Code of Conduct
Results 1 to 27 of 27

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    Basenotes Junkie Nosebud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    589

    Default I don't want to start this thread

    Ok ladies, so here's the deal. I just love TH Truestar and recently bought some to give to my wife on christmas. What she doesn't know is that I know how this frag smells because I had an ex-girlfriend that wore it as her signature scent. I am not sure if I'm making a good decision here because:
    I think she might have a bias against liking this if she knew
    I might just be feeling a little like I'm (frag cheating?)
    I am worried a little that it might incite memories of my ex.
    So there is my situation. Your thoughts?
    Last edited by Nosebud; 12th October 2012 at 08:35 PM.

  2. #2

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    All depends on your wife's skin chemistry. It might not suit her or smell totally different on her.

    Why don't you wear it yourself since you love it so much?
    DONNA

  3. #3

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    I think I would pick another fragrance. There are so many out there to love, why pick one with such specific memories? Good luck!

  4. #4

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Wow, that is some predicament! First, I don't think you are frag cheating- but only you know that for sure! I'm sure there is another scent out there you'd both love, wouldn't it be more fun if you could choose something for her together? There is after all, a chance she won't like Truestar, even without knowing the backstory.

    I once had a bf who regularly brought me red roses because they were his previous gf's favorites. That relationship didn't last long. I definitely would not be agreeable to wearing a former gf's scent. Maybe your lady is much cooler than I am, though. I think if you must give her this gift, you should NEVER mention the ex. Why bother, she's an ex for a reason, right? Good luck!

    Edit:
    Just to be clear, I do not mean you should be dishonest if you do choose to give this gift. Your wife will likely ask how you happen to know this scent, anyway (I would), of course you have to tell her the whole story. If she's ok with it (which is hard to imagine) and you are both able to detach from any associations, then that's it, no more talk of the ex. Leave the past where it belongs. But- just my opinion, as I don't know your wife- it's probably best to see if this bottle can be returned, even exchanged.
    Last edited by PerfumedLady; 12th October 2012 at 06:48 PM.
    The nose wants what it wants!

  5. #5
    Basenotes Junkie Nosebud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    589

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    @donna255, huh (thoughtful version.) If she doesn't like it I think I just may wear it; and I'll probably wear it from time to time even if she does. @cello, my wife isn't very well versed in frags, but this one fits her profile so far. I did order a ton of samples the other day to try and expand her horizons.

  6. #6
    Warum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    2,117
    Blog Entries
    53

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post
    I did order a ton of samples the other day to try and expand her horizons.
    I think this is the best thing to do anyway, whether you have any previous associations with a scent or not, it is nice to smell together and pick out favorites that create a chemistry between the two of you. Make a date night out of each sample and soon you will have sexy memories associated with all kinds of scents! Good luck!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post
    I did order a ton of samples the other day to try and expand her horizons.
    I think this is the best thing to do anyway, whether you have any previous associations with a scent or not, it is nice to smell together and pick out favorites that create a chemistry between the two of you. Make a date night out of each sample and soon you will have sexy memories associated with all kinds of scents! Good luck!

  7. #7

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    I think I'd leave that one in the past, if I were you, just like the relationship. Choose something new for your wife. There are so many fragrances out there to fall in love with. My two cents.

    p.s. If I were the wife in this case, and I found out that my husband bought me a fragrance he loved on his ex-girlfriend, I might wonder how to take that gesture. Communication, of course, is the main thing -- but why not let the past stay in the past?
    Last edited by lilybelle; 12th October 2012 at 04:49 PM. Reason: brain fog

  8. #8

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    I strongly suggest you do NOT do it! If she ever finds out, she will not forgive you. I know I wouldn't. Even if the memories mean nothing for you. Also, I never tried Truestar but it sounds hard to believe that there is nothing better out there. Get samples, you'll find something else!

  9. #9
    Basenotes Institution 30 Roses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    11,588
    Blog Entries
    7

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    I am not going to pull my punches here: I think you should avoid it like the plague. Don't wear it, don't give it-- return it, get your money back, and help your wife find something she likes.

    Memories evoked by scents can be very vivid. What possible good can come of reawakening sexual memories of your ex on a regular basis?

    And what good can come of having this secret, this lie of omission, between you and your wife? Because for sure she would see it as a lie if she ever found out. I would, and would feel really offended.

