Code of Conduct
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  1. #1
    bluesoul's Avatar
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    Default The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    (Be sure to read Part I as well, though they're not connected.)

    I write this with still-shaking hands, the events described below are no more than ten minutes old.

    Saturday was a day for rest and relaxation, or so they say. I was lounging on the couch in nothing more than a pair of underwear when the serenity was abruptly ended.

    THUD! THUD! THUD THUD THUD THUD!, went the door, loud, determined, forceful, even angry knocks over and over. I quietly got up and went into the bathroom where the clothes from last night still lay and put them on, listening intently at some scattered conversation at the door. I could pick out the words "Office Depot", and could hear two voices, which meant there were two guys outside and they were looking for me. Oh hell, what have I gotten myself into. For a full two minutes the door was assaulted with closed fist, and then I heard another sound. A police radio. My fear turned into confusion as I didn't believe I'd done anything to get me on the wrong side of the police.

    I must've been a sight to see, wrinkled red shirt, wrinkled blue jeans, wild unkempt hair from sitting on the couch watching MythBusters episodes. I unlocked the door and stepped onto the porch in bare feet. The officer whose eyes I met did not look amused.

    "Good morning." obviously said in sarcasm as it was 3 in the afternoon and I looked to all intents and purposes like I'd just gotten out of bed.
    "Good morning, sir."
    "Are you...Brian?"

    Who?

    "No sir, I've seen some mail for him but my name's Daniel."
    "I see, and you obviously do not live with Brian."

    Now, I'm so frequently mistaken for being gay that I was almost offended that he assumed I was straight. As ludicrous as that sounds.

    "Correct, sir."
    "You've got a lot of mail here. A bunch of names on them."
    "Yes sir, that seems to be the nature of the beast with this apartment, everyone's mail shows up here even after they move. Nobody does change of address forms anymore, I don't guess."
    "Why don't you go ahead and get your mail?"

    Uh, okay? I wondered where this was leading. I grabbed the stack of mail out of the box and sorted through it, finding only one letter to me that appeared to be junk. I took it and dumped the rest back in the box.

    "Aren't you going to get your other envelope?" the policeman asked, watching me intently.

    Strange, I didn't feel anything else but I was expecting one. I dug my hand in deeper into the box and felt a bubble mailer. I knew what it was before I even pulled it out of the box, Jack (silverbullet) had sent me 10 mL of M7 by Yves Saint Larent.

    "Thanks," I told the officer, "I didn't feel it the first time."
    "I see." he replied obviously unconvinced, and there was a question in the air so obvious as to be nearly palpable.
    "It's cologne," I said, pointing at the envelope.
    "Are you sure? Are you sure it's not narcotics?"
    Briefly I pondered the situation, of what if Jack had slipped a little something in the envelope how amazingly screwed I'd be.
    "Pretty sure, sir. I'm a cologne writer, I've got about 40 bottles inside."

    He looked at me for a second, scanning my face, and then said...

    "No way! That's too cool!" I breathed an inward sigh of relief. The surreality of the experience, combined with the fact that there was a heavy wind and snow shower going on, meant I started shaking, my hands especially. I knew this was gonna be trouble.

    "This one's called M7 by Yves Saint Laurent, their 7th men's creation which explains the name. I believe, if you smell it, you're going to smell cherry cough syrup."

    I unscrewed the cap on one of the two 5mL roller bottles and offered it to the officer. He did not accept it, instead looking at my shaking hand.

    "Do you normally shake like this when you're talking to the police?" he asked.

    "No sir, you kind of rattled me with banging on the door and it's a little cold out here, I'm not quite dressed for it."

    He finally took the bottle, raised it to his nose and stifled a laugh.

    "Here, you smell it," the officer said to his colleague, sticking it violently towards his nose. The other officer laughed and smelled it as well. The first officer took it back and then handed it back to me.

    "And you're sure it's not GHB or something like that?"

    For those that don't know, I'm about 5'2" and 130 pounds.

    "Sir, as much as I'm flattered you think I look like a candidate for human growth hormone, I can safely say it's just cologne."

    The officer just laughed this time, and I started to settle down, I pointed at the bottle of M7 and said secretively, "I've been trying to convince myself for almost a year now that this stuff isn't terrible."

    There was no delay, not even a little pause, as the two officers said in union...

    "It's terrible."
    Last edited by bluesoul; 21st February 2009 at 10:29 PM.
    Twitter - @DanielTharp
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    Always be content with what you have, never be content with what you are.

  2. #2

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    haha, You need to get yourself a 'safer' hobby! If Silverbullet had included a little extra 'something-something,' WOW, I'm sure the story would have been less amusing.

  3. #3

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    This is even funnier than Part I

    Thank you for a good laugh!
    .

