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  1. #1

    Default what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    you tell me yours I 'll tell you mine.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Oooohhh - I like this question. But it's like Lay's® Potato Chips - you can't have just one. Presented for your entertainment - The Oscars® of Turins®.

    Best Flame In A Comedy: Tania's nuking of Dior Addict ("the bourbon was all me").

    Best Flaming Bulls-Eye: Very Wang For Men ("soapy nightmare" LT - soap is word; this one is like a bubble-bath with a fem-bot, and she short circuits while saying "no". Lord, wake me up! But Vera's revenge for this review will be a 5-star masculine, and I'm gonna buy a case of it.)

    Flame From Hell: Michael Kors Michael ("evil tuberose" - "Shrieking hair-singeing horror, probably first rejected for use in industrial drain cleaner. One of the worst ever." TS - Whoa! I don't think she liked that one!)

    Most Educational: Chanel No. 5 - ...which is over 1.5 pages long. Just try not to learn something.

    Most Fan-Boy Five-Star: Bulgari Black - Rubber fetish. But it's absolutely true. Just ask my two minis of Black, super-glued to my nipples.

    Most Theoretical: Esteé Lauder Beyond Paradise - Kinda like a really good description of the proof of the Poincaré conjecture for laymen that I once read. You almost feel like you understand it when it's over, but you know that you don't.

    Best Attack on Null Fragrances: Benneton Pure Sport For Men - In an alternate universe, where my evil ex-girlfriend who liked this store didn't dump me, I would be wearing this crap. There is a God.

    Most Cryptic Fragrance Classification: Paris Hilton Just Me For Men ("sad sack") - You know it's true, you just don't know WTF it means.

    Best Attack on Celebrity Fragrances: Also to Paris Hilton for Just Me ("barf bag floral") - The review is just a copy of the publicity olfactory rundown. Five minutes later you realize they crammed not only every flower, but half of the fragrance genres, into one fragrance. You get the feeling that Hilton just kept adding stuff, and nobody had the guts to tell her no. But she gets the last laugh. She's hot, and I'm sitting here on Saturday night writing a review of a review.

    Best Cameo by Paris Hilton: Guerlain Héritage - How this chick manages to show up in a 4-star review of one of the classiest men's scents of all time just shows you how relentless she is - and how close we are to the end of days.

    Most Appearances of {[cC]an} in an ASCII String: Paris Hilton Can Can - ("remedial candyfloss" - Can it, by all means. LT) - OK, the fact that this broad got yet one more review, when L'Artisan's L'Eau de Jatamansi didn't even get one, is SO unfair.

    Most Ibid: Bond No. 9 Central Park - The entire review: "Aqua Velva."

    Best Description of the Indescribable: Angel (TS) - When I finally tried it, I said "Yeah!"

    Best Imagery: Dior Poison - why stop at "toxic" when you can go for "tank"?

    Best Anti-Creed: Virgin Island Water - Ooooo! Snarky! Take that, rich-boy.

    Best Pro-Creed: Green Irish Tweed - Proof that we can overcome our prejudices. He even uses the "B" word ("brilliant"). This even makes up for the neutron bomb he dropped on Original Santal.

    Best Touché: Lacoste Essential - Even one word would be a spoiler. Read for yourself.

    Most Chemical: Jicky - Having been a chemist in my youth, it almost made me cry.

    I think the thing I like the most is how spot-on so many of these reviews are. When I finally try this stuff, the frags always show just how on-target the reviews were. I've learned SO much from this book. The combination of reading this book and hanging out on basenotes has just opened up my sense of smell. This book is kind of like google. What did people do before?

  3. #3

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    One of the Christian LaCroix's was very funny, I think it was C' est la Vie.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by seattlelight View Post
    One of the Christian LaCroix's was very funny, I think it was C' est la Vie.
    Excellent call. A two-story bad review with two references. That's definitely worth looking up. Page 114.

