serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

Is it a sickness? I keep my collection private. The less seen the better. I keep it in a small luggage accessory bag in the closet to prevent light and humidity from spoiling the fragrances.

I'd hate to keep it a secret. My uncle saw my collection the other week and was surprised at first - considering he only ever wears Issey Miyake. Spending ten minutes sniffing through Tubereuse Criminelle, Secretions Magnifique, Miel De Bois, Jarling etc. etc. and ambergris tinctures - resulted in a fragrance related discussion for most of the night

I gave up many years ago. They have just learned to accept it as an oddity.

What if they are right? Better keep quiet...

Touchè

Don't pitch it as a hobby, pitch it as fashion/style accessories and don't linger on the topic.

Don't p pitch at all. Instead retort with:
What, you don't have as many bottles? What's wrong with you .

You can try comparing it to music; nobody expect you to have only 3 CDs. No, you need more, you need choices; ballads, symphonies, blues and electropop, dubstep, and that is just for daytime, in the winter

It's like collecting pieces of art. THAT would never be considered a sickness.

You could say that anything that expands your sensual knowledge and pleasure is absolutely SACRED! It's what makes life worth living. Perfumes bring new dimension to your olfactory life and scent is about as basic to our knowledge about the world as anything else. Scent pleasure is no different or less important than visual pleasure.

I was told by a professional it was a personality disorder, sort of a form of OCD.

So first rule of fragrance collecting, is don't talk about your fragrance collection.

Bwahahahahahahaha!

I tell people perfume is my "collectible," like stamps or Depression-era glassware. They can seem to relate to that. But there's an antique store I go to regularly, looking for vintage 'fumes, and the gals who work the counter still can't get over the fact that I don't care about the bottles but, as I put it to them, "just the juice inside."

the plot thickens

I don't sell "it". I just do it, love it, revel in it, and smile. If it comes up, and somebody gives me a weird look, I give them one back even bigger. Us Southern women can be bitchy as hell with a smile :} But really, don't justify yourself to anybody. Claim your hobby, feel confident to know if it gets out of hand like any hobby, and let others think what they will!

Somebody once told me, what others think of me is none of my business. Just what I think of me. I liked that. And all my perfumes hahah.

I don't.
What I do is my business and its incredibly rude for anyone to pass judgement on what I choose to spend my time, joy and money on.

If you find yourself in a position where you feel you have to justify yourself- then walk away and don't say a word. As long as you don't go around poking your nose in and forcing your opinions on others and what they do and spend money on, they have no right to do it to you.

Same here. Regardless of how normal our little world seems to us, almost everyone out there finds it an eccentricity.

Noir, there is nothing crazy about collecting perfumes as a hobby, though I suspect you already know that. It really comes down to how you enjoy your hobby.

How much do you talk about perfume to people you know aren't interested?

By the average person's standards, do you smell good, or are you a smell that invades other people's space?

Do you like to be noticed, or are you desperately seeking attention?

Last, but not least, are you constantly making up wild stories about your hobby?

These things indicate an issue that has nothing to do with perfume, but rather a lack of self confidence. If this is the case, it's actually a good thing. WHY?!?!? Easy answer! A lack of self confidence is something one can overcome. Take it from a man who knows.

Enjoy your hobby. There is nothing crazy about indulging your senses.

"What? You don't Have any bottles? I love it. From here on in that will be my line for those who think I am crazy. Seriously though, I never tell every one how many bottles and how much I spend on fragrances. If I did, someone would be dialing 911.

I suspect the best way to pitch it in this day and age, is as a "connoisseurship" sort of thing.

The idea that a person might be trying to discover "the best" of anything at all these days seems to be something the general population can relate to.

Once you get them sniffing themselves, they'll soon find it's something different.

Well, most of my family/friends know that I have several "ticks". I don't like to shake hands or touch handles.. I definitely have an obsessive nature, so I can see someone classifying me as "OCD" or "crazy". It doesn't bother me. I will say that the fact that I routinely go sniff numerous bottles in my collection at random times is starting to concern me a little. Otherwise, I just like to smell good. Just like I like to collect watches and socks....everybody has their thing(s).

