Good Morning Mr. Metro Man. Your mission should you choose to accept it is to catch the 6:10AM flight to Chicago. There you will meet our local agent Ubuandibeme. The meet will take place approximately 9:30 local time in the lobby of the Sofitel Hotel. The local shopping establishments open 30 minutes later. The objective is to reconnoiter three establishments and report back on your results. You will only have three hours to complete this mission as Agent Ubu will be needed to continue Operation 21st Birthday for the rest of the weekend. As always if you are captured or your credit cards are refused the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your existence. This crystal flacon will self-destruct in 30 seconds.
Mr. Secretary please find the report from my latest mission.
I successfully found Agent Ubuandibeme at the appointed hour in the appointed place. The exchange of samples confirmed our identification protocols. Her extensive local knowledge immediately came to use as our first target Neiman-Marcus was not open and we quickly expanded the mission parameters to include the nearby Macys. It was rapidly determined that there was little of current interest to be found on those counters. The enemy SAs seemed most interested in pushing the new D&G Collection. As soon as we flashed our superior knowledge they stood watching us warily from behind their glass-cased barricades. Agent Ubu suggested a tactical retreat and I agreed. At this point the original target was open for business. Our first bit of reconnaissance centered on the Tom Ford Private Blends, specifically the new White Musk Collection. It was our considered opinion that White Suede was the best of the bunch and Pure Musk does not entirely live up to its name. We then moved to one of the high value targets, the Maison Francis Kurkdjian collection. Seven new scents from M. Kurkdjian plus interesting fragrance add-ons like scented bubbles for blowing, incense papers, fragrant leather and silver bracelets, and laundry detergent! Clearly this Kurkdjian fellow is trying to expand the fragrance mission parameters beyond their normally accepted boundaries. I propose continued close surveillance. The seven fragrances are all interesting but the clear winner for both Agent Ubu and myself was Cologne Pour Le Soir. We found it to be an incense of a special composition. I found both the pour Homme and pour Femme versions of Lumiere Noire to be excellent but Agent Ubu was initially taken by the pour Femme until she initiated skin contact and it didnt perform to her standards. We then moved around the edge of the case to find another high desire target Viktor & Rolf Eau Mega. It was deemed unworthy of further study after the first sniff. During this period a new SA approached with Acqua di Parma Profumo. I knew the danger this presented as it had smitten Agent Pomander during the Boston Meet-Up Mission. I warned Agent Ubu but she took the risk and was smitten, also. The crafty SA lured her with a smaller size and her resolve wavered. It was time to head to our second target Saks Fifth Avenue. I had been supplied with a Friends & Family 10% discount pass to ease our insertion into the target. We first approached the Jo Malone counter and Agent Ubu tried Black Vetyver Café, Vanilla & Anise, and Dark Amber & Ginger Lily. I gave her a pass to obtain a sample of Estee Lauder Jasmine White Moss but they had hidden the target so it couldnt be found. It will be up to Agent Ubu to acquire this on her own, without back-up. We next approached the Bond No. 9 counter here we were met with condescension and indifference. We used our Agency honed skills of superior knowledge and ability to laugh at misplaced hauteur to leave this snooty SA gaping. We now encountered the same White Musk Collection we had surveilled at Neiman-Marcus. The ability to wield the 10% discount weapon encouraged us to acquire a bottle of White Suede. This came accompanied by samples of the other members of the Collection plus six other Private Blend samples. Time was running short but Agent Ubu had to go back and order Dark Amber & Ginger Lily; the 10% Discount Weapon was exerting a mighty influence, indeed. Back out in the sunshine we walked rapidly towards out last target while Agent Ubu arranged for extraction to where Operation 21st Birthday would be taking place. We entered the new Barneys which had amusing displays for Paul Smith with Union Jacks and a floor covered in Twinings tea bags; adjacent to a Prada display with the Italian Tri-Color and raw spaghetti noodles on the floor. We entered and went downstairs to the final target. Our first stop was the Le Labo counter where the SA confirmed our previous intel that all of the city exclusives will be available for the month of November; 25 bottles of each per perfume per store. The SA was wearing Vanille 44. Agent Ubu acquired Ambrette 9. While her perfume was being prepared we moved down to sniff the new Serge Lutens Musks Koublai Khan. Agent Ubu had run out of space on her arms and sprayed it into her palm. This proved to be an error in judgment as her dislike for this scent was strong and emergency alcohol wipes were needed to scour the offending scent off. We then moved to the Frederic Malle corner and in conjunction with the SA the travel sprays of French Lover/Bois DOrage were acquired. Our time was rapidly running out and we needed to caffeinate before Agent Ubus extraction. Our final exchange of intel went smoothly and I left Agent Ubu in the appointed parking garage trusting in her current team to successfully extract her. On a personal note I found Agent Ubu to be a delightful companion and would happily go on another mission with her in the future. Perhaps she could join the Boston Mission Team next summer. I will now return to my cover of mild-mannered scientist until I am needed again.
