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  1. #1
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    Default when someone challenges your hobby

    if someone makes a condescending or negative comment about your hobby, (like "why do you own so much perfume/cologne. i only own 2" or "thats a waste of money, or more than you'll ever use") what do you do?

    me, i just give a quick reply and then move on to a different subject. i just say something like "well, it's something i like to do, no big deal" or "its a luxury i can i afford, i guess" and i'd end it there.

    i don't start arguments about it like "oh, and you only wear 1 or 2 pairs of shoes?" or "collecting fragrances is actually a beneficial hobby because..."

    by starting an argument and trying to justify it, you paint yourself more in the picture of a fanatic or someone who is wierdly obsessed about it. and the only thing youll convince them of is that your hobby is more strange than they thought.

    instead, by leaving a quick comment and then ending the conversation, you show confidence through criticism and security about yourself that just commands anyones respect.

    your thoughts?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Everyone has their own vices, so I just ignore it and move on.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    I also ignore it.

  4. #4

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    I come from a culture where obsessions and excess is applauded.
    Over here you need to explain yourself for not OD'ing on your hobby du jour.
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by hedonist222 View Post
    I come from a culture where obsessions and excess is applauded.
    Over here you need to explain yourself for not OD'ing on your hobby du jour.
    abu dhabi? that's a wealthy oil country in the middle east like qatar right?

    i can see why materialism must be popular there.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Knee to the groin and swipe elbow across the windpipe.

    That shuts them up every time.

    Obnoxious.

  7. #7

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    I get that with all the things I own from one side of the political genepool or another. Whether it is my guns, knives, straight razors, frags, etc. People have a habit of bashing what they do not know or understand. They are at best a pia... at worst a sparring partner. Either way is good for me. Life is too short to have others ignorance/stupidity inpact one's happiness.
    "We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." – Winston Churchill

  8. #8
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by noirdrakkar View Post
    abu dhabi? that's a wealthy oil country in the middle east like qatar right?...
    Abu Dhabi is the capital of the United Arab Emirates.

    I suspect guys have more problems with people looking askance at their fragrance collection than we ladies do. Stereotypes....



  9. #9

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    I've never had anyone say anything negative to me about it, so I haven't had to address the issue. Most people who know about my passion think it's cool, although they rarely ask me anything in depth about it.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    It isn't a hobby. It's a vice. And no one challenges it. They love it.
    Last edited by pluran; 22nd January 2013 at 12:34 AM.

  11. #11

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    I've never had anyone challenge my hobby. "Challenge" is such an interesting word choice. Are people really challenging you? If so, why? Why does the topic even come up in the first place?

    A few nights ago, I had a date with a woman who mentioned I smelled different than I had the previous time we'd met. I said I owned a bunch of colognes that I enjoy (and I used the word cologne because, in the real world, that's what people mistakenly think scents for men are). Anyway... she asked "How many do you own?" I told her I didn't know. "A bunch, really." I could tell the idea of a man collecting perfume seemed odd to her, and I could tell she was interested... so... I asked if she liked the smell of the bread aisle at a grocery store. Of course she said yes. Then I asked if she ever noticed the smell of the rain, or the smell of newfallen leaves in the fall. And, of course, she said yes. Then I said "I'm going to treat you to something really good. I'll be right back."

    I fetched some cotton balls and a few bottles of perfume. I handed her a cotton ball sprayed with Gucci Pour Homme II and asked her "What do you think?" Her eyes got really wide, and she grinned. Then, I handed her a cotton ball sprayed with Gucci Pour Homme 1, and her eyes got even wider, and she didn't want to hand the cotton ball back so we could move on to the next sample. We ended up sampling a whole bunch of things and it was a ton of fun. I asked her "What kind of guy would smell like this?" and I loved getting her input. So! Much! Fun! I'm seeing her again this week and she picked the one she wants me to wear. Did I mention somuchfunsomuchfun?

    That's how I handle it. If asked, I discuss my interest to the extent that the other person is interested, which brings me to the second part of my answer. I can't help noticing you've posted various threads with this same topic, which suggests to me that your hobby is often an issue in your everyday life. Could it be that you talk about about your hobby a lot with people who aren't interested? Here's an example. I'm an audio guy. I could easily go off on a tangent about a relatively unknown kind of amplifier you can buy for as little as $25 (seriously) that outperforms rack mount pro studio amps. I know because I swapped out my rack mount for one a few years ago and... well... you're not interested, are you? I can't blame you for not having any interest at all. It's not your thing. No worries. I could also go off on how amazing the new Sony SLTs are compared to SLRs, but unless you're really into photography, comparisons between an electronic viewfinder and a pentaprism would bore you to tears. Spoiler alert: a pentaprism is an amazing pieces of glass, but compared to an EVF viewfinder (and an open mind regarding new technology), it's just a piece of glass. Among photographers, that comment is like declaring war. Here, it's irrelevant because this isn't a place to talk photography. Different audience = Different results.

