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  1. #1
    Basteri's Avatar
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    Default I am getting tired

    of people having difficulties in understanding why an heterosexual man has more than 5,10 or 20 fragrances. Some times I get reactions from friends or relatives in the line of " this is so gay" .. you get the point. Having in inquisitive mind and enjoying fragrances is gay? pleeeze. Why some people give the exclusivity of smelling good and the art of collecting fragrances to gay men? I also want that credit and that right!

    In a more serious note it makes me upset how some people stereotype the use of fragrances. What really upsets me even more is that the same people that one day makes funny comments the next day will call you asking for advise on what fragrance to get. Prejudices are a very sad .

    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more. The boy do not know what are they missing :-)
    The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

  2. #2

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I take much pride in my dress and grooming of which fragrance plays an important part.

    Some of my friends are very "blokey" so I get the "that's so gay..." jibes as well, to which I usually just laugh along. It's kind of primitive but it doesn't bother me at all. It's my style and I'm comfortable with who I am

  3. #3

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri, I can understand your irritation. When guys say that, I assume they're either immature or insecure about their own masculinity. I don't know how old you are, but I find that I don't get those comments from other guys any more, now that I'm almost 40. I heard some of that when I was in my 20s, but not now, I don't hear it. If anyone asks me why I like wearing scents, I just tell them that having a good smell on me keeps my mind at ease all day (I work a very stressful job), and it's actually the truth. Enjoying a good smell is like enjoying a good meal, in my opinion.

  4. #4

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    It helps not to care about other people.

    EDIT: Of course one should "care" for friends, if there are any. But if a "friend" would seriously defame my interest for fragrance it would be hard for me to consider him "friend" any longer.
    Last edited by DesGrieux; 4th August 2009 at 12:10 PM.

  5. #5

    Thumbs up Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Basteri View Post
    of people having difficulties in understanding why an heterosexual man has more than 5,10 or 20 fragrances. Some times I get reactions from friends or relatives in the line of " this is so gay" .. you get the point. Having in inquisitive mind and enjoying fragrances is gay? pleeeze. Why some people give the exclusivity of smelling good and the art of collecting fragrances to gay men? I also want that credit and that right!

    In a more serious note it makes me upset how some people stereotype the use of fragrances. What really upsets me even more is that the same people that one day makes funny comments the next day will call you asking for advise on what fragrance to get. Prejudices are a very sad .

    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more. The boy do not know what are they missing :-)
    Hi Basteri don´t care, send them to hell................
    Have I told you about the scent of jasmine? Have I spoken about the smell of the sea? The earth is scented. And I perfume myself to enhance what I am. That's why I can not wear a perfume that bothers me. Perfuming is an instinctive wisdom. And like all art, it requires some knowledge of yourself..."
    Clarice Lispector ( 1920-1977) - Perfumes da Terra / Earth
    Perfumes

  6. #6
    vita odorifera
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Its just human nature, Basteri. Most times people just cannot process one's passions, and will usually pass it off with such comments like "its so gay/weird/etc". I just take such situations as a test of my true motives for my hobby/passion: Is it really for my personal enjoyment and fulfillment, or is it subconciously just to impress others? Every passion will be tested.

    A lot of people think i am slightly crazy having over 90 bottles of frags. I just smile. They dont understand my pleasure, and i am not going to waste my time trying to get them on-side
    ointments and perfume delight the heart....

    #BBOG!

  7. #7

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Just say to them "its all men fragrance, not women ones so SHOOSH, ur smelly". =)
    AUSSIES, come join our SPLIT GROUP at http://groups.google.com.au/group/oz-scent-splits

    "No Pain, No Gain"

  8. #8

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I try to turn the frustration into something positive by utilizing it as a reminder to be more open minded to other people's passions, some of which I may not understand or find strange/silly myself.
    ***For sale:

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  9. #9

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Amazing, isn't it, how easily one can be shoved outside of the space of "normality." And sad to see how so many boneheads feel so threatened in their own identity by harmless differences. It may be trivial concerning perfume, but it's the same mechanisms that are at work when it comes to homophobia, misogyny, racism...
    My Wardrobe
    II est de forts parfums pour qui toute matière/Est poreuse. On dirait qu'ils pénètrent le verre.