  5. #5

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    best classic: Mitsouko & No. 5

    best modern classic: Pleasures

    best niche: Sarrasins

    best description title: Paris Hilton Just Me

    best informative: Mitsouko & Bandit

    best humorous: Rose Ikebana

    best humourous (Tania Sanchez): China Rose

    best cheapie: Paloma Picasso

    best cynical: Light Blue

    best biased non-objective: Beyond Paradise

  6. #6
    Dependent pluran's Avatar
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    There are a lot of them. I basically just pick the thing up and it never takes more than a couple of pages until I find a good one. I just read a great one on Missoni.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by pluran View Post
    There are a lot of them. I basically just pick the thing up and it never takes more than a couple of pages until I find a good one. I just read a great one on Missoni.
    That's right. Thanks for the tip. It's like a two-fer with the next one, too. The acqua actually looks really appealing to my taste. And the description is wonderful - "Perhaps I'll shut up about the work of Maurice Roucel one day, but not today." It's gems like that which made me carry the damn book around like a kid for the first week.

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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by girlsodeadly View Post

    best niche: Sarrasins

    best humorous: Rose Ikebana

    best biased non-objective: Beyond Paradise
    Great! There are a couple of treasures in there that I had glossed over. Sarrasins in particular. Also Beyond Paradise. And the Rose Ikebana thing is hilarious (my wife is Japanese, so I won't say anything more that would get me into trouble, with her or her friends, except to say true, true, true!) Actually, I think she might really like that frag, since she's almost 100% on liking sparse 3-star Hermès. A room cannot have too little furniture in it. A bouquet cannot have too few flowers. You get the picture. Soliflore City. Cleanliness isn't next to godliness - godliness is a cheap imitation of minimal cleanliness. Sometimes I just want to dump a box of Lego into an electric fan to mess it all up. But I'll pass on the m....., s'il vous plait. I've had enough steam cleaning for one lifetime.

  9. #9

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Perfumisto View Post
    Cleanliness isn't next to godliness - godliness is a cheap imitation of minimal cleanliness. Sometimes I just want to dump a box of Lego into an electric fan to mess it all up. But I'll pass on the m....., s'il vous plait. I've had enough steam cleaning for one lifetime.
    Haven't laughed this hard reading something in a long while !!!!

  10. #10

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    All the Paris Hilton ones.

  11. #11

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    I actually like the Cuir de Russie one about his father's Bentley. It was non-instructive from a "guide" standpoint, but it was a really nice read. It turns out Cuir de Russie is not an easy one for me to find in the wild.

    Redneck Perfumisto is also a good writer.
    Current frags (in order of preference):

    1) GIT
    2) GV
    3) MR

  12. #12

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by luca turin View Post
    Haven't laughed this hard reading something in a long while !!!!
    Yeah, it's so much fun to make fun of those "anal-retentive" Japanese.

    It might be worth remembering that when Europeans were dropping like flies because they couldn't figure out that living in your own sewage isn't good for you, the Japanese were quite cleverly using theirs as fertilizer.

  13. #13

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by Manos, The Hands of Fate View Post
    I actually like the Cuir de Russie one about his father's Bentley. It was non-instructive from a "guide" standpoint, but it was a really nice read. It turns out Cuir de Russie is not an easy one for me to find in the wild.

    Redneck Perfumisto is also a good writer.
    I was going to say Cuir de Russie also, for the notes and for the mention of the Bentley, too. Just saw my first Bentley the other day in town, though I didn't get a chance to sniff it. It was parked at the local bank and people stopped to stare, one woman pulled her camera out and snapped a photo. Me I waved and said, "Hey! This is a PRIUS!!!"
    But she didn't seem to want a picture of my car.

