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Wife developing "fragrance sensitivity", and doesn't want me wearing fragrances anymore!!! HELP!!!  

post #1 of 26
7/7/10 at 5:39am
Thread Starter 
EDIT::::: I see alot of people are posting still, this has been resolved somewhat. Here is the #13 post:

"OP HERE:

Thanks for the input guys. Me and her came to an agreement. It bothers her only when I leave for work and its still in the air (3-4 sprays). After that goes away, she is fine. So what I did was put all my fragrances in little atomizers and carry them out of the house and apply outside.

Works out "

So guys, this is a new one for me. In the past few months my wife's allergies have been acting up (allergy season), no big deal. But now all of the sudden she is starting to blame fragrances as a source for discomfort, saying her "throat feels like it's closing".

I love her to death, but sometimes feel she can get a little crazy if you know what I mean. I just don't see how this could happen after years and years of enjoying fragrances.

When we dated, we used to walk through all the department stores fragrance section together, (when I was younger), I would douse myself, she wore fragrance, ect.... it was never a problem.

Now this. Now its starting to become a thorn in the flesh.

What do you guys think? Is this something that can really happen, or is she making things up in her head?

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post #2 of 26
7/7/10 at 5:45am
It could be real or it could be psychosomatic , just be aware of her situation maybe apply a little lighter or not when you are going to be close by with her all the time .

As documented here on BN my dear heart has a very rocky relationship with fragrance and we have kind of reached a compromise ... as in I only apply very lightly and thats kinda working out

Anyway good luck
post #3 of 26
7/7/10 at 5:46am
Ebay, man, I mean these days you can pick up another one from Russia or Korea for cheap, and the shipping's even included!
(just joking).

Is it when she walks into the bathroom/closet where you've just sprayed? when she's sitting near you? snuggling close?
Any consistency in the timing? (first thing in the morning, late at night, etc).


I think of the mind as a problem solving unit. It interprets novel stimuli (she sees a new allergy) and attempts to plug in solutions that seem reasonable (fragrance allergy). In this case she may have just blamed the wrong one since there are any number of possible reasons. I'm not expert on biology but I think it's somewhat unlikely to have just suddenly become an allergy to all sorts of scents.
post #4 of 26
7/7/10 at 6:12am
Yes this can really happen. I know people who are so sensitive to fragrance that they can not be near someone with any fragrance at all on or they get headaches and feel sick. Some feel like their throat is closing up almost like an allergy. My own theory is that these people have an inbalance in their own body that is causing their immune system to be hypersensitive. But, unfortunately you have to allow for their sensitivities. You may have to just wear less. More than a spritz is too much for many people to be close to and around. Sorry, I wish I had an answer for your.

My ex wife is one of these highly sensitive to fragrance people, and tobacco smoke also could not be tolerated by her sense of smell. I don't smoke, but I did put my fragrance obsession way into the background for the last 15 years of my marriage (25 yrs). Have been single now for 12 yrs. and fragrances are back! My SO is also interested in fragrance and this helps a lot.
post #5 of 26
7/7/10 at 6:36am
Thread Starter 
I understand having it, but just developing it out of thin air?
post #6 of 26
7/7/10 at 6:41am
I know that anyone can develop an allergy at any time so I guess its entirely possible .... as long as all is well in the relationship and its not an excuse for whatever then I guess you gotta deal with it in a way that works for you both

I dont mean that harshly if it comes across that way .....
post #7 of 26
7/7/10 at 7:31am
just wear the lighter stuff or spray much lighter around her, thats all. worst case cenario, dont wear stuff around her. my entire family has "fragrance hypersensitivity" (buncha babies imo) and they hate when i wear almost ANYTHING (and needless to say im big into the heavier ones)
post #8 of 26
7/7/10 at 7:41am
Maybe she is just more sensitive generally during allergy season. I am, and I take anithistamines.

My dad developed a sensitivity to fragranced things during his last couple of years of life. He used to buy perfumes for Mom, and never minded them, but she basically stopped wearing fragrance because of his sensitivity, and is only starting to reuse them now that I am giving her new things to try.

So, in my opinion, I do think she can be having increased sensitivity but it may be seasonal. Try to find ways to reduce her exposure to it for a while.
post #9 of 26
7/7/10 at 10:06am
I hope the two of you can talk this through and agree on a plan. Can she see a specialist who can help both of you to understand what's causing her discomfort? If it is fragrances, is it all of them, or is it due to a component of certain ones? If it is all of them, what are some "safer" ways for you to enjoy fragrance? Can you do all your spraying in a space she can avoid, maybe a space with a ventilation fan? What if you spray a card or a handkerchief and bring it to work as part of your daily routine, rather than wearing it? And so on.

