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  1. #1

    Default I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Hey guys,

    Here's one for you. Yesterday I had to pop into a drugstore to get some basic toiletries (toothpaste, etc). Before I got out of my car I decided to freshen up a bit. I wasn't wearing any scent, and I felt a bit ragged because it was a hot day. All I really had in my car was a mini decant of Comme des Garçons Vettiveru that I'd made for myself. So I sprayed twice under my shirt, and thought what the hell-- and I dabbed some on my hand and rubbed it into my neck.

    As my shopping was almost complete, I glanced down the aisle and there was a cute girl standing in the checkout line. We made eye contact and she smiled. Naturally, about ten seconds later, I hastily decided that I was ready to check out-- despite the fact that I still hadn't picked up a few remaining items on my list. So I was cruising casually but confidently toward the checkout line, and I was going to wind up right behind this cute girl.

    Then tragedy struck...

    I was about five feet from the line when suddenly my arm clipped some stupid misplaced endcap of Hannah Montana gummi candies and a few bags of them fell to the floor. I bent over to pick them up-- because I'm a firm believer that if you knock something down, you pick it up. Unfortunately, as I tried to put the damn candy back on the shelf, MORE bags fell off. Then my sunglasses fell out of my shirt pocket. I was struggling to get everything back where it should be before somebody else cut in front of me in line.

    Of course there she was...this old bag of a woman lurking nearby... she saw my plight and RUSHED her cart in front of me with the ruthless speed and efficiency of some predatory freshwater fish like a pike going after a minnow. That C*nt. By the time I had stood up and got to the line, this b*tch had cut right in front of me. So I had no chance to even try to talk to the cute girl, PLUS it made me mad that I had like 10 items in a little basket, while this woman had an entire shopping cart FULL of stupid sh*t, like groceries and such (mind you this is a drugstore). Permit me to rant-- If I were in her shoes, I would have let me go first and NOT raced me to the checkout line. Not only that but she had a bunch of timewasting coupons etcetera.

    I was so mad. Fortunately, It seems this woman got a whiff of my cologne and HATED it. She kept cocking her head back in my direction and making little noises. And sniffling. And grumbling. And fake-sneezing. Usually I'm the last person who ever wants to annoy someone with my cologne, but this time I was thrilled that this woman hated it. It was my tacit "F*ck you". Plus, since her transaction took FOREVER, she had to go on smelling me for an eternity, and I loved it. I turned around and there was a middle aged woman behind me who didn't seem to mind, and she actually smiled at me and rolled her eyes as if to say "Isn't that woman a b*tch?"

    I was like a proud skunk at this point. I knew she hated my cologne. I was just waiting for this woman to say one word to me about it so I could unleash an avalanche of insults back at her-- though it never got to that. Eventually, after about ten minutes, her transaction was complete and she left. I mean, my cologne wasn't even that strong-- I know when I'm wearing too much. She just didn't like it. And I'm glad. Sorry if this sounds mean, but it was really bad form for this woman with a giant shopping cart to race in front of someone with only a few items. She got the inconvenience she deserved.

  2. #2
    DULLAH's Avatar
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    Talking Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Chill man.
    I know the type. Coupons lol.
    The old broad extroverted her self hate on YOU for the moment, not your cologne.
    In her frantic mental race to justify her behavior, the cologne was the first and most convienient thing for her to act out upon.

    Can't wait til this type of behavior dies off !
    Last edited by DULLAH; 24th June 2008 at 04:10 AM.

  3. #3

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Yeah dude, chillax... BTW you aren't by chance an Orlando resident are you? She beat you in line... just let it slide. It's only 5 minutes. If you start measuring your life by little things it eats you up from the inside out. So, relax... your blood pressure will thank you.

    Maybe you need some orange and neroli scent? I love the smell of oranges, always makes me mellow. Lavender is also good. Of course that's aromatherapy, not exactly cologne.
    Last edited by Magnulus; 24th June 2008 at 04:46 AM.

  4. #4
    bluesoul's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Bahahaha.

    Love it. Good story, and I'm waiting to try your rosewood creation rather eagerly!
    Twitter - @DanielTharp
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  5. #5

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Haha, at Wegman's tonight I knocked over the same damn Hanna Montana sour gummy guitar things! Of course I picked them up, but fortunately no old hag came over to steal my spot. The lady who was in front of me decided she didn't want their Boca Burgers, so instead of informing the cashier so they could promptly be returned to the freezer case, she just put the box right in another box of candy bars above the belt thing. As she was leaving, I picked up the box and handed it to the cashier (a girl I used to work with) and said loudly that the lady must have been too lazy to put it back or at least tell her. The lady sort of half turned around, as if she was going to say something, but what could she say? She was just being lazy.

    And it turned out that my really delicious donut peach I bought cost $2.12, which is ridiculous for a piece of fruit. Mind you, it was delicious, but I would have rather spent $1.49 on a Feijoa Guava, which is probably the best fruit in the world.