    I also love the review of Jicky, for the history of it. The review made me feel that I am wearing a piece of history every time I wear Jicky.
    "Like a lobster with a pearl in its claw, the beet held the jasmine firmly without crushing or obscuring it. Beet lifted jasmine, the way a bullnecked partner lifts a ballerina, and the pair came on stage on citron's fluty cue. As if jasmine were a collection of beautiful paintings, beet hung it in the galleries of the nose, insured it against fire or theft, threw a party to celebrate it. Citron mailed the invitations." Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins p. 189

    What I am loving right now: Shalimar vintage extrait, Chanel Bois des Iles, Chanel no. 22, Le Labo Iris 39, Guerlain Iris Ganache

  14. #14

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by rtamara41 View Post
    Me I waved and said, "Hey! This is a PRIUS!!!"
    But she didn't seem to want a picture of my car.
    Now THAT is actually charming and funny

  15. #15

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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    (1) "The involuntarily hilarious story of ...poor Ellena trudging to a five-star-hotel in Egypt for inspiration accompanied by a high-level Hermes contingent." Un Jardin sur le Nil ***, p. 209 What a relief (!) after having struggled through the story twice (article, and book 'The imPerfect Scent'). Somehow I cannot separate my picture of some of these scenes from Peter Ustinov (Poirot) and the whole cast from 'Death on the Nile'.

    (2) + (3) The most venomous so far:
    - Villoresi Uomo*** "The hard part about reviewing LV fragrances is finding one that is neither vile nor trivial." LT p.346
    - Villoresi Donna** "This, along with Uomo, was one of Villoresi's first fragrances, and it is hard to believe that on the basis of this he was encouraged to go on." TS p.145
    (Villoresi Piper Nigrum is one of the more remarkable omissions in The Guide. PN must have been deemed vile or trivial.)
    Last edited by narcus; 6th June 2008 at 06:48 AM.
    'Il mondo dei profumi è un universo senza limiti: una fraganza puo rievocare sensazioni, luoghi, persone o ancora condurre in uno spazio di nuove dimensioni emozionali' L. V.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by FloatingPoint View Post
    Yeah, it's so much fun to make fun of those "anal-retentive" Japanese.

    It might be worth remembering that when Europeans were dropping like flies because they couldn't figure out that living in your own sewage isn't good for you, the Japanese were quite cleverly using theirs as fertilizer.
    Trust me, it's not meant badly at all. The wife and I have a lot of fun with this stuff. It works the other way, too. My wife and her friends have a wonderful time with a sort of faux horror about the crudity and insanity that is America. And Japanese wives complaining about their terrible husbands is almost as highly developed an art form as rakugo or ikebana. It's all fun, and almost a requirement for a successful mixed marriage. You admire and adopt the parts of the other person's culture that you can, and you laugh about the rest. And on some things, it's a little of both. At least, that's the way it works for us.

    Ironically, I would love to retire in Japan, but she wants to stay here.

    But then again, there's the day she told me I could no longer wear Kouros. A day which will live in infamy.

  17. #17

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Perfumisto View Post
    But then again, there's the day she told me I could no longer wear Kouros. A day which will live in infamy.
    Not sure I would have put it quite that way, partner.

  18. #18

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    I was underwhelmed by "The Guide", but I did stick ONE post-it note in the pages because it gave me a chuckle...

    Iceberg Twice Men (Iceberg) * fruity woody
    Undestinguished demure fruity floral combined with a bellowing woody-amber note, reminiscent of the little girl in The Exorcist shouting in a deep male voice.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    My favorite review, well one of the many I enjoyed is;

    "A hilariously bad fragrance, in which a very powerful sweet air-freshener note is overlaid with a loud civet fart, adding up to a vividly cheap and unpleasant accord." LT on the scent Nuit Noir by Mona di Orio

    This is priceless, the images it conjures up...goodness.

    There are so many others, it would take twenty or more posts to list top faves, at least forty more for chucklers.
    The fact that humour can be found in some of these fragrant abominations, is such a credit to LT and TS.
    Quand on boit l'eau, il faut penser à sa source

  20. #20

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Perfumisto View Post
    Trust me, it's not meant badly at all. The wife and I have a lot of fun with this stuff. It works the other way, too. My wife and her friends have a wonderful time with a sort of faux horror about the crudity and insanity that is America. And Japanese wives complaining about their terrible husbands is almost as highly developed an art form as rakugo or ikebana. It's all fun, and almost a requirement for a successful mixed marriage. You admire and adopt the parts of the other person's culture that you can, and you laugh about the rest. And on some things, it's a little of both. At least, that's the way it works for us.

