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Your Partner could care less about your scent Hobby

post #1 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:05am
Thread Starter 
I recently dated thia nice girl, we are now broken up. She had a lot of make up and dolled herself nicely when we went out. But when she wold sleep over my house she never looked at my Scent collection which is on the dresser on her former sideof the bed. And its not like i had a few bottles, i had 70 bottles on that dresser next to her bedside. I told her it was my fave hobby and made me happy but she never once picked up a bottle or looked at it. I dont even remember her looking at my bottles whatsoever. She never even discussed it w. me and i noticed when i brought it up she changed the topic. It bothered me for a number of reasons. But let me preface this by saying this was not even a scintila of the reason we split up, it had nothing to do it.

Has anyone had similar experiences?
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post #2 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:12am
Some people are more into it than others. My wife doesn't have the same passion for fragrances as I do.
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post #3 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:14am
Clearly she wasn't the one.

Some people just have no interest, but most people who care about you will at least humor you a bit and show some interest even if just to acknowledge your passion.

It's the rare person who will jump into it with the intensity shown by the typical basenoter, whatever that means.
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post #4 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:25am
What docluv45 said ^^^^^ . . . there's a reason why she's an "ex".

A little advice from a married guy: In the past year, I went from 1 bottle of Armani Code to 40 bottles of niche perfume. Needless to say, my wife thought I had gone insane at first. After she saw how interested I was in the hobby, she wanted to learn more and see why I was so passionate about it. I bought her Atelier Oolong Infini as her first niche and she loved it- she was able to see firsthand what the differences were between the department store stuff she had been using. Granted, she does not nearly have the same level of interest as me, but she does now have an understanding and appreciation.

The right person in your life will want to understand why you are passionate about something and will want to be included. to quote Joe Dirt, "you have to keep on keeping on, Man."
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post #5 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:25am
My wife doesn't care at all and doesn't get it at all. Just last week I brought up spending money on a Creed at some point and she was like "why again do you love cologne so much?" I explained a bunch of things like it is just like her wanting a new accessory but its something I like to smell and have. She then asked why I would need it if I'm already married and I told her because I like to smell good for myself. At least it was dialogue about it. She does love Burberry London because I wore it on our wedding and Honeymoon in 2006 right after it came out but overall she just isn't into it. I don't hold it against her as I just got more into it a couple of years after we met.
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post #6 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:26am
Thread Starter 
Some really good points
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post #7 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:30am
My girlfriend is not as obsessed with fragrances as me but she likes to smell good so now I am building wardrobe not just for me, but also for her. Actually last year I bought more bottles for her than for me and everytime when we are at perfumery we smell lot of things.
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post #8 of 37
1/18/13 at 7:39am
My wife totally encourages me. I'm blessed that way. She never begrudges me one purchase. But I also try to use common sense regarding the family budget. She usually buys me at least one scent for holidays or special occasions, just because she knows I love it. She loves smelling them on me. She'll get "fake" upset if I mention swapping or selling a fave of hers.

She has a nice wardrobe herself, featuring Bond China Town, Chanel No. 5, Burberry Body and the Philosophy line. She also loves Penhaligon's Artemesia.

We're a good match! She's only ever tried to slow me down when we may have been a little tight financially at times in the past. But like I said, I try to respect the budget, and will be doing so in the future. I'm slowing down to one bottle per quarter in the New Year. Next bottle purchase will be in April.
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post #9 of 37
1/18/13 at 8:10am
Should it matter that much? I'm sure there are things most people's significant other's are into that they aren't.
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post #10 of 37
1/18/13 at 8:15am
My wife has a couple different perfumes, but she thinks I am a bit insane with the amount I have and the fact that I am always receiving packages of samples in the mail.
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post #11 of 37
1/18/13 at 8:52am
Sounds like why she is now the 'ex'. My wife doesn't really care about the hobby, except for one; she does love Chrome. Other than that, could care less.
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post #12 of 37
1/18/13 at 8:55am
Just as well....

The last thing I need is an enabler.
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post #13 of 37
1/18/13 at 9:00am
Happened to me with most dates, as well as most non-romantic female friendships. Most or virtually all of them were reasonably stylish, had fashion tastes, were anything from dolled even up to conservatively, Old School formal in their fashion choices, yet few of them discussed either their or my fragrance preferences, collections, wish lists etc. Even the ones who enjoyed owning and regularly using quite a few classic or modern designer scents.

Frankly, didn't bother me that much. Sure, at least one more discussion topic at worst, a common interest and hobby at best would have been nice, but then again, at least there was respect for the separate aspects of our lifestyles.
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post #14 of 37
1/18/13 at 9:07am
Every woman who I date for more than a few dates has loved smelling my collection. Many of them settled on one specific cologne and asked me to wear it whenever we were together. When I would, they'd really love it -- almost like I smelled good just for them, and no other woman.

