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Today I was so touched as Mum handed me vintage perfume

post #1 of 21
12/1/12 at 10:28am
Thread Starter 
Went to take my elderly Mum her shopping today and she handed me an untouched coffret of vintage L'Air du Temp. Not only is it vintage and totally pristine but contains extrait, EdT and EdP! She knows I love many vintage fragrances and I remember this being given to her in the 80s as a gift from her boss. I was overcome and momentarily speechless.

My momentary silence was fortunate, the next words she spoke were "Please will you sell this for me, I understand it may make me some cash".

Disappointed doesn't come close to describing my feelings
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post #2 of 21
12/1/12 at 11:11am
How sad this must have made you feel! You are thinking she was giving it to you, but she needed the money and wants to sell it; oh my how horrible!
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post #3 of 21
12/1/12 at 11:15am
Well, have you considered making her a nice offer?
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post #4 of 21
12/1/12 at 11:24am
I am guessing she doesn't realize that it could be so important to you. (We tend to forget that most people don't invest emotionally in perfume as we do.) Yeah, make her a nice offer, as Evangeline suggests, or pretend to go along, "sell" it, and give her a nice sum of cash.
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post #5 of 21
12/1/12 at 11:41am
I can understand the disappointment. Perhaps you can purchase it from her, if that does not make you feel too awkward.
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post #6 of 21
12/1/12 at 12:58pm
I agree with the others-- tell her you would love to own it and make her a reasonable offer.

She may tell you to just keep it, or she may accept your offer. I doubt she would decline your offer.
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post #7 of 21
12/1/12 at 2:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by 30 Roses View Post

I agree with the others-- tell her you would love to own it and make her a reasonable offer.

She may tell you to just keep it, or she may accept your offer. I doubt she would decline your offer.

This
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post #8 of 21
12/2/12 at 12:19pm
Thread Starter 
I've listed it to see how it fairs. If it doesn't sell then I'll make her a reasonable offer. However it's my recently widowed MiLs favourite and Mr Ali would like it to go for her if I buy it.
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post #9 of 21
12/2/12 at 12:29pm
Awe, that's all sorts of complicated isn't it? I'd be disappointed too.
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post #10 of 21
12/3/12 at 4:21am
Sigh! I have a similar story.
My mother-in-low knows that I am into perfumes. One day when I was visiting, she took out a bottle of vintage No.5 (70s version)... I was speechness and my heart pounding like thunder. Then she asked me to check if it still smelt ok as her sense of smell was fading. I did beg a sample from her

I later discovered she also had a bottle 70s Joy and an empty 1920 black Lalique Ambre D'Orsay perfume bottle. The latter was inherited from her own mother. I need to make sure she will leave those to me in her will :-)
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post #11 of 21
12/3/12 at 4:25am
Funny. You could offer her a good price or sell if for her and then buy it yourself without putting her in the awkward position of having to give you a mate's rate.
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post #12 of 21
12/3/12 at 4:44am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alityke View Post

I've listed it to see how it fairs. If it doesn't sell then I'll make her a reasonable offer. However it's my recently widowed MiLs favourite and Mr Ali would like it to go for her if I buy it.

Ali, not to stir the pot, but three things come to mind as I read your post:

1. Does your mother like your MIL or is there any rivalry there? Unless they really get along well, she might not be entirely happy about your MIL getting it.

My mother is very sweet, and so was my late MIL, but there was a little jealousy that came out when my daughter was born. Mom took it hard that my MIL, who lived nearby, would see our newborn daughter before she did, living in Florida. I was surprised, but you know, our mothers are only human.

2. Your husband loves his mother and he loves you...the two most important women in his life. Still, I would want my husband to champion my cause above that of his mother. We had a few tiffs about this sort of thing early in our marriage and I told him that I needed to come first...he got the message.

3. As your mother's heir you would have a natural right to it above the right of your MIL, who can always be given a gift of perfume that did not belong to your mother. I'm sorry she was widowed, and by all means buy her some of her favorite perfume, but she does not need to acquire your mother's bottles. If she knew they meant so much to you, I'm sure she would want you to have them, in any case.