    Ironically, I would love to retire in Japan, but she wants to stay here.

    But then again, there's the day she told me I could no longer wear Kouros. A day which will live in infamy.
    Oh, you have every right to complain about your wife. But you know as well as I do that not all Japanese are like that. In fact, in some things (sex, for example), they're probably the least anal-retentive people on the planet. Anybody who thinks that they are ought to go see a phallus festival or hang out in Shibuya for an afternoon. That'll learn 'em.

    Your making fun of your wife is one thing. Turin's trotting out tired old ethnic stereotypes in his book is another. At some point I stopped reading the Penguin Guide to Classical CDs because the old tossers who write it seemed constitutionally incapable of describing a performance by Russian performers without using the terms "characteristic Slavic passion" or "Russian lustiness" or some idiotic variation thereof. I'm afraid Turin has a bit of that in him as well. I don't know, maybe it's a European thing ;-)

  21. #21

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by FloatingPoint View Post
    Turin's trotting out tired old ethnic stereotypes in his book is another.
    such as ?

  22. #22

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by luca turin View Post
    such as ?
    Such as:

    "Rose Ikebana

    I always associate ikebana with other anal-retentive Japanese rituals, like combing sand, picking on trees smaller than you are, and taking forever to brew a cup of tea."

    Implicit stereotype: Japanese are anal-retentive.

    All art forms require discipline and precision. Is the concertmaster of the London Philharmonic "anal-retentive" because he plays a legato C-sharp quarter-note as marked instead of "cutting loose" with a staccato C eighth-note? You're certainly free to dislike the art forms (not "rituals") listed, but calling them "anal-retentive," besides winking at the stereotype just mentioned, is about as incisive a commentary as what a typical 16-year-old might say.

    "Cuir Ottoman

    Tyrannies always look better from afar, and the Ottoman Empire seems to be in vogue at the moment, chiefly because it brought administrative incompetence, baggy trousers, and sentimental music to regions that would otherwise have been solidly Germanic."

    Implicit stereotypes: Germans are "solid," Middle Easterners are incompetent and have bad taste.

    You forgot to mention that the Ottoman Empire also brought a relative measure of religious tolerance and provided a haven for Shephardic Jews fleeing the Inquisition. But more to the point, what the hell does ANY of this have to do with the fragrances in question--other than the fact that their silly "exotic" names are what set you off on these chains of associations?

    Mr. Turin, I bought, and read, both THE EMPEROR OF SCENT and THE SECRET OF SCENT. I enjoyed both immensely and found myself rooting for you throughout each. I pre-ordered THE GUIDE long before it came out on the basis of the positive impression generated by those two books. This kind of gratuitous, Eurocentric belittlement may earn you a few cheap yucks, but it's boorish, not terribly witty, and diminishes you in the eyes of many. I'm sure you don't care what I think, but I'd sincerely rather NOT think of you as a boor, so I'm asking you, please, just to stop.

  23. #23

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by FloatingPoint View Post
    I'm sure you don't care what I think, but I'd sincerely rather NOT think of you as a boor, so I'm asking you, please, just to stop.
    Lighten up

  24. #24

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by luca turin View Post
    Lighten up
    Grow up

  25. #25

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by FloatingPoint View Post
    Implicit stereotype: Japanese are anal-retentive.

    Implicit stereotypes: Germans are "solid," Middle Easterners are incompetent and have bad taste.
    Surely there is enough actual racism in the world that it is unnecessary to torture syntax in an attempt to find unacceptable interpretations?

