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I don't want to start this thread

post #1 of 27
10/12/12 at 7:40am
Thread Starter 
Ok ladies, so here's the deal. I just love TH Truestar and recently bought some to give to my wife on christmas. What she doesn't know is that I know how this frag smells because I had an ex-girlfriend that wore it as her signature scent. I am not sure if I'm making a good decision here because:
I think she might have a bias against liking this if she knew
I might just be feeling a little like I'm (frag cheating?)
I am worried a little that it might incite memories of my ex.
So there is my situation. Your thoughts?
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post #2 of 27
10/12/12 at 7:46am
All depends on your wife's skin chemistry. It might not suit her or smell totally different on her.

Why don't you wear it yourself since you love it so much?
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post #3 of 27
10/12/12 at 7:47am
I think I would pick another fragrance. There are so many out there to love, why pick one with such specific memories? Good luck!
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post #4 of 27
10/12/12 at 7:53am
Wow, that is some predicament! First, I don't think you are frag cheating- but only you know that for sure! I'm sure there is another scent out there you'd both love, wouldn't it be more fun if you could choose something for her together? There is after all, a chance she won't like Truestar, even without knowing the backstory.

I once had a bf who regularly brought me red roses because they were his previous gf's favorites. That relationship didn't last long. I definitely would not be agreeable to wearing a former gf's scent. Maybe your lady is much cooler than I am, though. I think if you must give her this gift, you should NEVER mention the ex. Why bother, she's an ex for a reason, right? Good luck!

Edit:
Just to be clear, I do not mean you should be dishonest if you do choose to give this gift. Your wife will likely ask how you happen to know this scent, anyway (I would), of course you have to tell her the whole story. If she's ok with it (which is hard to imagine) and you are both able to detach from any associations, then that's it, no more talk of the ex. Leave the past where it belongs. But- just my opinion, as I don't know your wife- it's probably best to see if this bottle can be returned, even exchanged.
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post #5 of 27
10/12/12 at 7:55am
Thread Starter 
@donna255, huh (thoughtful version.) If she doesn't like it I think I just may wear it; and I'll probably wear it from time to time even if she does. @cello, my wife isn't very well versed in frags, but this one fits her profile so far. I did order a ton of samples the other day to try and expand her horizons.
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post #6 of 27
10/12/12 at 8:12am
I think I'd leave that one in the past, if I were you, just like the relationship. Choose something new for your wife. There are so many fragrances out there to fall in love with. My two cents.

p.s. If I were the wife in this case, and I found out that my husband bought me a fragrance he loved on his ex-girlfriend, I might wonder how to take that gesture. Communication, of course, is the main thing -- but why not let the past stay in the past?
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post #7 of 27
10/12/12 at 8:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post

I did order a ton of samples the other day to try and expand her horizons.

I think this is the best thing to do anyway, whether you have any previous associations with a scent or not, it is nice to smell together and pick out favorites that create a chemistry between the two of you. Make a date night out of each sample and soon you will have sexy memories associated with all kinds of scents! Good luck!

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post

I did order a ton of samples the other day to try and expand her horizons.

I think this is the best thing to do anyway, whether you have any previous associations with a scent or not, it is nice to smell together and pick out favorites that create a chemistry between the two of you. Make a date night out of each sample and soon you will have sexy memories associated with all kinds of scents! Good luck!
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post #8 of 27
10/12/12 at 9:11am
I strongly suggest you do NOT do it! If she ever finds out, she will not forgive you. I know I wouldn't. Even if the memories mean nothing for you. Also, I never tried Truestar but it sounds hard to believe that there is nothing better out there. Get samples, you'll find something else!
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post #9 of 27
10/12/12 at 9:25am
I am not going to pull my punches here: I think you should avoid it like the plague. Don't wear it, don't give it-- return it, get your money back, and help your wife find something she likes.

Memories evoked by scents can be very vivid. What possible good can come of reawakening sexual memories of your ex on a regular basis?

And what good can come of having this secret, this lie of omission, between you and your wife? Because for sure she would see it as a lie if she ever found out. I would, and would feel really offended.

In addition, if you told her up front and gave her a choice, she wouldn't want to wear it. Not telling her is taking that choice away from her, and is inherently disrepectful.

Edit:
I think the fact that you posted this thread says you basically already think this way. That is your gut talking to you, and I think you ought to listen to it.
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post #10 of 27
10/12/12 at 9:27am
New S.O., new scent..the past is the past. Other scents to love. Haven't sniffed that one but there's probably better. Get some samples of various scents. Make new memories with your wife, a scent that's just hers alone. Good luck.
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post #11 of 27
10/12/12 at 11:34am
The ladies speak the truth - I can't say it any better. Return it. It's just a bad idea.
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post #12 of 27
10/12/12 at 11:35am
return it!!!!!!!!!
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post #13 of 27
10/12/12 at 11:41am
I think you should return it, after one last spray.....
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post #14 of 27
10/12/12 at 12:08pm
DO. NOT. GO. THERE. EVER.

A family friend when his wife and he were trying again after a split bought her Hypnotic Poison. Very nice you think, a good gesture to make a go of it.

When they finally split up after about 18 months he invited everyone to a party to meet his new gf. Lets just say she had worked for him back in 1999. She was wearing Hypnotic Poison. I complimented her on her fragrance. She thanked me, sharing that it had been her signature fragrance since it was released.

I immediately knew they had been having an affair for years.

