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  1. #1

    Default All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    I am a long time reader....never before poster.

    I am a gay male with a partner of 12 years. I've got a pretty good self of identity and of all scents (at least that I've smelled) that are me......However, I need a woman's scent.......

    We recently had a baby (through a wonderful surrogacy agency from CA) and are really happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has been the most miraculous journey.

    Prior to our daughter's birth, one of my sisters voiced her concern and ISSUES with our child and our lifestyle. It completly blew me away, I had previously thought that we were all OK. We had the whole CHRISTIAN and ABBERATION OF NATURE talk....all of which she could not be diswayed from.........And all of which I believe is bullshit....As a result, I do not need her in my life, my family's life, or influencing my beautiful Baby Girl!

    Anyway...too the heart of the matter...On the fatefull night, I told her she smelled like candied shit...the perfume she was wearing was horrible. I do not know what it was....but it was bad and her response was "It's expensive!." She has always been very self absorbed, materialistic, and has a "better than thou" attitude. I have always felt that she always thinks that she is better than everyone else ( I know, this sounds horrible.....but after discussing this with siblings, we all agree...)

    Although she pretends that she is "rich" (and is so pathetic, because she is sooooo far from it...), I am way better off financially (and taste wise....) I can afford some good stuff for her........just want to get the right message accross to her...


    And here we are.....I have to attend a relative's marriage with her this summer and would like to give her a "gift". And actually a gift it would be....I want to give her a perfume that is great....probably a floral, maybe with a little bit of spice, that she has no idea of and no way to respond to. I want to make her a little jealous that I could give this to her....and a little bit, WOW, he gave this to me....

    What am I trying to do??? She is so little and has no idea of the world........What would be the best women's perfume (or scent) that I could give her that would show her this and start her to mend her ways????? You know, a little bit " look here bitch, this is the way it should be and you have no clue...." I know this is a tall order but I believe that scent CAN heal the world! Sorry for the long story...

  2. #2

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    I love it. Such drama! But honestly, I understand where you're coming from and what you're trying to do. Is it worth the money though? You know, if it were me, I would go and splurge on some wonderful and expensive Guerlain for your daughter that she can wear when she's older (I'm thinking of Apres l'Ondee, of course, a perfect beginner scent).

    Your sister doesn't deserve such a gift. But if you must get her something, I suppose some Joy might be an option. And how ironic is the name, huh? Joy! Of all things... Anyhow, I wouldn't be surprised if sister dearest would make a point of saying she doesn't like it.

    There will always be mean and ignorant people to try and ruin it for others. Don't let her spoil it for you. Enjoy your husband and daughter; they are what really matters.

    Best of luck!

  3. #3

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    I think Effluve's suggestion of Joy is just spot on! You have much joy in your life right now, and it would be wonderful if your sister could share in that joy. But be sure to give it in a 'joyful' spirit of grace and dignity -- who knows, its effects may just rub off on your sister!

    Good luck

    This week, 'Chanel Cuir de Russie: Skin Scent' at http://thescentimentalist.blogspot.com/

  4. #4

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    First of all, I am sending you positive vibes and best wishes -- for you, your partner and your baby daughter. For your sister too. It takes strong personlaity to write so eloquently about stuff you have been through and I appreciate your honesty and attempts to make things work better for all of you.

    No matter what we recommend here, please try to sniff small samples of scents yourself. It is very personal, just like your personal life you were brave enough to share with us.

    Here is the list:
    Amouage Dia,
    Chanel Bois des Iles,
    Serge Lutens Daim Blond,
    L'Artisan Parfumer Timbuktu,
    Creed Fleurs de Rose Bulgari.

    I would NOT get her Jean Patou Joy (perhaps, its indoles will make you feel uneasy) and I would NOT anything with the word "Amber" (also Ambra, Ambre) in the name. But once again, it is very personal.

    Smell your co-workers, ladies at the grocery stores and medical offices, speak with them if you like what they are wearing. You will find one, I am sure.