  4. #4

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Great read Bluesoul...wow.

    I actually missed part 1 for some reason, another good one. This must have been a lot more intense, of course.

  5. #5
    exquisitely me's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    LOL... these things always seem to happen to you...

    Awesome post, bluesoul!!

  6. #6

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    That was a great read bluesoul...thanks for sharing.

    That post reminds me of some of the old Indie_Guy stories.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    OMG - I can't stop laughing.

    Seriously, dude. You need to move. WTF?

    OK, so I'm thinking you have no idea what GHB is right? GHB is not human growth hormone. It's a liquid that people drink and get 'high' from. When people ingest too much they collapse. Or stop breathing. Or die. If they ingest just the right amount, they get high. Big drug in Miami for a while. I think it was even for a while used as a date rape drug.

    The funniest part of this story is the fact that the scent silverbullet sent you was named M7. I mean if I was a cop, looking for something suspicious, a sample marked 'M7' looks very cloak-and-dagger to me. You better be glad silverbullet didn't send you any Antidote or Booster.

    And yes M7 does smell terrible.
    Last edited by mikeperez23; 21st February 2009 at 11:01 PM.

  8. #8

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    OK. I love these posts, but I live a few blocks from you in Old Louisville and my fragrance orders are never met with police escorts! Maybe it's your building!

  9. #9
    bluesoul's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Quote Originally Posted by mikeperez23 View Post
    date rape drug.
    That's it, I knew I'd heard of it somewhere but I couldn't peg it so I just went with the first thing that came out of my mouth. That probably explains his laughter as at that point he knew I wasn't that good an actor.

    In better news, the stuff I left out was that I mentioned to the guy that I thought they might have been there regarding the robbery. He asked me about it and as I recounted the tale he said that everyone on the force was familiar with it at this point, everyone had a description of the guy and if/when he's arrested my case is going to be the main thrust of things. Normally I'd suspect that he was just being reassuring but he produced the guy's name unprompted so that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikeperez23 View Post
    You better be glad silverbullet didn't send you any Antidote or Booster.
    Or Opium or Blue Sugar or Euphoria or Intense Euphoria.
    Twitter - @DanielTharp
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    Always be content with what you have, never be content with what you are.

  10. #10

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Please keep writing...you are hilarious. LOL !!!
    "Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel."

  11. #11
    Basenotes Institution
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    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Quote Originally Posted by bluesoul View Post
    That's it, I knew I'd heard of it somewhere but I couldn't peg it so I just went with the first thing that came out of my mouth. That probably explains his laughter as at that point he knew I wasn't that good an actor.

    In better news, the stuff I left out was that I mentioned to the guy that I thought they might have been there regarding the robbery. He asked me about it and as I recounted the tale he said that everyone on the force was familiar with it at this point, everyone had a description of the guy and if/when he's arrested my case is going to be the main thrust of things. Normally I'd suspect that he was just being reassuring but he produced the guy's name unprompted so that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.
    Very good. So, you see, the story does have a happy ending. Well, until Part III, that is. Until next time!

    Quote Originally Posted by bluesoul View Post
    Or Opium or Blue Sugar or Euphoria or Intense Euphoria.
    Opium would not have been cool.

  12. #12

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Bluesoul, you sure know how to tell a tale! Thanks for the great read. Part of me wants to wish you a less exciting life, but then I'd miss the stories!

  13. #13

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Rotfllllllllllll!!!!! I'm sorry. Fuh-REAKIN' cops. GHB. Forevermore! Your reaction was priceless. Do drugs come in rollerball form?
    Well, I'm glad all's well that ends well. Stranger than fiction, this life, isn't it??

    Here's to a peaceful Sunday, kid!

  14. #14

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Be sure to not order any Cannabis Santal any time soon. Do you notice any strange vans sitting out front of your place?
    Once Upon A Time In Nazi Occupied France...A Basterd's Work is Never Done ~ Inglourious Basterds

  15. #15

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    That was indeed an interesting and entertaining read. Thank-you.

    They were right though. M7 does smell terrible. It's no accident that I sold my bottle.
    In a world where people smell bad, it is the personal responsibility of every Basenoter to improve the world one SotD at a time...

  16. #16

    Cool Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Very good, bluesoul!

    Keep on writing.

    Mario
    My Wardrobe

    Reviews: http://www.basenotes.net/reviews/30

    Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

    My Antaeus can beat up your Armani.

  17. #17

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Nice read. I'd be scared. (and offended)

  18. #18

    Default Re: The Palisander Conspiracy, Part II: The Mystery of M7

    Hilarious!

    But can I just ask how it came to be that they were pounding on your door, interested in your mail? How does that happen? (I'm just imagining good citizens Dick & Jane & Mister P. calling in some kind of anonymous tip.... )

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