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  1. #1

    Default A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offended

    Don't say you weren't warned!

    Since sandalwood has been a hot topic lately, and it's a note that I really love, I decided to try Santal Noble as my SOTD. I was really fascinated by Vibrant Violet's description of this one in his sandlewood reviews, noting a fecal-like opening. By god, it's really true. It was there in spades for me, but of course only made the scent smell better to me (trying explaining THAT one to your non scent-loving friends! "You know, nothing rounds out a good cologne better than a healthy dollop of whale puke!&quot

    I've always been fascinated by scents used in perfume that would otherwise smell hideous...ambergris, musk, civet, etc...and have read many articles about their history, production (both naturally and chemically), use in perfumes, etc., so I guess "fecal matter" had been on my mind all day as I was constantly looking for it in Santal Noble.

    Now, for the horribly crude story....you know the girl in the ad who "has to go, has to go, has to go right now?" Well, I was that person coming home from work and had to get to the porcelain throne immediately...and not to stand up, if you know what I mean...naturally, that meant every possible obstruction would face me. A hideous traffic jam. A line at the grocery store (know how you have a talent for being behind a chick who wants to CHAT with the cashier, while you're dancing a jig behind her....and then she pulls out a CHECKBOOK!!!)...and when I get home and open the gate, the dumb but loveable dog bolts and I have to chase her down two city blocks. By this time, I'm seriously considering not waiting for the toilet anymore and am literally hunched over and sweating...finally I get the dog, head to the head..lol...but wait! There's a new box of perfume on the doorstep!

    What a dilemma! *But being the dedicated scent addict I am, NOTHING is going to stop me from my new bottle! So I grab it and figure I'll combine two tasks at the same time. The scent is Cofinlixe's Homme de Cafe. I have a seat, open the box, squirt some on my wrist...very nice...then I notice a strong fecal-like opening in the topnote...

    Then I say to myself: "Wait a minute, this is no fecal note...this is the REAL THING!"

    HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!

    Yeah, I know it's crude and not funny, but you know the times you just slay yourself and the fact that no one else thinks it's funny makes it even funnier!!!???

    HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!

    Lighten up.


  2. #2

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe



    HEHE. I think that there is a lesson in there somewhere, but I'm not sure what it is...

    Thanks for the chuckle.

    Slim
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  3. #3

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    That was hilarious. You're a great storyteller. And because it's all TRUE, especially regarding ALL the pre-bathroom obstacles... ;D ;D ;D ;D
    No longer offering decants. Sorry!

  4. #4
    Basenotes Plus

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    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    A genuine Eau de Toilet, eh?

  5. #5

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Quote Originally Posted by stuigi
    A genuine Eau de Toilet, eh?
    hahaha!! good one!

  6. #6

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Read the card! Read the card!


    So, did you like the Homme de Cafe?

    Griff
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  7. #7

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    [SIZE=1][COLOR=RoyalBlue]
    Traveller, there is no path. You make the path as you walk. -- A. Machado[/COLOR][/SIZE]

  8. #8

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    ROFL Copter--funny!

    Griff, the Cafe is everything you said--warm, coffee flavor that's housed, unfortunately, in the ugliest bottle in all of perfumery!

    Hey, it's 15 bucks a bottle; I wasn't expecting Clive Christian. It's a great purchase.

    However, I'm afraid I've been traumatized by tonight's first wearing and don't know if I'll be able to shake the emotional damage!!

  9. #9

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    So aside from the fecal note, what did you think of Cofinluxe? It's cheap and some members keep bringing it up. As I don't have a coffee scent in my drobe I'm looking into it.

    OK disregard this, when I was typing there was no response....and now there is. Thanks for the input!!!

  10. #10

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    See above. Definitely recommended, though you really have to wait for the drydown to get the full coffee effect. Great scent at a great price, though I'd recommend decanting it into a prettier flask! A plain one would be better than the hideous--but maybe in a "so bad it's good" way--bottle it comes in.

  11. #11

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    As the preacher was heard to say right after an old man in the back of the revival service had just openly confessed to having "carnal knowledge" of a goat in his youth; "Leroy, I don't believe I'da told that!"