For what it's worth, three women who did this picked Green Irish Tweed. No other bottle got more than one selection.
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post #15 of 37
1/18/13 at 9:32am
My girlfriend's completely normal with fragrances, owns a couple ones, hasn't delved too far in.

I've spent more money than I'm proud of, but I've learned ALOT over the years. I tend to fixate on one hobby and get REALLY into it, then I lose my passion and move on. Just over Christmas break, I learned how to solder and install guitar pickups; the past year I got really into vinyl records and music production/recording, before that was fragrances, as a kid it was Pokemon
That being said, my girlfriend has considered me weird or insane (not clinically, but the "why the hell.." kind) with fragrances. She's come to realize I'm a hobbyist, so it's really not an issue. Some people are genuinely interested int other people's hobbys, some people could care less, and in some cases are actively against the hobbies (my family was strongly against my fragrance hobby - the whole homosexual, weird, blah blah blah cliche reasons). With those people, just be reasonable, and if they continue to be negative just ignore them. My family eventually warmed up to the whole thing once I started to sell and trade them. My mom actually once told me I should make a business out of it lol
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post #16 of 37
1/18/13 at 11:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matheau View Post

Should it matter that much? I'm sure there are things most people's significant other's are into that they aren't.

Like Amish novels? LOL
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post #17 of 37
1/18/13 at 2:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChuckW View Post

My wife totally encourages me. I'm blessed that way. She never begrudges me one purchase. But I also try to use common sense regarding the family budget. She usually buys me at least one scent for holidays or special occasions, just because she knows I love it. She loves smelling them on me. She'll get "fake" upset if I mention swapping or selling a fave of hers.

She has a nice wardrobe herself, featuring Bond China Town, Chanel No. 5, Burberry Body and the Philosophy line. She also loves Penhaligon's Artemesia.

We're a good match! She's only ever tried to slow me down when we may have been a little tight financially at times in the past. But like I said, I try to respect the budget, and will be doing so in the future. I'm slowing down to one bottle per quarter in the New Year. Next bottle purchase will be in April.

I think you've got it right, Chuck. As long as there is communication and respect then that is great!
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post #18 of 37
1/18/13 at 2:22pm
My gf never checks out my collection. And she even has her own.
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post #19 of 37
1/18/13 at 2:23pm
My last girlfriend was supportive. I got into fragrances about a year into our relationship so she was there from the beginning. She never got into it as much as I did, but she did start building a small wardrobe and after a few years of constantly being asked to smell different perfumes/being around me was able to identify different notes (i.e. "This is dominated by iris"). There were, however, times when I think she resented the amount of time I spent on the hobby--on more than one occasion she chastised me for "playing with my perfumes." I hope to someday find a partner who loves fragrance as much as me.
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post #20 of 37
1/18/13 at 2:41pm
My wife is supportive of my love of scents, and quite enjoys it when I get samples and she can sniff 'em and give me an opinion.
Only problem is our tastes are quite different. Like most women, she goes for the sweet or fresh scents, whereas I like the old powerhouse type frags (mostly).
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post #21 of 37
1/18/13 at 2:44pm
My girlfriend got me in to this hobby last christmas as she bought me a cologne sample set and it just took off from there. Needless to say, she thinks im crazy for having so much interest,bottles, samples etc.. My fellow basenoters, she called us all weirdos and said she would make an account and post that we are all crazy.
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post #22 of 37
1/18/13 at 2:54pm
I'm currently single. But I have dated around.

IMO, I think it is common courtesy for partners to take some interest in each other hobbies, even if it means exploring into something you haven't explored into before.

I don't expect my future partner to be engrossed in or talk about fragrances (or my other hobbies) everyday, but I do expect a woman to have enough personality and open-mindedness to leave her comfort zone and give new things a chance. In all of my close relationships, I always look into and explore into strong interests they have even if they don't appeal to me.

Not just to strengthen the bond with with them, to please them or to get them do the same in return, but because I learn a lot by going out of my safe box.

It's just the quality of dogmatically dismissing something with a shallow mind, ignoring completely something that is important to someone close to you and seeing yourself as above doing what you already do, I find that unattractive. I would want a woman more ambitious and curious than that.

And this is not just about fragrances, but being dismissive of a partner that has a fragrance collection is a leper's bell that more red flags can come your way.
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post #23 of 37
1/18/13 at 2:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by hednic View Post

Some people are more into it than others. My wife doesn't have the same passion for fragrances as I do.