The lesson being, you don't have to tell your wife but you never know who else is going to realise and tell her unwittingly
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post #15 of 27
10/12/12 at 12:30pm
Thread Starter 
You are all probably right. @30 Roses, thanks for the frank tone of your post. I think I will either give it to someone else or try and trade it, if it can't be returned. If anybody has a few suggestions for me to sample, I am open.

- - - Updated - - -

You are all probably right. @30 Roses, thanks for the frank tone of your post. I think I will either give it to someone else or try and trade it, if it can't be returned. If anybody has a few suggestions for me to sample, I am open.
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post #16 of 27
10/12/12 at 12:34pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 30 Roses View Post

I am not going to pull my punches here: I think you should avoid it like the plague. Don't wear it, don't give it-- return it, get your money back, and help your wife find something she likes.

Memories evoked by scents can be very vivid. What possible good can come of reawakening sexual memories of your ex on a regular basis?

And what good can come of having this secret, this lie of omission, between you and your wife? Because for sure she would see it as a lie if she ever found out. I would, and would feel really offended.

In addition, if you told her up front and gave her a choice, she wouldn't want to wear it. Not telling her is taking that choice away from her, and is inherently disrepectful.

Edit:
I think the fact that you posted this thread says you basically already think this way. That is your gut talking to you, and I think you ought to listen to it.

I agree with every single word 30R wrote.

- - - Updated - - -

I agree twice with every single word 30R wrote.
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post #17 of 27
10/12/12 at 12:43pm
I wouldn't like it if my SO bought me a fragrance worn by an ex of his. He could try and reassure me as much as he liked that it was just about the fragrance and not the woman, but I wouldn't be convinced. Maybe men and women think differently about these sorts of things. Or then again maybe not - my husband tolerates my frag obsession, but the absolute no-no is me wearing Opium, even though he likes it - it's his mother's signature scent!
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post #18 of 27
10/12/12 at 1:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post

You are all probably right. @30 Roses, thanks for the frank tone of your post. I think I will either give it to someone else or try and trade it, if it can't be returned. If anybody has a few suggestions for me to sample, I am open.

You're making the right choice! This isn't really about fragrance, anyway, so much as about about trust, respect, and exclusivity in your relationship with your wife. No fragrance is worth jeopardizing that.

I just read a description about True Star and this is not the sort of scent I wear, so I will leave it to others to make recommendations.
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post #19 of 27
10/12/12 at 1:54pm
NO NO Nosebud - 30 R is right
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post #20 of 27
10/12/12 at 6:18pm
Agree with 30 Roses 100%.

About finding a different fragrance, what type of perfume does your wife like? A gift for her should be something she would llike, not what you would like her to wear. Tell us what type she likes and we can give you some suggestions.
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post #21 of 27
10/12/12 at 6:36pm
The appeal isn't lost on me, but that's a slippery slope my friend.
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post #22 of 27
10/12/12 at 9:21pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by devilcat View Post

Or then again maybe not - my husband tolerates my frag obsession, but the absolute no-no is me wearing Opium, even though he likes it - it's his mother's signature scent!

I agree with your husband on that! My wife is not allowed to wear Love Spell.

Update: I did tell my wife about the frag and it's origin for me, and she was totally cool. She asked which ex and gave it a try when I told her which one; there would have been an immediate veto on certain ex's.. It was only a 4 month relationship, and for a reason. She actually likes it better than her other two frags. This does not mean we will stop finding new scents for her and expanding her collection.
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post #23 of 27
10/12/12 at 9:46pm
Good for you, deciding on transparency!
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post #24 of 27
10/12/12 at 10:27pm
If my lady were giving me a fragrance which I knew had memories attached to it, such as yours are, I would not be happy. In fact, I would feel uncomfortable. You can do better than that my friend. Get her another fragrance.
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post #25 of 27
10/13/12 at 6:37am
I agree with all the vetos on giving this perfume to your wife. Find a new scent for her that is not tainted by any old associations. There are so many to love, you'll find something you and she will really like together. This is a dangerous area, a woman will definitely think you are trying to bring your old love into your marriage by introducing this fragrance even if all you tell her is that an old girlfriend wore it and don't disclose details. Take your wife to the perfume counters to do some serious sniffing and return that fragrance or give it to your sister.
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post #26 of 27
10/13/12 at 6:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post

Update: I did tell my wife about the frag and it's origin for me, and she was totally cool. She asked which ex and gave it a try when I told her which one; there would have been an immediate veto on certain ex's.. It was only a 4 month relationship, and for a reason. She actually likes it better than her other two frags. This does not mean we will stop finding new scents for her and expanding her collection.

Well done, both of you! You clearly have great communication in your marriage. Your wife sounds like a very level-headed gal, you've got yourself a keeper! Only four months puts this in an entirely different context for me- after a relationship that short, this ex will be nothing but a vague memory one day. Have no doubts your wife will make this scent her own. We can certainly help you expand her wardrobe, maybe start a new thread and tell us a bit more about her? Could still find her a surprise in time for Christmas!
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post #27 of 27
10/13/12 at 3:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post

Ok ladies, so here's the deal. I just love TH Truestar and recently bought some to give to my wife on christmas. What she doesn't know is that I know how this frag smells because I had an ex-girlfriend that wore it as her signature scent. I am not sure if I'm making a good decision here because:
I think she might have a bias against liking this if she knew
I might just be feeling a little like I'm (frag cheating?)
I am worried a little that it might incite memories of my ex.
So there is my situation. Your thoughts?

I would make a clean break and look for another scent, for your new relationship. You having doubts and bringing up the subject here, shows complications and convoluted thinking.

Start fresh. Not even wear it for yourself.
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