What is it with younger people and compliments!!!!

I think it's because of some politically correct idea that a compliment may "offend" someone. I once heard at a sexual harassment seminar some years back that it's wrong to say "you look nice wearing those clothes" but it's correct to say "those clothes look nice on you." That's really sad. That's how low out culture has sunk.

I have received compliments from younger females, however. There is a young mailroom girl here at work that told me how nice I smelled when i wore LI'nstant De Guerlain PH.

Self-confidence also comes into play and that does take some years to fully develop...

I find the same thing... I'm 22 and I always compliment someone who smells good regardless of their sex.. I spend so much time with uni mates at such close proximities, and I rarely get compliments.. If I do, they would only be with really close people, that I've known at least more than 5 years..

Trebor has a point as well, I don't think everyone can confidently just say "Hey you smell nice, what's that you're wearing..?" I think with girls they tend to be a bit more open about it, but with some guys its as if they're worried their b*lls might fall off as soon as they say it.. Especially if they themselves don't use fragrances..

perhaps because we are scentophiles, we notice and therefore comment/compliment based on smell. another guy/girl might compliment you on your car, or on a book you're reading on the train, or whatever.

that said, i think it's more a social skills thing. i'm confident enough to say to someone i've never met 'hey, that smells good - what is it you're wearing?', where someone else might find that idea a little daunting. also, complimenting members of the opposite sex... i guess in some cases people may be concerned that it would seem as though you were hitting on them.

anyway, that's a few ideas!

if i cared about compliments, i'd wear polo double black all day long, as every single time i wear it i get serveral compliments, exclusively from females. luckly for the rest of my wardrobe, i wear cologne for my own nose, and everyone elses can go to hell

I think it is because younger people are for the most part really self absorbed. I am 24 and most of the people I know my age are so much more into trying to look so cool, that they feel giving someone else a compliment will take away something from themselves and add to their insecurity. Older and more mature people are comfortable with themselves and can freely give compliments knowing that it does not take anything away from themselves to give other people a nice compliment.

Just my two cents, take them for what they are worth.

That was worth a million, it is true that narcissism is epidemic among many young people in this country, but you all aren't suffering from personality disorders. Just avoid them, they are idiots. YOU are a smart guy, stay that way!!

The Duke is on the money.

It takes maturity and selflessness to freely compliment peers.

i got a + for paco rabanne black xs tonight

That's true, mostly, actually. I am only 22 years old and therefore have a decent amount of exposure to same-aged people... I've NEVER been complimented on my fragrance...in a random scenario, classmate, wherever. That being said, while it would be nice.... it isn't why I'm wearing them, so that doesn't bother me.

The above-poster who noted that self confidence doesnt come easily at an early age... is probably on the money, and, the immaturity I mean, there are a lot of reasons why but...

just some more experience.

They may really like the fragrance and feel like giving a compliment, but do not deliver it out of fear that it might be taken the wrong way ... ie. screwing up the delivery. So I agree with others that its a lack of confidence and social skills, which comes with time and experience.

It seems like there are a lot of young people on Basenotes, in the early 20s. I'm surprised by this many young people, as it's hard to maintain a wardrobe at our age!

When i was young, I was happy to be able to have one signature fragrance and all the bath products that went with it. And that cost a lot!

I'm 19.

I only gave a compliment once to a friend that he smelled good.
And that was when I was drunk. I still regret it.
It's just not done between real men as it's percepted as gay.
Now I didn't say gays are no real men.
I'm talking about what a real men was or should be.

Lack of confidence and social skills? Totally not.
It's just guys being guys, acting like what a guy should be.

It is my intent to be honest and sincere, and not to offend.

I simply do not believe that young people today are as polite, thoughtful or well-bred as were previous generations. I am not THAT much older (I am one of the very last of the "Baby Boomers"), but I certainly notice a difference!

And the lack of proper upbringing certainly shows! Just look at the likes of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan et al. Actually, YOU look at them . . . I prefer NOT to!

I guess all of that gangsta rap and dime-store perfume has taken its toll!

Oooooooh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease! [his pink feather boa falls to the floor, while shaking his head in disbelief]

Real men don't compliment one another? I beg to differ. A "real man", of any orientation, has confidence in himself and, if he is a personable one, has no problems complimenting another man.

I rarely get any comments about the fragrances I wear, from anyone of any age, so I can't say from personal experience whether one age group compliments more or less than another.

I can believe it's done in some cultures. Like let's say a modern city filled with mega trendy rich people.

