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  1. #31
    Dependent

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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by MadScientist View Post
    Yes, I see your problem...



    Stop saying that. Accept that there is no "last one". You will then be cured.
    Couldnt have put it better myself. Ive had issues in the past while on BN about buying just for the sake of it. expanding for no cause.

    If you are financially sound and responsible about family matters , then i really see no wrong in spending on what you enjoy doing.

    If it makes you feel better no one i know in person thinks that its normal to be such involved in perfume/scemts/frags. Guess thats Singapore for you, except for the few exceptions of other rare Singaporean BN members. Its much harder for us in Asia to be able to organize meet ups as much as you guys in the west i reckon.

    It cane to a pt where members would ask if i actually enjoyed the whole experience of buying and sampling etc. And it dawned on me that it was a much more complicated issue at hand which i wont discuss. My point is as long as it still brings you joy, like how golf or gambling brings to those involved, then i really dont see to much of an issue other than u prolly feeling the slight guilt which often comes with indulgence.

    Then there prolly will come a pt where Bigsly's mention, makes sese, coz habits that form can cause the initial novelty to wear off very easily.

    Take a break from purchasing habits and see how you react to it. I honestly dont see too big of an issue at the moment.

    As mentioned, the trade section allows for offloadinf or swapping anything you may regret or grow tired of.

    Surreality made a good pt on setting goals.

    both of us started off at about the same time with BN btw
    ive learnt alot from the more experienced members and i still continue to learn. its a great and fun and enreaching goal for me...
    Last edited by MFJ; 31st May 2009 at 11:07 PM.

  2. #32
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    scentsitivity's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by surreality View Post
    No offense intended but questions like these are useless for someone who may be developing an obsession, as they will just answer them in such a way that "proves" that there is not a problem.
    Perhaps I did not state it clearly enough, but some of the questions I posed should have inputs from all the involved parties. They were not intended as "self-evalution in a vacuum" questions. Specifically, besides self-evaluation, the first three questions I suggested would need to be discussed with the wife. If sufficient resolution did not occur, a counelor's input could be helpful.

    The original poster made a very important statement when he said:

    I am beginning to believe her. [regarding having an obsession]

    If someone can be brought to the point of believing they have a problem, it is an important step to getting resolution. Indeed, I don't see real help coming without a change of beliefs.
    Currently wearing: Augusto by Mazzolari

  3. #33

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    It's all relative. Perfumistas are simply people who enjoy fragrance. Would people be as quick to comdemn the wine connoisseurs out there who enjoy wine and enjoy several bottles a week, trying different vintages and different cellars?

    What of the woman with too many shoes? We tend to chuckle over this, too.

    Check out the section on fragrance abuse if this is something you are concerned over.
    "No elegance is possible without it...perfume is a part of you." Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel

  4. #34

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Ok, i sat down for a couple of hours and really read and thought about whats been posted and the response etc . And my conclusion is that it's just another hobby that i really enjoy, just like past hobbies i went through ( surround sound , electronics and movies etc) so as of now i don't think it's really a problem. BTW did i say i own well over 400 dvds.

  5. #35

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by cmax View Post
    I am beginning to believe her. She walked in on me again browsing this site of course and she then replied that she thinks that i really need some professional help ( dead serious ) under normal circumstances i would just brush this off, but after every purchase i keep mumbling the famous phrase ( the last one ) like a crack addict ! For example i purchased 5 blind buys this week alone 3 Kenzo's, Mitsouki and Rocabar that would put me over 60 + which might not sound too bad, but consider i started collecting June of last year. So is this normal and if so how long did it take to to shake the demons ?
    I'm at 40 and I just started 3 months ago. Ha ha. I think I've payed as much or maybe more for my decant collection that I try before I buy the full bottle. My wife won't mind unless I need more space than my mini-fridge. (It's about 5 bottles shy of being filled).

    After I save up some for 3 or 4 Montales, I'll really be done. (I hope).

  6. #36

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by PorkFat View Post
    I'm at 40 and I just started 3 months ago. Ha ha. I think I've payed as much or maybe more for my decant collection that I try before I buy the full bottle. My wife won't mind unless I need more space than my mini-fridge. (It's about 5 bottles shy of being filled).

    After I save up some for 3 or 4 Montales, I'll really be done. (I hope).
    I feel a little better now. lol

  7. #37

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    I wonder if the issues isn't how much money you spend, or how many bottles you have, but how much time you spend on this hobby. Perhaps your wife sees you spending more time on the internet pursuing perfumes than doing things with her? Maybe you just need to spend more time with her.

  8. #38

    jrd4t's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by PorkFat View Post
    After I save up some for 3 or 4 Montales, I'll really be done. (I hope).

    Don't you worry - that'll just be the beginning

    It was for me.
    I'm a colognosaurus. Rawr!
    Currently wearing: China White by Nasomatto

  9. #39

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by perfume_addict View Post
    i wonder if the issues isn't how much money you spend, or how many bottles you have, but how much time you spend on this hobby. Perhaps your wife sees you spending more time on the internet pursuing perfumes than doing things with her? Maybe you just need to spend more time with her.
    good point!