  5. #5

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    Wink Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Ah, Jaso...my heart goes out to you. I have four beloved steps - three are girls/women - the eldest is gay and has been in a happy partnership with a terRIF-kick woman for over sixteen years. Her two younger sisters are "born-again" and have told her she is going straight to hell. They won't let their children - who their aunt adores - stay overnight or visit too long with her/them. Sad all around.

    We don't know where you live and so we don't know how much of a selection is available to you. Then there is the question of knowledgeable sales people. You have thought "floral with a bit of spice" in which case Joy (swooningly gorgeous, my personal all time fave and pleasingly expensive - if that's what you want) would not fill the bill. I agree with TWolf that if you can you should make some experiments. I know you'll get lots of help here because BN women are loving and generous.

    In my opinion (well, you DID ask!) giving your sister a gift could be the beginning of healing. You are obviously hurt and resentful (look at the language) and (again in my opinion) it is to your benefit to accept and forgive your sister. Try to see how she may have arrived at the spiritual state she is in and understand it and maybe love her anyway. You are going to have to help your daughter - as she grows - to practice this because she's going to face a lot of the same kind of attitudes as she grows up. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

    I have a lovely "floral with a bit of spice" called Geranium Bourbon by Miller Harris (the "Bourbon" is the rose not the booze) and will be happy to send you a sample if you want to p.m. me with your addy.

    In any event, I am burning incense to Quan Yin (the goddess of Mercy and Compassion) for you. Now there's a kicker!!
    Last edited by TaoLady; 22nd April 2010 at 11:28 AM.
    "The world is ruled by letting things take their course. It cannot be ruled by interfering." Lao Tze

  6. #6

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Dear Jaso:

    Your story is filled with strength and resilience and joy. How sad for your sister that she cannot be part of it. Listen to Twolf and Taolady--they are very wise women. May I also suggest:

    Le Parfum de Therese, Editions Frederic Malle
    Songes, Annick Goutal

    Congratulations on the birth of your daughter and please keep posting.

  7. #7

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Firstly, congratulations to you and you partner and your new daughter, Jaso! I understand the situation perfectly as both of my daughters are lesbian and I have heard all the above-mentioned arguments from some of my own family.

    I would buy the sister something with a well recognized status name such as a Dior or Chanel - and I don't mean Les Exclusifs! One, she may not like the scent, or may simply toss it, though I hope not! I wish for you the beginning of a better relationship with her for you and your family. Perhaps J'Adore or Cristalle, something like that - Miss Dior Cherie too. Good luck with the fence mending!

    Reine

  8. #8

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Poison

    If I wanted to give her a real gift, it would have to be Chanel Bois Des Iles. If she has a nose, she'll realise that it's exquisite. If she hasn't, at least she'll know it's expensive

  9. #9

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Oh,Jaso..it's always so sad to see that people waste so much time in their life on nonsense, on creating problems where there are none..when they (well she)should really be using time wisely and sharing your current state of happiness..'cause life's really much too short..well,we all know that..but we never think about it because it's just too scary..
    Whatever...anyhow...how about something that screams out "very niche"!? A Tauer ? A Rose Chyprée? Some Carnal Flower or Une Fleur de Cassie from Malle?

    Well,good luck and enjoy your daughter!!!

  10. #10
    Lean in closer, dear
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    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    I like Reine’s idea of choosing brand names that carry status, or, at least sound like high-end products (if you choose amongst niche lines). Not to stereotype, but French names still sound more chic. Rather than gambling on choosing a whole bottle of something blindly, I would gift her with a “bouquet of samples” presented in a pretty package — bowl, teacup, or some kind of travel case/bag, which would tie in with your traveling to a wedding. Play the odds that she will like at least one of a dozen or more samples. Of course, one would hope even more than one sample might please her, and then you know what to buy a whole bottle of the next time you give her a gift.

    Best of luck with the sister. All good wishes for your own little family.
    In a world where 6 million people are added each month, every landscape matters.

  11. #11

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Congratulations on your baby daughter!

    I'm so sorry your sister is how she is and that she hurt you with her words. Give a gift only if it's from the heart, not because you want to show her up in some way. I would imagine she'd read into a gift of fragrance given your conversation with her as it is and honestly, I think it could potentially not improve things any. But I don't know your sister, so, maybe she will be gracious and it will help repair the rift.