  10. #10

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    hhhhhmmmmmm well.

    why should u worry about what some else's opinion ?
    enjoy what u do!

    i like welding and building huge art works of bricks ... no one ever told me WOW, THIS IS SOOOO STAIGHT

  11. #11

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I get your point - but aren't true BNers supposed to be able to transcend the supposed "gender divide", and have the ability to own and appreciate frags marketed for women?! Hey, I'm just stirring the pot a bit! I'm still struggling a bit with this one myself. : )

    Quote Originally Posted by ohhmygod View Post
    Just say to them "its all men fragrance, not women ones so SHOOSH, ur smelly". =)

  12. #12

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I'm 24 and can certainly relate to this somewhat. I can't say I speak about my hobby with any of my male friends really, partly because I'm quite sure it will render comments like the OP mentions. I do think, though, that several have noticed that I don't smell the same from day to day and that I almost always wear some kind of scent. I've never gotten any comments about this, at least not any negative ones. People commenting my scent are (at least thus far) exclusively women.

    One of my ex-girlfriends thought I was a bit "odd" having such an interest in fragrance, but as long as I was happy (and she thought I smelled good ) she didn't mind at all. My ex didn't share my interest, rather the opposite as she seldom wore perfume, but she told me that I always managed to smell so good, something she appreciated. Another girl, which I like very much, has expressed interest in my hobby and a very open mind about it. So it seems women are indeed more open-minded.

    In the end, it's all about keeping in touch with who I am. I'm very comfortable in "me", my hobbies and my sexual preferences, but I wonder if the same holds true for all the people feeling the need the make statements like "Your so X/Y/Z" based on a single hobby or behavior of a person...

  13. #13
    hednic's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Just ignore them and don't let it bother you. Everyone has different hobbies or interests. Unfortunately there are still a lot of people who still stereotype when it comes to men and fragrances.

  14. #14
    Dimitrios's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri ....
    At first that used to make me angry too ,but i have learnt
    If they bother you to much
    just tell tell them to kiss your ass
    because it smells good


  15. #15

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I have my bottle collection right under my knife and sword collection in my wardrobe. I keep things I collect in that specific wardrobe. So, whenever I show my collections to people, they tend to be careful with their words. hehehe.

    Now when I tell guys I collect cologne/perfume, most of them tend to be open minded, but there are some that default to the "that's gay/weird/etc" comment. It used to hurt my feelings, but the way I see it, it is them that's missing out. Most of my female friends find it amusing and usually end up asking me for fragrance advice. They'll take me shopping with them. So I get to stroll around the galleria or a mall with two to three girls with me sniffing different fragrances. That may be considered "gay" or "weird" by some guys, but I'm in the company of beautiful WOMEN (note the plural) while they're at home alone, playing with their d***s. So it doesn't bother me that much anymore.
    Last edited by mcjra; 4th August 2009 at 01:35 PM.

  16. #16

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I don't associate behaviors or interests, unless said interests involve genitals, with ither heterosexuality or homosexuality. Just a by-product of a previously gender-dichotimous society where everything needed to be black or white, likely forwarded by ignorant ideals and morals of certain religious bodies.

    Just ignore it.

  17. #17

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority of the human race are small minded and blinkered ...

    Fuck em , be what you want to be and be happy

    Gay , straight , bi , try , whatever


  18. #18
    DON'T DRINK AND DRESS

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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I suspect an unconscious projection in such comments. We tend to deride anything that publically embracing might expose hidden tendencies that are not accepted in our own circle. Public expression of distain for what they consider 'gay ways' puts the other hounds off the speaker's scent so to speak. I just smile and say "Is that so?" and move on without further comment. Oh..and I am not gay or bi.
    Last edited by kbe; 4th August 2009 at 04:12 PM.
    'Those who grow too big for their pants will be exposed in the end'--anon

  19. #19
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Stereotypes will always exist, its our choice to ignore them. Its tiring to justify our passion or to educate others sometimes. So just enjoy what the fragrance world has to offer. Its not your loss that no one else gets it

  20. #20

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Basteri View Post
    of people having difficulties in understanding why an heterosexual man has more than 5,10 or 20 fragrances. Some times I get reactions from friends or relatives in the line of " this is so gay" .. you get the point. Having in inquisitive mind and enjoying fragrances is gay? pleeeze. Why some people give the exclusivity of smelling good and the art of collecting fragrances to gay men? I also want that credit and that right!