  10. #40

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Hopefully, you'll soon reach the point I'm at. I started about a year and a half ago, and got some cheapos to start. By a year in, I was swapping for samples and decants (on MUA), and now I feel I know what I want and have it, though I do some "fiddling around" here and there, mostly swaps. Someone else posted today about finding a better version of A*Men for example, but I know that even if it is the best chocolate frag out there, I should avoid it, because I have a decant of Borneo and I have Amour de Cacao, and they fit in my rotation. If you get too many and they are too diverse for you olfactory sensibility, then it can really play tricks on you and change your ability to appreciate frags you already own. So I guess you could say that now I am more fearful of new frags than have a desire to acquire them. LOL.

  11. #41

    jrd4t's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Luckily, it's a really mutual obsession in my house. While the hobby may be much more extreme for me, my GF is totally into it as well. We have a lot of fun testing and giving thoughts about scents. It wasn't her thing when I met her, but I've managed to make it so since.
    I'm a colognosaurus. Rawr!
    Currently wearing: China White by Nasomatto

  12. #42

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    i'm glad to see this is consistent across the Globe !! wives will be.....wives !!


    Quote Originally Posted by Royal View Post
    I have 65 full bottles.

    My girlfriend encourages me.
    Royal, thats the difference mate, she is not your wife yet ! (kidding, just kidding!!)


    Quote Originally Posted by Regis Philbin View Post
    If you're a member of basenotes, it may be an obsession
    Now thats the root cause of the problem, and not the wife
    Last edited by jenson; 1st June 2009 at 04:18 AM.

  13. #43

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    I have Asperger's syndrome which is often undiagnosed. One characteristic is obsessions or as we say 'special interests'. Usually expressed by acquiring a body of knowledge, collections or creating fantasy worlds. I would say I read more about fragrances than I buy so it is a 'minor special interest' to me. Fragrances would be a likely Asperger special interest because it involves acquiring a body of knowledge and collecting. Special interests can change, be harmless, harmful, useless, win a Nobel prize (Vernon Smith) or form the basis of a successful business (Microsoft?) or often lead to unemployment.

    Visit wrongplanet.net if you want to know more.

  14. #44

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by adonis View Post
    And seeking psychological help - each session equals the cost of a bottle of niche fragrance.
    ....per week!

  15. #45

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    I think I have an obsession with finding deals and buying stuff in general. Before I found this site I had a guitar, amp, effect pedal buying, selling, trading addiction. This hobby is a lot cheaper so my gf doesn't mind (as much).
    Want to buy/trade: looking for some escentric molecules kinski, I have a bunch of decants/samples including escentric 02 and escentric 01

    PM ME

  16. #46

    Default Re: My wife think i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by MadScientist View Post
    Yes, I see your problem...



    Stop saying that. Accept that there is no "last one". You will then be cured.
    Awesome, haha
    unico grande amore.

  17. #47

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    My advice is you should try to imagine her collecting say fancy underwear, the shelves are beginning to fill up, she would spend more and more time reading about them and discussing them with other ladies.
    Quite honestly: would you accept this without any raised eyebrow, without any jealeousy?
    If the answer is no, try to change your way of collecting scents.

  18. #48

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by jrd4t View Post
    Don't you worry - that'll just be the beginning

    It was for me.
    I already broke my goal of slowing down or stopping until the Montales. I just picked up a ton of stuff at the Perfumania.com clearance sale. 4 oz Polo Modern Reserve for $23? L'homme Giftset for $32? Antidote for $25, Au Masculin for $13? Yeah, that's way too good of a deal to pass up and a lot of the good stuff is already cleared out.

  19. #49
    Dependent

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    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by PorkFat View Post
    ..... too good of a deal....
    often time my biggest weakness

  20. #50
    kess's Avatar
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    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    Quote Originally Posted by PorkFat View Post
    I already broke my goal of slowing down or stopping until the Montales. I just picked up a ton of stuff at the Perfumania.com clearance sale. 4 oz Polo Modern Reserve for $23? L'homme Giftset for $32? Antidote for $25, Au Masculin for $13? Yeah, that's way too good of a deal to pass up and a lot of the good stuff is already cleared out.
    I look at a bottle -- and if i put it in terms of the time commitment, that really helps to slow down my buying. I.e. 50 ml = 6 months, 100 ml = 1 year. And I could put these $20 towards something I * really * like.
    For sale: Armani Prive (Cuir, Jade), Yves Rocher, Artisan Ambre body cream http://community.basenotes.net/showthread.php?t=228894

  21. #51

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    One question I'd ask is: If your wife spent just as much money, dollar for dollar, and just as much time, minute for minute, on a hobby that you had no use for, would you have any problem with it?

    Try imagining it in detail - maybe she's buying vintage Edwardian hair ribbons, for example. Researching them, sending off for them, packages coming, credit card bills mounting up, lots of time spent playing with her aquisitions. You watch her open the packages, and she just bought another four red velvet hair ribbons with a gold stripe, and to you they look exactly like the last fifteen red velvet hair ribbons with a gold stripe that she bought two days ago. And now she's shopping for red velvet hair ribbons with a gold stripe that's one millimeter wider.

    In this imaginary scenario, are you just fine with this, or are you annoyed at the expense and distraction?

    Crayfish

  22. #52

    Default Re: My wife thinks i have an obssesion.

    I get the eye roll from my wife.....and thinks I shouldn't be conversing with strangers.....since ya'll are serial killers!!

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