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  1. #31

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
    Wow! So many great responses! You all have my sister down to a 'T'. I always feel there are lots worse things I could be doing with my time and money. This certainly isn't hurting anyone. Although, I prefer to think of it in a more positive light. As you may have guessed, for whatever reason, my sister is simply very critical of me and others. My cross to bear, apparently. Thank-you all for the words of encouragement! Now I know why I like it here so much!

    I will say, when I was visiting her, I made the HUGE mistake of squirting - just a bit, of my perfume on while we were in the car. She rolled down the windows and the roof for 20 min! She was evidently not impressed with my fumes in the car, even though she seemed to like it elsewhere. Now when I apply fumes in the car with the husband, I always get a "mmmm, what's that?" So, I was in strange territory and didn't realize it.

    On the plus side, think of all the money I'll save as I'll never gift her any more perfume.
    What was the scent that you were using in the car?

  2. #32
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    It's my Caron 'French Can Can' from Paris. Very mellow with violet, rose, heliotrope and oak moss and an amber base. I normally get lots of compliments.

  3. #33
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt, kumquat. It seems as though your sister could've been a bit more diplomatic with you. Perhaps loving perfume is sort of esoteric, but it's essentially benign. I have a similar story about a time a friend was helping me move. She picked up a box I had labeled "perfume" and gave me a significantly questioning look. I just shrugged it off and said something like, yeah, I've got a few bottles. I hadn't considered that my perfume collection might be questionable. What I don't understand is why more people don't develop their sense of smell for pleasurable purposes. How could one not enjoy the scent of balsam fir, or fresh roses, or fresh apples, oranges, or a fine fragrance that is wafting from the person standing next to you? Fortunately we have Basenotes, a place where these issues can be discussed without raising eyebrows!

  4. #34

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
    It's my Caron 'French Can Can' from Paris. Very mellow with violet, rose, heliotrope and oak moss and an amber base. I normally get lots of compliments.
    Well your sister doesn't share your good taste unfortunately.

  5. #35
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by TLS View Post
    Well your sister doesn't share your good taste unfortunately.
    You're very kind to say so.

  6. #36
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    The next time she sits down to a multi course meal, ask her to plug her nose the entire time she eats, she may come to learn what the sense of smell actually means . Enjoy the lobster, or was it a frozen burrito? Without the nose, the difference may be smaller than thought .
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  7. #37

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I just say it's my hobby. No other explanations are required.
    "No elegance is possible without it...perfume is a part of you." Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel

  8. #38
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by willyb View Post
    The next time she sits down to a multi course meal, ask her to plug her nose the entire time she eats, she may come to learn what the sense of smell actually means . Enjoy the lobster, or was it a frozen burrito? Without the nose, the difference may be smaller than thought .
    Very good point!
    Primrose, I also like your Tim Gunn quote. So true.
    Last edited by kumquat; 22nd December 2013 at 03:26 AM.

  9. #39

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    It is as music is to the ears and art to the eyes. If someone can't understand that simply because of social norms, It's not worth the time arguing in my opinion.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

  10. #40

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Well, first some zinger suggestions:

    1) "What is it with you and Van Goghs? They're just colors on a piece of canvas. Why do legions need to sit around discussing a painting most of them can't even see because it's in a museum? They can't put it to any use. At least I get to experience perfume and not just ponder it." [Mind, you, I don't really believe this, but it makes for a good zing.]

    2) "If I could find a way to get your head onto my body, believe me, I would think exactly like you. For some reason, the good lord saw fit to give me only my head to think with. Try as I might, I can't think with other people's heads. Stupid of god, I agree." (This is my favorite. I use it whenever the occasion arises.)

    OR, far better (and I know it's hard), here's what my inner guru suggests:

    3) Stop caring what other people think of you, including family (perhaps especially family). Care only what you think and what makes you happy. Anyone who would criticize you for being yourself has problems that have nothing to do with you. I can almost guarantee that at that moment, your sister was feeling insecure or irritated or jealous or in some kind of pain about herself and her own life. Next time, count to 100, if necessary 1000, say nothing and smile at her. In your non-answer and failure to get upset, she will reflect on what she said, realize how unkind it was, and almost surely apologize.

    Whenever I practice this, it works. The trick is the not getting upset part.

    I've started writing poetry about scent, too. I know I'll end up with a huge collection. I'm not stupid. You, either, kumquat.




    Quote Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
    Recently, my sister did it again, hit me with a zinger. This time she said something like, "What is it with you and perfume, anyway? What do you like so much about it?"

    Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I've given her a few perfumes which she said she liked a lot. Not many, because I know she never wears them. She's a teacher and she says she doesn't want to "offend" anyone.