    ;D
    [SIZE=3][SIZE=2]"We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion: the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission; which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force." Ayn Rand...[/SIZE][/SIZE]

    "The essence of fascism is to make laws forbidding everything and then enforce them selectively against your enemies."
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  12. #12

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Quote Originally Posted by Hysteria
    That was hilarious. You're a great storyteller. And because it's all TRUE, especially regarding ALL the pre-bathroom obstacles... ;D ;D ;D ;D
    Hehehe. Yes, I concur... And, in those cases, I'm specially intrigued as how the last 10 seconds or so from the moment you insert your key to open the door to the moment you finally get sit seem to last the whole eternity and how the physiologic urgency in those seconds grow exponentially... In such a circumstance, I don't know how you had the nerve to stop your path, even for half a second or if it was en passant , to pick up your mail package before arriving... :
    « L'odeur de rose, faible, grâce au vent léger d'été qui passe, se mêle aux parfums qu'elle a mis.»
    [ Paul Verlaine ]
    Wardrobe

  13. #13

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    I am SO offended by this story!!!

    Mods, where are you? MODS!!!!! ;D
    Are you not entertained??? Is this not why you are here??

  14. #14

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Quote Originally Posted by Sandalwood
    [quote author=Hysteria link=1132283674/0#2 date=1132284392]That was hilarious. You're a great storyteller. And because it's all TRUE, especially regarding ALL the pre-bathroom obstacles... ;D ;D ;D ;D
    ... In such a circumstance, I don't know how you had the nerve to stop your path, even for half a second or if it was en passant , to pick up your mail package before arriving... *:[/quote]

    At least he actually gave a crap about picking up his package first.... ;D
    Are you not entertained??? Is this not why you are here??

  15. #15

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    It's all about the priorities. Pick up the package, head to the kitchen, grab the knife/scissors, and make haste to the chamber of the porcelain god for the non-sacrificial offerings. ;D Plus, you need SOMETHING to do while you're sitting in there. ;D

    "Eau de toilet"... how did we not see that joke coming? LOL!! ;D
    No longer offering decants. Sorry!

  16. #16

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Quote Originally Posted by Hysteria

    "Eau de toilet"... how did we not see that joke coming? LOL!! ;D
    I thought for sure as I read this thread that there was going to be a Kouros punchline coming but I like yours better! * *;D

  17. #17

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Well I've come over here and have been right royally entertained. Together with the first page of the "THIS is what chicks really dig!!!" thread and now your story Ballardbeau which has had me in absolute stitches, my diaphragm is still aching. ;D ;D ;D

  18. #18

    Default the animalistic in art

    Wonderful story. Thanks for sharing.

    I think one thing that's really fun about fragrances that have all kinds of human and animal funk in them, and still smell beautiful, is, it's like they give us a chance to revel in our angelic-and-animal natures. They celebrate that human paradox.

    It's hard to think of other art forms where that can happen so vividly. Long ago my father was an art professor's assistant and the professor would sometimes turn to my dad in front of his students and say kindly, "Hans, I'd like you to mix up a really nice sh*t brown." Dad always tells that story with pleasure.

  19. #19

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Dave, you're a MADMAN!
    LOL!

    You know, I may have to add this Cafe whatever to my list. *The mighty Griff is always lauding it so. *And I do so love the inexpensive smellies! *
    And gee what is that "Read the card! Read the card!" from, I wonder...? *I seem to remember a joke with that punchline...

  20. #20

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    ahaha...I didn't get that one either.

    Explanation??

  21. #21

    Default Re: A Really Crude Story for those not Easily Offe

    Quote Originally Posted by Ballardbeau
    ahaha...I didn't get that one either.

    Explanation??

    I believe Griff was quoting the punchline of an old joke about a gay man who falls in love with his proctologist. *He goes in for an appointment, complaining of rectal pain. *The proctologist examines the guy's... uh... area, and starts incredulously pulling one long-stemmed rose after another out of the guy's butt. *The proctologist says to him, "Do you realize there's a dozen roses jammed up your ass?" *To which the gay guy responds, gasping, "Read the card! *Read the card!"

    Or something along those lines...
    (Hope I didn't offend, it's a bit crude--but you asked!)

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