Somehow correct about me too!
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post #24 of 37
1/18/13 at 3:05pm
My wife is sort of responsible for my fragrance hobby. While I've always liked them, she's bought me many over the years. Eventually I started studying my collection, and it just kind of took off from there. I'm the more avid collector now, but she buys and wears plenty of fragrances too.

In terms of the OP's indifferent girlfriend: my, how rude of her. Basic, decent social behavior calls for expressing interest in your friends' hobbies, even if you're not entirely interested yourself. It's just good manners play along a little. People who haven't learned this easy and important social skill come across as obnoxiously self-centered. Good for you for getting rid of her.
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post #25 of 37
1/18/13 at 3:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buysblind View Post

Just as well....

The last thing I need is an enabler.

This.
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post #26 of 37
1/18/13 at 3:59pm
She loves the ones she loves and doesn't like the others. :-)
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post #27 of 37
1/18/13 at 9:00pm
My fiance is into it also, so its all good.
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post #28 of 37
1/18/13 at 9:30pm
Maybe we should start a Dating Thread on Basenotes where enthusiasts of both sexes(or the same, Im all for equality!) can come together and meet. Hey, if it works out, at the wedding the two parties can symbolically combine their collections as a sign of unity!

PS My girlfriend has mixed feelings about my hobby. On one hand she tries to support the things Im interested in, but on the other hand, I think she gets a little jealous at how much time I spend on this site. Every time I buy something new, shes like "You so dont need another bottle of cologne, how many are you going to buy?" and Im like "This is my last bottle for a long time, I promise" and here we are 50+ bottles later........
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post #29 of 37
1/18/13 at 9:30pm
How cool would it be to have a wife that shares the same hobby as you and has fragrance collection of her own, and tries to out-do your collection?

- - - Updated - - -

This is one of those hobbies that you just have to understand from exposure and experience to appreciate. Before i was shown the light of the wonderful world of fragrance, i would honestly probably think it would be weird if someone were to tell me they had 20+ bottles. How ignorant would i have been!!
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post #30 of 37
1/18/13 at 9:46pm
I too find that weird OP and nothing to do with being compatible with one another, if I walked into a gfs room and she had 70 bottles of anything sitting on a dressing table id be curious, infact if I walked into any room and someone had 70 odd bottles of something id be inclined to acknowledge its existence.
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post #31 of 37
1/19/13 at 12:36am
We enable each other. Wifey and I.
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post #32 of 37
1/19/13 at 3:13am
My wife has probably around 10 perfumes, mainly niche. Whenever we visit an SMN or Carthusia or whatever, we look to buy something for both of us. She enjoys fragrances, yet I can't say she is into them. We have similar tastes in many things but she is more pragmatic. I'm the one who obsesses about all sorts of stuff and feel a need to analyze everything. She is rather neutral about my hobby.
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post #33 of 37
1/19/13 at 3:52am
Can I ask if you ever expressed an interest in her makeup collection? There are more important things in life than fragrances. If you have the same beliefs, values and goals, for example! Because she was not interested in your colognes, I can't see how that is a deal breaker. It strikes me as a little superficial. Surely there was a more substantial reason than that for splitting up with her? If not, I would say that she would be better to find someone with more important values. 😊
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post #34 of 37
1/19/13 at 4:04am
Yeah. Not to mention that many men would be delighted if their wives would be ambivalent about their hobbies that most people would consider slightly deranged .
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post #35 of 37
1/19/13 at 6:36am
Partner is interested but can be a harsh critic, possibly forcing me into niche to keep up lol.
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post #36 of 37
1/19/13 at 6:46am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by noirdrakkar View Post

I'm currently single. But I have dated around.

IMO, I think it is common courtesy for partners to take some interest in each other hobbies, even if it means exploring into something you haven't explored into before.

I don't expect my future partner to be engrossed in or talk about fragrances (or my other hobbies) everyday, but I do expect a woman to have enough personality and open-mindedness to leave her comfort zone and give new things a chance. In all of my close relationships, I always look into and explore into strong interests they have even if they don't appeal to me.

Not just to strengthen the bond with with them, to please them or to get them do the same in return, but because I learn a lot by going out of my safe box.

It's just the quality of dogmatically dismissing something with a shallow mind, ignoring completely something that is important to someone close to you and seeing yourself as above doing what you already do, I find that unattractive. I would want a woman more ambitious and curious than that.

And this is not just about fragrances, but being dismissive of a partner that has a fragrance collection is a leper's bell that more red flags can come your way.

Well said Man
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post #37 of 37
1/19/13 at 1:51pm
life is a B1tch
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