    In addition, if you told her up front and gave her a choice, she wouldn't want to wear it. Not telling her is taking that choice away from her, and is inherently disrepectful.

    Edit:
    I think the fact that you posted this thread says you basically already think this way. That is your gut talking to you, and I think you ought to listen to it.
    Last edited by 30 Roses; 12th October 2012 at 05:39 PM.


  10. #10
    Basenotes Plus
    RHM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Saint Louis, MO
    Posts
    3,747

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Quote Originally Posted by 30 Roses View Post
    I am not going to pull my punches here: I think you should avoid it like the plague. Don't wear it, don't give it-- return it, get your money back, and help your wife find something she likes.

    Memories evoked by scents can be very vivid. What possible good can come of reawakening sexual memories of your ex on a regular basis?

    And what good can come of having this secret, this lie of omission, between you and your wife? Because for sure she would see it as a lie if she ever found out. I would, and would feel really offended.

    In addition, if you told her up front and gave her a choice, she wouldn't want to wear it. Not telling her is taking that choice away from her, and is inherently disrepectful.

    Edit:
    I think the fact that you posted this thread says you basically already think this way. That is your gut talking to you, and I think you ought to listen to it.
    I agree with every single word 30R wrote.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I agree twice with every single word 30R wrote.
    Last edited by RHM; 13th October 2012 at 02:21 AM. Reason: Duplicate posting.
    RHM's Vintage, Rare & Pretty Darn Good items on offer: http://www.basenotes.net/threads/380...old-Pour-Femme

  11. #11

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    New S.O., new scent..the past is the past. Other scents to love. Haven't sniffed that one but there's probably better. Get some samples of various scents. Make new memories with your wife, a scent that's just hers alone. Good luck.
    Last edited by kalli; 12th October 2012 at 05:53 PM.

  12. #12
    Dependent rubegon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    War of the Roses
    Posts
    2,188

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    The ladies speak the truth - I can't say it any better. Return it. It's just a bad idea.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - -

  13. #13
    Dependent
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    killeen texas
    Posts
    1,143

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    return it!!!!!!!!!
    1. Dior Homme Original
    2. Musc Ravaguer
    3. Portrait of a Lady
    4. Noir de Noir
    5. L Instant Guerlain pour Homme Extreme
    6. New Haarlem
    7. Pure Coffee
    8. Blu Mediterraneo Sicilian Almond
    9. Rose 31
    10. Spiritueuse Double Vanille

  14. #14
    Dependent morrison74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Taipei, Taiwan
    Posts
    2,160

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    I think you should return it, after one last spray.....
    We're all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils.

    Wanted



  15. #15

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    DO. NOT. GO. THERE. EVER.

    A family friend when his wife and he were trying again after a split bought her Hypnotic Poison. Very nice you think, a good gesture to make a go of it.

    When they finally split up after about 18 months he invited everyone to a party to meet his new gf. Lets just say she had worked for him back in 1999. She was wearing Hypnotic Poison. I complimented her on her fragrance. She thanked me, sharing that it had been her signature fragrance since it was released.

    I immediately knew they had been having an affair for years.

    The lesson being, you don't have to tell your wife but you never know who else is going to realise and tell her unwittingly

  16. #16
    Basenotes Junkie Nosebud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    589

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    You are all probably right. @30 Roses, thanks for the frank tone of your post. I think I will either give it to someone else or try and trade it, if it can't be returned. If anybody has a few suggestions for me to sample, I am open.

    - - - Updated - - -

    You are all probably right. @30 Roses, thanks for the frank tone of your post. I think I will either give it to someone else or try and trade it, if it can't be returned. If anybody has a few suggestions for me to sample, I am open.

  17. #17
    Basenotes Institution 30 Roses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    11,588
    Blog Entries
    7

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post
    You are all probably right. @30 Roses, thanks for the frank tone of your post. I think I will either give it to someone else or try and trade it, if it can't be returned. If anybody has a few suggestions for me to sample, I am open.
    You're making the right choice! This isn't really about fragrance, anyway, so much as about about trust, respect, and exclusivity in your relationship with your wife. No fragrance is worth jeopardizing that.

    I just read a description about True Star and this is not the sort of scent I wear, so I will leave it to others to make recommendations.