Or for example in office environments, between fashion freaks, feminized men, drag queens... okay okay kidding about the last one.

Yes, but YOU live in CANADA, where there are a lot more homosexual people and they have things like same-sex marriage! People are much more casual about these types of things in Canada than they are in most of the rest of the world.

LOL!!!

Funny you should say that, I had a friend who almost always wore cologne when we went out and I always complimented him. It was no big deal.

Then again, we would always joke around as if we WERE gay. Like sit on each others laps, say dirty things to each other to gross other people out... Man that was fun.

However I have never received a compliment that I did not ask for. And all I've ever gotten was a "That's nice", a "that smells good", and an "it's ok".

BINGO

Canada or not, big city or not, giving a compliment also depends on how you say it. Don't fawn over the person, don't gush about it, it's just a statement as a matter of fact. How would it be any different from complimenting the guy on his clothing?

"Hey, the fragrance you're wearing smells good. What is it?", I would posit, is fine anywhere. "Oh my goodness, you smell *divine*!" ... well, that might raise an eyebrow depending on where you are. "Mmmmm.... you smell goooood".. well... I don't recommend that with a regular friend or a stranger.

It's a compliment about something the person has chosen. Deliver it like you would any other kind of compliment.

I'll bet that you would also notice that people of your age never apologise for the same reason.

(This seems one of the curses of the Age to me: people never have the balls to just apologise.)

I apologize though. And to top it off, I apologize to you for the people who don't have the balls to apologize for the things that they should apologize for.

:P

I just turned 22 and I get complimented almost daily from people I'm around. In school, work, parties.. wherever really. Maybe it's just the way the scent projects on my skin, because now that I think about it, I think I've been asked about every fragrance in my wardrobe..

well………………ok then.………………apology accepted!

:: mumbles fine young man, that! Goes back to raking up leaves, shooing kids away from topiary llamas.. ::

Guys. Do not, under any circumstances EVER compliment another man on his fragrance. Why? Well, not only will your balls fall off, but women will avoid your eyes like the clap-happy hobo down the street, men from then on will know you are gay, and god will kill ten kittens. Just don't do it.

I mostly only get complimented by girls, but on occasion, I will be complimented by guys, usually on something like Green Irish Tweed.

I compliment mostly men on their fragrance choices, but I usually lead it with "Are you wearing _________?" and then compliment them.

And a puppy for good measure.
- Rich

My opinion is that if you're confident enough about your masculinity, you shouldn't worry about how something you said like complimenting someone will make women avoid you, be less attracted to you or make anyone think you're gay..
My two cents remains to be if someone made the effort to smell nice (be it for themselves or otherwise), why not let them know..? Guy or girl, gay, straight or bi.. Why segregate who you compliment..?

It's funny how so many men fail to realize that the confidence required to openly compliment another man on his choice of scent is the same confidence that will attract women, not repel them.

I completely agree with this one.

Have been reading this thread with interest and would like to disagree a bit with the blanket condemnation of young people. I don’t think we should make overly broad generalizations about this. I teach at a four year state university. Most of my students are from working class (American term “middle class”) families, and are from a broad range of ethnic backgrounds and are ages 17- 20. I’ve been an advisor to campus sororities, fraternities and clubs. I’m 60.

I observe students complementing each other on clothing, scent, jewelry, hair styles, and new piercings or tattoos, and they frequently do the same for professors, including those of us who are, from their perspective – quite “old”. This includes students who consider themselves to be straight as well as students from the campus LBQT community. The words used and method of delivering these compliments differs greatly from my generation’s use of language – I constantly have to update my collection of youth vernacular. My choices of jewelry or scent have been deemed “Phat” or “hot” (a few years ago the term was “dope” and prior to that was “baaaad”). Others simply state “you smell nice” or “I like those earrings”.


These compliments are offered to professors perhaps to enhance a grade – but more often simply because they are open and enthusiastic about their latest discoveries or observations and are curious about trying out new things. One of the most popular websites for the college age here in the US is “Rate Your Professor”, where students not only dissect their teachers teaching skills and styles but also their appearance, and fashion sense.

My young male students, many of whom are “straight” are morphing into adults and are quite conscious of styles and trends and do spend time comparing notes with each other. Perhaps they don’t say to each other “Man I love your perfume” and discuss top notes, but they do say to each other “where’d you get that cool stuff?” They are far more media savvy than I was at their age – and very style conscious – even if the styles, scents and celebs – Fubu, Hilfiger, Sean Jean, Tyra Banks, Beyonce, Brittany and JLo are foreign to me.