You're tossing around terms like "crazy" and "mental sickness," referring to mental illness, which is a very real thing that should not to be taken lightly. If mental illness is indeed part of the equation here, please lose the disrespect for psychologists (obvious red flag there) and consider their advice. Even if you disagree completely. Perhaps especially if you disagree completely.

This hobby isn't particularly common. But if collecting fragrances is leading people you know to refer to you as having "mental sickness" clearly, there is something else going on. I hope you seriously give this the attention it deserves and I wish you the best of luck.

This is exactly what I do; perfume and music fill similar spaces and have similar purposes in my life. Still, some people get it, some won't.

I don't really talk about or gush about my perfume collection to other people; but my boyfriend does notice every time I am on the computer, "window shopping" online and typing on fragrance forums. At first he poked fun at me, but I asked him a while back (after he helped me assemble a glass cabinet for my fragrances) "What do you think of my hobby? Do you think I'm crazy?" He said, "No; if you have the money for it, it's OK."

I have a coworker that saw me looking at perfumes on Amazon some time back. We ended up striking a conversation about some of her favorites and she asked for some recommendations for her husband.

Twice I have brought a bag of perfumes to work that I am unable to sell or swap online. I was popular for those 2 days, haha.

I really like the music analogy -- that makes intuitive sense to me. One could even compare the vast number of samples/decants (vs FBs) one has to the iTunes craze. So few people buy complete albums any more -- they just try out/buy the tracks they think might appeal to them. If it turns out they hate the song after a few plays, they haven't spent a bunch of money on the album. Same with fragrances.

Two other analogies I've used are wine and shoes.

People who have wine cellars or dedicated wine refrigerators keep them stocked with wine, and they may never drink all of it. But, really, who would choose to drink the same 3 or 4 wines, over and over, for the rest of one's life?

This one is probably easier for women to get away with, thanks to Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex in the City: I just say, you know how some women are gaga over shoes and have a gazillion pairs? That's how fragrance is for me. People look surprised for a split second, but then intuitively get it.

But, yeah, overall, I don't talk about it much at all with people who don't share the love. I did, however, choose to prepare the twenty-something young woman I hired to dogsit for my beloved Dugan while I was away on business trips, before he passed away. I even invited her to sample away. She did and had a great time doing it.

I'm not sure you really convince them of anything. The best you can do is try to explain/articulate why you enjoy it and try to relate it to something they perhaps collect or spend a fair amount of time on as a hobby. Most people I know have at least one significant hobby, strong interest, or collect something in some shape or form. Yes, fragrance isn't one of the most common, but there are definitely far more eccentric/odd and expensive ones, that's for sure. I've really only ever discussed my love for fragrance and time/money spent on them with my wife. At first, I'm not sure she quite understood it, but once I explained it and then related it to the time and money she spends on photography, she could relate to it much easier.

I think the music example, wine example & others brought up earlier in this thread are all very relatable to most people. I really don't feel the need to convince anyone else, and frankly, don't really care if they completely "get it" or not, even after I try to explain it. As long as someone isn't doing something that truly negatively affects others or harms themselves in some significant manner, it doesn't really matter. Only you can know what truly brings you happiness, pleasure, joy, etc., and what you like to spend your time/money on. Everyone has their own priorities when it comes to this, and they are all different in their own way. Whether it's something "normal", mainstream/common, or very unique/uncommon, is all relative in the end.

I guess I'm lucky as family and friends don't really find it strange/weird but just something I'm into. I mean people collect all kind of different things as a hobby and fragrances are not really at the outer limits of what is deemed socially acceptable.

It's not hard to convince someone it's a legitimate hobby...

-very collectible: vintage, new releases, fancy boxes, many to explore
-each has an "artist" (perfumer) that creates it, giving it some credit as a piece of art
-there are places like this to discuss it, many forums clubs ect. ect.
-there is a niche side to it that many don't know about, requiring a bit of knowledge to grasp the concepts
-like wine collecting there is more to a fragrance than an inexperienced person could perceive without spending the time to know what's going on
-it's very costly
-things get discontinued and sometimes tend to go up in value
-there is plenty to discuss with like minded people


I'm sure there are plenty more. I understand the sentiment though, I'm still pretty sure my family doesn't quite get it. Strange how some hobbies just come off as weird to others, while things like baseball card collecting is normal. Isn't the point of a hobby to be interesting to the individual who takes part in it? Why do others judge peoples hobbies?

