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  1. #1
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    Default serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    how do you effectively convince your friends and loved ones that fragrance collecting is a legitimate hobby and not a mental sickness?

  2. #2
    Basenotes Member Cologniano's Avatar
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Is it a sickness? I keep my collection private. The less seen the better. I keep it in a small luggage accessory bag in the closet to prevent light and humidity from spoiling the fragrances.

  3. #3

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I'd hate to keep it a secret. My uncle saw my collection the other week and was surprised at first - considering he only ever wears Issey Miyake. Spending ten minutes sniffing through Tubereuse Criminelle, Secretions Magnifique, Miel De Bois, Jarling etc. etc. and ambergris tinctures - resulted in a fragrance related discussion for most of the night

  4. #4
    hednic's Avatar
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I gave up many years ago. They have just learned to accept it as an oddity.

  5. #5

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    What if they are right? Better keep quiet...

  6. #6

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by DieNase View Post
    What if they are right? Better keep quiet...
    Touchè
    for swap/sale:



  7. #7
    Dependent Shiny Beast's Avatar
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Don't pitch it as a hobby, pitch it as fashion/style accessories and don't linger on the topic.

  8. #8

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by Shiny Beast View Post
    Don't pitch it as a hobby, pitch it as fashion/style accessories and don't linger on the topic.
    Don't p pitch at all. Instead retort with:
    What, you don't have as many bottles? What's wrong with you .
    for swap/sale:



  9. #9
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    You can try comparing it to music; nobody expect you to have only 3 CDs. No, you need more, you need choices; ballads, symphonies, blues and electropop, dubstep, and that is just for daytime, in the winter
    Currently wearing: Méharées by L'Erbolario

  10. #10

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    It's like collecting pieces of art. THAT would never be considered a sickness.

    You could say that anything that expands your sensual knowledge and pleasure is absolutely SACRED! It's what makes life worth living. Perfumes bring new dimension to your olfactory life and scent is about as basic to our knowledge about the world as anything else. Scent pleasure is no different or less important than visual pleasure.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    good point nymphea

    but how do you sell that to the average person?

  12. #12

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I was told by a professional it was a personality disorder, sort of a form of OCD.

    So first rule of fragrance collecting, is don't talk about your fragrance collection.
    DONNA

  13. #13

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by donna255 View Post
    I was told by a professional it was a personality disorder, sort of a form of OCD.

    So first rule of fragrance collecting, is don't talk about your fragrance collection.
    Bwahahahahahahaha!

    I tell people perfume is my "collectible," like stamps or Depression-era glassware. They can seem to relate to that. But there's an antique store I go to regularly, looking for vintage 'fumes, and the gals who work the counter still can't get over the fact that I don't care about the bottles but, as I put it to them, "just the juice inside."

  14. #14
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Donna, the psychological criteria for diagnoses are a huge joke and to call psychology a science would be an insult to anything that is science.

    To be fair, I do have ocd though

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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by noirdrakkar View Post
    To be fair, I do have ocd though
    the plot thickens

  16. #16

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by noirdrakkar View Post
    good point nymphea

    but how do you sell that to the average person?
    I don't sell "it". I just do it, love it, revel in it, and smile. If it comes up, and somebody gives me a weird look, I give them one back even bigger. Us Southern women can be bitchy as hell with a smile :} But really, don't justify yourself to anybody. Claim your hobby, feel confident to know if it gets out of hand like any hobby, and let others think what they will!

    Somebody once told me, what others think of me is none of my business. Just what I think of me. I liked that. And all my perfumes hahah.
    Beauty is an ecstasy; it is as simple as hunger. There is really nothing to be said about it. It is like the perfume of a rose: you can smell it and that is all.
    W. Somerset Maugham

  17. #17

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I don't.
    What I do is my business and its incredibly rude for anyone to pass judgement on what I choose to spend my time, joy and money on.

    If you find yourself in a position where you feel you have to justify yourself- then walk away and don't say a word. As long as you don't go around poking your nose in and forcing your opinions on others and what they do and spend money on, they have no right to do it to you.

