More like incessant hoovering. My sexy and fabulously glamorous holiday reduced to one word: Agoraphobia. I have scarcely left the house in five days. Rather than knocking back the mai-tais starting at 6:00am and hobnobbing incessantly with the Kona Crowd for the Fourth and beyond, I've left those Givenchy Mandels in their box, drawn the drapes and gave the dogs bones: I inhaled "Windsor I" by Creed from my majestic glass stoppered perfumer's flask, all engraved and silver leafed in Royal Warrants, and, in between re-sealing the marble in the kitchen, countertops, floor, and splashboards, which chore was only able to be performed once I washed, dried and put away two sets of china, and two and half sets of silverware, as well as whole cupboards full of cookware, all of which had been strewn on every available surface in the kitchen, and that for the last two months, and putting mounds and mounds and mounds of laundry through the washer and dryer, destroying four cashmere sweaters in the mix, I read up on the Duke and the Duchess's scabrous sex lives, making ours above look like "The Tales of Mother Goose": I thought I had read the most shocking in that tell all volume "The Secret Life" by Charles Higham, as I am in possession of the latest copy, updated with, as previously mentioned "the latest revelations," until, by sheer coincidence, I found yet another book, lost under heaps and heaps of mail, that I had tossed on the floor in the foyer: This book was given to me by one of my "Patients," who promised that I would be regaled by all of the indiscretions revealed there in, so many, that the actual book itself has been forced out of print: This book was written by a young man who, from a very early age, made a career out of innocently CENSORED with other CENSORED When WWII hit, and he was drafted, he leaves no sordid detail unrevealed about the goings on in ports of call where soldiers where let loose for whole weekends of frenetic and incessant CENSORED After the war, he lands in Hollywood, where he pumps petrol at a prominent station where all of the Movie Stars, male and female, as well as Studio glitterati came to CENSORED in a pair of trailer-mobile homes conveniently parked behind it. I was about to toss the book in the rubbish, as books such as these I seldom read, until I saw that there was an entire chapter dedicated to the famous Duke and Duchess of Windsor. Now, I had been amused while reading Higham's book, where in the Duke is followed throughout most of his life by a bosom pal, one "Fruity Metcalfe," who also, conveniently was his footman, and then later, to witness the posse enlarge to include one Jimmy Donahue, who, among other atrocities, after the war, was known to CENSORED in the Waldorf Towers in New York, tying them up, then CENSORED leaving them in a bloody mess to be disposed of by henchmen. It was purportedly a favourite perversion of the time, ceremonious CENSORED something remarked upon frequently concerning the Duke himself by various indiscrete onlookers, the Duke being ever so fond of Turkish Baths, but this was nothing compared to what is reported in this other book. In the other one, it is revealed that both the Duke and the Duchess were CENSORED: Their primary source of shared amusement being, as previously mentioned, the Duke's fondness, and the Duchess's natural inclination to flawlessly adapt, to Nursery games, where in he played the Baby and Wallis, perfectly cast, played the stern, spanking Governess: This little bit of info is contained in both books, but the second one outlines in gory detail just how the writer meets them, (the connection squares perfectly with the more serious Higham work) and proceeds to organize CENSORED for both of them: The author, being a man, actually takes part in these, and reports that the Duke had an unbridled lust, or, as he is quoted as putting it, fondness for CENSORED on an entire line up of CENSORED, preferably CENSORED in partial uniform, CENSORED, and even is reported to have licked stray bits off the floor in front of them; the writer casually adds that the Duke was "very good at it," and was tireless: In one of the CENSORED he describes, a party of CENSORED is "entertained" by the Duke, not once, but twice, thrice, as many times as they could manage. British readers familiar with the Duchess will immediately infer that she must have taught him how to persevere, for much ado has been made of her particular talents in this regard over the years and is highlighted repeatedly in the Higham book, blithely referred to as her "Chinese Techniques," which, apparently, she was taught at a young age in a brothel in Peking. All I need at this point is my head to be filled over with curlers, and a pair of pink peluche mules, as, strenuously, I scrub, hoover, dust, organize, wash, fold, and sort, a scabrous illegal book in one hand, and a feather duster in the other, all the while inhaling this perfume: An odd one, to say the least. When you apply it, the general impression is that you are lost in a field of honeysuckle: This effect proves to be the scent of the hardly-ever-used-in-perfumery "Nuits de Young" Rose, which persists throughout the composition, on a bed.....of gin! (layer this with ELO's "Secretions Magnifiques" and perhaps we would get a whiff of what the strenuously enthusiastic CENSORED Duke smelled like *after the flood.*) We know that Wallis made a signature of mixing the extracts of l'Heure Bleue and Mitsouko: Being allergic to Mitsouko, I have not been able to replicate this "private blend," but enough of Creed's famously impossible to find "Windsor I" I have to last the rest of my life, perhaps retiring (for maybe a day) on the proceeds of it, as 3.5ml (1/8 oz) vials are being sold on e-bay for $40.00US. I have not spoken to anyone, seen anyone, nor have I left the house: My phone is powered off, and, as it turns out, this holiday is the very first real one I have ever had: I've not had to dress, bathe, be charming, erudite or witty, or listen to anyone's problems or gossip for almost a week, and, even though I am as a slave to my unkempt house, now finally looking again like a home, it is most refreshing. Greetings! From the middle of the longest, and deepest and hardest earned isolation! I'm having a roaring good time!