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  1. #1

    Default Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Oh God! I'm really crushed. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for less than six months but he flew me out to see him last month for an unbelievable trip, and I was really in love with him. He was going to get to come visit me in Alaska temporarily throughout the year, but he got a promotion...and because of his job, we're not going to be able to see each other, so he broke things off today.

    I am so sad. He bought me three of my favorite scents, Chergui, Ambre Sultan, and A La Nuit. I don't know what I should do. I'm re-reading Silvergirl's thread but I was so upset that I decided to post my own thread, since my situation has nothing to do with Silvergirl's.

    I'm not sure if I should temporarily abandon my favorite scents, but I'm trying to think of something that would be a good way to express grief and move through the situation. I'm going to try Songes as well as some dark, rainy scents.

    Any suggestions for a fragrance that's dark, clear, and rainy? I'll have to see if Demeter has something like thunderstorm. All my scents are rich, heady orientals (Chergui, Ambre Sultan, Angel, Prada, Narciso Rodriguez) and I think I might like something that's opposite to that.

    As I've posted earlier, I have not found a single marine scent that I like, and I intensely dislike anything that contains my hated dry/metallic note (see http://community.basenotes.net/showthread.php?t=189885), like Creed's Love in White.

    Thank you for letting me vent. I feel terrible. I'm a crying mess... I don't know how I'm going to fix my makeup...and I can't believe I have to go back to work after this! (right now I'm at home on my lunch break)
    Last edited by linnea; 3rd January 2007 at 08:35 PM.



  2. #2

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Oh Linnea! Sorry to hear this

    How about throwing yourself into tester abandon? Testing does sure keep a mind occupied. Hugs to you
    Beauty is but the sensible image of the Infinite.
    Like truth and justice it lives within us; like virtue and the moral law it is a companion of the soul.
    -George Bancroft {1800-1891 American Historian}

    =

    current favorites:
    Balmain Jolie Madame, Serge Lutens Muscs Kublai Khan
    =

  3. #3

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Living in Alaska and wanting dark, rainy fragrances sounds to me like me living in Seattle and wanting the same. I lived in Bellevue for 10 years and it rained a lot. Do you really want to be depressed?

    How about change the mode and look for happy citrus??? Sunlight and happiness.

    There are a few things you could do...hot bath, chocolate, music, and just choose a favorite fragrance that makes you feel beautiful and wear that....

    Don't worry right now about the memories.....

    Comfort sounds like the right thing......

    I wish you well. This too will pass. 2 years ago this month I broke up with someone ...yes it was hard ...I am over it...Next..

    There is the perfect one just waiting to meet you....Stay open and positive.

    Big hugs,
    JoAnne
    JoAnne Bassett, Perfumer
    http://www.JoAnneBassett.com

  4. #4

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Linnea, I am so sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you two have been such a beautiful duo...it is funny the choices that we make in life, the paths that we choose. Hugs to you.

    As far as fragrances, I have one on my knee right now, Montale Velvet Flowers that I swear would burn whatever emotion you feel right now out of your system! I mean that in a good way...It is a high pitched rose with something else...incensey? Not sure what this is and can't analyze it , I only feel it burning on my knee...again in a good way, like having a kamikaze shot after a hard day...but with flowers. Does this make any sense?

    That is my immediate input, will add more as it comes to me.
    Oh here is a thought, Sienne L'Hiver? Only read the description at Aedes...never sniffed, but maybe that could be good, too.
    "Like a lobster with a pearl in its claw, the beet held the jasmine firmly without crushing or obscuring it. Beet lifted jasmine, the way a bullnecked partner lifts a ballerina, and the pair came on stage on citron's fluty cue. As if jasmine were a collection of beautiful paintings, beet hung it in the galleries of the nose, insured it against fire or theft, threw a party to celebrate it. Citron mailed the invitations." Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins p. 189