End of Report.
Mr. Secretary please find the report from my latest mission.
I successfully found Agent Ubuandibeme at the appointed hour in the appointed place. The exchange of samples confirmed our identification protocols. Her extensive local knowledge immediately came to use as our first target Neiman-Marcus was not open and we quickly expanded the mission parameters to include the nearby Macys. It was rapidly determined that there was little of current interest to be found on those counters. The enemy SAs seemed most interested in pushing the new D&G Collection. As soon as we flashed our superior knowledge they stood watching us warily from behind their glass-cased barricades. Agent Ubu suggested a tactical retreat and I agreed. At this point the original target was open for business. Our first bit of reconnaissance centered on the Tom Ford Private Blends, specifically the new White Musk Collection. It was our considered opinion that White Suede was the best of the bunch and Pure Musk does not entirely live up to its name. We then moved to one of the high value targets, the Maison Francis Kurkdjian collection. Seven new scents from M. Kurkdjian plus interesting fragrance add-ons like scented bubbles for blowing, incense papers, fragrant leather and silver bracelets, and laundry detergent! Clearly this Kurkdjian fellow is trying to expand the fragrance mission parameters beyond their normally accepted boundaries. I propose continued close surveillance. The seven fragrances are all interesting but the clear winner for both Agent Ubu and myself was Cologne Pour Le Soir. We found it to be an incense of a special composition. I found both the pour Homme and pour Femme versions of Lumiere Noire to be excellent but Agent Ubu was initially taken by the pour Femme until she initiated skin contact and it didnt perform to her standards. We then moved around the edge of the case to find another high desire target Viktor & Rolf Eau Mega. It was deemed unworthy of further study after the first sniff. During this period a new SA approached with Acqua di Parma Profumo. I knew the danger this presented as it had smitten Agent Pomander during the Boston Meet-Up Mission. I warned Agent Ubu but she took the risk and was smitten, also. The crafty SA lured her with a smaller size and her resolve wavered. It was time to head to our second target Saks Fifth Avenue. I had been supplied with a Friends & Family 10% discount pass to ease our insertion into the target. We first approached the Jo Malone counter and Agent Ubu tried Black Vetyver Café, Vanilla & Anise, and Dark Amber & Ginger Lily. I gave her a pass to obtain a sample of Estee Lauder Jasmine White Moss but they had hidden the target so it couldnt be found. It will be up to Agent Ubu to acquire this on her own, without back-up. We next approached the Bond No. 9 counter here we were met with condescension and indifference. We used our Agency honed skills of superior knowledge and ability to laugh at misplaced hauteur to leave this snooty SA gaping. We now encountered the same White Musk Collection we had surveilled at Neiman-Marcus. The ability to wield the 10% discount weapon encouraged us to acquire a bottle of White Suede. This came accompanied by samples of the other members of the Collection plus six other Private Blend samples. Time was running short but Agent Ubu had to go back and order Dark Amber & Ginger Lily; the 10% Discount Weapon was exerting a mighty influence, indeed. Back out in the sunshine we walked rapidly towards out last target while Agent Ubu arranged for extraction to where Operation 21st Birthday would be taking place. We entered the new Barneys which had amusing displays for Paul Smith with Union Jacks and a floor covered in Twinings tea bags; adjacent to a Prada display with the Italian Tri-Color and raw spaghetti noodles on the floor. We entered and went downstairs to the final target. Our first stop was the Le Labo counter where the SA confirmed our previous intel that all of the city exclusives will be available for the month of November; 25 bottles of each per perfume per store. The SA was wearing Vanille 44. Agent Ubu acquired Ambrette 9. While her perfume was being prepared we moved down to sniff the new Serge Lutens Musks Koublai Khan. Agent Ubu had run out of space on her arms and sprayed it into her palm. This proved to be an error in judgment as her dislike for this scent was strong and emergency alcohol wipes were needed to scour the offending scent off. We then moved to the Frederic Malle corner and in conjunction with the SA the travel sprays of French Lover/Bois DOrage were acquired. Our time was rapidly running out and we needed to caffeinate before Agent Ubus extraction. Our final exchange of intel went smoothly and I left Agent Ubu in the appointed parking garage trusting in her current team to successfully extract her. On a personal note I found Agent Ubu to be a delightful companion and would happily go on another mission with her in the future. Perhaps she could join the Boston Mission Team next summer. I will now return to my cover of mild-mannered scientist until I am needed again.
End of Report.
Wait until Director Grant hears about THIS! 
. Can you believe I still have a wish list?! 