    I have to admit, I probably didn't do a very good job of explaining my passion for fragrance to this charlatan. She is an art historian. You'd think she'd have some appreciation. Those of you who know me, know I have a huge collection. I also write poetry about scent sometimes. I'm really into it. She just basically said she thought it was all stupid and wasteful. What do you think I should have said, if anything? (Monday morning quarterbacking, here)
    Last edited by ScentFan; 22nd December 2013 at 05:21 AM.

  11. #41

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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScentFan View Post
    Well, first some zinger suggestions:

    OR, far better (and I know it's hard), here's what my inner guru suggests:

    3) Stop caring what other people think of you, including family (perhaps especially family).
    Unfortunately, that's really, really hard. Even when you've sworn you won't let them, family people can get to you like nobody else can (she says, about to get on a plane home for Christmas with a mix of excitement and dread). It can take years even to get good at pretending they don't.

    Like others above have said, it's a legitimate interest and requires no justification. The trick is that you have to believe that yourself.
    Currently wearing: Mitsouko by Guerlain

  12. #42
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    .....

  13. #43

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kagey View Post
    Unfortunately, that's really, really hard. Even when you've sworn you won't let them, family people can get to you like nobody else can (she says, about to get on a plane home for Christmas with a mix of excitement and dread). It can take years even to get good at pretending they don't...
    You know what's helped me with this? Meditation. No kidding. It's giving me calm along the "if you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you" lines.

  14. #44
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    Default How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    To add to Scentfan's zinger suggestions, you could give your sister an arguably equally condescending response to her condescending question by simply replying "You wouldn't understand." Then you're not bothering to defend your love of fragrance, as others have suggested, and you're implicitly saying something about her closed-mindedness.

    For what it's worth though, I personally think the reasons you've stated for loving fragrance are beautiful, intelligent, nuanced and inspiring.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Last edited by Wingie; 22nd December 2013 at 04:37 PM.

  15. #45

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
    On the plus side, think of all the money I'll save as I'll never gift her any more perfume.
    Missed this.

  16. #46

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    All the talk of liquor reminded me of a video I just saw of Roja Dove collaborating with Macallan. He used scent to help detect notes in whiskey.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr4vb_RGf4U

    Maybe it'll help draw some parallels between the two.

  17. #47

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScentFan View Post
    Missed this.
    Yep, lol +1. More for you I suppose! I think one of the people who made a critical remark towards my direction once really has no interest in perfume, doesn't wear any at all, owns any(not sure if this person has ever owned any) or plans to. I guess it would make sense why this person didn't 'get it'. But still, lol. Different strokes for different folks.
    Last edited by kalli; 22nd December 2013 at 06:30 PM.
    Currently wearing: Sahara Noir by Tom Ford

  18. #48
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wingie View Post
    To add to Scentfan's zinger suggestions, you could give your sister an arguably equally condescending response to her condescending question by simply replying "You wouldn't understand." Then you're not bothering to defend your love of fragrance, as others have suggested, and you're implicitly saying something about her closed-mindedness.

    For what it's worth though, I personally think the reasons you've stated for loving fragrance are beautiful, intelligent, nuanced and inspiring.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Also true. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. As you say, the question itself implies the asker has already formed a negative opinion. Probably not worth going into a big tiff over as she is unlikely to change her mind. I certainly appreciate the support. It's always easier to talk to the converted about these things, though, isn't it? I have to admit, I have swallowed my tongue on many occasions around her. She catches me off guard frequently. I don't know why I don't fight back more vigorously. Probably because she usually does it in front of family members and I don't want to turn into someone you'd see on the Jerry Springer show.

    Thanks- 1adam12​, for the Whiskey link. Very interesting. I never knew how Roja Dove pronounced his name before.

  19. #49

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScentFan View Post
    You know what's helped me with this? Meditation. No kidding. It's giving me calm along the "if you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you" lines.
    Absolutely right. Meditation is amazingly good for dealing with this stuff. And everything else.

    When I feel I'm being required to justify my interest in scent, I just shrug and say it's a whole different world to explore. Most people who know me know I'm fascinated by anything to do with the senses, so it doesn't really surprise them.

    People who are aggressively disapproving of one's interests, in my experience, do it from the position of their own insecurities. There's nothing to be done about that, really, except to become more secure in one's own self.
    Last edited by OdilonRedon; 22nd December 2013 at 09:12 PM.

  20. #50

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    My belated reply: In my opinion, it is always hard to defend a fragrance, especially to someone close, who doesn't share the hobby. Therefore, personally tending to usually avoid any arguments and even defensiveness, while simply not confronting anyone else's opinion any longer. In the past, tended to be far more defensive about fragrance, but now getting significantly more detached about it.
    After all, each one to ones personal hobbies and this is it- no need to argumentatively discuss it, if talking about fragrance, but also sharing, testing, experiencing etc. them is not a pleasure, a source of delight to both/all parties involved (while fully knowing that it may sound easier in theory than in practice, it tended to usually work so far and somehow surpass arguments, disagreements). This is an entirely personal opinion and may have its downsides, but so far, it seemed to be one of the more effective approaches in such situations (again, at least from my perspective).

