reminded him of stinking corpse lily (Rafflesia arnoldii). He deduced correctly that she must have quickly layered herself, while he was momentarily distracted by Hung Lo's antics, in lutifisk and extrait of volatile dimethyl oligosulphides once again, as was her habit when they first met.

Yes, it was either that or the White Shoulders she used as mace on Hung Lo, he thought, that was churning his stomach and also thankfully masking the damnably strange and yet somewhat familar cognac drydown that continued to attack his olfactory system.
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post #56 of 315
2/15/07 at 2:51pm
  • tdi
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While Felix was pondering this and was beyond distraction wondering where in the hell Sidney had been all this time , he felt that familiar vibration in his groin. Felix's Blackberry was receiving an email..He had won the Fleur de The Rose Bulgare decant for an exceptional price ( he had been working on getting in touch with his femenine side lately and had become quite taken with sleeping with a little spritz of this on his wrist).
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post #57 of 315
2/15/07 at 3:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tdi

While Felix was pondering this and was beyond distraction wondering where in the hell Sidney had been all this time , he felt that familiar vibration in his groin. Felix's Blackberry was receiving an email..He had won the Fleur de The Rose Bulgare decant for an exceptional price ( he had been working on getting in touch with his femenine side lately and had become quite taken with sleeping with a little spritz of this on his wrist).


Felix now stood at an emotional impasse: If he eloped with Sydney, he wouldn't be home to sign for the The Rose when it arrived in the post. His hesitation lasted only seconds. Reaching down into his boot holster, he retreived his backup self-defense spray: "Aspen" was stenciled across the bottle in forbidding block letters.

He pulled the pin and lobbed the bottle behind him. Then he ran: ran from Sydney, ran from his pain, ran (especially) from the wraith-like vapors of the 'ASPEN' brand diversionary grenade/eau de toilette.



-b
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post #58 of 315
2/15/07 at 3:06pm
He fumbled in his pants for the B-berry. It was a message from Sidney!

"Be careful--you're in grave danger! Remember the Siberian quintuplets?"

Frantically he messaged back, "No, what Siberian quintuplets?"
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post #59 of 315
2/15/07 at 3:11pm
But then he suddenly doubled over with gastric pains. The Heritage drydown had suddenly took a turn for the worse.
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post #60 of 315
2/15/07 at 3:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TDDanae

But then he suddenly doubled over with gastric pains. The Heritage drydown had suddenly took a turn for the worse.

Finding himself bent over, he again thought of Sydney ... how they used to engage in deviant sex acts that would make the world's top porn stars go white and steady themselves on the furniture ...
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