when someone challenges your hobby

Everyone has their own vices, so I just ignore it and move on.

I also ignore it.

I come from a culture where obsessions and excess is applauded.
Over here you need to explain yourself for not OD'ing on your hobby du jour.

Knee to the groin and swipe elbow across the windpipe.

That shuts them up every time.

Obnoxious.

I get that with all the things I own from one side of the political genepool or another. Whether it is my guns, knives, straight razors, frags, etc. People have a habit of bashing what they do not know or understand. They are at best a pia... at worst a sparring partner. Either way is good for me. Life is too short to have others ignorance/stupidity inpact one's happiness.

Abu Dhabi is the capital of the United Arab Emirates.

I suspect guys have more problems with people looking askance at their fragrance collection than we ladies do. Stereotypes....

I've never had anyone say anything negative to me about it, so I haven't had to address the issue. Most people who know about my passion think it's cool, although they rarely ask me anything in depth about it.

It isn't a hobby. It's a vice. And no one challenges it. They love it.

I've never had anyone challenge my hobby. "Challenge" is such an interesting word choice. Are people really challenging you? If so, why? Why does the topic even come up in the first place?

A few nights ago, I had a date with a woman who mentioned I smelled different than I had the previous time we'd met. I said I owned a bunch of colognes that I enjoy (and I used the word cologne because, in the real world, that's what people mistakenly think scents for men are). Anyway... she asked "How many do you own?" I told her I didn't know. "A bunch, really." I could tell the idea of a man collecting perfume seemed odd to her, and I could tell she was interested... so... I asked if she liked the smell of the bread aisle at a grocery store. Of course she said yes. Then I asked if she ever noticed the smell of the rain, or the smell of newfallen leaves in the fall. And, of course, she said yes. Then I said "I'm going to treat you to something really good. I'll be right back."

I fetched some cotton balls and a few bottles of perfume. I handed her a cotton ball sprayed with Gucci Pour Homme II and asked her "What do you think?" Her eyes got really wide, and she grinned. Then, I handed her a cotton ball sprayed with Gucci Pour Homme 1, and her eyes got even wider, and she didn't want to hand the cotton ball back so we could move on to the next sample. We ended up sampling a whole bunch of things and it was a ton of fun. I asked her "What kind of guy would smell like this?" and I loved getting her input. So! Much! Fun! I'm seeing her again this week and she picked the one she wants me to wear. Did I mention somuchfunsomuchfun?

That's how I handle it. If asked, I discuss my interest to the extent that the other person is interested, which brings me to the second part of my answer. I can't help noticing you've posted various threads with this same topic, which suggests to me that your hobby is often an issue in your everyday life. Could it be that you talk about about your hobby a lot with people who aren't interested? Here's an example. I'm an audio guy. I could easily go off on a tangent about a relatively unknown kind of amplifier you can buy for as little as $25 (seriously) that outperforms rack mount pro studio amps. I know because I swapped out my rack mount for one a few years ago and... well... you're not interested, are you? I can't blame you for not having any interest at all. It's not your thing. No worries. I could also go off on how amazing the new Sony SLTs are compared to SLRs, but unless you're really into photography, comparisons between an electronic viewfinder and a pentaprism would bore you to tears. Spoiler alert: a pentaprism is an amazing pieces of glass, but compared to an EVF viewfinder (and an open mind regarding new technology), it's just a piece of glass. Among photographers, that comment is like declaring war. Here, it's irrelevant because this isn't a place to talk photography. Different audience = Different results.

My point? It's important to know your audience. If people are often "challenging" your hobby, it means you're making your hobby an issue. Maybe you wear too much, thus causing the topic to come up again and again? Or (this is what I suspect) maybe you want their approval, so you bring the topic up again and again. That doesn't work. I bought L'Air du Desert Marocain recently and was very excited about it, but the friend I was hanging out with that day wouldn't have been interested in the least. We were drinking beer, eating food that's bad for us and watching football. It was a great day, but not a day to rave about L'ADDM. You've got to know your audience.

Same here.

@L'HBI, solid post there.





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I simply say woman love it, and I like to smell good. And move on from there.

I like to open by grabbing a bottle and spraying it in their eyes before I move onto those moves.

TBH, I've never had anyone even inquire, and I'd probably just say "well, it's something i like to do, no big deal" as suggested by noirdrakkar.

most of my friends and family love it, especially when I give them samples and decants to play with!