    In a more serious note it makes me upset how some people stereotype the use of fragrances. What really upsets me even more is that the same people that one day makes funny comments the next day will call you asking for advise on what fragrance to get. Prejudices are a very sad .

    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more. The boy do not know what are they missing :-)
    Basteri, be yourself and be happy. Don't let anyone tell you what to enjoy or that perfume is just for women. Personally, I prefer a man who grooms himself enough to be shaven and perfumed. It's actually respectful to the women he encounters. Back in the 1960s, young women preferred going on a date with a groomed man in a dinner jacket and suit. (Think James Bond!) What woman of self-respect wants to date a slob?

    A man who is truly confident in his masculinity really does not care what others think--and that kind of confidence can be very attractive to an open-minded woman!
    "No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this." Desert Rose by Sting and Cheb Mami, Album 1999.

  21. #21

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    You > them.


  22. #22

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Primrose View Post
    A man who is truly confident in his masculinity really does not care what others think--and that kind of confidence can be very attractive to an open-minded woman!
    And man LOL !!!!

  23. #23

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    The ironic thing is, I am gay, and yet have found most gay guys I know aren't big fragrance fans... in fact two of my closest friends claim to hate all fragrance, at any time ( I say claim, because one of them never seems to notice whether I'm wearing something or not, and can't actually smell it without me pointing it out, it seems, so I suspect it's more the idea of fragrance - or maybe past boyfriends' over-use of body-spray - that makes him think he hates all of it ).

    I think it's just part of the cliche of fragrance as feminine in many cultures, and a corresponding cliche of male homosexual femininity. Personally, most people I know simply consider me eccentric for my hobby, as I'm quite unfashionable otherwise, and fit the straight male "nerd" or "geek" stereotype a lot better than what popular culture percieves a gay guy as being.

  24. #24

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Whenever I hear someone say "that is so gay", I do not respond at all. Such an ignorant comment does not deserve a response.

  25. #25

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri,

    I tend to avoid those kinds of problems by not having a lot of "friends" and acquaintances, and by choosing the ones I do have very carefully.

    I agree with the_good_life, homophobia and sexism are fully fledged forms of the worst kind of bigotry. I find a have a very low tolerance level for such things, and, hence, this why I choose my "friends" and acquaintances carefully.

    scentemental

  26. #26

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I'll be more general:

    I am tired of people! They tend to make their judgement so fast and they are sooooooo close minded!!!!
    Even if I'm a women I still receive bad comments about people telling my that my passion for perfumes is stupid.

    The last one was yesterday night, we were having a nice diner with some friends and I got upset at them because they were making fun of me for that, underlying that it quite superficial and useless...

    ... and then they don't understand why I'd rather stay at home instead of seeing them and why I'd rather be in the company of my cats instead of people...


    You > them.
    Love it

  27. #27
    ECaruthers's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri,
    Based on your first post I suggest telling the women you meet about your hobby & not telling strange men

  28. #28

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I guess it's because fragrance is considered part of the cosmetics industry in european / american culture that we have this stereotype of perfumistas being girly men.

    It's pretty stupid, aside from that cultural issue I can't see how enjoying or discussing fragrance is any different than enjoying a good meal or movie. The best posts on this thread IMO are the suggestions to give an insult right back to the mofo who gives you one. The bible says "Do unto others," right?