    My point? It's important to know your audience. If people are often "challenging" your hobby, it means you're making your hobby an issue. Maybe you wear too much, thus causing the topic to come up again and again? Or (this is what I suspect) maybe you want their approval, so you bring the topic up again and again. That doesn't work. I bought L'Air du Desert Marocain recently and was very excited about it, but the friend I was hanging out with that day wouldn't have been interested in the least. We were drinking beer, eating food that's bad for us and watching football. It was a great day, but not a day to rave about L'ADDM. You've got to know your audience.
    "Follow your nose. It always knows." -- Toucan Sam

  12. #12
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by PerfumePorMoi View Post
    I've never had anyone say anything negative to me about it, so I haven't had to address the issue. Most people who know about my passion think it's cool, although they rarely ask me anything in depth about it.
    Same here.

    @L'HBI, solid post there.





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  13. #13
    CologneFan85
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    I simply say woman love it, and I like to smell good. And move on from there.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by L'Homme Blanc Individuel View Post
    My point? It's important to know your audience. If people are often "challenging" your hobby, it means you're making your hobby an issue. Maybe you wear too much, thus causing the topic to come up again and again? Or (this is what I suspect) maybe you want their approval, so you bring the topic up again and again. That doesn't work. I bought L'Air du Desert Marocain recently and was very excited about it, but the friend I was hanging out with that day wouldn't have been interested in the least. We were drinking beer, eating food that's bad for us and watching football. It was a great day, but not a day to rave about L'ADDM. You've got to know your audience.
    Facebook group: Perfume Lovers in Singapore, Unite! (You don't have to be in Singapore to join.)

  15. #15
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by L'Homme Blanc Individuel View Post
    My point? It's important to know your audience. If people are often "challenging" your hobby, it means you're making your hobby an issue. Maybe you wear too much, thus causing the topic to come up again and again? Or (this is what I suspect) maybe you want their approval, so you bring the topic up again and again. That doesn't work. I bought L'Air du Desert Marocain recently and was very excited about it, but the friend I was hanging out with that day wouldn't have been interested in the least. We were drinking beer, eating food that's bad for us and watching football. It was a great day, but not a day to rave about L'ADDM. You've got to know your audience.
    Facebook group: Perfume Lovers in Singapore, Unite! (You don't have to be in Singapore to join.)

  16. #16
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by docluv45 View Post
    Knee to the groin and swipe elbow across the windpipe.

    That shuts them up every time.

    Obnoxious.
    I like to open by grabbing a bottle and spraying it in their eyes before I move onto those moves.

    TBH, I've never had anyone even inquire, and I'd probably just say "well, it's something i like to do, no big deal" as suggested by noirdrakkar.
    Currently wearing: Sel Marin by Heeley

  17. #17
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    most of my friends and family love it, especially when I give them samples and decants to play with!
    Last edited by tiffingirl; 22nd January 2013 at 03:43 AM.

  18. #18

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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Everything L'HBI said.

    I come here because the people in my real life aren't interested. If I yammered on and on to them about fragrance, that would be rude of me, and I'd expect some sort of response.
    Currently wearing: Mitsouko by Guerlain

  19. #19

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by noirdrakkar View Post
    abu dhabi? that's a wealthy oil country in the middle east like qatar right?

    i can see why materialism must be popular there.
    Abu dhabi is the capital of the UAE. But we've been wearing perfumes from centuries. When we used to trade pearls and mother of pearl for spices and grains in the subcontinent of India.

    Theterm materialism has such an unpleasant connotation attached to it. It implies a superficial society. The more accurate term is passion .
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  20. #20

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by hedonist222 View Post
    The term materialism has such an unpleasant connotation attached to it. It implies a superficial society. The more accurate term is passion .
    I like that interpretation and idea of a 'passionate' society. My words... something I can't see here where I am living.

  21. #21

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by hedonist222 View Post

    Theterm materialism has such an unpleasant connotation attached to it. It implies a superficial society. The more accurate term is passion .
    A delightful sentence that sums it up. A passion. Such an evocative word.
    Currently wearing: Gilda by Pierre Wulff

  22. #22
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    "Oh, this is nothing. Wait till you see my human scalp collection."


    "Btw you have a really nice hairline..."