    What I am loving right now: Shalimar vintage extrait, Chanel Bois des Iles, Chanel no. 22, Le Labo Iris 39, Guerlain Iris Ganache

  5. #5
    BN better than ever
    Quarry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    You know how they say there are five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)? Some smart perfumer ...
    Ayala are you eavesdropping?
    ... could create a coffret of scents to wear in tandem with the romantic breakup and recovery.
    1) Something utterly tear-wrenching (blue, thunderstormy, as linnea craves)
    2) Something nurturing, comforting like food and a baby blanket
    3) Something wild, different from self, provocative
    4) Something cool, calming, serene
    5) Something sunny and optimistic
    In a world where 6 million people are added each month, every landscape matters.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Entirely in agreement with JoAnne, including hugs at the end of her post!

    Citrus fragrances to cheer you up (Hermes Merveilles, Guerlain AA Lemon Fresca and Orange Magnifica, YLS In Love Again, Kenzo Le Monde est Beau), creamy gourmands to keep you sheltered (TM Angel, CSP Matin Caline, Aqualina Pink Sugar) and light cool florals to give you a better perspective (Gueralin AA Foliflora, Torrente L'Or, AG Eau de Camille).

    Do not like marines -- oh well, do not worry about it! Wear what makes you feel best! Please pm me if you need a shoulder to cry on, sweetie!

  7. #7

    CologneJunkie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    I don't really have a frag rec, but {{{{{HUGZ}}}}} nonetheless!!!
    "Wait...is David Bowie really God?" - Penelope Garcia

  8. #8

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    My heart goes out to you. This is sad news.

    For the grief stage, Passage d'Enfer. Cool, damp, misty, and dark. Gothic and Poe-esque.

    As you move out of grief and the initial pain subsides, the testing spree is a great idea. Find a new fragrance that makes you feel alive and hopeful.

    -Sloan
    Last edited by Sloan; 4th January 2007 at 02:21 AM.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Thank you, everyone, for posting in my thread.

    Although I normally love the dark, rich fragrances that I wear (orientals, gourmands), my heart just hurts too much to enjoy them. That's why I wanted something clear and rainy, I guess to help wash away the sadness. There's also an aspect of wallowing in grief, too.

    My Frederic Malle samples came today. Talk about a godsend. Helene recommended Musc Ravageur, which I am going to hold on to until I'm in a better, stronger emotional place. She also recommended L'Eau L'Hiver, which I'm wearing now. I love it. It's still rich and soft, but it's so different from what I normally wear.

    Everyone has a story as to why they came to Alaska. This breakup is especially hard because it's the first time in 2 years that I've been able to trust again, and now it's broken.

    In 2004, when I was 25 years old, I had a fiance and we had been together for five years. For the last year of our relationship he was deployed to Iraq, which was terribly rough. I dropped out of graduate school, had problems with depression, had to move back in with my folks. It was indescribably awful. But I wrote him positive, upbeat letters six days a week while he was deployed and my entire extended family (we're Sicilian) sent him care packages. He returned a totally different person in 2004. Two months after he came home, he called me at work to tell me that it was over. The wedding, everything. Two days after that, I was laid off from my job.

    I was despondent. I had no idea what to do. When I stopped crying long enough to see straight, I looked for work on the internet and found this job in rural AK. They flew me up for an interview, I fell in love with the place, and moved up here with a suitcase and my two kitty cats.

    After I got a change of scenery and hit the ground running, I really astounded everyone and myself with how well I bounced back. I lost a bunch of weight and became a firefighter and medic and made a bunch of friends in a totally new town. I did so well after that breakup that I guess I insulated myself too well. I didn't let anyone close. Then I met Adam and was totally reluctant to get involved. He was so sweet, and so charming, and things were really great, but ... now he's gone.

    I have a lot of plans for the future, but I feel immobilized by grief at the moment. I'll still get up tomorrow and go to work because life goes on. I know that things will get better. It's the waiting around for the pain to go away that sucks the most.