  18. #18

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by hednic View Post
    I gave up many years ago. They have just learned to accept it as an oddity.
    Same here. Regardless of how normal our little world seems to us, almost everyone out there finds it an eccentricity.

  19. #19

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Noir, there is nothing crazy about collecting perfumes as a hobby, though I suspect you already know that. It really comes down to how you enjoy your hobby.

    How much do you talk about perfume to people you know aren't interested?

    By the average person's standards, do you smell good, or are you a smell that invades other people's space?

    Do you like to be noticed, or are you desperately seeking attention?

    Last, but not least, are you constantly making up wild stories about your hobby?

    These things indicate an issue that has nothing to do with perfume, but rather a lack of self confidence. If this is the case, it's actually a good thing. WHY?!?!? Easy answer! A lack of self confidence is something one can overcome. Take it from a man who knows.

    Enjoy your hobby. There is nothing crazy about indulging your senses.
    Last edited by L'Homme Blanc Individuel; 4th November 2012 at 10:45 PM.
    I have a 100ml Gucci Pour Homme 2003 that I'll swap for Reflection Man or De Bachmakov. PM me if interested.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by L'Homme Blanc Individuel View Post
    Noir, there is nothing crazy about collecting perfumes as a hobby, though I suspect you already know that. It really comes down to how you enjoy your hobby.

    But I don't want other people to think I'm crazy. I mean, it really hurts me that collecting fragrances is considered as weird as men collecting womens' dirty underwear, to most people.

    How much do you talk about perfume to people you know aren't interested?

    Not too much. I may mention it here or there to a friend, but we only talk about it for 20 seconds and we move on to the next topic. I don't talk about fragrances a lot to people who aren't interested, and I rarely bring it up.

    By the average person's standards, do you smell good, or are you a smell that invades other people's space?

    I go light on the trigger, and most of what I own is "safe"

    Do you like to be noticed, or are you desperately seeking attention?

    Yes, I do. But that goes beyond wearing cologne.

    Last, but not least, are you constantly making up wild stories about your hobby?

    Yes (on this forum only), but only for trolling, and satire. LOL
    bolded in quotes

  21. #21
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    "What? You don't Have any bottles? I love it. From here on in that will be my line for those who think I am crazy. Seriously though, I never tell every one how many bottles and how much I spend on fragrances. If I did, someone would be dialing 911.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I suspect the best way to pitch it in this day and age, is as a "connoisseurship" sort of thing.

    The idea that a person might be trying to discover "the best" of anything at all these days seems to be something the general population can relate to.

    Once you get them sniffing themselves, they'll soon find it's something different.

  23. #23
    taint it sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Well, most of my family/friends know that I have several "ticks". I don't like to shake hands or touch handles.. I definitely have an obsessive nature, so I can see someone classifying me as "OCD" or "crazy". It doesn't bother me. I will say that the fact that I routinely go sniff numerous bottles in my collection at random times is starting to concern me a little. Otherwise, I just like to smell good. Just like I like to collect watches and socks....everybody has their thing(s).

  24. #24

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    You're tossing around terms like "crazy" and "mental sickness," referring to mental illness, which is a very real thing that should not to be taken lightly. If mental illness is indeed part of the equation here, please lose the disrespect for psychologists (obvious red flag there) and consider their advice. Even if you disagree completely. Perhaps especially if you disagree completely.

    This hobby isn't particularly common. But if collecting fragrances is leading people you know to refer to you as having "mental sickness" clearly, there is something else going on. I hope you seriously give this the attention it deserves and I wish you the best of luck.
    I have a 100ml Gucci Pour Homme 2003 that I'll swap for Reflection Man or De Bachmakov. PM me if interested.

  25. #25

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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by furrypine View Post
    You can try comparing it to music; nobody expect you to have only 3 CDs. No, you need more, you need choices; ballads, symphonies, blues and electropop, dubstep, and that is just for daytime, in the winter
    This is exactly what I do; perfume and music fill similar spaces and have similar purposes in my life. Still, some people get it, some won't.