    That said, I think Caron Aimez Moi, Narcisse Noir or Nocturnes could be nice. I also like the idea of Joy.

    Good luck!

  12. #12

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Congratulations for your daughter's birth!
    Given the feelings you put into this gift, I would suggest perhaps Poison or one of its flankers.
    Last edited by darkdreams; 22nd April 2010 at 03:48 PM.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Welcome to Basenotes and for being so candid ,open with us ! That does take courage . You are lucky to have a lovely baby girl too !

    I heartily agree with all the above suggestions from Joy , Poison, Frederic Malle and Carons. Also how about Mitsouko or Shalimar by Guerlain ? Especially in parfum strength - these are wonderful.
    http://www.basenotes.net/threads/370...o-Profumo-Onda
    For sale. Carnal Flower and Vero Profumo Onda.

  14. #14

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Save your money and spend it on your daughter. Start a college savings account for her. She'll be there before you know it.

  15. #15

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    I think it needs to be something she's heard of, like Chanel, but one that she's not fully aware of, like No. 22. The presentation of boxes and ribbons, not to mention the big ol' bottle, are lavish and unsubtle enough to really impress her, yet it's Chanel so it could never be interpreted as tacky, and the No. 22 keeps it from being too obvious or predictable, like No. 5 might be. Not to mention it would make an extremely nice gift, and she's bound to like the fragrance as it's so easy to love and wear. I think she'd be completely blown away - duly impressed and very appreciative!

    Best wishes to you and your new family, and good luck mending those fences!

  16. #16
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    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Quote Originally Posted by Evangeline View Post
    I think it needs to be something she's heard of, like Chanel, but one that she's not fully aware of, like No. 22. The presentation of boxes and ribbons, not to mention the big ol' bottle, are lavish and unsubtle enough to really impress her, yet it's Chanel so it could never be interpreted as tacky, and the No. 22 keeps it from being too obvious or predictable, like No. 5 might be. Not to mention it would make an extremely nice gift, and she's bound to like the fragrance as it's so easy to love and wear. I think she'd be completely blown away - duly impressed and very appreciative!

    Best wishes to you and your new family, and good luck mending those fences!
    Oh very good suggestion Evangeline !

    Doc Elly's advice is also pretty sound !
    http://www.basenotes.net/threads/370...o-Profumo-Onda
    For sale. Carnal Flower and Vero Profumo Onda.

  17. #17

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Welcome, jaso! And thank you for sharing your story with us. Among the great things you'll find no paucity of on this site are good will, amazing generosity, and smarts. I basically agree with all that has been said in the previous posts, but I do think that Evangeline's suggestion of Chanel No. 22 is an excellent one. Twolf's suggestion that you sniff around makes complete sense, since one man's trash is another man's treasure, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I hope you will find peace with your sister and a great perfume. Take care.

  18. #18

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    First of all, congratulations for your baby daughter! Your story (except for the part of the sister..) kind of cheered me up haha! You really seem content. As for your sister, I'd rather get something for the baby intstead of making the effort of buying her something. The way she acts and her personality seem totally wrong.
    Though, I'd say that some Chanel, Dior or Guerlain's Shalimar(the name would be pretty suggestive since Shalimar means abode of love).
    Also Jean Patou's Joy seems to be a great choice(never tried but saw the notes AND the price..so if you're looking for something expensive that should do the job).
    Hope you'll find THE ONE haha. Good luck!

  19. #19

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Quote Originally Posted by jacona View Post
    Congratulations on your baby daughter!

    I'm so sorry your sister is how she is and that she hurt you with her words. Give a gift only if it's from the heart, not because you want to show her up in some way. I would imagine she'd read into a gift of fragrance given your conversation with her as it is and honestly, I think it could potentially not improve things any. But I don't know your sister, so, maybe she will be gracious and it will help repair the rift.
    I agree with this. Why force a pricey gift of fragrance on your sister just to show her up, as you already told her her fragrance smelled like candied shit? It seems a bit hostile, if you don't mind my being honest. If you really want peace, just let it go. You can't change her or her views, and it is sad that things are often like this in families, but you can put your energy into your new daughter and the love you will have in your new family.