    I have my bottle collection right under my knife and sword collection in my wardrobe. I keep things I collect in that specific wardrobe. So, whenever I show my collections to people, they tend to be careful with their words. hehehe
    That's a pretty sweet hobby, where do you get your swords? I'm guessing you have to get them custom made, as all of the swords I've come across are the lame dull ones that are only for decoration.

  29. #29

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I've had this happen to me before as well. A lot of my friends tend to dress.. not "nice" per se, but they have their own style. So usually I'll say like "well.. enjoy your Axe. You spend so much time trying to perfect how you look but then you smell like an immature tween". Maybe fighting fire with fire isn't the best of ideas but I've found it does the trick quite well.

  30. #30

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I have experienced this as well, and over time, it has made me wonder what it is about the sense of smell, particularly, that generates this response.
    When you consider the other senses, and art forms geared toward them, I never hear the same thing. For example:
    You like that Picasso? That is so gay.
    You enjoyed the foie gras? Gay.
    You're a fan of Pavarotti? Homo.
    Hearing, taste, sight, touch, a reaction like this to any of these sensual arts would be considered a very strange reaction. But when it comes to the sense of scent, as many of us have experienced, a reaction like this could in no way be considered out of the ordinary. I have thought about this many times, and have concluded that it will remain an enigma.
    Then again, I am hetero, and my wife took my interest in fragrances as an indication that I must be interested in another woman, or women, so we can't win for losing.......

  31. #31

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by robpmgc View Post
    You like that Picasso? That is so gay.
    You enjoyed the foie gras? Gay.
    You're a fan of Pavarotti? Homo.
    Hearing, taste, sight, touch, a reaction like this to any of these sensual arts would be considered a very strange reaction.
    In Texas, where I have the misfortune of residing, these reactions would not be considered strange at all.

  32. #32

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by monsieur_sparkle View Post
    In Texas, where I have the misfortune of residing, these reactions would not be considered strange at all.
    I'm sorry, monsieur, I should have been more clear. I was discussing CIVILIZED society.

  33. #33

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I'll join the chorus of straight men on here that say "Ignore them". Nothing you can do about it and it really doesn't matter much. It is annoying, we all know, but if you find you can't just ignore them, I find the best reaction is to take an even bigger cheap shot at one of their personal preferences! It's immature, I know, but I find the people who make those kinds of character judgments have easily recognizable flaws themselves. Things that are much less trivial than being into "gay perfume"! Give it a try!

  34. #34

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Basteri View Post
    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more.
    This should be all the convincing a healthy heterosexual man should need.

  35. #35

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Sexuality seems to be a re-occuring theme , I really didnt think in this day and age it was an issue :?

  36. #36

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by robpmgc View Post
    I have experienced this as well, and over time, it has made me wonder what it is about the sense of smell, particularly, that generates this response.
    When you consider the other senses, and art forms geared toward them, I never hear the same thing. For example:
    You like that Picasso? That is so gay.
    You enjoyed the foie gras? Gay.
    You're a fan of Pavarotti? Homo.
    Hearing, taste, sight, touch, a reaction like this to any of these sensual arts would be considered a very strange reaction. But when it comes to the sense of scent, as many of us have experienced, a reaction like this could in no way be considered out of the ordinary. I have thought about this many times, and have concluded that it will remain an enigma.
    Then again, I am hetero, and my wife took my interest in fragrances as an indication that I must be interested in another woman, or women, so we can't win for losing.......
    Exactly! I bring up this issue too.. usually I get my point across and they shut up

  37. #37

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I'm not sure why others attribute collecting/enjoying fragrance with a certain sexual preference. It's one of those odd stereotypes that is somehow perpetuated by the media or perhaps within certain cultures.

    If I had to deal with that sort of reaction from people I'd be really tired of it too, Basteri - and I'll clarify, that I often wonder if people will avoid such pleasures in life because they think it's linked with a certain lifestyle or demographic. It's their loss, but ultimately they project their own inadequacies and ignorance by making that claim.