  23. #23

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by Larimar View Post
    I like that interpretation and idea of a 'passionate' society. My words... something I can't see here where I am living.
    Quote Originally Posted by mumsy View Post
    A delightful sentence that sums it up. A passion. Such an evocative word.
    Sometimes a smaller social circle of similar values is more enriching than a larger disharmonious in values social circle.
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  24. #24
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by L'Homme Blanc Individuel View Post
    I've never had anyone challenge my hobby. "Challenge" is such an interesting word choice. Are people really challenging you? If so, why? Why does the topic even come up in the first place?

    ...

    You've got to know your audience.
    Solid post, through and through.

    I don't really have many people giving me a hard time about my hobby, though there are a handful of people who question it once they see or know about my large collection. But the thing is that I never initiate any conversations about fragrances and when people make condescending remarks like "you only need 1", i keep my composure and try to change the topic without admitting i'm wrong or trying to convince them that they are wrong.

    Knowing your audience is right. Some people may think the hobby is great and I usually answer any questions they have. Though 95% of people won't really care, it does depend on who you're talking to. I never initiate though. I let the other person do all the initiating.

    And if people notice I wear different colognes, I just say I have a friend who gets me a lot of samples, rather than talking about how I own over 20 bottles and I'm part of a fragrance community.

  25. #25

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Doesn't really happen. Perhaps I would tell them that it's the only way for me to smell like a lady, pointing out how many of them are women's perfumes.

  26. #26

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Excellent post L'HOMI. Also excellent in the other thread you mentioned.
    You definitely have to know your audience especially when societal stereotypes don't help either. You deal with it to the extent that you feel you're able to.

  27. #27
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Interesting question. I've come across similar "challenges" myself, even though I see them more like amazement or misunderstanding.

    From speaking to a wiseman in the jungle of Mali I came to learn that people mostly criticize/challenge other's ideas under two conditions:

    1. When they see a trait/feature of themselves in you and what you do and they do not like this feature. If your dirty little secret is that you obsess over collecting beer caps, you would criticize anyone collecting anything, not only perfume.

    2. When they do not understand something. I believe most see fragrance as a functional item - you put it on to cover up bad odour. From this point of view, collecting perfume is as odd as collecting toilet paper.

    I don't see myself as a fragrance collector because I don't go out of my way to get vintages or very rare stuff. I have appreciation for fragrance but I always buy stuff I like or I think I like. I see collector as a person who intentionally buys fragrance to expand their collection regardless of whether they like it or not. I may be wrong and if you disagree please let me know.
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    "If a fragrance is too perfect or too pretty, it becomes boring. Fragrances – like people – have to have some kind of imperfection." - Frederic Malle

  28. #28
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Interesting question. I've come across similar "challenges" myself, even though I see them more like amazement or misunderstanding.

    From speaking to a wiseman in the jungle of Mali I came to learn that people mostly criticize/challenge other's ideas under two conditions:

    1. When they see a trait/feature of themselves in you and what you do and they do not like this feature. If your dirty little secret is that you obsess over collecting beer caps, you would criticize anyone collecting anything, not only perfume.

    2. When they do not understand something. I believe most see fragrance as a functional item - you put it on to cover up bad odour. From this point of view, collecting perfume is as odd as collecting toilet paper.

    I don't see myself as a fragrance collector because I don't go out of my way to get vintages or very rare stuff. I have appreciation for fragrance but I always buy stuff I like or I think I like. I see collector as a person who intentionally buys fragrance to expand their collection regardless of whether they like it or not. I may be wrong and if you disagree please let me know.
    http://ScentBound.com
    Exploring the Art of Smelling Good

    "If a fragrance is too perfect or too pretty, it becomes boring. Fragrances – like people – have to have some kind of imperfection." - Frederic Malle

  29. #29

    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    People adore how I smell -- I am always sending web links to the fragrance I am wearing to staff where I work (always women). I think they may then faint at the prices though.

  30. #30
    Dcampbell
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    Default Re: when someone challenges your hobby

    Quote Originally Posted by docluv45 View Post
    Knee to the groin and swipe elbow across the windpipe.

    That shuts them up every time.

    Obnoxious.
    That's funny this is my go to move as well

    In all seriousness, the most common statement I hear from friends and family "Wow that's such a waste of money" I simply reply, "It's my money, not yours, I don't tell you how to spend yours, so don't tell me how to spend mine. I am sure there are things you buy that I could say is a waste, but that's just me."

    On the flip side there are people who know I have sniffed a ton of stuff and I am now their go to when it comes to buying advice which is pretty cool.

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