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  1. #1
    Basteri's Avatar
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    Default I am getting tired

    of people having difficulties in understanding why an heterosexual man has more than 5,10 or 20 fragrances. Some times I get reactions from friends or relatives in the line of " this is so gay" .. you get the point. Having in inquisitive mind and enjoying fragrances is gay? pleeeze. Why some people give the exclusivity of smelling good and the art of collecting fragrances to gay men? I also want that credit and that right!

    In a more serious note it makes me upset how some people stereotype the use of fragrances. What really upsets me even more is that the same people that one day makes funny comments the next day will call you asking for advise on what fragrance to get. Prejudices are a very sad .

    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more. The boy do not know what are they missing :-)
    The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

  2. #2

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I take much pride in my dress and grooming of which fragrance plays an important part.

    Some of my friends are very "blokey" so I get the "that's so gay..." jibes as well, to which I usually just laugh along. It's kind of primitive but it doesn't bother me at all. It's my style and I'm comfortable with who I am

  3. #3
    shamu1's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri, I can understand your irritation. When guys say that, I assume they're either immature or insecure about their own masculinity. I don't know how old you are, but I find that I don't get those comments from other guys any more, now that I'm almost 40. I heard some of that when I was in my 20s, but not now, I don't hear it. If anyone asks me why I like wearing scents, I just tell them that having a good smell on me keeps my mind at ease all day (I work a very stressful job), and it's actually the truth. Enjoying a good smell is like enjoying a good meal, in my opinion.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    It helps not to care about other people.

    EDIT: Of course one should "care" for friends, if there are any. But if a "friend" would seriously defame my interest for fragrance it would be hard for me to consider him "friend" any longer.
    Last edited by DesGrieux; 4th August 2009 at 12:10 PM.

  5. #5
    ROBERTO's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Basteri View Post
    of people having difficulties in understanding why an heterosexual man has more than 5,10 or 20 fragrances. Some times I get reactions from friends or relatives in the line of " this is so gay" .. you get the point. Having in inquisitive mind and enjoying fragrances is gay? pleeeze. Why some people give the exclusivity of smelling good and the art of collecting fragrances to gay men? I also want that credit and that right!

    In a more serious note it makes me upset how some people stereotype the use of fragrances. What really upsets me even more is that the same people that one day makes funny comments the next day will call you asking for advise on what fragrance to get. Prejudices are a very sad .

    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more. The boy do not know what are they missing :-)
    Hi Basteri don´t care, send them to hell................
    Have I told you about the scent of jasmine? Have I spoken about the smell of the sea? The earth is scented. And I perfume myself to enhance what I am. That's why I can not wear a perfume that bothers me. Perfuming is an instinctive wisdom. And like all art, it requires some knowledge of yourself..."
    Clarice Lispector ( 1920-1977) - Perfumes da Terra / Earth
    Perfumes

  6. #6
    vita odorifera
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Its just human nature, Basteri. Most times people just cannot process one's passions, and will usually pass it off with such comments like "its so gay/weird/etc". I just take such situations as a test of my true motives for my hobby/passion: Is it really for my personal enjoyment and fulfillment, or is it subconciously just to impress others? Every passion will be tested.

    A lot of people think i am slightly crazy having over 90 bottles of frags. I just smile. They dont understand my pleasure, and i am not going to waste my time trying to get them on-side
    ointments and perfume delight the heart....

    #BBOG!

  7. #7

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Just say to them "its all men fragrance, not women ones so SHOOSH, ur smelly". =)
    AUSSIES, come join our SPLIT GROUP at http://groups.google.com.au/group/oz-scent-splits

    "No Pain, No Gain"

  8. #8

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I try to turn the frustration into something positive by utilizing it as a reminder to be more open minded to other people's passions, some of which I may not understand or find strange/silly myself.
    ***For sale:

    Iris Pallida 50ml

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    and more!
    - http://www.basenotes.net/threads/301...n-Man-and-more

  9. #9

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Amazing, isn't it, how easily one can be shoved outside of the space of "normality." And sad to see how so many boneheads feel so threatened in their own identity by harmless differences. It may be trivial concerning perfume, but it's the same mechanisms that are at work when it comes to homophobia, misogyny, racism...
    My Wardrobe
    II est de forts parfums pour qui toute matière/Est poreuse. On dirait qu'ils pénètrent le verre.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    hhhhhmmmmmm well.

    why should u worry about what some else's opinion ?
    enjoy what u do!

    i like welding and building huge art works of bricks ... no one ever told me WOW, THIS IS SOOOO STAIGHT