    But I'm ranting and need bed. Shopping sucks.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    I would tell you to relax like the others have mentioned, but I think she got what was coming. Too bad you didn't spray more. I always let people behind me in line go ahead of me if I see that they only have a few items. It's common courtesy.

  7. #7
    Asha's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Maybe she actually LIKED your scent, but did not like how it turned her on

    In this case, better to get more mad than start swooning....

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Man, I know I'm wearing too much if people around me are sneezing or crinkling their noses. I just want a kiss of it in the air instead of suffocating everyone (including a girl I wanted to holler at and someone who pissed me off). Ah, people cut all the time, some people are just asshats like that. I wouldn't get too worked up over it anyway.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Well, OF COURSE she cut in front of you! She didn't have any time to lose. You said that she was old. You make the most of time when you have one foot in the grave!

    Either that, or she thought that you were HOT and was just jealous that she couldn't have you. . .

  10. #10

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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Ouch. I so bloody hate it when someone cuts me in line, ANY line, it's a motherf*cking line for pete's sake, its there for a reason. The "chill, it's only 5 minutes" works the other way too, It's only 5 minutes (probably much lesser than that) and there's no need to cut anyone in line particularly when you're whoring a f*cking CARTLOAD.

    Phew.

    Last edited by Amit; 24th June 2008 at 05:44 AM. Reason: typo


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  11. #11

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by javagreen View Post
    Ouch. I so bloody hate it when someone cuts me in line, ANY line, it's a motherf*cking line for pete's sake, its there for a reason. The "chill, it's only 5 minutes" works the other way too, It's only 5 minutes (probably much lesser than that) and there's no need to cut anyone in line particularly when you're whoring a f*cking CARTLOAD.

    Phew.

    THANK you!

    Guys, don't worry, I'm not that worked up over it-- If I was some kind of vein-bulging rage-a-holic, I'd have probably caused a scene. I didn't. Still, I wouldn't have been out of line to say something-- she intentionally sped her cart in front of me, and almost ran over my fingers as I was trying to pick up that stupid candy. LOL at Stuffman for having the same experience with that same candy display-- yep it was the gummi guitars! I think those things are designed to fall off the shelves.

    And she wasn't THAT old that she was forgivably senile or moribund and pressed for time. She was probably in her late 60's and knew exactly what she was doing. She had a really haughty look on her face when she was bulldozing her cart past me. Just like with the coupons-- always looking for a way to save money-- or time at the expense of others. I know sh*t like that happens to everyone, all the time. But I mention it because it's got to be the ONE time in my life that's ever caused me a sick pleasure that someone hated my cologne.
    Last edited by Indie_Guy; 24th June 2008 at 06:37 AM. Reason: typo

  12. #12

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Indie, I think some of the new folks are still getting used to your sense of humor, and don't know you for the generous, good hearted guy you are - or at least the nice guy that lurks beneath the surface of your cold exterior. Ha.I hate it when someone sits there and haughtily clucks their disapproval at me. Revenge is a dish best served stinky.
    And that cute girl? She woulda ruined your life. Count on it.

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  13. #13

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    I do understand your anger to be honest. I hate bad manners, it's something that irritates me beyond belief and I never waste a second informing people that there is a queue and I tell the assistant not to serve the person who's pushed in. The reason people push in is because they think they can get away with it. It takes more people to correct and chastise these scummy trash so that these anal pustules know that that their behaviour is unacceptable.

    That's my rant over with.
    In a world where people smell bad, it is the personal responsibility of every Basenoter to improve the world one SotD at a time...

  14. #14

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by SlimPickins View Post
    Indie, I think some of the new folks are still getting used to your sense of humor, and don't know you for the generous, good hearted guy you are - or at least the nice guy that lurks beneath the surface of your cold exterior. Ha.I hate it when someone sits there and haughtily clucks their disapproval at me. Revenge is a dish best served stinky.
    And that cute girl? She woulda ruined your life. Count on it.

    -Slim
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  15. #15
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by SlimPickins View Post
    And that cute girl? She woulda ruined your life. Count on it.

    -Slim
    LMAO! Yeah. The cute chick from hell who makes her boyfriends throw out all their frags after they cough up the big rock. Trust us - Cart Lady was actually the Angel babe in disguise, saving your wardrobe!

  16. #16

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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    For the saving of the money in order to increase fragrance budget: http://www.thegrocerygame.com/

    For the cute girl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFeaqB-AAMo


  17. #17
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Damn, I HATE people like that. Next you're going to tell me that she paid in cash and took two minutes to count out exact change in f*ckin' nickels and pennies. I used to work as a cashier, and whenever people did that in the express lane I just wanted to slam them over the head with the "EXPRESS LANE" sign.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Hannah Montana has gummi candies. That girl's a marketing genius!
    "One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple"

    -- Jack Kerouac

  19. #19

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    The checkout line will always be there when you need it.