    It takes quite a leap to misinterpret Mr. Turin's words as meaning "Japanese are anal-retentive." He called four traditions practiced by Japanese people anal-retentive, not the whole of Japanese tradition, and not the whole of the Japanese people. A person with a sense of humor might playfully call these activities anal-retentive, since they involve many strict rules. (Although I think he may mean obsessive-compulsive instead.) Such a person might playfully call the shaving rituals over at Badger and Blade anal-retentive as well.

    The second example is even less convincing. Mr. Turin did not call Germans "solid." He wrote that the territory that the Ottoman Empire controlled would have been otherwise "solidly Germanic," i.e., that the territory would have been solidly in the German sphere of influence, which it would have been, considering its proximity to Germany. Mr. Turin is flat-out right that many people have a romantic, sentimental view of awful dictatorships: Defense Exhibit Number One would be Juan Peron's Argentina.

  26. #26

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by FloatingPoint View Post
    Grow up
    Been trying for years :-)

  27. #27

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Why does every Turin thread turn out like this???

    Anyhoo...I loved the review for Pi: "sustaining interest for about 3.14 seconds". Cheeky bugger...couldn't agree more.

    Favourite serious review - Sarrasins. I've been raving (read - defending) this stuff since it came out. Glad to see someone else appreciates it.

    Favourite review from TS - Rose Poivree, again, for confirming my suspiscions.

  28. #28
    Brielle87's Avatar
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Well, now that this fun thread has been momentarily hijacked, for foolish purposes.

    Here is another one of my happy quotes;

    "...If you hate fragrance, your probably on your fourth bottle." LT in regard to Light Blue by D&G

    Which in my opinion is kind, LB is one of the most grievous offenses to the olfactory system

    imaginable; the fragrant equivalent of self-loathing.
    Quand on boit l'eau, il faut penser à sa source

  29. #29
    Brielle87's Avatar
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    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    I wish all of M. Turin's 'critics' would stop trying to have a 'pissing contest' with him. If everyone thinks they

    can do a better job, go out and write your own damned book. My goodness, this whole thing just proves

    that people will find the ammunition to cause conflict no matter what. Just enjoy the damned book!!!

    Let this thread continue on in it's lighthearted manner.
    Quand on boit l'eau, il faut penser à sa source

  30. #30

    Default Re: what 's your favorite Luca Turin review?

    Quote Originally Posted by Advocate View Post
    Surely there is enough actual racism in the world that it is unnecessary to torture syntax in an attempt to find unacceptable interpretations?

    It takes quite a leap to misinterpret Mr. Turin's words as meaning "Japanese are anal-retentive." He called four traditions practiced by Japanese people anal-retentive, not the whole of Japanese tradition, and not the whole of the Japanese people. A person with a sense of humor might playfully call these activities anal-retentive, since they involve many strict rules. (Although I think he may mean obsessive-compulsive instead.) Such a person might playfully call the shaving rituals over at Badger and Blade anal-retentive as well.

    The second example is even less convincing. Mr. Turin did not call Germans "solid." He wrote that the territory that the Ottoman Empire controlled would have been otherwise "solidly Germanic," i.e., that the territory would have been solidly in the German sphere of influence, which it would have been, considering its proximity to Germany. Mr. Turin is flat-out right that many people have a romantic, sentimental view of awful dictatorships: Defense Exhibit Number One would be Juan Peron's Argentina.
    Hinting at stereotypes is a way of maintaining "plausible deniability" in the face being called on it. The proximity of the stereotype to the people in question is enough to activate the stereotype. The associations are already known to the intended audience.

    BTW, the territory in question wasn't Germanic because of its "proximity to Germany" (a nation that didn't exist at the time), but because it literally belonged to the (Germanic) Holy Roman Empire.

    I never took issue with the point about romanticising tyranny.

    As far as having a sense of humor goes, mockery is the lowest form thereof. Even a child of limited intelligence can indulge in it. For a more charming example of humor, check out rtamara41's post above: self-deprecating and absurd, it's good fun for everyone.

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