    Quote Originally Posted by Doc Elly View Post
    Save your money and spend it on your daughter. Start a college savings account for her. She'll be there before you know it.
    +1

    Just my two cents, and congratulations!

  20. #20

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    The one scent that really keeps coming to my mind is The Scent of Peace, by Bond No.9
    But like Jacona said, only if it's a gift from your heart.

  21. #21

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

    Next...Being kind of curmudgeonly, I thoroughly agree with Doc Elly... let your pretentious sis be. Why? I really understand that you are wanting to make a point AND possibly bridge a gap between you and your sister... but experience tells me that such gifts are often either under-appreciated, simply rejected, or don't do what you expect. And can be misunderstood (intentionally or unintentionally) in such a way that more harm is done than good.

    I appreciate your spirit of generosity, but again, having had some experience with folks like this, don't think it would help.

    Perhaps just a serious conversation with her would be better.

    THEN, if you came to an understanding, a gift might be appropriate.

    (but that's just my sense of the situation given what you wrote.)

    Hope for the best, whatever you decide!
    [URL="http://www.basenotes.net/fragrancereviews/38140"][B]Actias luna's fragrance reviews[/B][/URL] | Now blogging with [i]AromiErotici, Carrie Meredith, Mimi Gardenia, Sugandaraja, Asha, bluesoul, shamu1, Redneck Perfumisto and Daly Beauty[/i] at [URL="http://aromierotici.blogspot.com/"][B]Il Mondo di Odore[/B][/URL] [URL="http://www.ebsqart.com/Artist/Kathleen-Harper/3794/Art-Portfolio/1/"]
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  22. #22

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Congratulations on the arrival of your daughter! How wonderful!

    Lots of good advice here from many thoughtful and wise women. I'm not sure how much I can add, but if you do decide to go ahead with a gift of good fragrance for her, I agree with reine, Evangeline, and others who thought that No. 22 (or something like it) would be perfect. Unfortunately, I think all of us know someone like your sister --- all about liking the appearance of wealth (so tiring, those people!). Although she may not know No. 22, she'll recognize "Chanel".

    I hate to ask what the "candied sh*t" perfume might have been...

  23. #23
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    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Welcome! I was very touched by your post. You & your partner are so blessed with your daughter.

    I too doubt your gift of a fine fragrance would be appreciated by your sister. It's a kind and generous thought but perhaps, if you ever have the opportunity to shop with her for fragrance, you could get an idea of what might appeal to her (and be out of her price range). Otherwise, I wouldn't spring a scent on her, specially after the "candied sh*t" statement. In fact, this could blow up & have the exact opposit effect, unless she is more involved in the selection.

    Enjoy your little family. Your sisters' issues are her own & most like originate from a great deal of insecurity and/or prejudice.
    RHM's Vintage, Rare & Pretty Darn Good items on offer: http://www.basenotes.net/threads/380...old-Pour-Femme

  24. #24
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    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    These will offer both the pomp and prestige to appeal to her class aspirations and the divine quality to school her in the true meaning of elegance:

    Dia
    Sabi
    Peche Cardinale
    Ubar
    Un Coeur en Mai

  25. #25

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Quote Originally Posted by actiasluna View Post
    Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

    Next...Being kind of curmudgeonly, I thoroughly agree with Doc Elly... let your pretentious sis be. Why? I really understand that you are wanting to make a point AND possibly bridge a gap between you and your sister... but experience tells me that such gifts are often either under-appreciated, simply rejected, or don't do what you expect. And can be misunderstood (intentionally or unintentionally) in such a way that more harm is done than good.

    I appreciate your spirit of generosity, but again, having had some experience with folks like this, don't think it would help.

    Perhaps just a serious conversation with her would be better.

    THEN, if you came to an understanding, a gift might be appropriate.

    (but that's just my sense of the situation given what you wrote.)

    Hope for the best, whatever you decide!
    +1 for this and the others who suggested to purchase a gift/start a college fund for your daughter instead of buying for your sister.