  21. #51

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    OTOH, if I had to explain my interest in fragrance to a stranger, not that I have a need to do that, I would say that everyone is passionate about their hobby, regardless if it's baseball card collecting or any other interest that is consuming. I would compare my interest in perfumes to someone with a passion for wines.
    "No elegance is possible without it...perfume is a part of you." Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel

  22. #52
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I think when you talk to someone about it, they don't get it, but if you show them and let them smell for themselves, they understand.

  23. #53

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by TLS View Post
    Well your sister doesn't share your good taste unfortunately.
    So true!

    I'm also very sorry about the comments that might have hurted you kumquat. I also have lots of reasons that have leaded me to be into scents. And yes: a community to share thoughts with is really important, no doubt.

    About the title of this thread: I don't explain much cause the ones who know me don't find it strange or to be a censorship target. I guess I just got lucky up to now.

    xo
    Bad girls don't cry but get even.

  24. #54
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScentFan View Post
    I've started writing poetry about scent, too. I know I'll end up with a huge collection. I'm not stupid. You, either, kumquat.
    I hope you'll share your stuff - maybe on a blog here, or on another site and give us a link!
    * * * *

  25. #55

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I don't allow myself to be put in a position where an acquaintance, colleague or a stranger can talk to me like that.


    But if a friend or family member did , I'd probably bring up what eccentric thing they like doing. Everyone has something unconventional.
    But if they're the boring & dreary type then its even easier. I say you're boring, what would you know about anything.
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  26. #56
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by hedonist222 View Post
    I don't allow myself to be put in a position where an acquaintance, colleague or a stranger can talk to me like that.


    But if a friend or family member did , I'd probably bring up what eccentric thing they like doing. Everyone has something unconventional.
    But if they're the boring & dreary type then its even easier. I say you're boring, what would you know about anything.
    You're too funny, Hedonist! I would love to tell her she's too much of a "boring killjoy" to possibly understand. But that would be like telling Hitler he was too bossy. I don't anticipate a good outcome!

    Quote Originally Posted by Preston H View Post
    I think when you talk to someone about it, they don't get it, but if you show them and let them smell for themselves, they understand.
    I have shown her many things over the years. Sadly, she obviously wasn't especially excited by any of it. In fact, I've failed to get many of my friends interested in perfume. One or two have a slight interest. Most have little to none.

  27. #57
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kagey View Post
    Unfortunately, that's really, really hard. Even when you've sworn you won't let them, family people can get to you like nobody else can (she says, about to get on a plane home for Christmas with a mix of excitement and dread). It can take years even to get good at pretending they don't.

    Like others above have said, it's a legitimate interest and requires no justification. The trick is that you have to believe that yourself.
    I get immediate neck pain as son as I get with my family, mainly because they all tend to think one way and I the opposite and I spend the whole time having the privilege of being 'proven wrong' on literally every opinion I chance to utter. It is hard to set it aside, but all the more necessary when this is the type of relationships you have in your family,

  28. #58
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Just call her fat. She probably won't comment on your hobbies again.

  29. #59
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by purplebird7 View Post
    I find that there are no right words for killjoys, so why bother?
    So, soooo true.

    Quote Originally Posted by OdilonRedon View Post

    People who are aggressively disapproving of one's interests, in my experience, do it from the position of their own insecurities. There's nothing to be done about that, really, except to become more secure in one's own self.
    This is helpful to keep in mind. I'm generally able to do this effectively when it's not family. However, when it comes from those who are important in daily life, it can also become quite painful as it's often a form of rejection. Rejection can happen whether or not you are secure, what I want to better control is my own response to it.

    Quote Originally Posted by hedonist222 View Post
    But if they're the boring & dreary type then its even easier. I say you're boring, what would you know about anything.
    Oh how I'd like to use this on my mother-in-law, tomorrow! Great one Hedonist! Still LOLing.

  30. #60

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    danieq my thoughts will be with you these holidays. Hope the neck pain doesn't put you into traction.

    Comments from family can be especially hurtful as they hit straight at the heart. I’ve had work colleagues ask why perfume, everyone seems to get my food and wine interests and I simply tell them it’s brings me joy, like good wine or superb meal. I was pressed once to explain how I justify the cost. I told them I was happy to discuss the cost of perfume if they were seeking to buy some but as a woman of independent means I don’t feel any justification is necessary.

    I’m happy to share my interests with people who seek to understand but I have no time for those who seek judge. To each to their own and I admire and support those who put effort and heart into what they love. For me perfume is a visceral connection to memory and people. The enjoyment requires nothing more of me than to be human: to have a heart, to have thought, felt, dreamed, wondered or loved.

    Hedonist
    Last edited by Xscent; 23rd December 2013 at 06:34 AM.
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