    Toss the gummy bags back onto the shelf, ditch your cart and catch the cute girl once she's through the check out / in the parking lot / whatever. Your priorities got a little messed up.

    I suspect what's inflaming your anger is a lost opportunity - although I must admit, the cutting in line thing always reminds me of grade school cafeteria behavior.

  20. #20

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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Great story- check out lines at drug stores here are like a mummified version of "Death Race: 2000"; those old parties give no quarter (but will happily argue for hours that their circa 1977 coupon is still valid...)

  21. #21
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by tmp00 View Post
    Great story- check out lines at drug stores here are like a mummified version of "Death Race: 2000"; those old parties give no quarter (but will happily argue for hours that their circa 1977 coupon is still valid...)
    haha the coupon bit made me snicker

  22. #22
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    You are a saint, if it was me I´d be tempted to jump up and down, anything to raise my body temperature and make the fragrance stronger because I warm up.

    That would teach her.

    It´s horrible when people obviously go out of their way to cut infront of you especially when you have a lot less items than they do!

    So rude...

  23. #23

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    How could anyone be offended by little ol' Vettiverru? It's a smile in a bottle really. That lady must have really been pretty crusty.

  24. #24

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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Don't chill out! Maintain the rage! I really despise rude inconsiderate people. Sadly there are lots of them.

    Ged
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  25. #25
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by seattlelight View Post
    The checkout line will always be there when you need it.

    Toss the gummy bags back onto the shelf, ditch your cart and catch the cute girl once she's through the check out / in the parking lot / whatever. Your priorities got a little messed up.

    I suspect what's inflaming your anger is a lost opportunity - although I must admit, the cutting in line thing always reminds me of grade school cafeteria behavior.
    agreed 115% percent....i think its the lost opportunity that bothered you more than the old bag....and the opportunity lost had to do with you rather than with the old fart......i would have left my stuff right there on the shelf and caught up with the girl right outside the pharmacy and after few minutes of pleasantries and number exchanges came back to the line vindicated....and right in time for the old bag to finish getting her discounts.
    Last edited by acceptfacts; 24th June 2008 at 08:22 PM.
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  26. #26

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Oh, I encounter people like that once in a while, really rude people that push my patience. Just not worth getting too steamed about and losing your cool. Honestly it happens more on the roads than anywhere else. I'm not all that tall (5'8) but for some reason I can be physically intimidating.

  27. #27
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Hell yeah! Feels good when a fragrance can be a revenge on the world. This ain't no nicey-nicey hobby!

    That woman was twice rude--I mean, disliking Vettiveru? That one can't be disliked. It was a fake dislike meant to humble you and keep you in your place behind her in the line. Wish you could have had a chance to put some obnoxious bumper sticker on the back of her car.
    That girl, that bottle, that mattress and me.

  28. #28

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    I Love this story.....Hilarious.....If You ever see Her again.....spray some extra.....just for Her.....Thanks....I needed a good laugh.
    Gary

  29. #29

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Good for you for doing the right thing by picking up what was knocked to the floor. The "proud skunk" line made me laugh so much. The old bag's payback for being ungracious, olefactory torture that could have been avoided by a kind gesture. There will be other girls to meet. Just don't weary in doing well aka. the right thing. Thanks for the story. It took my mind off of my own stuff for a few minutes. Thanks.

  30. #30

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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    That's going in my next script! Picturing you checking out the cutie, then trying to look suave as gummie candy flies off the shelves then being cut off by broomhilda!!! LOLOLOL CLASSIC! Sorry to laugh over your headache but that stuff always happens to me, laughing just makes the anger go away faster.

    Cheers,
    Alu

  31. #31

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Yup...a lost opportunity thanks to the old lady.

    And Hannah Montana .

  32. #32

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Thanks guys for your comments. I enjoyed reading them all, and several got me laughing out loud. I appreciate the empathy!

    Yeah, it IS kind of baffling that someone would not like Vettiveru... Like I said, I didn't apply that much. I suppose that woman just really didn't like the smell of it. I guess it smells like a little like "clean dirt" or maybe just a little bit of an ashtray smell in the base. Another thing I like about Vettiveru is that it has almost a smooth leather note to it, and I can't figure out what causes that association, but I love it. An incredible scent, and this stuff was a steal when I bought my 17 oz. bottle for around $80. Maybe I could take my bottle and run wild through Walgreens with it, dousing everything in sight-- the floors, shelves, counters, etc. so the place reeks of it for weeks. Then when old buzzard lady comes back, she'll know that I was thinking of her.

  33. #33

    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    Yeah, it's all Hannah Montana's fault and by extension, Billy Ray Cyrus is to blame, cause he's her dad. So blame him!! I hate him!!
    Come play with us (click on the Basenotes link) http://community.basenotes.net/showthread.php?t=195893

  34. #34
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    Default Re: I'm GLAD the old bag hated my cologne!!!

    the cute girl may have been a serial killer!

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