    Perfume, time and money are too precious to waste on people who don't deserve them and whose minds won't be changed by them. The risks are too great that your sister will not understand the message you were trying to get across and/or will not appreciate the kindness of your gesture in giving the gift of a lovely perfume chosen with care! We have to choose our battles in life, and what we choose is not always based on whether or not we can win.

    Congratulations on the birth of your daughter and best of luck to you all!

  26. #26

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    I doubt she would appreciate the fragrance... Instead I would give her a beautifully wrapped DVD... "Milk", maybe? *evil grin*
    Last edited by Nymph; 23rd April 2010 at 12:45 AM.

  27. #27

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    As has already been said so well by others here--it would be better to put your energy into the positive things in your life.

  28. #28

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    yup, i must agree that giving a "gift" with the only intention of showing someone " look here bitch, this is the way it should be and you have no clue" is a complete waste of resources and energy.
    P.S. telling someone that they smell like candied shit and all the rest seems to me almost equally judgemental and prejudiced as her calling you "an aberration of nature", although probably less hurtful. IMO opinion you should either try to talk things over or cut all contact with your sister.

  29. #29

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Wow.... First I want to say that the behavior and attitude of your sis (as I understand them through your writing) are not indicative of all who profess belief in the Lord Jesus. That being said, if she is just now getting around to voicing her true opinion, I think it comes from a place of concern, care, and yes, love, on her part, and it must have been as hard on her to say these things to you as it was for you to hear them. I agree a heart to heart is in order. The fact that your sis felt she could say these things to you in the first place tells me she would welcome such a discussion (but again, this is based on what you have written; I don't know the tone of her voice, how gently she articulates, or if she is "preachy" or merely steadfastly firm about her beliefs). I hope you can have a good relationship with her; differences, even huge ones, should never mean you cannot have a loving relationship with someone.
    Anyway, I also agree about the gift coming from your heart (and I know you're angry and hurt and giving someone who has hurt you a heartfelt gift is very hard). And I wouldn't count on anything you say or do getting her to "mend her ways" anymore than what she says will cause you to change yours. You have different philosophies and that's okay. It really is.
    I vote for Bois des Iles or Narcisse Noir as potential peace offerings, if I may.
    Congrats on your baby girl, and welcome to BN!

  30. #30

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Lots of good advice here - I come to Basenotes when I need sorting out and these gals always come through with the guidance I need.

    I heartily agree with the congratulations on your lovely baby daughter - and how lucky is she to have two Daddies and be double Daddy's Darling? (I loved my late Pa - he was the one person who I always knew loved me unconditionally. Everyone needs at least one person like that in their life. And your girl has two!)

    I also agree that if you give a gift it should come from the heart because you've decided to be the better man and rise above her bigotry and ignorance. If you can give a gift like that, it will benefit your little girl in the long run. It will also benefit you, because you will have done your best to heal a rift and be the peacemaker; you might even call it 'turning the other cheek', to use a Christian phrase. I hope she understands how much she has hurt your feelings and is sorry. If so, this is a great way to extend a hand to her and make friends again.

    And I'm with Reine and Evangeline. I think a Big French Brand Name is in order: Chanel really does fit the bill and 22 or Bois des Iles are the puppies to go for. Both are in the Les Exclusifs range, which has been bandied about all over the press, so she should know about them. Plus the bottles are 200mls or something looney like that - massive anyway, so a very imposing gift.

    And if you want something other than Chanel, something more niche, what about Frederic Malle's Iris Poudre? Super-feminine and classy.
    Or for a very definite message, take Ubu's suggestion and buy her The Scent Of Peace from Bond No 9.
    "A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future." Coco Chanel

    I'm streamlining my collection http://community.basenotes.net/showt...29#post1219729

  31. #31
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    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    'Grats for the birth of your daughter
    I think you can buy a good perfume but EASY, because she don't know great perfumes as Joy or Une rose chyprée or other, and sometimes it's difficult for a newbie understand niche perfumes.
    IMHO I think La chasse aux papillons AP is a good choice
    Last edited by nyneve; 24th April 2010 at 07:42 AM.
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  32. #32

    Default Re: All right ladies...this is a little bit different story....

    Welcome, Jaso!

    I'm enjoying the thread tremendously.
    I think most, if not all suggestions are really good.

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