    I feel sorry for them and wouldn't take any of it to heart. Now if you had 1000 bottles someone might call you a nut, and they might be right

    Quote Originally Posted by Basteri View Post
    of people having difficulties in understanding why an heterosexual man has more than 5,10 or 20 fragrances. Some times I get reactions from friends or relatives in the line of " this is so gay" .. you get the point. Having in inquisitive mind and enjoying fragrances is gay? pleeeze. Why some people give the exclusivity of smelling good and the art of collecting fragrances to gay men? I also want that credit and that right!

    In a more serious note it makes me upset how some people stereotype the use of fragrances. What really upsets me even more is that the same people that one day makes funny comments the next day will call you asking for advise on what fragrance to get. Prejudices are a very sad .

    In any case women finds fascinating that I have so many fragrances and it has actually help me to stablish new friendships and more. The boy do not know what are they missing :-)

  38. #38

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Texas isn't civilized society? I hope you're joking.. I know plenty of people in Texas and know that the vast majority of people there are kindhearted, loving and friendly. I don't want to bring politics into this, but I just think you might want to be careful about trading one unfair generalization to another.

    Quote Originally Posted by robpmgc View Post
    I'm sorry, monsieur, I should have been more clear. I was discussing CIVILIZED society.

  39. #39

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I would chalk it up to sheer and unadulterated ignorance. One of the human qualities i deplore most of all, in all of its capacities.
    I always have been amused by these foolish comments and judgments, especially when i worked at Sephora and men would make comments to their wives or girlfriends about how "they were men and not into that faggy(?) stuff". I usually gave them my disdainful look (hubby calls it "that French look of disgust", like i ingested a bad oyster, which unfortunately comes across my visage (often) without me even realizing it most times, then just turn and walk away. I just can not tolerate such large doses of ignorance, especially from strangers.

    Just ignore it all. I never let anything that anyone has ever said to me, or about me, alter who i am or what i enjoy. I will usually respond to such fools with my (always on the tip of my tongue) phrase; "Ça m'est égale", which pretty much means "Whatever".
    Quand on boit l'eau, il faut penser à sa source

  40. #40

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by AnthonyDG View Post
    Texas isn't civilized society? I hope you're joking.. I know plenty of people in Texas and know that the vast majority of people there are kindhearted, loving and friendly. I don't want to bring politics into this, but I just think you might want to be careful about trading one unfair generalization to another.
    Note the smiley face. Irony. I'm heavily invested in Texas real estate, I have staked my children's future in the success of Texas. (I must say, so far so good, Texas seems to be weathering this current economic crises much better than where I reside). Sorry if I wasn't more clear, sometimes these "internets" can be so frustrating because there is no emotional context upon which to judge a statement.

  41. #41
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    My feeling is: "What's so bad about smelling good?" This is a harmless hobby & it's not fattening. It's a victimless crime (as long as you can afford it). These kinds of critics are speaking out of ignorance. I, personally wouldn't spend thousands on some of the elaborate wheels the "gear-heads" worship, but we all have our priorities, don't we?

    My husband carries a "man bag". That's right! It's not a purse, it's european! He always has a big camera, not digital, and his diary which he writes & paints in. Plus, he gets bored if he has to wait so he always carries a book. Then he has his glasses & his pens etc. Let's just say he's prepared. Some of his friends think it's 'kind of gay', and teased him for a while. But he taught school and when you have to have a lot of stuff, well, too bad if some people don't like a man bag. And, too bad if some people are weirded out by a good-smelling guy. Personally, I prefer a good-smelling man to the ordinary sweaty smelling one any day.

  42. #42

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Brielle has a much more cultured phrase at the tip of her tongue than I do. My default is "I'd tell you to f**k yourself, but then I'd have to show you how."

  43. #43

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
    My feeling is: "What's so bad about smelling good?" This is a harmless hobby & it's not fattening. It's a victimless crime (as long as you can afford it). These kinds of critics are speaking out of ignorance. I, personally wouldn't spend thousands on some of the elaborate wheels the "gear-heads" worship, but we all have our priorities, don't we?