  26. #26
    Super Member Hayven's Avatar
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I don't really talk about or gush about my perfume collection to other people; but my boyfriend does notice every time I am on the computer, "window shopping" online and typing on fragrance forums. At first he poked fun at me, but I asked him a while back (after he helped me assemble a glass cabinet for my fragrances) "What do you think of my hobby? Do you think I'm crazy?" He said, "No; if you have the money for it, it's OK."

    I have a coworker that saw me looking at perfumes on Amazon some time back. We ended up striking a conversation about some of her favorites and she asked for some recommendations for her husband.

    Twice I have brought a bag of perfumes to work that I am unable to sell or swap online. I was popular for those 2 days, haha.

  27. #27

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I really like the music analogy -- that makes intuitive sense to me. One could even compare the vast number of samples/decants (vs FBs) one has to the iTunes craze. So few people buy complete albums any more -- they just try out/buy the tracks they think might appeal to them. If it turns out they hate the song after a few plays, they haven't spent a bunch of money on the album. Same with fragrances.

    Two other analogies I've used are wine and shoes.

    People who have wine cellars or dedicated wine refrigerators keep them stocked with wine, and they may never drink all of it. But, really, who would choose to drink the same 3 or 4 wines, over and over, for the rest of one's life?

    This one is probably easier for women to get away with, thanks to Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex in the City: I just say, you know how some women are gaga over shoes and have a gazillion pairs? That's how fragrance is for me. People look surprised for a split second, but then intuitively get it.

    But, yeah, overall, I don't talk about it much at all with people who don't share the love. I did, however, choose to prepare the twenty-something young woman I hired to dogsit for my beloved Dugan while I was away on business trips, before he passed away. I even invited her to sample away. She did and had a great time doing it.

  28. #28

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I'm not sure you really convince them of anything. The best you can do is try to explain/articulate why you enjoy it and try to relate it to something they perhaps collect or spend a fair amount of time on as a hobby. Most people I know have at least one significant hobby, strong interest, or collect something in some shape or form. Yes, fragrance isn't one of the most common, but there are definitely far more eccentric/odd and expensive ones, that's for sure. I've really only ever discussed my love for fragrance and time/money spent on them with my wife. At first, I'm not sure she quite understood it, but once I explained it and then related it to the time and money she spends on photography, she could relate to it much easier.

    I think the music example, wine example & others brought up earlier in this thread are all very relatable to most people. I really don't feel the need to convince anyone else, and frankly, don't really care if they completely "get it" or not, even after I try to explain it. As long as someone isn't doing something that truly negatively affects others or harms themselves in some significant manner, it doesn't really matter. Only you can know what truly brings you happiness, pleasure, joy, etc., and what you like to spend your time/money on. Everyone has their own priorities when it comes to this, and they are all different in their own way. Whether it's something "normal", mainstream/common, or very unique/uncommon, is all relative in the end.
    Currently wearing: Original Vetiver by Creed

  29. #29

    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    I guess I'm lucky as family and friends don't really find it strange/weird but just something I'm into. I mean people collect all kind of different things as a hobby and fragrances are not really at the outer limits of what is deemed socially acceptable.
    Currently wearing: Bel Ami by Hermès

  30. #30
    Dependent starshipvelcro's Avatar
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    Default Re: serious question: convincing your loved ones you are not crazy

    It's not hard to convince someone it's a legitimate hobby...

    -very collectible: vintage, new releases, fancy boxes, many to explore
    -each has an "artist" (perfumer) that creates it, giving it some credit as a piece of art
    -there are places like this to discuss it, many forums clubs ect. ect.
    -there is a niche side to it that many don't know about, requiring a bit of knowledge to grasp the concepts
    -like wine collecting there is more to a fragrance than an inexperienced person could perceive without spending the time to know what's going on
    -it's very costly
    -things get discontinued and sometimes tend to go up in value
    -there is plenty to discuss with like minded people


    I'm sure there are plenty more. I understand the sentiment though, I'm still pretty sure my family doesn't quite get it. Strange how some hobbies just come off as weird to others, while things like baseball card collecting is normal. Isn't the point of a hobby to be interesting to the individual who takes part in it? Why do others judge peoples hobbies?

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