Everything L'HBI said.

I come here because the people in my real life aren't interested. If I yammered on and on to them about fragrance, that would be rude of me, and I'd expect some sort of response.

Abu dhabi is the capital of the UAE. But we've been wearing perfumes from centuries. When we used to trade pearls and mother of pearl for spices and grains in the subcontinent of India.

Theterm materialism has such an unpleasant connotation attached to it. It implies a superficial society. The more accurate term is passion .

I like that interpretation and idea of a 'passionate' society. My words... something I can't see here where I am living.

A delightful sentence that sums it up. A passion. Such an evocative word.

"Oh, this is nothing. Wait till you see my human scalp collection."


"Btw you have a really nice hairline..."

Sometimes a smaller social circle of similar values is more enriching than a larger disharmonious in values social circle.

Doesn't really happen. Perhaps I would tell them that it's the only way for me to smell like a lady, pointing out how many of them are women's perfumes.

Excellent post L'HOMI. Also excellent in the other thread you mentioned.
You definitely have to know your audience especially when societal stereotypes don't help either. You deal with it to the extent that you feel you're able to.

Interesting question. I've come across similar "challenges" myself, even though I see them more like amazement or misunderstanding.

From speaking to a wiseman in the jungle of Mali I came to learn that people mostly criticize/challenge other's ideas under two conditions:

1. When they see a trait/feature of themselves in you and what you do and they do not like this feature. If your dirty little secret is that you obsess over collecting beer caps, you would criticize anyone collecting anything, not only perfume.

2. When they do not understand something. I believe most see fragrance as a functional item - you put it on to cover up bad odour. From this point of view, collecting perfume is as odd as collecting toilet paper.

I don't see myself as a fragrance collector because I don't go out of my way to get vintages or very rare stuff. I have appreciation for fragrance but I always buy stuff I like or I think I like. I see collector as a person who intentionally buys fragrance to expand their collection regardless of whether they like it or not. I may be wrong and if you disagree please let me know.

Interesting question. I've come across similar "challenges" myself, even though I see them more like amazement or misunderstanding.

From speaking to a wiseman in the jungle of Mali I came to learn that people mostly criticize/challenge other's ideas under two conditions:

1. When they see a trait/feature of themselves in you and what you do and they do not like this feature. If your dirty little secret is that you obsess over collecting beer caps, you would criticize anyone collecting anything, not only perfume.

2. When they do not understand something. I believe most see fragrance as a functional item - you put it on to cover up bad odour. From this point of view, collecting perfume is as odd as collecting toilet paper.

I don't see myself as a fragrance collector because I don't go out of my way to get vintages or very rare stuff. I have appreciation for fragrance but I always buy stuff I like or I think I like. I see collector as a person who intentionally buys fragrance to expand their collection regardless of whether they like it or not. I may be wrong and if you disagree please let me know.

People adore how I smell -- I am always sending web links to the fragrance I am wearing to staff where I work (always women). I think they may then faint at the prices though.

That's funny this is my go to move as well

In all seriousness, the most common statement I hear from friends and family "Wow that's such a waste of money" I simply reply, "It's my money, not yours, I don't tell you how to spend yours, so don't tell me how to spend mine. I am sure there are things you buy that I could say is a waste, but that's just me."

On the flip side there are people who know I have sniffed a ton of stuff and I am now their go to when it comes to buying advice which is pretty cool.

That's a great post L'HBI and I agree. I've had positive experiences explaining fragrance to people who have a passion for wine, microbrews, painting/visual art, coffee, cooking.

For others, I just say it's one of my many vices.

I've never experienced a negative reaction either, but when I do talk about my hobby, I always like to bring up the links between the olfactory system and emotional memory. People tend to show a bit of empathy for your passion when you ask them to consider how their favourite smells make them feel and what memories they invoke.

I think if someone was to challenge it further, I'd make the shoe analogy - thanks OP!

L'Homme Blanc Individuel: awesome response, and regarding your date story, what a creative and absolute baller move! Also, please tell me more about this $25 amplifier you allude to.