    My husband carries a "man bag". That's right! It's not a purse, it's european! He always has a big camera, not digital, and his diary which he writes & paints in. Plus, he gets bored if he has to wait so he always carries a book. Then he has his glasses & his pens etc. Let's just say he's prepared. Some of his friends think it's 'kind of gay', and teased him for a while. But he taught school and when you have to have a lot of stuff, well, too bad if some people don't like a man bag. And, too bad if some people are weirded out by a good-smelling guy. Personally, I prefer a good-smelling man to the ordinary sweaty smelling one any day.
    I carry a Fendi bag to work every day. (I'm not european, so I can't use that excuse, either!) I am the only man in the office, and every body always makes comments about my "purse". I don't know what I would do without it, really, a big portion of my life is in that bag. And I wear perfume every day, and discuss it with them. They can make as many "gay" cracks as they want, it really doesn't bother me at all, I may encourage it, I don't know, don't care. Then I go home and am a gear-head football watching dad. If you think you can judge a book by its cover, you just haven't lived enough.

  44. #44

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    No apologies necessary - sorry if I misunderstood. Liked "internets" reference or maybe "The Google"?

    Agree that lots of misunderstandings occur/perspectives aren't there because of the lack of emotional context in this form of communication.

    Quote Originally Posted by robpmgc View Post
    Note the smiley face. Irony. I'm heavily invested in Texas real estate, I have staked my children's future in the success of Texas. (I must say, so far so good, Texas seems to be weathering this current economic crises much better than where I reside). Sorry if I wasn't more clear, sometimes these "internets" can be so frustrating because there is no emotional context upon which to judge a statement.

  45. #45

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Well and this is just it - I remember shopping at Dunhill for the Sidecar Collection "murse" (man-purse). I didn't know what else to refer to it as.. it wasn't a messenger bag, nor was it a duffelbag or a briefcase.. I was looking for something that was built well, practical, comfortable to wear and could be incorporated within my style (fairly conservative).

    The same goes for my fragrances, though I've broken through that silly barrier that says "all men must smell like Brut". Generally that's self-imposed.. and if I get snide comments about my fragrances (I have) or my "murse" (not yet) I'll be ready with some witty comeback to shut it down nice and quick

    Quote Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
    My feeling is: "What's so bad about smelling good?" This is a harmless hobby & it's not fattening. It's a victimless crime (as long as you can afford it). These kinds of critics are speaking out of ignorance. I, personally wouldn't spend thousands on some of the elaborate wheels the "gear-heads" worship, but we all have our priorities, don't we?

    My husband carries a "man bag". That's right! It's not a purse, it's european! He always has a big camera, not digital, and his diary which he writes & paints in. Plus, he gets bored if he has to wait so he always carries a book. Then he has his glasses & his pens etc. Let's just say he's prepared. Some of his friends think it's 'kind of gay', and teased him for a while. But he taught school and when you have to have a lot of stuff, well, too bad if some people don't like a man bag. And, too bad if some people are weirded out by a good-smelling guy. Personally, I prefer a good-smelling man to the ordinary sweaty smelling one any day.

  46. #46
    Pollux's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Just ignore them and be happy.

    Maybe it would be wise not to talk about your hobby beyond your fellow hobbysts: one's enthusiasm may not have much space in other people's interests.
    Last edited by Pollux; 4th August 2009 at 06:57 PM.

  47. #47

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    While everyone is telling Basteri, "Don't worry about what others say", I think it's important to note that Basteri isn't saying, "I'm so sick of all the gay comments that I'm giving up this hobby!" He obviously doesn't care so much as to give up his interest in perfumes. I think what he's trying to say is that he'd like to enjoy this hobby without the dumb homophobic comments from others, that's all. Am I right, Basteri?

  48. #48

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Dear Basteri, people only mock what they envy, my friend! Every time I have ever heard a negative comment about what someone was doing, wearing, etc., it always sounded like envy and jealousy to me. If this is the kind of people that surrounds you, its time to be surrounded by those who appreciates your tastes and proclivities. Fear not, be ashamed not, it only makes your character refined.
    Is the juice worth the squeeze?

  49. #49

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    You know what's really, really gay?


