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  1. #1

    Default My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    I am beginning to believe her. She walked in on me again browsing this site of course and she then replied that she thinks that i really need some professional help ( dead serious ) under normal circumstances i would just brush this off, but after every purchase i keep mumbling the famous phrase ( the last one ) like a crack addict ! For example i purchased 5 blind buys this week alone 3 Kenzo's, Mitsouki and Rocabar that would put me over 60 + which might not sound too bad, but consider i started collecting June of last year. So is this normal and if so how long did it take to to shake the demons ?
    Last edited by DustB; 31st May 2009 at 06:11 PM.

  2. #2
    shamu1's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    I guess the first question that needs to be asked is: does your wife share your interest in fragrances? I think that would put things in perspective.

    To tell you the truth, your thread has made me wonder if I have a problem too! Fortunately, my wife is also a perfume enthusiast (for much longer than I've been), but she doesn't buy anywhere near as much stuff as I do.

  3. #3

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    She owns maybe 10 herself, but maybe from a couple of years .

  4. #4
    Royal's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    I have 65 full bottles.

    My girlfriend encourages me.
    Last edited by Royal; 31st May 2009 at 02:23 PM. Reason: actually counted my bottles :D

  5. #5
    Molten Gin

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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    My girlfriend shares a little bit of interest. Recently, she only likes niche releases. God bless her!

    And no... we don't need professional help (yet). If you blind buy 10 bottles of the same scent at the same time, then that's another story.
    Last edited by moltening; 31st May 2009 at 02:30 PM.

  6. #6
    MadScientist's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Yes, I see your problem...

    Quote Originally Posted by cmax View Post
    but after every purchase i keep mumbling the famous phrase ( the last one )
    Stop saying that. Accept that there is no "last one". You will then be cured.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    My fiancee has adjusted to my side of the bureau having 30+ bottles (and another 100+ in drawers) while her side has three. As long as I keep buying her Angel she is cool.

  8. #8
    shamu1's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Cmax, it doesn't sound like your wife shares the same passion for perfume as you do, which is OK. So I think you need to put it into perspective - what if she were passionate about something you had very little interest in? Perhaps you'd think she needs therapy, when in fact she doesn't.

    However, if you're blowing money and it's cutting into your family finances or cutting into money you'd normally spend on your wife or kids (e.g., causing you to miss paying your electric bill, preventing you from going out to dinner with your wife, etc.), then you might have a problem. No hobby should interfere with your marriage and survival. If that's not the case, then I say enjoy your perfumes! I'm no therapist at all, just my own opinion.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    If you aren't spending money that ought to have been used to pay bills and other necessary expenses, and if you are using what you buy, it sounds like you're doing okay. Many of us have a number of fragrances in our collections, and there is a difference between a hobby and an obsession. It becomes unhealthy if it interferes with the rest of your life.

    Edit: Shamu1 and I are thinking alike!
    Last edited by 30 Roses; 31st May 2009 at 02:52 PM.

  10. #10

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    The first thing you need to do is talk to your wife (something that no-one has yet suggested). Talk to her, let her present her side of the argument and then explain that fragrance is a hobby. If necessary be willing to compromise on the amount of purchases.

    Secondly, if you are starting to think that you are developing an obsession then odds are, you are. It is when others try to tell you, that a behavior is normal, that it is just a hobby, that their girlfriends/boyfriends understand etc, that you really run the risk of becoming obsessed to the point of no return. Junkies, alcoholics and addicts of all stripes hear those exact same phrases from those that share their problem.

    Thirdly, try to put things into perspective. What would make you life worse; being unable to continue your hobby as avidly as you are now or losing your wife? Even if it is nowhere near that point, thinking like this helps us figure out what is truly important; and I'm sorry to say that perfume should rightly be at the bottom of the list (unless you make your living in the industry).
    Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them. - Immanuel Kant

  11. #11
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    You have been averaging a little over a bottle a week now for a year. That is quite a bit.

    There are a lot of things to contemplate in your situation. A few that stick out in my mind:

    Is your fragrance hobby causing you to neglecting financial responsibilities? That could include failing to pay bills or running up credit card debt or failing to accomplish needed things because there isn't enough money. Or even failing to save money for future goals.

    Does your wife feel you pay more attention to fragrances than her? If so, that would be a consideration. And if there are things that aren't affordable that she wants to do, she may blame that on fragrances. Say you used to take her out to dinner and you don't anymore because money is tight. She will blame the fragrance habit every time.