I've gotten more and more comfortable with my passion and interest in this hobby, and I definitely think it's important to gauge how much your 'audience' wants to know. I am fortunate to work in a place where others wear and appreciate fragrances, and though I've gotten a variety of comments, some positive and some baffled-to-negative ("Who's the hippie?" type stuff) I've learned to roll with it, and I try to gauge when someone wants to hear about the note pyramid or how great Slumberhouse is and how cool that this dudes make this stuff right here in Portland, and when it's just better to leave it at "thanks"--or *shrug*. I do try to avoid going on the defensive--if someone comments on how I smell, usually it's an invitation, not a provocation.

No one really knows the extent of my collection (even my my most recent GF never saw the 'vault,' though she did seem to enjoy and note appreciation for the different frags I'd sport) and I'm not wearing it on my sleeve, any more than I go around telling people how many LPs or books or pairs of shoes I own. I'm honest about the fact that I'm a collector, and that extends in a lot of different directions, along the vectors of my passions.

Overall, I've found that the conversations about smell, scent, senses and art that have arisen due to this pursuit have been really exciting, and I think at least a few of my friends' eyes have been opened a bit wider to the power, meaning and art of fragrances. Remember, we are missionaries, not apologists.

Duplicate...sluggish server!

First, I used to be very confrontational, and, to my shame, nearly offensive or at least controversial, whenever this happened and there were differences on this particular subject.

But over time, it became more "live and let live" to me, for a variety of reasons. Partly because there is Basenotes and this community has an important contribution to free, unrestricted, non-judgmental, but also erudite, entertaining fragrance discussion, partly because respecting each and every opinion is important, partly because some of the people indifferent or even downright hostile about fragrance discover and even learn to enjoy fragrance later on, partly because of/thanks to other various unpredictable factors, changing fragrance related-discussion and interaction for the least common motives.

As he makes his way through life, a gentleman is beset by all manner of rogues and ruffians who do not appreciate the finer things.

So adopt a scornful attitude, and snort derisively at them. It really is the only way to keep them in their place.

I find it's fairly easy to explain why I love fragrances. Generally by drawing a comparison to the way people spend so much money and effort to stimulate their senses in more commonplace ways such as with music.

Uhm.... WHAT? It gets you the same thing that taking part in any conversation gets you in return.

I like craft beer. If someone asks me why, I'll tell them.
I like abstract photography. If someone asks me why, I'll tell them.
I like perfume. If someone asks me why, I'll tell them.

No one challenges me about, as all my other hobbies are way more expensive. I've only spent a few hundred on perfume (ok, probably over £1000 now) and tens of thousands on my other hobbies.

Usually some degree of understanding. As I find most who look oddly at my collection are looking at fragrance as though it's a type of cosmetic. From that perspective it does seem unusual that anyone would buy more than is necessary to fill their immediate needs. A lot of people don't really see their sense of smell as something to be indulged actively in the same way that they might indulge their sense of taste by way of fine dining for example - even if smell does come into that. In the end it's just not something most people tend to think about in my experience. However I find that when I invite them to think about it and make some comparisons they usually appreciate the why a little better.

I don't get challenged that much around my interest for fragrances, but whenever subject comes up I compare it to enjoying a glass of wine. Nobody in my country finds it odd that people have many bottles of wine so I cannot see why perfume would be any different.

I started my current job a little more than a year ago and just recently started having all my fragrance orders and swaps shipped to my work so that I could get them way before they would reach my house. Anyways, at first some of the guys thought it was a little weird that I owned so many bottles of cologne and that I had so many new ones coming on a reguar basis. Once I explained how different notes and accords blended together to make certain things happen, and they would sniff a spray on a card every time a new one came in, they actually became really really interested in fragrances. Now everytime I get a package, they seem more anxious then me to see what I got and to get a sniff and for me to explain the notes that are in it, etc.. The manager has bought a bottle of Tom Ford Extreme because he loved it so much and one of the salesman bought a bottle of Original Santal because of my vice. Just thought I'd share my experience.

oh i would love to have someone as you as a colleague too!! haha......

i get teased by my family members...but nothing negative....they are only afraid we dont get anthrax through so much post i recieve hahaha

to me scents are like dresses, shoes and other stuff you may want to possess..they are symbols like all collectible items..if someone can't grasp my passions it is not my problem..also I try not to buy stuff I won't wear!

I don't usually get too much grief about it from those around me. My wife on the other, does not get it and it has caused a number of problems in the past. We have an ok agreement going right now, so all is good.