I don't talk about it with anybody who doesn't know (like all of you lovelies, my fragrance siblings), but if someone is on intimate enough terms with me to feel free to look in my bathroom closet, then they have already figured out I'm a little crazy long before they get to the fragrances. Actually, this might be more common than we think. I'm sure there are plenty more of us out there *in the closet*.

show me one person in this world who at some angle doesnt look mentaly sick ---very rare ......whoever you know better he/she is at some area "abnormal"

for me mental sickness is to drive Porche or that Mini morris...when for the same money i can buy a flat here in Croatia, so its all relative...

sampling is huge fun since most of all i am curious beeing!.....need just to try it once-3 times and am satisfied and like talking about perfumes more then hoarrding them ...but before i get here did not know one can sample stuff hehe

Perfect analogy, furrypine. Well said.

Some of my loved ones think I'm crazy anyway so no matter. Seriously though, while it is unusual in many respects, collecting fragrances is actually quite a sensible and practical hobby compared to some. I know many people who collect wine, I don't think them mad. Wine is best enjoyed when you crack a bottle, but when you do soon it is gone. A bottle of perfume I can enjoy for years so who really is crazy.

I think I actually married the one person who truly understood. When we started dating his first present to me was discontinued/ limited edition/hard to find fragrance he won for me on Ebay. He knew he got me at that point . But I think that loved ones should understand this pretty harmless hobby. There are much worse ways to spend money; and as it was mentioned earlier, some fragrances do go up in value sometimes providing with better return on investment than silver and gold. And as Ozjon701 pointed out, once you open a bottle of wine it's gone in a very short amount of time. People who collect shoes cannot resell them once they worn. I am a believer that fragrance collecting is much more sensible hobby than many others out there.

If collecting perfumes is hobby, is collecting shoes hobby too? :-)

I read it somewhere, perfumes are little luxury goods, and we have sense of smell that many people just don't use enough maybe, i use my ears to listen to good music , use my eyes to watch beautiful paintings, and use my ears to listen to good music:-) , so perfume lovers use thier noses
I do understand where this question comes from:-) , there must be some explanation why scents make this to us:-) , nice smell attracts so much that its probably similar to nicotine addiction or alcohol addiction:-) would be nice if there are more scientific explanations of this , or maybe there are?

I know i was buying a lot of stuff from cosmetics just because it smelled nicely , or had nice colours(makeup), that i did not need at all!!and did not use later:-)

Its like with every possible thing in the world you can do it moderately or extremely:-)

Doing sport extremely , or doing no sport at all, eating properly or eating too much,'i suppose perfumes should then be looked through how much money you spend :-) , is it too much for you or not:-)

My wife might think I'm crazy but she's ok with all my purchases. She's the only one that knows I have so many frags and the only one that needs to know.

You could just say they are your best type of financial investments. Non perfume mankind may relate to that.

It's my money; I'll be crazy if I want to.

But, sure, you could point out that smell is one of the five senses and that humans are constantly pursuing ways to make themselves happy through those senses.

Do they say that foodies and food critics and chefs are crazy? They're focusing much of their life on the sense of taste _and smell_, by the way. An interest in food beyond basic calories and nutrition isn't a need, it's the pursuit of art, and a great deal of it is about smell.

Do they say that musicians and music critics and concert goers and everybody who's ever spent hours ripping their CDs and getting just the right playlist on their iPods are crazy? They're focusing on the sense of hearing and also on the fascinating things that music does to the brain and mood and memories and ideas...just like scent does.

Do they say that artists and art critics and patrons of museums and every design professional is crazy? They're focusing on the sense of sight - and, again, on all that brain and memory and association and emotion stuff. Fashion designers? Historical costume? Architecture? For that matter, posters and postage stamps?

A huge percentage of human endeavor is about art, about appealing to the senses and, through the senses, the brain. Why is it only permissible to appeal to the nose through food? Because food is practical? None of the other arts are practical; the fact that food is also nutrition is, again, essentially coincidence.