    Is space a consideration? If the collection produces clutter, that can affect a wife's feelings, especially if you are creating an eyesore or treading into her space.

    Are you that successful with blind buys? Five blind buys in a week! What is your success rate? 90%? I can't fault that. 50%? Perhaps you should start sampling and only buy what you really like. And if your wife sees you buying things that you don't like or don't have interest in, it will feed that negative impression.

    What are your fragrance collecting goals? To have a lot of things that you like to wear with some degree of frequency? Or just to have a lot of fragrances? I would suggest that you define your goals and keep them as narrow as they work for you.

    The bottom line is I don't know if you have a problem. I see warning signs though and the fact that your wife is concerned is not something to take lightly.

    And of course I am not expecting you to interact with these questions here (unless you want to), but hope that you would take time to think about them.
    Last edited by scentsitivity; 31st May 2009 at 03:53 PM.
    Currently wearing: Augusto by Mazzolari

  12. #12
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    My girlfriend encourages me as well, she sees anything I take interest in as important, to me at least, and respects me learning more about what I personally love, and I show her the same respect by only purchasing frags she also finds appealing, so this hobby stays in the positive realm.

    If your wife actually thinks you need professional help, sit her down and try to explain your true feelings on the issue to her, what fragrance collecting does for you and how it makes you feel. If she can't accept that, it's the Mitsouko or her!

  13. #13

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by scentsitivity View Post
    You have been averaging a little over a bottle a week now for a year. That is quite a bit.

    There are a lot of things to contemplate in your situation. A few that stick out in my mind:

    Is your fragrance hobby causing you to neglecting financial responsibilities? That could include failing to pay bills or running up credit card debt or failing to accomplish needed things because there isn't enough money. Or even failing to save money for future goals.

    Does your wife feel you pay more attention to fragrances than her? If so, that would be a consideration. And if there are things that aren't affordable that she wants to do, she may blame that on fragrances. Say you used to take her out to dinner and you don't anymore because money is tight. She will blame the fragrance habit every time.

    Is space a consideration? If the collection produces clutter, that can affect a wife's feelings, especially if you are creating an eyesore or treading into her space.

    Are you that successful with blind buys? Five blind buys in a week! What is your success rate? 90%? I can't fault that. 50%? Perhaps you should start sampling and only buy what you really like. And if your wife sees you buying things that you don't like or don't have interest in, it will feed that negative impression.

    What are your fragrance collecting goals? To have a lot of things that you like to wear with some degree of frequency? Or just to have a lot of fragrances? I would suggest that you define your goals and keep them as narrow as they work for you.

    The bottom line is I don't know if you have a problem. I see warning signs though and the fact that your wife is concerned is not something to take lightly.

    And of course I am not expecting you to interact with these questions here (unless you want to), but hope that you would take time to think about them.
    This may be one of the most beautifully written sentiments out there on fragrance and addiction.

    It deserves a plaque, to be posted onto the wall of Ernie Gallo's Fragrance Abuse Clinic.

  14. #14

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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Well, you have purchased quite a bit in one year! My experience, though, is after my first 50 bottles or so, I started to get pickier and find fewer fragrances FBW. Maybe you could set some kind of general parameters for yourself - like maybe only allow yourself one FB a month for a while or just keep track of how much you're spending and pledge to spend less in the coming year, than you did in the previous one. No need to go cold turkey!

  15. #15

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    If you're a member of basenotes, it may be an obsession
    I have: Davidoff Relax, Dior Homme Sport, Boss Selection, Azzaro Visit, and Creed MI (will provide # on bottle for verification) available.

    Looking for the following: DG The One, Himalaya, YSL L'Homme, John Varvatos (not vintage) Canali For Men or Paypal.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by cmax View Post
    For example i purchased 5 blind buys this week alone 3 Kenzo's, Mitsouki and Rocabar that would put me over 60 + which might not sound too bad, but consider i started collecting June of last year.
    I'm guessing you have more of a problem with blind buying... Maybe a better way would be to focus on samples? I swore off blind buying completely, and typically getting a sample forestalls a purchase for me, or at least if I buy something I know I love it and will use it (or at least when I'm done with all of my samples )

    Even 'buying' samples is much more cost- and space-effective than getting blind bottles.

