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  1. #1

    Talking Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    Please put here any review/reviews from the basenotes directory posted by other members that you thought were so funny, you couldn't stop laughing.

    I laughed hysterically after I just read this for MKK

    L'aventurier

    Oh god. I thought this would be my holy grail, but instead it just smells like unwashed genitalia doused in rose oil or some old world perfume. Put it all together, and you get the smell of an old, unwashed man wearing old man cologne. I admire the construction and idea of this, so I feel bad giving it a thumbs down, but please, please, please think strongly before you decide to wear this – it really turns me off, and I’d probably be disgusted if I smelled this on anyone. Not to be cocky, but my own genitals already smell better than this. I think Muscs Koublai Khan is definitely of an ironic fragrance, because in this modern era, we tend to wear perfume to smell good, and usually to mask our own body odor, whereas MKK MAKES you smell like body odor (if not genitals). SO – if you want to save money, just shower less and use light amounts of perfume or cologne and you’ll get the same effect, all the while still smelling like your YOURSELF, and not someone else’s genitals. Total waste of money in my opinion. Muscs Koublai Khan belongs in a fragrance museum, not on my body.

    5/10
    26 August 2008


    and Yeah, I do share his views for MKK after my first test wearing. There is surely a 'dirty genetalia' note in there.

    I just read some more reviews for MKK and boy if this thread catches some pace, a lot of posts would be from the MKK page.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    ^-- hilarious..thanks for sharing. My eyes are still watering.

  3. #3
    itsthepens's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    i hope this thread is intended to celebrate the humour of the reviewers' prose...

  4. #4

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    Hoos on LBrace yourselves....... And it's all true IMHO



    40 reviews

    Last night I sampled Lorenzo Villoresi's Dilmun. And I have a story. Pour yourself a nice little beverage, maybe a small plate of shortbread, pull up a chair by the hearth, and I'll tell you my tale of Dilmun:

    It all starts as a lovely trip for Mom, Dad, Dexter, and Penny. Yes, they're taking a car trip on a beautiful morning that has a hint of orange blossom in the air.

    Less than an hour out of town, Dexter exclaims, "Dad! Look! A cake factory! Can we stop? Pleeeeezzzzzeeeee?"

    Now Penny loves cake and thinks the idea of touring a cake factory would be wonderful and they might even get samples! So, Penny chimes in "Come on Mom! That would be fun! Let's go!"

    Mom and Dad benevolently smile knowingly at each other and Dad chucks little Dexter under the chin and says, "Sure, son. Let's tour the cake factory."

    As they wend up the road leading to the Dilmun Cake Factory, a road lined with beautiful orange trees in blossom, a faint chemical smell reaches out to their nostrils. Nearly too faint too notice. Mom, ever vigilant over her family, says "Hmmm. Do you smell that honey? I'm kind of concerned."

    Dad, tapping out his pipe and chortling ever so gently, says, "Honey, you worry too much. That's probably nothing."

    So, Mom, Dad, Dexter, and Penny trundle up to the DCF and ask for a tour. The plant manager, Mr. Glower, looks at them with a bit of surprise. "Um," Mr. Glower emphatically states, "we usually don't give tours here."

    Dexter pipes up, "But it's a cake factory! How can you not give tours?"

    Mr. Glower looks our loving family up and down, debates a moment, and says, "Well, if you like, come on in."

    Imagine our lovely family's surprise to be greeted by aisle upon aisle of shelves packed ceiling to floor with cakes! And not just any old cake, either!

    Urinal cakes! On a hot day in a huge storage room with no venting.

    Yes, our little family quickly went from a pleasant day scented by a breeze tinged with orange blossom to standing inside a hot, airless room filled with nothing but urinal cakes. Cakes whose power of scentification seemed to grow by magnitudes of 10 as each second ticked by.

    The family fled with noses held and feet a-flying. But they could not escape the smell. They dived for the car. Dad sped (Dad never drove like that before!) all the way home.

    They took three showers and still they smelled of urinal cakes. Mom thought a nice alcohol bath might help. Alas, Mom was wrong. Dad, thinking through the horrid predicament as only a Dad could, said "Clorox Wipes! That'll do it!" Alas, Dad was wrong too. Even subsequent showers with a nice bar of Lava Soap did nothing for the clingy-sweet stink of the Dilmun Cake Factory.