Perfume is art. It's the art that you have chosen to consume. When they give up music and movies and TV and museums and posters and photographs and pictures on the wall and they're getting all their calories from a flavorless nutrient paste, that's when they can come back and ask you to justify the existence of art.

Edited to add: I also wonder who's been giving you these ideas that it's "as weird as men collecting womens' dirty underwear, to most people". Because I've never, _ever_ seen that vibe. The men in my life who don't wear cologne don't like it, and some of them may consider it vaguely "feminine", but they certainly don't have a highly negative view of it like that. They know that other men wear it, and they shrug. They just don't care.

Is it possible that the people in your life are just being controlling and trying to take this hobby away from you just because they want to, or because they don't understand it, or some relatively trivial reason that they've latched on to and are unable to let go of? Someone who wants to control you is not open to logic or arguments; they want to control you. There may be no argument that will change their minds, because they may _want_ this issue. If you didn't collect fragrance, there might be some other issue that they'd latch on to.

By caring so much what they think, you're giving them power. I think that you need to take away that power, and their enjoyment of that power, by not caring any more.

Sample response: "You still drinking Coke and beer and eating burgers? With all that flaaaaaavor? That's just so weird; I think you're mentally ill. Come talk to me when you're down to bread and water."

I often do a routine "sniff" of various scents just before I go to bed . My hubby doesn't take any notice. What others think about my passion for perfume doesn't worry me in the slightest. I do it for me and my nose only.

In my case, it's a "mixed approach", at least lately/as of today and, at the same time, my favorite and long-term method to deal with it. That is, no universal solution indiscriminately towards all of my loved ones.
Instead: with some of them, I keep completely silent, with some I talk about fragrance and even help them purchase when they are out shopping/logging online strictly for fragrance purchases- but ONLY if the topic comes up, with others of them, I try to subtly make them like, even if not passionately enjoy fragrance, by fragrance presents for special or even regular occasions, others of them still, at least secretly hoping this, may have joined BN meanwhile etc.

In a nutshell, I try to adapt my approach, depending the particular loved on involved.

Yeah -- bottle it up.

- - - Updated - - -


Yeah -- bottle it up.

I haven't convinced myself that this isn't a sickness.

Most people have hobbies or collect things, why not fragrances, so maybe they can relate. If woman can collect fragrances why can't males as well

I don't collect fragrances, I need them to express myself and enrich my world, as I need different musical genres- totally agree with Furrypine and others- and a huge variety of spices in my kitchen cupboard!

One of my friends in med school also hinted at me that my fragrance obsession is some kind of disorder. What a jerk.

Don't worry, there is a remedy. Apply some aromatic substances to the wrists and about the neck area once or twice daily. Reapply after a shower. This will effect an immediate cure for your ailment.

Ode to a 'Fume

Well I just smelt you
And this is crazy,
But here's my collection,
You'll join it maybe.

It appears to me that you have friends or family that have serious, _serious_ issues, perhaps to the point of a phobia, about fragrance. Because the above is certainly not true of anyone I've ever known.

Alternatively, you may have friends or family that for some reason are invested in tearing down your self-esteem, and who might therefore demonstrate this attitude about any hobby that you have.

Just to play devil's advocate for a second, you do use the word "obsession." If you take that literally, then a friend might have reason to express concern.


To be honest, I wonder if it has more to do with gender perceptions and homophobia, not a phobia about fragrance itself. From what I've seen, a lot of American and English men see wearing fragrance--even if it's "men's" fragrance--as "girly." I've seen guys in both countries take lots of crap from other guys for being too groomed or for wearing fragrance. So I'd imagine that those same guys would take even more hassle if people know they're "into" fragrance. We've certainly read enough posts from men on threads like this talking about how they have to hide their collections from friends. My guess is that the reactions would be very different if we were talking about collections of motorbikes or records.

Very clever! I like it.

On a lighter note, I just tell them about the guy that goes around photographing all the different transmission towers in the UK.

Luckily my wife has a severe anxiety disorder so she knows that we both have our issues. I can become very obsessive about things I enjoy and she deals with it (some days better than others) and I understand that sometimes she literally cannot control her anxiety and I have learned to deal with that. Otherwise I just explain to them that it is something that I really enjoy. Most of my family and friends know that I am prone to obsessive behavior, so they don't say much about it.