You know you're from Oklahoma if:
A "bad traffic jam" involves 2 drivers staring each other down at a 4-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
A BMW is not half the status symbol that a Ford F350 4x4 is.
You are fully aware that The Daily Oklahoman routinely covers major national and international headlines on the front page
but requires 6 pages for sports, 2 pages for church news and at least half a page for recipes.
A man may "git hitched" wearing cowboy boots, jeans, a Western shirt and a Stetson, and all with no shame.
You don't think twice about living in towns with names such as Hooker, Beaver, Pink and Bowlegs.
You always remember to say "Ma'am" and "Sir" and "please" and "thank you."
A tornado siren is basically just your signal to go out in the yard and look for the funnel.
You can properly pronounce all of the following, and all with a perfectly straight face: Eufaula, Pushmataha, Okemah, Tishomingo, Wapanucka, and Chickasha.
You've seen Barry Switzer's face on at least 3 advertisements within the past month.
Your grandma made at least one of the following desserts on a routine basis: Beet Cake, ambrosia, Coca Cola Cake, rhubarb pie.
It doesn't bother you one itty-bitty bit to use airports named for 2 guys who died together in a grisly plane crash. (Will Rogers and Wiley Post.)
You can't remember what year your sweet Mama was born, but can rattle off the years of the "turrible hot" summers in your lifetime lickety-split.
You don't find it in the least bit odd to see "chicken fried chicken" on a restaurant menu.
You go fishing and catch gar.
You have, in one calendar year, been to a Peanut Festival, an Onion Burger Festival, a Strawberry Festival, a Watermelon Festival AND a Kolache Festival.
You have ever said or heard someone else say "Jist open all the windahs and git in tha tub."
You know that asking for "iced tea" will get you sweet tea in most places unless you specify otherwise.
You had to read Where the Red Fern Grows when you were in grammar school. (And it still makes you cry.)
You have ever owned at least 1 belt buckle that was bigger than your fist.
You know all four seasons by heart: Tornado, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
You can run through the "5 Civilized Tribes" in a sing-song voice from a very early age.
("Choctaw, Chickasaw, Cherokee, Creek and Seminole.")
You know exactly what "mountain oysters" are -- and you go ahead and eat them anyway.
You can identify at least 4 varieties of venomous snakes on sight.
You understand that Mi-AM-uh is in Oklahoma while Mi-AM-ee is in Florida.
You know that Indian Territory was the last of the Confederacy to surrender.
Your daddy or mama ever "snatched you bald headed" for being rude.
You know more than one young lady who has used a football schedule to plan her wedding date.
You understand that the true value of a good parking space is determined not by the distance to the door, but rather by the availability of shade.
You know how to properly pronounce "Durant." (It's DOO-rant, not "Dure-ANT.")
You look forward to fresh "'maters and taters" every year.
You remember all too well the profligate wealth of the Oil Boom, and you pray fervently for those days to return.
You sit down on a log in the southeastern woods and it moves. (It's an alligator.)
You refer to those who complain about Oklahoma wind as "sissies."
You are intimately familiar with the following terms:
dry county; wet county; The B.C. Clark Christmas Song; liquor-by-the-drink, Alfalfa Bill and Vacation Bible School.
You see that Oklahoma is a Southern, a Southwestern and a Midwestern state. (The apparent contradiction does not confuse you in the least.)
You understand the difference between "3 point" beer and "6 point" beer, and know full well what a "beer run" to another state consists of.
You've ever been excused from school "'cause "the cows got out."
You've ever had this conversation with a friend:
"Y'all wanna Coke?"
"Sure."
"What kind ya want?"
"Dr. Pepper."
You bristle (or know many who DO bristle) upon being called an "Okie."
You've used most or all of the following expressions in daily conversation: "plumb" (e.g., "plumb tuckered out," "plumb broke," "plumb stove up" etc.); "reckon," "purt near," "fixin' ta"; "see y'all later" and "jing-dang."
You measure distance not in miles or kilometers, but rather in minutes. (e.g., "It's 'bout 20 minutes down tha road.")
The clincher: You understand everything above, and are smiling now.