    With a big collection like yours, you may not even have to pay for samples, you can just trade samples with other BNers -- it takes a bit of time and effort, but if this keeps you occupied and having fun, maybe you won't need to keep buying as many bottles!

    Hope this helps!
    Last edited by kess; 31st May 2009 at 04:21 PM.
    For sale: Armani Prive (Cuir, Jade), Yves Rocher, Artisan Ambre body cream http://community.basenotes.net/showthread.php?t=228894

  17. #17

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by scentsitivity View Post
    You have been averaging a little over a bottle a week now for a year. That is quite a bit.

    There are a lot of things to contemplate in your situation. A few that stick out in my mind:

    Is your fragrance hobby causing you to neglecting financial responsibilities? That could include failing to pay bills or running up credit card debt or failing to accomplish needed things because there isn't enough money. Or even failing to save money for future goals.

    Does your wife feel you pay more attention to fragrances than her? If so, that would be a consideration. And if there are things that aren't affordable that she wants to do, she may blame that on fragrances. Say you used to take her out to dinner and you don't anymore because money is tight. She will blame the fragrance habit every time.

    Is space a consideration? If the collection produces clutter, that can affect a wife's feelings, especially if you are creating an eyesore or treading into her space.

    Are you that successful with blind buys? Five blind buys in a week! What is your success rate? 90%? I can't fault that. 50%? Perhaps you should start sampling and only buy what you really like. And if your wife sees you buying things that you don't like or don't have interest in, it will feed that negative impression.

    What are your fragrance collecting goals? To have a lot of things that you like to wear with some degree of frequency? Or just to have a lot of fragrances? I would suggest that you define your goals and keep them as narrow as they work for you.

    The bottom line is I don't know if you have a problem. I see warning signs though and the fact that your wife is concerned is not something to take lightly.

    And of course I am not expecting you to interact with these questions here (unless you want to), but hope that you would take time to think about them.
    No offense intended but questions like these are useless for someone who may be developing an obsession, as they will just answer them in such a way that "proves" that there is not a problem.
    Last edited by surreality; 31st May 2009 at 04:38 PM.
    Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them. - Immanuel Kant

  18. #18
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    further to my earlier post, check out the sample buying thread
    For sale: Armani Prive (Cuir, Jade), Yves Rocher, Artisan Ambre body cream http://community.basenotes.net/showthread.php?t=228894

  19. #19
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by surreality View Post
    No offense intended but questions like these are useless for someone who may be developing an obsession, as they will just answer them in such a way that "proves" that there is not a problem.
    I disagree, the validity of the questions should not be questioned by the ignorance/denial of the subject. If one isn't be honest with oneself, no self-report measures are going to be effective. That is a great guide that should be stickied in the Abuse Forum.

  20. #20

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    First , thanks for the replies. I will try to answer the best i can.
    1. #1 The purchases i have made, have NO WAY of stopping me providing for my family or 2 kids.
    1. # 2 They are also not interfering with our marriage in no way or form.
    1. # 3 It seems as if i am chasing that perfect scent maybe that's why ( I think )
    .
    1. # 4 I started off with a bunch of blind buys ( maybe 85% ) success rate then i began sampling once i started sampling the success for me went on a decline for some reason .
    OK by the answers that i provided is this normal?

  21. #21
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by cmax View Post
    First , thanks for the replies. I will try to answer the best i can.
    1. #1 The purchases i have made, have NO WAY of stopping me providing for my family or 2 kids.
    1. # 2 They are also not interfering with our marriage in no way or form.
    1. # 3 It seems as if i am chasing that perfect scent maybe that's why ( I think )
    .
    1. # 4 I started off with a bunch of blind buys ( maybe 85% ) success rate then i began sampling once i started sampling the success for me went on a decline for some reason .
    OK by the answers that i provided is this normal?
    I have to ask you, though, how serious is your wife when she suggests you see a therapist? If she's really serious, maybe it could interfere with your marriage.