It's not really only about the perfume.
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post #13 of 21
12/3/12 at 10:46am
Thread Starter 
Our family politics are interesting. Mum doesn't really know MiL other than exchanging cards they only met at our wedding! MiL had made herself and her hubby insular and rarely contacted my husband or his brothers until she was widowed. She still largely keeps herself private.

At the funeral I gifted her a faux fur coat as she had no warm coat. It's disappeared from her flat and my hubby suspects its been donated to the Dogs charity shop supports. I fear the scent would go the same way.

Let's see what happens on the Bay
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post #14 of 21
12/3/12 at 11:21am
What a treasure! Make her an offer and see what she says!

As they say, "One man's treasure is another man's trash." I know of one man who passed away, leaving a small fortune of vintage comic books. The family, unaware that thousands of dollars were invested in the collection (some issues could sell for upwards of $1000USD each), left the entire collection to charity as so much trash.

This was very good for the charity and the good works the donation will bring, but I wonder if the family would kick itself if they only knew.
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post #15 of 21
12/3/12 at 8:38pm
  • RHM
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I'd make her an offer. Since it was a gift from her boss and it's unused, I doubt she has an scentimental attachment to it. She may not even remember you are interested in fragrance, unless you speak up.
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post #16 of 21
12/3/12 at 9:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by RHM View Post

I'd make her an offer. Since it was a gift from her boss and it's unused, I doubt she has an scentimental attachment to it. She may not even remember you are interested in fragrance, unless you speak up.

This. There's a good chance she would be disappointed if you sold it and then she later found out how much you would have loved to have it!
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post #17 of 21
12/4/12 at 5:13pm
My solution:

Get a friend to purchase it and give her the money. Do it formally via say Ebay. No one loses, and you just get given it as a 'gift' by a thoughtful friend. I'm sure that I wouldn't give it to my MIL since I understand just how deeply you feel about it.

Men can be a little thoughtless, since so many mere males cannot understand our deep attachment to perfumes. That's understandable, since love of perfume is a very special field of interest. My husband is very supportive, but I still see that look of confusion on his face, as he agrees to buy me some outrageously expensive rare perfume.
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post #18 of 21
12/11/12 at 12:50pm
Thread Starter 
Ahhh well it didn't sell. Mum has asked that I try again in February. I have a sneaky suspicion it could end up with MiL if it was gifted or bought by me.

I shall do as she asked but I'm itching to give them all a little sneaky wear
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post #19 of 21
12/11/12 at 1:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alityke View Post

Ahhh well it didn't sell. Mum has asked that I try again in February. I have a sneaky suspicion it could end up with MiL if it was gifted or bought by me.

I shall do as she asked but I'm itching to give them all a little sneaky wear

Um...congratulations that they didn't sell?
This gives you another chance to offer to pay for them. Your Mom does seem to want the money and maybe she would rather have it now than take a chance on the perfumes not selling again in February. (A bird in the hand...two in the bush.)

Surely your husband wouldn't go and give them to his mother if you bought them for yourself? Or pressure you to hand them over?

As to sneaking a wear, you'd then need to list them as used....
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post #20 of 21
12/11/12 at 3:28pm
I'd have listed it and had someone purchase it for me, then it would have been "market price" under the presumption that ebay tests this
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post #21 of 21
12/11/12 at 8:35pm
Quote:
Men can be a little thoughtless, since so many mere males cannot understand our deep attachment to perfumes.

As a man who has been in love with fragrance for most of his life I can tell you this isn't a gender thing. I've had the same experience with women who simply did not appreciate how one could be attatched to a fragrance, or the memories it conjures. For my part I can still recall how I felt when an ex of mine bought and wore a fragrance which I assosciate very closely with my first wife, who passed away some time before this, despite knowing that she couldn't understand why it would be an issue.
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