In general, I hope each of you respects what the other wants, so you can cooperate in finding the best solution rather than acting as adversaries...
post #10 of 26
7/7/10 at 12:40pm
That's why Gendarme was invented. The creator was allergic to everything and wanted something he could wear without breaking out in hives.
post #11 of 26
7/7/10 at 12:45pm
stop wearing cologne, man. are you really asking this? it's your wife for godssake...

don't wear cologne for 3 months. if she gets better, you'll know it was the fragrance, and you continue to stop wearing any and get a new hobby. if she doesn't get better, take her to an allergist to find out what really is wrong. then, after she starts feeling better, slowly ease into wearing again.

whatever the case, don't wear too much. for her sake and everyone else's...
post #12 of 26
7/7/10 at 12:52pm
It could be that she has developed a sensitivity. If this is the case, you might need to give up your passion.

Or, you might be applying way too much. If this is the case, moderate application could solve the problem.

Or, she might just dislike your fragrances or the level of application and this could be a rouse to get you to put on less. If so, moderate application could once again save the day.

Incidentally, how much do you spray on?
post #13 of 26
7/7/10 at 1:44pm
Thread Starter 
OP HERE:

Thanks for the input guys. Me and her came to an agreement. It bothers her only when I leave for work and its still in the air (3-4 sprays). After that goes away, she is fine. So what I did was put all my fragrances in little atomizers and carry them out of the house and apply outside.

Works out
post #14 of 26
7/7/10 at 1:57pm
Bird, animals and people are sensitive to the aerosol of the atomiser. You might wish to spray in the closed bathroom only and with the fan running for awhile to wick away the particles/droplets. Sometimes the remaining scent will not affect others.

You can always spray while away from your wife such as at work. Try to see if the scent only adds to allergies. Allergic people have a "threshhold" in which the accumulated things cause a reactions. For instance, a person with dogs and birds will have no reaction, but spring comes along and the mold and pollen cause a reaction, pushing that person over the threshhold.

In my household, people usu. do not like the scent because of the aerosol, not the scent itself. They hate perfume because of the initial spray of scent and alcohol carrier. The key is to find out if it's an actual allergy or if the person hates it.

In my opinion, there is always a solution. For instance, use scented lotion or spray (in a closed bathroom) into a small dollop of lotion to make your own scented lotion, then apply. This seems to reduce the particles.
post #15 of 26
7/7/10 at 3:29pm
It's pretty simple. You have a choice to make. Get rid of the wife or the perfume. Only you can make that choice.
post #16 of 26
7/7/10 at 7:08pm
One word: divorce.
post #17 of 26
7/7/10 at 7:35pm
HAHAHA. This thread is amusing if it weren't for the personal factor of the OP.

On the humerous side, my advice would be for her to start smoking (this would kill here sense of smell to a degree) or for you to over apply One Man Show for a period of time (this would kill something, either her sense of smell or maybe both of you).

Truthfully, I think Primrose has the best advice if you don't want to be "sneaking around" with your other love

As a side note, my wife became very sensitive to fragrance when she was pregnant with our daughter. The sensitivity eventually passed, thankfully.

I hope it all works out.
post #18 of 26
7/7/10 at 10:53pm
i think she is being passive aggressive about your cologne habit and lying about her alleged fragrance sensitivity. try this, take her to a scented candle place like bath and body or something and see if she still has that problem. if she doesn't i would be skeptical.
post #19 of 26
7/7/10 at 11:32pm
Spray lightly for now. Then in time, she will get used to the perfume again. Eventually the allergy will just disappear.
post #20 of 26
7/8/10 at 1:20am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MdGrwl View Post

OP HERE:

Thanks for the input guys. Me and her came to an agreement. It bothers her only when I leave for work and its still in the air (3-4 sprays). After that goes away, she is fine. So what I did was put all my fragrances in little atomizers and carry them out of the house and apply outside.

Works out


Sounds like you came to a good working solution.
post #21 of 26
7/8/10 at 11:50am
Just ignore her.
post #22 of 26
7/8/10 at 2:17pm
Google "overmethylation perfume". That may be of help.
post #23 of 26
2/25/12 at 11:57pm
http://www.divorcelawfirms.com/
post #24 of 26
2/26/12 at 4:51am
I can identify with the OP's problem. My wife is the same, and has never worn fragrances herself. But she likes TdH, so I'm working on that. She also likes Sycomore. So I'm thinking if I follow a vetiver theme I could be OK. But I'm not giving up fragrance, she can sneeze till the cows come home.
post #25 of 26
2/26/12 at 5:09am
Stop showering.
post #26 of 26
2/26/12 at 5:18am
The OP resolved his issue in 2010.
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Basenotes › Basenotes Forums › Fragrance Discussion › Male Fragrance Discussion › MFD Archive › Wife developing "fragrance sensitivity", and doesn't want me wearing fragrances anymore!!! HELP!!!