    That and my two sweet kitties aren't sure why their mom is making all these weird sounds and leaking water out of her face.



  10. #10

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Sorry, sorry.
    Try to remember, it is only the comings and goings of people, which is something that will continue throughout your life. Even death is one of these. Some departures will be hard, some will be easy. Your mission on this planet is not yet over, so you must carry on.
    How about getting some bath scents? Lavender or pine are nice. Take a good soak with a good book and associate good smells with the comfort of the hot water.

  11. #11

    Unhappy Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    AAAAAAAAAwww You've got my sympathy!!! Reminds me of a situation I was in a few years back...Boyfriend in South Africa and me stuck in norway I really hope things work out soon for you!!In the meantime I suggest dress up to feel fabulous, listen to music that makes you happy...Wear scents that makes you feel fabulous.Testing is a good suggestion.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Ugh, that sucks, Linnea! I just wandered on to this thread and I feel so bad for you.

    Chin up! The sun will come out tomorrow and all that... In the meantime, I'm sure you realise you're a good person: I mean, how could you NOT be? You like Chergui!! Those kitties are dependent on you now, so you know what to do.

    Take care,

    Fred
    De gustibus non est disputandum

  13. #13

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    How sad to hear this, Linnéa! It is difficult to have to leave someone for such reasons! Life is really hard sometimes!

    I do wish that you not only consider a mourning-frag. I would like you to wear the most beautiful and sparkling of your frags - not right now, but soon, maybee in a couple of weeks, or perhaps even sooner... I think you ought to wear your most wonderful perfume, and let it whisper to you every minute of the day what a fantastic young woman you are!

    Hugs! And take care of yourself!
    Last edited by Margareta; 4th January 2007 at 06:23 PM.
    Faves right now: Chanel No 19, Stella Rose Absolute, L´Heure Bleu, Elixir de Merveilles, Samsara.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Oh goodness, I'm really sorry for you, sweetie . I second all the good advice posted by our wise fellow BN before me and add only that if he was so sure that being far away would have killed your love story, he didn't deserve you. I gather you're of Italian origin, so remember the saying: "La lontananza spegne i fuochi piccoli, ma accende quelli grandi". Farness quenches small fires, but kindles big ones. Hugs and good vibes.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sniffing around
    I'll stop wearing black when they make something darker

  15. #15

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Your post made me so sad. I hope you are ok. Your ex is obviously the loser here because from your posts you strike me as a very kind, intelligent and passionate young woman. And, from your picture in "members photos" I can see that you are also as cute as a button. I'm so sorry this has happened to you...and I hope that you begin to feel better soon.

    My advice to you is simple. At times like this, when our self esteem has taken a bit of a blow, its good to pamper ourselves a little just as a reminder of how much we are truly worth. Why not treat yourself to some fragrance you have been longing for but have always thought too frivilous to own? Or perhaps, make a list of a few special niche fragrances you've been lusting after and purchase decants of each of them.

    Whatever you decide, be gentle with yourself. May your tears dry up soon.

    Kim
    Last edited by GraySwan; 4th January 2007 at 08:20 PM.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    I'm a bit late, but my heart goes out to you. I'm still dealing with my break-up, but I can tell you that it's gotten so much easier than those first few days were. Its been 2 and a half weeks, and I'm still sad sometimes, but I'm also stronger. And hearing about your experience with your ex-fiancee, it sounds like you're a very strong woman when you need to be.

    As far as fragrances go, I've been sampling quite a bit, and the best 'break-up' one I found, that struck me as both beautiful and melancholy, was Voleur de Roses. Again, my sympathies during this rough time...hang in there sweetie!

  17. #17
    moondeva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Quote Originally Posted by linnea
    Oh God! I'm really crushed. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for less than six months but he flew me out to see him last month for an unbelievable trip, and I was really in love with him. He was going to get to come visit me in Alaska temporarily throughout the year, but he got a promotion...and because of his job, we're not going to be able to see each other, so he broke things off today.