    Much like the emanations from a frightened skunk, the scent from the Dilmun Cake Factory was not to be trifled with. It was an event to be lived through. Even, if you will, suffer through.

    So, gentle reader, the next spring morning that you step from your house, notice a lovely scent of orange blossom, and think it would be a wonderful day for a family outing. Just remember: it would be, but it would be nicer if you avoided the Dilmun Cake Factory tour.


    This conflagration of fragrance is officially worse than Michael for Men simply because of its unholy tenacity. It gets no stars and a thumbs down.
    29 July 2008

  5. #5

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    From fortheloveofperfume.blogspot.com on Royal English Leather:

    • << ... My girlfriend loves it, and she has complimented the scent (after ripping off my dress unifrm ) even after 12+ hours of wear. >>


    • <<...The king wore Royal English Leather on his gloves to sniff as he walked by the servants of the court, who because they did not bathe frequently smelled quite sour... At one sniff I was transfixed. The combination of highest quality, smooth and supple leather infused with mandarin oil was nearly more than I could handle in front of our friend Joshua. I had to temper my reactions so as not to make a scene. I immediately conjured images of sexy and pwerful men donning leather gloves and other accessories [?] making decisions that would impact an entire nation and kissing the hands of courted wmen on bended knee. A Mozart concerto and the images I have seen in movies washed over me like a tide as I sniffed this incredible elixir that has stood the test of centuries.... >>

      Appropriately awestruck I scanned BN reviews of bottled Amadeus and Royal Knees next :

    • <<... It is history in a bottle... All other pretenders should kneel down now.>>
    • <<...Bend your knee indeed ! This opulent yet absolutely lucent fragrance smells of pre-demcratic, pre-capitalist ld Europe.

    :brolly: someone must have survived la guillotine!
    More likely: REL is vintage 20th century only.

    Very truly yours, Tom Hulce
    Last edited by narcus; 17th January 2009 at 12:33 PM.
    'Il mondo dei profumi č un universo senza limiti: una fraganza puo rievocare sensazioni, luoghi, persone o ancora condurre in uno spazio di nuove dimensioni emozionali' L. V.

  6. #6

    Join Date
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    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    The MKK review is very funny - if only it represented what the fragrance actually smelled like! [the whole think about MKK being foul smelling is waaaay overblown. It smells like a strong musk at first, and then settles down quite tamely]

  7. #7

    Talking Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    This one is a classic. And it marked a turning-point for me. I saw it early in my BN days, and it seemed so witty to me that I thought, "I can have FUN with this hobby, I can write reviews too!" So thanks, Naed Nitram, for this review of Penhaligons Blenheim Bouquet!
    -----
    The Baron de Charlus once told me: 'I recall the time when I was a houseguest at Chartwell, the country estate of Sir Winston Churchill (or "Vesuvius" as we used to call him on account of his volcanic eruptions). He gave us each a bottle of Blenheim Bouquet.
    "Tell me, de Charlus," said Sir Winston in that celebrated slurred growl of his, "as a connoissheur of schent, what is your opinion of Blenheim Bouquet? Shum shay it is one of the finest schents in creation - and I concur!" "Then we are of one mind, my dear Vesuvius," I responded. "An opening of clean pure citrus with a truly divine development of warm woods. It has hardly been bettered before or since." Sir Winston looked surprised. "Sho," he said, "you do not intend, then, to asshail me with one of your shelebrated inshults?" "Merely to remark, my dear Vesuvius, given your capacity to engage in some of the fiercest and foulest eruptions known to man, that it is most gracious of you to counteract these assaults on your fellow creatures by bathing yourself in the fragrant ambience of Blenheim Bouquet. It leaves us all wondering whether we are surrounded by citrus or shitrus."
    At this, much to my admiration, the famous statesman and bon viveur growled, scowled, guffawed, and threw a steak and kidney pudding at my head.'
    odysseusm

    "The force that through the green fuse drives the flower // drives my green age..." Dylan Thomas

  8. #8

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    This is a great thread! Even if you think the reviewer is way off, I give them credit for putting their opinion 'out there' and extra points for making someone laugh, and taking the time to write something interesting! Love it.......