  11. #11

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I get your point - but aren't true BNers supposed to be able to transcend the supposed "gender divide", and have the ability to own and appreciate frags marketed for women?! Hey, I'm just stirring the pot a bit! I'm still struggling a bit with this one myself. : )

    Quote Originally Posted by ohhmygod View Post
    Just say to them "its all men fragrance, not women ones so SHOOSH, ur smelly". =)

  12. #12

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I'm 24 and can certainly relate to this somewhat. I can't say I speak about my hobby with any of my male friends really, partly because I'm quite sure it will render comments like the OP mentions. I do think, though, that several have noticed that I don't smell the same from day to day and that I almost always wear some kind of scent. I've never gotten any comments about this, at least not any negative ones. People commenting my scent are (at least thus far) exclusively women.

    One of my ex-girlfriends thought I was a bit "odd" having such an interest in fragrance, but as long as I was happy (and she thought I smelled good ) she didn't mind at all. My ex didn't share my interest, rather the opposite as she seldom wore perfume, but she told me that I always managed to smell so good, something she appreciated. Another girl, which I like very much, has expressed interest in my hobby and a very open mind about it. So it seems women are indeed more open-minded.

    In the end, it's all about keeping in touch with who I am. I'm very comfortable in "me", my hobbies and my sexual preferences, but I wonder if the same holds true for all the people feeling the need the make statements like "Your so X/Y/Z" based on a single hobby or behavior of a person...

  13. #13
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Just ignore them and don't let it bother you. Everyone has different hobbies or interests. Unfortunately there are still a lot of people who still stereotype when it comes to men and fragrances.

  14. #14
    Dimitrios's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri ....
    At first that used to make me angry too ,but i have learnt
    If they bother you to much
    just tell tell them to kiss your ass
    because it smells good


  15. #15

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I have my bottle collection right under my knife and sword collection in my wardrobe. I keep things I collect in that specific wardrobe. So, whenever I show my collections to people, they tend to be careful with their words. hehehe.

    Now when I tell guys I collect cologne/perfume, most of them tend to be open minded, but there are some that default to the "that's gay/weird/etc" comment. It used to hurt my feelings, but the way I see it, it is them that's missing out. Most of my female friends find it amusing and usually end up asking me for fragrance advice. They'll take me shopping with them. So I get to stroll around the galleria or a mall with two to three girls with me sniffing different fragrances. That may be considered "gay" or "weird" by some guys, but I'm in the company of beautiful WOMEN (note the plural) while they're at home alone, playing with their d***s. So it doesn't bother me that much anymore.
    Last edited by mcjra; 4th August 2009 at 01:35 PM.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I don't associate behaviors or interests, unless said interests involve genitals, with ither heterosexuality or homosexuality. Just a by-product of a previously gender-dichotimous society where everything needed to be black or white, likely forwarded by ignorant ideals and morals of certain religious bodies.

    Just ignore it.

  17. #17

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority of the human race are small minded and blinkered ...

    Fuck em , be what you want to be and be happy

    Gay , straight , bi , try , whatever


  18. #18
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I suspect an unconscious projection in such comments. We tend to deride anything that publically embracing might expose hidden tendencies that are not accepted in our own circle. Public expression of distain for what they consider 'gay ways' puts the other hounds off the speaker's scent so to speak. I just smile and say "Is that so?" and move on without further comment. Oh..and I am not gay or bi.
    Last edited by kbe; 4th August 2009 at 04:12 PM.
    These things cannot be long hidden: the Sun, the Moon, the Truth--Buddha
    Currently wearing: Cumming by Alan Cumming

  19. #19
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Stereotypes will always exist, its our choice to ignore them. Its tiring to justify our passion or to educate others sometimes. So just enjoy what the fragrance world has to offer. Its not your loss that no one else gets it

  20. #20

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Basteri View Post
    of people having difficulties in understanding why an heterosexual man has more than 5,10 or 20 fragrances. Some times I get reactions from friends or relatives in the line of " this is so gay" .. you get the point. Having in inquisitive mind and enjoying fragrances is gay? pleeeze. Why some people give the exclusivity of smelling good and the art of collecting fragrances to gay men? I also want that credit and that right!

    In a more serious note it makes me upset how some people stereotype the use of fragrances. What really upsets me even more is that the same people that one day makes funny comments the next day will call you asking for advise on what fragrance to get. Prejudices are a very sad .

