You're not alone. I tried the entire line of Cartier and Bond. I came up 0 for both also. Some actually made me nauseous. Wall Street smells like rotten wine to me. Little Italy smells "over the top mandarin" awful, Cartier Pasha ... I actually smashed the bottle against my favorite cinderblock wall I hated it so much.
We're probably in the minority, but I'm with you on this one.