  9. #9

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    Quote Originally Posted by odysseusm View Post
    This one is a classic. And it marked a turning-point for me. I saw it early in my BN days, and it seemed so witty to me that I thought, "I can have FUN with this hobby, I can write reviews too!" So thanks, Naed Nitram, for this review of Penhaligons Blenheim Bouquet!
    -----
    The Baron de Charlus once told me: 'I recall the time when I was a houseguest at Chartwell, the country estate of Sir Winston Churchill (or "Vesuvius" as we used to call him on account of his volcanic eruptions). He gave us each a bottle of Blenheim Bouquet.
    "Tell me, de Charlus," said Sir Winston in that celebrated slurred growl of his, "as a connoissheur of schent, what is your opinion of Blenheim Bouquet? Shum shay it is one of the finest schents in creation - and I concur!" "Then we are of one mind, my dear Vesuvius," I responded. "An opening of clean pure citrus with a truly divine development of warm woods. It has hardly been bettered before or since." Sir Winston looked surprised. "Sho," he said, "you do not intend, then, to asshail me with one of your shelebrated inshults?" "Merely to remark, my dear Vesuvius, given your capacity to engage in some of the fiercest and foulest eruptions known to man, that it is most gracious of you to counteract these assaults on your fellow creatures by bathing yourself in the fragrant ambience of Blenheim Bouquet. It leaves us all wondering whether we are surrounded by citrus or shitrus."
    At this, much to my admiration, the famous statesman and bon viveur growled, scowled, guffawed, and threw a steak and kidney pudding at my head.'
    Oh my God..the tears are rolling down my face, ROTFL!

  10. #10
    smeller
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    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    Yes, that Blenheim Bouquet review is great.

    But here are some other jewels by Nitram:


    One Man Show by Jacques Bogart

    ARISTOCRAT SHOOTS FRAGRANCE AT LEARNED SOCIETY! Police were called last night to the Society of Perfumes in Paris following the shooting of the fragrance One Man Show by the eccentric aesthete Baron de Charlus. Eyewitnesses report that de Charlus was heard shouting: 'I refuse any longer to dignify this sinus-destroying syrup with words!' Producing a revolver, he tossed a bottle of One Man Show in the air and shot it to pieces. 'I have no regrets,' de Charlus was reported as saying later, 'I only wish I had shot it sooner!' One Man Show is believed to be in a critical condition but the House of Bogart are confident it will recover.
    08 December 2004


    No. 88 by Czech & Speake

    The Baron de Charlus once told me: 'I recall the time when I was a house guest at the country estate of Ozzie Osborne (or Osbert as I insisted on calling him for reasons of decorum). He gave us each a bottle of Czech & Speake No. 88.
    "De Charlus, you old c***," croaked the poete maudit of rock music turned national treasure, "what the f*** do you think of this f****** fragrance? Is it good shit, bad shit, or indifferent?" "My dear Osbert," I responded, "what we have here is poetry of the coffin laced with infinite solitude and emptiness. It would not be erroneous to describe it as embodying a metaphysical menace. You have to admire its evocative qualities, this strange, left-handed cousin of Messe de Minuit, itself a fairly odd and deathly scent. Personally I would shudder to wear either. I also feel that it is totally inappropriate for your good self. Given your curious combination of histrionics, vagueness and blokeishness, I feel you would be far better suited by a combination of Joop, Latitude Longitude and Marbert Man. Then you would smell like a proper f****** c***."
    My host, I fear, was distinctly unimpressed by judgement and proceeded to unleash on me his whole menagerie: wife, cats, dogs, children, musicians and bats out of hell.'