I have to catch myself when I start criticizing the young. I knew I was getting “old” when I caught myself complaining about young people’s music – and then - much to my chagrin realized I sounded exactly like my mom did when she condemned my love of rock and roll as “loud, unmelodic noise”. Some of the reviews on basenotes, and MUA constantly refer to “old lady” smells often paired with the word “musty” and I cringe when a particularly beloved scent of mine is brushed off this way with such negative attitudes toward my age group and my beloved perfumes. On the other hand – there are many young people here on basenotes who seem to be happily exploring the wonderful world of scent and discovering and experimenting with classics. Turn about is fair play. How often do you compliment young people?

Nice post DeeOlive,

As I was long hoping someone would point out, inquisitiveness is something the young excel at - they're still discovering new things and anything's still possible. They're also clever enough to find ways of getting the required info. from their peers WITHOUT having to give a compliment (or if they do, it'll be far more indirect).

However, I do have a couple of reservations about your post:


As far as I'm concerned, there are good teachers and bad teachers. However, even if these teachers were bad, students certainly have no right to 'dissect' their teaching skills. Hell, if a student can do that then what the hell do they need a teacher for? As for appearance and fashion sense... for f**k's sake! Students should be at college, univeristy, etc. TO LEARN and not rate the way their teachers dress. I'm sorry but this is a great example of why modern society is so screwed up at the moment, and why there a significant number of humans who (quite bluntly) should be ______________ [fill in the gap with something very inhumane and highly unpleasant].



I'd prefer to use 'media slaves' rather than media savvy. They may be very style conscious but they also are less willing to think for (and develop such tastes) themselves. Yes, we've all been influenced by the media at some point in our lives but, nowadays, the influence is greater than ever before. From an outsider's perspective, it seems even more difficult to break away, as these influences are f**king everywhere...

Don't want to go too far off topic, but in all honesty I think college students have always taken teacher's style and personal habits into consideration. I remember the grapevine when I first went to college in 1964, being told to avoid at all costs a biology professor who had extreme BO and who never brushed his teeth and who pinched the bottoms of young co-eds

Actually, since the sixties I find that young people have escaped the straight jacket of the 50's that I grew up in - men in boring business suts and white shirts, women in ugly business suits or skirts and blouses, little hats and white gloves to be "ladylike". My students exhibit a broad range of tastes and styles, some not to my tastes, and though some may follow trends, others are anti-trend. I have a few male students who wear dresses, I have openly transgender students; none of this would have been possible when I first went to school. BTW - it was my students who brought to my attention the advertising ploys used by Tom Ford recently, they were outraged and offended, and some are currently deconstructing advertising directed at their age group and refusing to be manipulated. I think that every generation has those who follow slavishly the norms set for them, and those who buck the standards, but thankfully I think there are more anti's than followers these days. I grew up with June Cleaver and Father Knows Best and other media images of what women and men were to aspire too. Thankfully those images are now relegated to TV history. My apologies to the moderator if this has wandered far afield from perfume discussion, but felt I should respond

DeeOlive,

You weren't going off topic, as these are all contributory factors towards the overall subject of the thread. Anyway, for the sake of others, I'll keep this short:

1) About a teacher's personal style - personal hygiene is most certainly one thing, but students scrutinising the way a teacher dresses is taking things too far. Whatever happened to respecting your elders? Why isn't knowledge and experience given more importance than such superficial aspects as clothing.? When I was a lad, this is something that never really crossed any of our minds (that's unless they had a personal hygiene problem) - so why should it matter now? IT'S NONE OF THEIR BLOODY BUSINESS HOW THEIR TEACHERS DRESS!!!

2) About the media - I agree completely. However, you've forgotten to mention that there's more choice available with every passing decade. As a result, yes, some of the younger people have wised up (and good for them!). But what you've said in no way dispels the fact that young people are more influenced by the ever invading presence of the media. Think of all the media channels available during the '60s and '70s, compared to now - not even half of the current channels existed then (and let's not forget the ever growing sophistication of todays marketing strategies and campaigns). Being more knowledgeable doesn't necessarily guarantee immunity (especially if you haven't fully developed as human being). Sexual partners? Music? Clothes? Role models? What about those? Are you saying that the media fails to influence their tastes in these?

The way young people choose their fragrances and hand out compliments is one thing but, at the end of the day, it all contributes towards the culture of young people today (especially in the above aspects mentioned). Why young people hand out less compliments is still closely connected to questions, such as 'Why are young people so rude and lazy, nowadays?'

Think about it...