    I have to say that I, for the moment, am a bit of a fragrance addict myself, so maybe my input isn't worth much. But the way I see it, you seem to have the mentality of a collector, just like a stamp collector, baseball card collector, antique collector, etc.. No one seems to criticize those people, although collecting perfumes can be pretty expensive. I have to confess that ever since I bought Luca Turin's book a year ago, I've been on a frenzy to buy every fragrance that I used to wear but for whatever reason stopped wearing, plus tons of new ones. Maybe I have a problem too. I can say, however, that you may be going through a phase - I've been into fragrances for about 13 years, and I go through a stretch of a few years where I'll just stick to my favorites like Equipage and Eau Sauvage and not buy anything new. Now, I happen, like you, to be in a mode where I want to get everything. I know I'm going to go back into "no purchase" mode soon, since my collection is up to almost 50 bottles.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by shamu1 View Post
    Cmax, it doesn't sound like your wife shares the same passion for perfume as you do, which is OK. So I think you need to put it into perspective - what if she were passionate about something you had very little interest in? Perhaps you'd think she needs therapy, when in fact she doesn't.
    This I think is key. Perhaps she does not share the same passion for perfume that you do, but surely she must have her own passions, maybe there is something that she endulges herself in that you don't share the same interest in. Really, I think that it only becomes a problem, when your obsession begins to supersede real life, when you begin to spend money that should be spent on bills (or even your wife ) on yourself and your hobby. If it is not at this point your in the clear.
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  23. #23

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sokkou View Post
    I disagree, the validity of the questions should not be questioned by the ignorance/denial of the subject. If one isn't be honest with oneself, no self-report measures are going to be effective. That is a great guide that should be stickied in the Abuse Forum.
    You are making the false assumption that when one is on the border of developing a complusive or obsessive behaviour that one can be honest with oneself. If someone who is becoming obsessive asks these types of questions of oneself, he/she will always answer in a way that validates his/her behaviour
    Last edited by surreality; 31st May 2009 at 07:18 PM.
    Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them. - Immanuel Kant

  24. #24

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by cmax View Post
    # 2 They are also not interfering with our marriage in no way or form.
    If your wife seriously thinks you need profesional help then it IS interfering with your marriage already. She may have only made that comment once but you can be sure that she has thought about it a hell of a lot more.
    Last edited by surreality; 31st May 2009 at 06:48 PM.
    Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them. - Immanuel Kant

  25. #25
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    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    And seeking psychological help - each session equals the cost of a bottle of niche fragrance.
    Last edited by adonis; 31st May 2009 at 06:58 PM.

  26. #26

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Honestly, if this is just fun hobby of yours that does NOT impact your financial life and more important issues, then it is not something serious, I would imagine.

    It's no different than friends of mine who've collected more than 50 pairs of Air Jordan sneakers. They are collectors. . and they don't even wear them! I have female friends with more than 100 pairs of shoes. I myself have over 50 hats of different styles. I like it, and i have the disposable income to not have it impact my life.

    On the other hand, SERIOUSLY examine what it is that drives your obsession to find the perfect scent, and why that means bottles as blind buys, rather than mass-ordering samples, which is much smarter and much more logical.

    Having suffered from an obsession over my body's build and musculature, I learned later on in life that many forms of obsession (and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders) arise because it allows the person to take control of one area in their life when they are not in control of other areas that they wish they had control over

    So, essentially, if you are using this hobby and your ability to "control" numerous aquisitions (as others do with calories, their body, order of items around themselves,etc) then you need to step back and consider all aspects of your life.

    If something negative about one part of your life is driving this "hunt" then you certainly should take a step back and chill out, and seek professional help. If not, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

    Personally, I started freaking out after 30+ aquisitions in the past 8 months, and the NEED to be checking this site every single day for every single thread. I've made a firm decision of no more purchases until August and now i only come on here every couple of days. A week off while travelling did wonders for my "obsession". Maybe you should do the same.
    Last edited by Uppercut; 31st May 2009 at 08:19 PM.

  27. #27

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Just use some common sense. Do you:

    1. Spend money on frags that you really need for something else?

    2. Think about (or research, or talk about) frags when you have more important things to do or think about?

    Isn't it that simple?
    Last edited by Bigsly; 31st May 2009 at 08:27 PM.

  28. #28

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Do what I do, sell off your worst frags to make money for the new ones, just by doing that you will be spending much less net and be able to buy new scents occasionally. 1 frag a week is pretty crazy though.

  29. #29

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    One thing I've come across in my swapping is that a lot of people are willing to swap 2 for 1, 3 for 1. etc., just to get rid of some bottles they no longer want, so that's a good option to consider. Also, when ebay has a free listing promotion, I pop a bunch of frags up there and usually sell a few.

  30. #30

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    An obsession is a problem only when it's not by CK.

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