    An here that's my favorite:


    Zegna by Ermenegildo Zegna

    Wandering through the labyrinthine corridors of his mind, how often did the great philosopher Immanuel Kant resort to Zegna to stimulate his thought! In that darkened alcove, where unfathomable grey met impenetrable brown, where only the merest shadow of lemon flitted elusively through the dim phenomena of his study, this perfume, like some dark matrix of the brooding possibility of being, formed an enigmatic pool enticingly veiling the absolute.
    "It seems to me, guvnor," said his servant, "that this must be the most metaphysical scent that we've encountered so far. When it comes to serious, no-frills professor's perfumes, this must be the thing-in-itself!"
    "Yes, indeedy," murmured Professor Kant absentmindedly, "clearly beyond categorization, possibly beyond space and time. Although I find it somewhat strange that it has an abstract aroma of stale tea about it. Could it be that the universe is in reality a giant tea bag?"

  11. #11

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    I will always be a fan on A*men, which is why I look at it's reviews from time to time. Shortly after I joined I read this review...and will never forget!

    Posted by fragrantone:

    "My 16 year old daughter, the Angel for women devotee, bought this for her boyfriend for Christmas.

    Boyfriend loved the gift, and applied vast quantities immediately, bringing the merriment to a grinding halt. Somewhere in the neighborhood of six or eight sprays, I believe.

    Heavy. Stifling. Cloying. Sickly sweet. It is apparently a permanent fragrance commitment, since it cannot be removed from human skin, so use with caution.

    The Scent That Ruined Christmas."

    I still laugh whenever I read this

  12. #12

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    Nitram is a true artist and one of my favorite five on the reviews board.
    I think I could be safely buying things he reviewed.. But then
    I mostly know the perfumes he writes these anecdotes about.
    Last edited by narcus; 17th January 2009 at 05:42 PM.
    'Il mondo dei profumi č un universo senza limiti: una fraganza puo rievocare sensazioni, luoghi, persone o ancora condurre in uno spazio di nuove dimensioni emozionali' L. V.

  13. #13
    AromiErotici
    Guest

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    He most certainly posts very amusing and entertaining reviews. I may not even agree with some of them, but I enjoy them just the same.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    More "sentimental" than hilarious, this review is an excellent mini story in its own right:

    It's a Friday night in 1980. Your best friend calls you and asks you if you want to go to the roller rink and hang out. Cool, you say. What time will you and your Mom pick me up? (Hey, it's a five mile walk...) As you look into your closet trying to decide what to wear, you start thinking of that girl who hangs out a the roller rink and is always checking you out. Maybe she'll be there tonight. You take extra care in picking out your clothes: a skin tight pair of Jordache jeans, a plaid Daniel Hechter sports shirt and your prized gold serpentine chain. As you're putting it on, your eyes fall on the little bottle of Pierre Cardin cologne that you swiped from Woolworth's at the mall. You pick it up and unscrew the chrome top and sniff of it. The aroma is heady. It's kind of lemony and kind of spicy and rich. Nothing like that stuff your Dad has under his bathroom cabinet. That smells like the barber shop. This smells classy, even though it's sort of cheap and you could've paid for it; but after you smelled it in the store something excited you and stealing it only added to the excitement.
    You hear the car horn and run downstairs and throw on your red bomber jacket and get in the car. Your friends mother tells you how nice you smell. You blush. Your friend says something about hockey practice. When his Mom drops you off she tells you to keep warm because it's late October and it really is starting to get cold. You go into the rink and it's the usual. Round and round in circles to songs like "I'm Turning Japanese" and "Heart of Glass".
    That girl you were thinking about isn't there. There are other girls, equally as interested...but your heart was set on her. Finally, after the hundredth circuit, your friend gets bored and whispers to ask if you want to go behind the building and smoke a joint. Why not?
    When you get out there, it's almost too cold to smoke, but you can clearly smell your cologne, almost as strong as when you put it on and somehow even better smelling in the cold air. Your best friend lights the joint and suggests that he shot-gun it to you. You nod. He inhales and you both move in until your faces are almost touching... The next thing you know his lips are on yours. You're full on making out. Your best friend is telling you how awesome you smell and it's like the world has turned upside down in three seconds. Is it your Pierre Cardin? Maybe not...but so much for that girl.

  15. #15

    Default Re: Hilarious fragrance reviews thread

    The Perfume Emporium site has some really funny reviews. I remember someone saying that Guerlain Vetiver smelled like sweaty gym socks or something to that effect!

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