  18. #18

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    I wouldn't like it if my SO bought me a fragrance worn by an ex of his. He could try and reassure me as much as he liked that it was just about the fragrance and not the woman, but I wouldn't be convinced. Maybe men and women think differently about these sorts of things. Or then again maybe not - my husband tolerates my frag obsession, but the absolute no-no is me wearing Opium, even though he likes it - it's his mother's signature scent!

  19. #19
    Basenotes Junkie Nosebud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    589

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Quote Originally Posted by devilcat View Post
    Or then again maybe not - my husband tolerates my frag obsession, but the absolute no-no is me wearing Opium, even though he likes it - it's his mother's signature scent!
    I agree with your husband on that! My wife is not allowed to wear Love Spell.

    Update: I did tell my wife about the frag and it's origin for me, and she was totally cool. She asked which ex and gave it a try when I told her which one; there would have been an immediate veto on certain ex's.. It was only a 4 month relationship, and for a reason. She actually likes it better than her other two frags. This does not mean we will stop finding new scents for her and expanding her collection.

  20. #20

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post
    Update: I did tell my wife about the frag and it's origin for me, and she was totally cool. She asked which ex and gave it a try when I told her which one; there would have been an immediate veto on certain ex's.. It was only a 4 month relationship, and for a reason. She actually likes it better than her other two frags. This does not mean we will stop finding new scents for her and expanding her collection.
    Well done, both of you! You clearly have great communication in your marriage. Your wife sounds like a very level-headed gal, you've got yourself a keeper! Only four months puts this in an entirely different context for me- after a relationship that short, this ex will be nothing but a vague memory one day. Have no doubts your wife will make this scent her own. We can certainly help you expand her wardrobe, maybe start a new thread and tell us a bit more about her? Could still find her a surprise in time for Christmas!
    Last edited by PerfumedLady; 13th October 2012 at 02:58 PM.
    The nose wants what it wants!

  21. #21
    Basenotes Plus
    knit at nite's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    CA, Central Coast
    Posts
    4,841

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    NO NO Nosebud - 30 R is right
    A Scent Rescuer
    Every great perfume deserves a good home

  22. #22
    Basenotes Plus
    Kiliwia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Minnesota
    Posts
    5,377

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Agree with 30 Roses 100%.

    About finding a different fragrance, what type of perfume does your wife like? A gift for her should be something she would llike, not what you would like her to wear. Tell us what type she likes and we can give you some suggestions.

  23. #23

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    The appeal isn't lost on me, but that's a slippery slope my friend.

  24. #24
    Basenotes Institution 30 Roses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    11,588
    Blog Entries
    7

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Good for you, deciding on transparency!


  25. #25
    Basenotes Plus
    senore01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    NEW YORK CITY
    Posts
    3,854
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    If my lady were giving me a fragrance which I knew had memories attached to it, such as yours are, I would not be happy. In fact, I would feel uncomfortable. You can do better than that my friend. Get her another fragrance.

  26. #26

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    I agree with all the vetos on giving this perfume to your wife. Find a new scent for her that is not tainted by any old associations. There are so many to love, you'll find something you and she will really like together. This is a dangerous area, a woman will definitely think you are trying to bring your old love into your marriage by introducing this fragrance even if all you tell her is that an old girlfriend wore it and don't disclose details. Take your wife to the perfume counters to do some serious sniffing and return that fragrance or give it to your sister.

  27. #27
    Ursula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Flushing,NY/USA
    Posts
    727
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: I don't want to start this thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Nosebud View Post
    Ok ladies, so here's the deal. I just love TH Truestar and recently bought some to give to my wife on christmas. What she doesn't know is that I know how this frag smells because I had an ex-girlfriend that wore it as her signature scent. I am not sure if I'm making a good decision here because:
    I think she might have a bias against liking this if she knew
    I might just be feeling a little like I'm (frag cheating?)
    I am worried a little that it might incite memories of my ex.
    So there is my situation. Your thoughts?
    I would make a clean break and look for another scent, for your new relationship. You having doubts and bringing up the subject here, shows complications and convoluted thinking.

    Start fresh. Not even wear it for yourself.
    There are no answers, only choices. (Stanislav Lem)

Similar Threads

  1. why cant i start thread on swap board
    By jv78 in forum Just Starting Out
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 16th October 2012, 09:35 AM
  2. Any way to show thread start dates?
    By buzzley in forum Community Centre Archive
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 11th March 2010, 05:31 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  



Loving perfume on the Internet since 2000