    Having sex with other men, that's what!


    (assuming you are male, of course. Ladies who Love Ladies are gay, too. So THERE!)



    This is something that has bothered me about Perfumes: The Guide. I'm puzzled by Chanel Antaeus being "the first gay male fragrance," for example....What, does the tester slide across the counter and start humping the nearest bottle of Kouros? Perfume is not gay or straight, people. There are some other references to male scents being "for a straight man" or some such, (apparently, you must present testimony from female sexual partners before they let you buy) and it just bothers me. I don't think they bother to classify any female fragrances as "for lesbians," but then, that's probably just as bad as it's based on the assumption that gay women either don't exist or are she-males who don't wear perfume.


    I think your best reaction to such stupid comments is the same, no matter your gender or orientation.


    "What? I don't get it? What does liking good smells have to do with who I have sex with? That's so weird."


    Make THEM uncomfortable in their narrow-minded stupidity. Idiots.
    Do you think "Old Lady Perfume" is a compliment? Join the Scent of an Old Woman Social Group and chat in-depth about vintage and classic fragrances!


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  50. #50

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by robpmgc View Post
    If you think you can judge a book by its cover, you just haven't lived enough.
    Too many people judge too hastily.

    As a dyed-in-the-wool tomboy, I never had problems with getting dates. I had more fun than most girls who sat on the sidelines waiting to be asked to dance--I jumped in and asked the *boys* to dance!

    A person who can play with "gender associated" things or topics--things usu. associated with one gender or the other--can be very socially successful. I heard somewhere the "dandy" or "metro" can be very attractive to a woman because "he seduces by employing the charms of the opposite sex and thereby 'uses their own weapons against them.'" We associate the interest in fashion, grooming and perfume with women.

    e.g. Many men find a woman smoking a cigar to be very sexy...if one is a cigar smoker, and we associate cigars with men.

    There will always be a place for a man who smells nice and grooms himself--just as there will always be a place for a woman who talk about aircraft engineering, military history, and men's fashion.
    Last edited by Primrose; 5th August 2009 at 01:26 AM.
    "No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this." Desert Rose by Sting and Cheb Mami, Album 1999.

  51. #51

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    i get more women in my corner then them all anyways
    "You smell kinda pretty! Wanna Smell me ?"
    - Johnny Bravo

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  52. #52

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    To tell you the truth, even if liking fragrances really was "gay", who gives a s&*t?

  53. #53

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Basteri, it is not "Gay". They are wrong. I don't care why they are wrong, and I personally do not wish to come up with some apologetic crap about their insecurities. They are rude and insulting, and I am not sure I'd call them friends.

    Also, add another vote for women liking well-groomed men.
    Last edited by Asha; 5th August 2009 at 02:05 AM.

  54. #54

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    I have had this same reaction from people for a long time now.....It really reveals to me that some people have real issues.....deep problems.....I think that these people feel big when they put others down.....Just a feeling.....I want to be pleasant to those around me.....and fragrance helps for sure.
    Gary

  55. #55

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    There is an interesting dialectic here.
    Remember the scene in Anchorman where he pops open the display case to reveal his collection of prized fragrances? In that scene fragrances are used to denote his unsophisticated virility and bumbling attempts at seduction. They are a symbol of his masculinity.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLq2-uZd5LY

    But in another context, where you show a more sophisticated interest in the art of fragrance, it becomes a supposed hallmark of homosexuality.

    Homophobia is a strange thing. I could write a paper sometime on the homophobia and simultaneous homosexual behavior at the prison where I work. It hurts my head sometimes.

    -Slim
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    But do not always make sense
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  56. #56

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    In my forty some odd years, I have drawn the conclusion that there is an inverse relationship between the number of times a person uses the words 'gay' and 'retarded' as disparaging adjectives and their IQ points. Both words are also extremely popular with adult males who never matured past the mental age of fourteen. Consider the source of the comments and dismiss them.