A "bad traffic jam" involves 2 drivers staring each other down at a 4-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
A BMW is not half the status symbol that a Ford F350 4x4 is.
You are fully aware that The Daily Oklahoman routinely covers major national and international headlines on the front page
but requires 6 pages for sports, 2 pages for church news and at least half a page for recipes.
A man may "git hitched" wearing cowboy boots, jeans, a Western shirt and a Stetson, and all with no shame.
You don't think twice about living in towns with names such as Hooker, Beaver, Pink and Bowlegs.
You always remember to say "Ma'am" and "Sir" and "please" and "thank you."
A tornado siren is basically just your signal to go out in the yard and look for the funnel.
You can properly pronounce all of the following, and all with a perfectly straight face: Eufaula, Pushmataha, Okemah, Tishomingo, Wapanucka, and Chickasha.
You've seen Barry Switzer's face on at least 3 advertisements within the past month.
Your grandma made at least one of the following desserts on a routine basis: Beet Cake, ambrosia, Coca Cola Cake, rhubarb pie.
It doesn't bother you one itty-bitty bit to use airports named for 2 guys who died together in a grisly plane crash. (Will Rogers and Wiley Post.)
You can't remember what year your sweet Mama was born, but can rattle off the years of the "turrible hot" summers in your lifetime lickety-split.
You don't find it in the least bit odd to see "chicken fried chicken" on a restaurant menu.
You go fishing and catch gar.
You have, in one calendar year, been to a Peanut Festival, an Onion Burger Festival, a Strawberry Festival, a Watermelon Festival AND a Kolache Festival.
You have ever said or heard someone else say "Jist open all the windahs and git in tha tub."
You know that asking for "iced tea" will get you sweet tea in most places unless you specify otherwise.
You had to read Where the Red Fern Grows when you were in grammar school. (And it still makes you cry.)
You have ever owned at least 1 belt buckle that was bigger than your fist.
You know all four seasons by heart: Tornado, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
You can run through the "5 Civilized Tribes" in a sing-song voice from a very early age.
("Choctaw, Chickasaw, Cherokee, Creek and Seminole.")
You know exactly what "mountain oysters" are -- and you go ahead and eat them anyway.
You can identify at least 4 varieties of venomous snakes on sight.
You understand that Mi-AM-uh is in Oklahoma while Mi-AM-ee is in Florida.
You know that Indian Territory was the last of the Confederacy to surrender.
Your daddy or mama ever "snatched you bald headed" for being rude.
You know more than one young lady who has used a football schedule to plan her wedding date.
You understand that the true value of a good parking space is determined not by the distance to the door, but rather by the availability of shade.
You know how to properly pronounce "Durant." (It's DOO-rant, not "Dure-ANT.")
You look forward to fresh "'maters and taters" every year.
You remember all too well the profligate wealth of the Oil Boom, and you pray fervently for those days to return.
You sit down on a log in the southeastern woods and it moves. (It's an alligator.)
You refer to those who complain about Oklahoma wind as "sissies."
You are intimately familiar with the following terms:
dry county; wet county; The B.C. Clark Christmas Song; liquor-by-the-drink, Alfalfa Bill and Vacation Bible School.
You see that Oklahoma is a Southern, a Southwestern and a Midwestern state. (The apparent contradiction does not confuse you in the least.)
You understand the difference between "3 point" beer and "6 point" beer, and know full well what a "beer run" to another state consists of.
You've ever been excused from school "'cause "the cows got out."
You've ever had this conversation with a friend:
"Y'all wanna Coke?"
"Sure."
"What kind ya want?"
"Dr. Pepper."
You bristle (or know many who DO bristle) upon being called an "Okie."
You've used most or all of the following expressions in daily conversation: "plumb" (e.g., "plumb tuckered out," "plumb broke," "plumb stove up" etc.); "reckon," "purt near," "fixin' ta"; "see y'all later" and "jing-dang."
You measure distance not in miles or kilometers, but rather in minutes. (e.g., "It's 'bout 20 minutes down tha road.")
The clincher: You understand everything above, and are smiling now.