Actually Trebor I agree with you about prof's and dress - what is far more important is the quality of education and that's mostly what gets discussed on the rating site - but like all humans, students are also judgmental about style. I wish they'd fight for us underpaid profs to get salary increases - then I could buy more perfume LOL.

And I agree that media - in all forms - are are part of the enculturation of youth (and of us all). I am not only an anthropologist but also have a degree in Media Studies and am quite interested in the impact of media - and marketing overall. I forget what the value is currently of the youth market dollar (billions?) and would love to hear from younger people here about what influences their perfume buys. Is it the ads, the models in the ads...the celeb attached to the campaign - or ultimately the scent itself? One of the questions raised in my class a few weeks ago by a group of young Latina women was about Jennifer Lopez - and why she is currently the only Latina used to promote scent. They actually find it offensive.

I don't agree with the stereotyping of youth as rude and lazy however. Some may be - but I see lots of young folks who are working hard at jobs, and going to school, and contributing to the support of their families. But then I don't teach at an elite school and my students often struggle to earn the cash to buy their books. They aren't buying expensive scent no matter how "in" it may be - though a few have wistfully hoped someone would give them "Angel" for Xmas

I don't want to give the impression that the only young people I come in contact with are in colleges either. I am not really an academic and have spent most of my life working in the context of community organizations and the not-for-profit world and have close contact with non-college bound youths. I do think that the constant hype of luxury and materialism that we are all surrounded with creates simmering resentments among the have-nots and a false sense of values about what is or is not esteemable. I must mention here the ad campaign by (not a perfumer) but Dovehttp://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home.asp

which has got nothing but raves from my female (and some male) students who are happy to see media images that are more reflective of diversity, promotes self-esteem, and addresses the epidemic of anorexia and bulima we are seeing more of in the western world. It would be nice to see something similar from perfumers - but that is probably asking for too much.

Am enjoying the discussion, and have to go back to preparing my turkey and baked ham - which will be the perfume scenting my house for the next two days

Hey, DeeOlive!

Excellent post! I couldn't agree with you more.

Personally, I can't stand Jennifer Lopez but I completely understand what your students feel about the whole situation. It's a pity Jennifer doesn't try to do more to break down such barriers but, then again, she's never been true to herself either.

Those Dove commercials are the way commercials should be - a celebreation of all shapes, sizes and ethnicities with no emphasis on any particular type or combination. If only other companies followed suit...

As for kids being lazy, I wouldn't say they all are (and there's nothing wrong with being occasionally lazy). I think, I'm thinking more of intellectual, spiritual and cultural laziness than just physical laziness. And then there's also the cultural aspects, which can provide us with different opinions, based on where in the world we reside. However, one thing's for sure is that there are still some decent young people out there. I think my concern is that there seems to be less of them with every passing year.

Anyway, enjoy the turkey and baked ham. Me? I'm still in the office...

I agree w/ MdGrwl. I hardly ever get a compliment from the younger crowd. This whole thing about being so sensitive has gotten out of hand. I get coments from the older crowd & my Mother. I get tired of it. If someone in the younger crowd likes someone's Cologne
just say it. We'll decide if it was offensive. I'm sorry to sound upset.

Interesting... an age-related post that hasn't gotten me annoyed. Very unusual and cool!

Where I am, I think the lack of compliments isn't necessarily limited to young people at all. Here it's everyone. I'm sorry to say it, but I think it's mostly sexually-related: If a guy compliments a guy, he's viewed as gay. If a woman compliments a guy, she's viewed as loose. If a guy compliments a woman, he's a player. So your average person is all stressed out by this, and understandably says nothing. And the political-correctness issue may very well at work.

I don't care. I am perfectly willing to compliment someone, male, female, tri-sexual, etc. And if they don't like it, they can just clean my 3-foot high bright pink patent-leather boots with 8-inch heels.

I hear you, but I don't get any from older women either. Theres about 6 girls/women at work and I'll come into close enough contact with one each day but not had anything in 3 months; and just look at my wardrobe, its a complimenting machine! I complimented one on her perfume today and I'm wearing my Issey thinking I've made it easier now, theres nothing to be afraid of and still nada lol. I guess you have to be hot too I wear them for me but it'd be nice to know that its being appreciated around me as well. Most days the perfume application is really quite subtle and not worth mentioning but today I walked into a 4 foot perimeter of sillage that really made the difference so maybe I should up it. I go for 3 spritzes, one day I might just have to bring out the big guns to make sure, that'll learn em

It is indeed xx396! Scent On!