  57. #57
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    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Its interesting how these kind of threads leer off towards some kind of phobism, or defending some rights in the name of being accepting; perhaps because of the cultural wars America finds itself or perhaps because of the sensitivites of quite a few of the BN'ers associating themselves with certain lifestyles. Thats all and good, but I wonder if most of us find acceptance a two-way street?

    Perhaps another way of looking at it, if we are willing to take off our homophobism-crushing-vigilante glasses, is to think of Basteri's friends making the "gay" comment as it is something as unnatural for them for a guy to be in fragrances as homosexuality is. Are we atleast willing to give some people the right to believe that? And just because somebody believes that doesn't necessarily mean they are being bigots or haters, just like it doesn't mean that when some of us don't believe in certain other lifestyles or philosophies (and don't have any issues making comments 100 times worse than that towards some other philosophies or philosophical/historical backgrounds, mind you).
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  58. #58

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Mudassir View Post
    Its interesting how these kind of threads leer off towards some kind of phobism, or defending some rights in the name of being accepting; perhaps because of the cultural wars America finds itself or perhaps because of the sensitivites of quite a few of the BN'ers associating themselves with certain lifestyles. Thats all and good, but I wonder if most of us find acceptance a two-way street?

    Perhaps another way of looking at it, if we are willing to take off our homophobism-crushing-vigilante glasses, is to think of Basteri's friends making the "gay" comment as it is something as unnatural for them for a guy to be in fragrances as homosexuality is. Are we atleast willing to give some people the right to believe that? And just because somebody believes that doesn't necessarily mean they are being bigots or haters, just like it doesn't mean that when some of us don't believe in certain other lifestyles or philosophies (and don't have any issues making comments 100 times worse than that towards some other philosophies or philosophical/historical backgrounds, mind you).
    M, I thought of this for a moment. But frankly, the thing that has made me tired is taking the apologetic approach to people who are simply base and rude. Sure, we can all stand to be more tolerant, but we also do not need to make excuses for people's bad behavior.

  59. #59

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    Quote Originally Posted by Mudassir View Post
    Its interesting how these kind of threads leer off towards some kind of phobism, or defending some rights in the name of being accepting; perhaps because of the cultural wars America finds itself or perhaps because of the sensitivites of quite a few of the BN'ers associating themselves with certain lifestyles. Thats all and good, but I wonder if most of us find acceptance a two-way street?

    Perhaps another way of looking at it, if we are willing to take off our homophobism-crushing-vigilante glasses, is to think of Basteri's friends making the "gay" comment as it is something as unnatural for them for a guy to be in fragrances as homosexuality is. Are we atleast willing to give some people the right to believe that? And just because somebody believes that doesn't necessarily mean they are being bigots or haters, just like it doesn't mean that when some of us don't believe in certain other lifestyles or philosophies (and don't have any issues making comments 100 times worse than that towards some other philosophies or philosophical/historical backgrounds, mind you).
    Very good point.

    and also... why is it some kind of offending if some one thinks a straight guy is gay... and a compliment
    is the gay behaves like straight??

    obviousley there is some value issue going on in genral. like better and less ideal.
    Last edited by moreda; 6th August 2009 at 09:45 AM.

  60. #60

    Default Re: I am getting tired

    The association between homosexuality and fragrance tends to come from stereotypes about heterosexual masculinity, not homosexuality. In my experience, society puts the most aesthetic constraints on straight men. It's "gay" to be really into fragrance because heterosexual men aren't allowed to smell too nice, or dress too fashionably, etc.

    This wasn't always the case, of course. Men used to pride themselves on their appearance and grooming. My grandfather wouldn't leave the house if his shoes weren't properly shined! I think this relatively new attitude is a reaction to the way our society is rapidly changing. Being openly gay or lesbian is much more acceptable today. Straight men have collectively reacted by imbibing a strange version of masculinity to differentiate themselves from gay men.

    Quote Originally Posted by yonggoh View Post
    i get more women in my corner then them all anyways
    Precisely. Women love a man who smells good, so we're ahead of the curve on this one. My girlfriend even made me give her one of my frags to keep her company when she left for the summer.
    "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell

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