Originally Posted by anak
Could you elaborate? My friend said the SAME thing to me. His theory being that she will marry him, they will have 2 kids then divorce. The chilling reality in that was that he NEVER met her has no clue about her and pretty much described what happened to her mother to a T. He said it all has to do with social conditioning. Just curious what your rationale was.
These situations are fairly common and are pretty easy to come by. Your friend is exactly right, (most usually), its the product of the same set of conditioning circumstances. An overwhelming majority of females who find themselves in the classic, archetypal subordinate position have almost always assumed that role as a result of poor father figures and a lack of positive male presence in general. A mother is responsible for establishing the feminine persona in her daughter, while her father establishes the standard for contact, behavior, and relationships with the opposite sex. From what you said alone, several things can be assumed and established about this girl
1) She has no grasp of the concept of independence and self sufficiency. Her parents have carried her emotional and physical needs utterly and completely up until this point, at which she has unloaded her (volatile) emotional needs on the next man in her life
2) She has never been pushed to accomplish anything. Because she has never had to strive to succeed or put effort forth, most likely she will find that she will grow tired of the majority of her relationships and eventually she will fall out of them, just as she falls out of one job after another, and I assume this also accounts for her inability to commit to an education
3) Her parents have obviously permitted this behavior, and by allowing it, they have subconsciously instituted a regime of positive-reinforcement for a behavior that is essentially negative and potentially highly damaging in the long run.
4) She is completely inexperienced. Thus far, she has two models of relationships in her life. The first is her parents, and while I cannot comment on the status and stability of their relationship, it would seem that they must not have a very close one, and respective mother-daughter and father-daughter ties are probably loose and emotionally casual. Her second model is whatever ex-boyfriend she has, and for whatever reason, that relationship failed, most likely do to volatile and impetuous behavior on her part (evidenced by the tattoo of his name on her wrist)
If they get married and stay married long enough to have kids, it will most definitely ruin their relationship and result in divorce, which will subsequently create a damaging environment for child development and potentially sets the stage for this cycle to continue. While I make no judgment call on these people personally, it is obvious that both of these people are highly irresponsible and incredibly lonely, which together is a very dangerous combination. They should have the common sense to put the brakes on whatever it is they are doing before it results in something irreversible, like a child, as that is unfair to the both of them and more importantly, the child itself.
My question to you is this: Why is this an issue that concerns you so much? From your prior posts you seem to be very engrossed in your cynical outlook of relationships in general. I don't condone cheating, and in my eyes, the "other person" is just as much as fault as the person that cheated. You shouldn't hook up with a girl you know has a boyfriend, regardless of how much she is coming onto you. Regardless of whether or not it is your problem, it is a self respect issue. You should never be willing to lower yourself to the level of being the "other person". If you are someone with anything decent to offer, and you have described yourself as a handsome, fit dude, there is no reason that you should not be able to find someone worthwhile as your equal to share your time with.
I think you are looking at this all the wrong way. It has less to do with the idea that love does not exist anymore and more to do with that people nowadays are growing more and more impatient and irresponsible. For most people, marraige is an upgraded, logical step past the relationship phase, which is completely wrong. Marraige is because you have decided you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and feel the need to consummate that vow. One does not (and should not) get married to have children. Children are just the product of a happy and healthy marriage. A marriage held together solely by the fact that you had children with someone is a miserable marriage indeed and will most likely end extremely bitterly with severe emotional fallout for the children. Living in an area as wealthy as orange county, I can't tell you how many of my friends families have twisted and distorted dynamics which have wreaked untold havoc upon the emotional stability and logistics of it's members. Money can only buy entertainment, not happiness.
You should lose the bitter attitude, dude. After a big heartbreak a couple years ago, I had the same exact outlook but I eventually realized that one bad experience is just that, a bad experience, and there is no reason to assume the actions of one person reflect the sentiments of their gender as a whole. It's not an issue of girls being meaner to boys or vice versa, its just that people are completely irresponsible and out of touch with their emotions, which results in self-hurt and the hurt of everyone they become intimate with
Live your life open to the possibility that one day, you will meet a special someone and they will be just as scared of opening up to you as you are to them, and yet you both will want to find the courage to take the plunge.
If I could sum it all up, I would say that Alfred Lord Tennyson was totally right when he said "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all". Every experience is an opportunity to learn something, grow, and emerge a stronger person from that event.
Life is a great big videogame, my friend, but a high score is meaningless if you achieve it on your own.