    I am so sad. He bought me three of my favorite scents, Chergui, Ambre Sultan, and A La Nuit. I don't know what I should do. I'm re-reading Silvergirl's thread but I was so upset that I decided to post my own thread, since my situation has nothing to do with Silvergirl's.

    I'm not sure if I should temporarily abandon my favorite scents, but I'm trying to think of something that would be a good way to express grief and move through the situation. I'm going to try Songes as well as some dark, rainy scents.

    Any suggestions for a fragrance that's dark, clear, and rainy? I'll have to see if Demeter has something like thunderstorm. All my scents are rich, heady orientals (Chergui, Ambre Sultan, Angel, Prada, Narciso Rodriguez) and I think I might like something that's opposite to that.

    As I've posted earlier, I have not found a single marine scent that I like, and I intensely dislike anything that contains my hated dry/metallic note (see http://community.basenotes.net/showthread.php?t=189885), like Creed's Love in White.

    Thank you for letting me vent. I feel terrible. I'm a crying mess... I don't know how I'm going to fix my makeup...and I can't believe I have to go back to work after this! (right now I'm at home on my lunch break)
    Sorry for your pain

    For sombre,(rainy), melancholy days = Guerlain Mitsouko EDT, Pierre Cardin Choc, YSL Nu EDP, Guerlain Parure, L'Artisan Voleur de Roses, Bulgari Black, Guerlain Apres L'Ondee, Clinique Aromatics Elixir, Demeter Thunderstorm.
    Favourite (Winter) Crazy Combos

    Tabu + Orange Blossom * Hermes Rouge + Bellodgia* Voleur du Roses+ Rose Ispahan * Rasa Extreme + Paris * Wood Coffee + Cafe Noir *

  18. #18

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    Oh, Linnea. So sorry. This sort of loss is devastating, and lousy.

    As far as deep, dark scents that have no top and no heart... what about our own Ayala's Film Noir? Haven't tested yet (though my sample is ordered), but that just might be what the doctor ordered for delving deep into your grief... with enough positive elements in it to ALSO be something you return to again when you're feeling stronger and better.

    Commiseration and mood elevation effort: I was passed over for a job I was well-qualified for today (NOT the same as the loss of a love, but batters the psyche nonetheless), and comforted myself this eveing with a MARVELOUS sample overload at Boston's Barneys New York and Neiman's (all in one mall- HEAVEN, people! Come visit me in Boston). Even got a couple of new options for tomorrow's Oriental sniff n' speak.

    Personally, I found the Comme de Garcons Kyoto (from their Incense Line) very refreshing and "wipe the slate clean"... Perhaps something like that, Linnea? Different from what you're used to and love, but with some of the same elements and still gorgeous.

    Following others' suggestions for citrus, too -- Personally, as some of you already know, I've really been enjoying Keiko Mecheri's "Scarlett" this winter. It's blood orange and dark spices like clove and pepper, but with some watery element that to me comes across as sparkling, liquid and clear (anyone know what it is?). Always manages to lift spirits. Better in colder weather.

    Finally, anything with lots of lavender, I find good for lifting mood. Bond No. 9 New Haarlem? Top Notes: Lavender, Bergamot, Green Leaves. Middle Notes: Coffee, Cedarwood. Base Notes: Amber, Vanilla, Tonka. TOTAL gourmand, but really, really good, IMO.

    Whatever you choose (and I vote for sample-fest, including ALL of our various recommendations), know you are getting {{{{HUGS}}}} from around the world.

  19. #19

    Default Re: Another breakup fragrance needed :(

    I'm so sorry Linnea, and I'm sure your kitties will understand, I have certainly sobbed my heart out onto my first cat (who was far more reliable than most of the men I was crying over...)

    I suggest Bigarade and Angeliques sous la pluie, they're not dark, but do have that clear raininess you mention.

    <hugs> x

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