    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more. The boy do not know what are they missing :-)
    Basteri, be yourself and be happy. Don't let anyone tell you what to enjoy or that perfume is just for women. Personally, I prefer a man who grooms himself enough to be shaven and perfumed. It's actually respectful to the women he encounters. Back in the 1960s, young women preferred going on a date with a groomed man in a dinner jacket and suit. (Think James Bond!) What woman of self-respect wants to date a slob?

    A man who is truly confident in his masculinity really does not care what others think--and that kind of confidence can be very attractive to an open-minded woman!
    "No elegance is possible without it...perfume is a part of you." Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel
    Currently wearing: Black Orchid by Tom Ford

  21. #21
    Molten Gin

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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    You > them.


  22. #22

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Primrose View Post
    A man who is truly confident in his masculinity really does not care what others think--and that kind of confidence can be very attractive to an open-minded woman!
    And man LOL !!!!

  23. #23
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    The ironic thing is, I am gay, and yet have found most gay guys I know aren't big fragrance fans... in fact two of my closest friends claim to hate all fragrance, at any time ( I say claim, because one of them never seems to notice whether I'm wearing something or not, and can't actually smell it without me pointing it out, it seems, so I suspect it's more the idea of fragrance - or maybe past boyfriends' over-use of body-spray - that makes him think he hates all of it ).

    I think it's just part of the cliche of fragrance as feminine in many cultures, and a corresponding cliche of male homosexual femininity. Personally, most people I know simply consider me eccentric for my hobby, as I'm quite unfashionable otherwise, and fit the straight male "nerd" or "geek" stereotype a lot better than what popular culture percieves a gay guy as being.

  24. #24

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Whenever I hear someone say "that is so gay", I do not respond at all. Such an ignorant comment does not deserve a response.

  25. #25

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri,

    I tend to avoid those kinds of problems by not having a lot of "friends" and acquaintances, and by choosing the ones I do have very carefully.

    I agree with the_good_life, homophobia and sexism are fully fledged forms of the worst kind of bigotry. I find a have a very low tolerance level for such things, and, hence, this why I choose my "friends" and acquaintances carefully.

    scentemental

  26. #26

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I'll be more general:

    I am tired of people! They tend to make their judgement so fast and they are sooooooo close minded!!!!
    Even if I'm a women I still receive bad comments about people telling my that my passion for perfumes is stupid.

    The last one was yesterday night, we were having a nice diner with some friends and I got upset at them because they were making fun of me for that, underlying that it quite superficial and useless...

    ... and then they don't understand why I'd rather stay at home instead of seeing them and why I'd rather be in the company of my cats instead of people...


    You > them.
    Love it

  27. #27
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri,
    Based on your first post I suggest telling the women you meet about your hobby & not telling strange men

  28. #28

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I guess it's because fragrance is considered part of the cosmetics industry in european / american culture that we have this stereotype of perfumistas being girly men.

    It's pretty stupid, aside from that cultural issue I can't see how enjoying or discussing fragrance is any different than enjoying a good meal or movie. The best posts on this thread IMO are the suggestions to give an insult right back to the mofo who gives you one. The bible says "Do unto others," right?

    I have my bottle collection right under my knife and sword collection in my wardrobe. I keep things I collect in that specific wardrobe. So, whenever I show my collections to people, they tend to be careful with their words. hehehe
    That's a pretty sweet hobby, where do you get your swords? I'm guessing you have to get them custom made, as all of the swords I've come across are the lame dull ones that are only for decoration.

  29. #29

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I've had this happen to me before as well. A lot of my friends tend to dress.. not "nice" per se, but they have their own style. So usually I'll say like "well.. enjoy your Axe. You spend so much time trying to perfect how you look but then you smell like an immature tween". Maybe fighting fire with fire isn't the best of ideas but I've found it does the trick quite well.

  30. #30

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I have experienced this as well, and over time, it has made me wonder what it is about the sense of smell, particularly, that generates this response.
    When you consider the other senses, and art forms geared toward them, I never hear the same thing. For example:
    You like that Picasso? That is so gay.
    You enjoyed the foie gras? Gay.
    You're a fan of Pavarotti? Homo.
    Hearing, taste, sight, touch, a reaction like this to any of these sensual arts would be considered a very strange reaction. But when it comes to the sense of scent, as many of us have experienced, a reaction like this could in no way be considered out of the ordinary. I have thought about this many times, and have concluded that it will remain an enigma.
    Then again, I am hetero, and my wife took my interest in fragrances as an indication that I must be interested in another woman, or women, so we can't win for losing.......

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