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Dumb Product Directions and Warnings

post #1 of 11
9/21/07 at 7:42am
Thread Starter 
Let's do a thread where we all find and post a dumb direction or warning from any product. I'll start off with a few:

Apple iPod + iTunes: "Don't steal music." (Sadly, people do steal music, so they have to put on this warning.)

Clarins Advanced Extra-Firming Day Lotion (SPF 15!): "Not to be swallowed." (Skin lotion isn't for breakfast, you moron!)

Dial Soap: "Directions: Wet bar and lather. Rinse completely." (Haven't I known this since preschool?)

Epson Ink Cartridges: "We recommend that you use genuine Epson ink cartridges. The use of other products may affect your print quality and could result in printer damage. (And also damage Epson's profits.)
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post #2 of 11
9/21/07 at 8:21am
My favorite is the warning on children's cough syrup that warns not to drive or operate heavy machinery while using the product .

And the instructions on Christmas lights..."for indoor or outdoor use only"

And the instructions on an iron..."do not iron clothes on body"

And the instructions on a hair dryer..."do not use while sleeping"

On a package of peanuts..."warning, may contain nuts"

I need to dig out that old email again, funny stuff!
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post #3 of 11
9/22/07 at 8:48am
Thank you all for making me laugh!
they were great...

got any others?
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post #4 of 11
9/22/07 at 3:59pm
On my Dr. Bronner's soap container:

"DO NOT USE SOAP IN EYES! IF DONE, RINSE! DO NOT EAT SOAP! IF INGESTED, DRINK WATER!"
- Rich
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post #5 of 11
9/22/07 at 9:55pm
Funny thread, I thought these were particularly humorous.

Toilet brush
Do not use for personal hygiene.

Box of household nails
CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Blanket from taiwan:
not to be used as protection from a tornado

Infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Disposable razor:
Do not use this product during an earthquake.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock"
Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.

Electric Thermometer.
Do not use orally after using rectally.

Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean
Do not drive cars in ocean.

Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert
Always drive on roads. Not on people.

Laundromat triple washer
No small children.

Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
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post #6 of 11
9/23/07 at 4:07am
Sent a pillow to one Basenoter in early June, had to keep the original plastic wrap on, where among others it was stated "Orderless" (evidently, they meant "Odourless"!).
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post #7 of 11
9/23/07 at 8:33am
I used to have a national lampoon's book that had all kinds of funny signs.

Sign in drugstore: "Try our cough syrup, You will never get any better!"
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post #8 of 11
9/24/07 at 1:41am
I remember a VCR my family had when I was little. Somewhere on the box it said something along the lines of "Do not place food in tape slot".

The scary thing is that someone must have done these things that they're warning against at some point.
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post #9 of 11
9/24/07 at 12:19pm
Oooooooh! I love this kind of lunacy!
One of my fave sites is http://www.engrish.com/ for this very reason!

Be sure to check it out for some hilarious labels/signs/tshirts!
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post #10 of 11
9/24/07 at 9:19pm
You know they put those warnings on the box one lawsuit at a time.
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post #11 of 11
9/26/07 at 5:55am
  • kbe
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Not a 'Dumb Product Direction' and in fact probably one of the most profitable ever placed on a product, the two words placed on shampoo bottles that nearly double sales:

"Rinse. Repeat" (shampoo application)
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