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  1. #1
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Recently, my sister did it again, hit me with a zinger. This time she said something like, "What is it with you and perfume, anyway? What do you like so much about it?"

    Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I've given her a few perfumes which she said she liked a lot. Not many, because I know she never wears them. She's a teacher and she says she doesn't want to "offend" anyone.

    I have to admit, I probably didn't do a very good job of explaining my passion for fragrance to this charlatan. She is an art historian. You'd think she'd have some appreciation. Those of you who know me, know I have a huge collection. I also write poetry about scent sometimes. I'm really into it. She just basically said she thought it was all stupid and wasteful. What do you think I should have said, if anything? (Monday morning quarterbacking, here)

  2. #2
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I wouldn't presume to tell anybody what they should say as everyone is different and those being addressed are also. Personally I have not had to, nor do I feel I need to defend my massive collection to anyone at least not to anyone that matters to me. My wife, children and close friends accept and understand the enjoyment it gives me and the passion I feel for fragrances and this hobby. With that I'm content.
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    Last edited by hednic; 20th December 2013 at 07:28 PM.
    Remember that while it is perfectly acceptable to criticize the content of a post - criticizing the poster is not.
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  3. #3
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I don't.

  4. #4

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I myself just say to inquisitive people that we all have hobbies and this one is mine which I find enjoyable. I never feel that I have to justify myself as there are a lot stranger hobbies that people have.

  5. #5
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Hednic, I know you wouldn't presume or put words in someone else's mouth. I'm talking about , just for philosophic reasons. How strongly do you feel about your interest in fragrance. How would you attempt to explain to a layman?

    I think I said there was a comparison to wine connoisseurship and I also compared it to how much dogs enjoy smelling everything because that's how they learn about the world. It's the reason we read, how we gather information. That may seem like a stretch, but that's where I went with it.
    Last edited by kumquat; 20th December 2013 at 08:12 PM.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I am sure your Sis has a hobby also..
    Bring that up just for the sake of it..

    Grown ppl do what they want with there money..
    If you wanna splurge $250 on some Guerlain the hell with it!!

  7. #7
    Basenotes Junkie Trilby Lark's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I would make an analogy. Appreciation and knowledge of fragrance is akin to being a wine connoisseur, a foodie, or a sports fan. Also, fragrance is so interesting and is about more than scent. It is also about culture, poetry, history and science. It's a window into culture as is art history.

  8. #8

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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by kumquat View Post
    Recently, my sister did it again, hit me with a zinger. This time she said something like, "What is it with you and perfume, anyway? What do you like so much about it?"
    I think I'd answer by asking "what do you like about music?" Even people who aren't major music enthusiasts can understand liking music. And for me, the two interests are really similar.

  9. #9
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    You're right, Tony and Trilby, both she and my brother-in-law are terrific food and liquor snobs. I do wish I could have emphasized that scent is a form of art. It's hard to do when people have no interest.

    Good point, about music! BIL is a big authority there and plays the piano. He blew a wad on giant speakers, too.

    Thanks for your comments. I will see my sister again and I hope to convey some of these thoughts to her, eventually.
    Last edited by kumquat; 20th December 2013 at 08:48 PM.

  10. #10

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Dear Kumquat, I've never been in your position because very few people know of my passion. The reason is simple: I have to first defend my love for fragrance to myself as I am pretty anti-consumerist in all other areas of my life.
    My defence for making an exception of perfume is simple: the experience of wearing fragrance is sensually elevating and makes my experience of each day that little bit more intense. That is enough for me.

  11. #11

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Hunter View Post
    I myself just say to inquisitive people that we all have hobbies and this one is mine which I find enjoyable. I never feel that I have to justify myself as there are a lot stranger hobbies that people have.
    Basically, this.

  12. #12
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I got into perfume for so many good reasons. I stopped smoking and I decided I could justify the expense with the money I saved, plus I could smell better now. Also, when I first met my future husband, he was curious why I didn't wear any scent. It was because I hadn't found any I liked in a long time. So in a while, I found some things we both liked. That was the beginning. A little while later I made friends with someone on BN. It has also inspired my work as an artist.

  13. #13

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Never have arguments about things you love. Or you will frustrate yourself. It is enough that YOU - love them. Others free to love their own things)
    It is like disputes about Love, God/religion or countries. Even if everyone in the world hates them, someone like you GOT to love them
    )

  14. #14
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Fascinating hobby with so many fragrances to sample and choose from... I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone including my wife. She is obsessed with antiquing, which I find strange but I'm okay with.

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  15. #15
    Basenotes Junkie TurnerIII's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Its a quality of life issue

    I dont Drink

    I dont gamble

    I dont womanize - flirt sure....but at my age thats about all I can handle...

    I dont have a boat, snowmobile , or hunt ......

    I mean come on - you want me to walk on water too???


    .

  16. #16

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I got judged by some aforementioned 'liquor snobs' once. 'Perfume?! Nowwwww, I'd never be into that!' Lookin at me all weird and condescending like. One said, 'Do you use all that perfume?' Bat, bat with the eyelashes. Well, yes, I do..or I wouldn't have got it. It may take me a while to use it up but nonetheless. I also was thinking..didn't you just buy 12 boxes of wine from wine country(12? How many bottles is that? There are probably 6-8 per box soo..) and when you taste some, you even bring up the fact that you taste & smell florals in your wine? Do I get liquor? No, though I do understand the aromas of florals and such in wine and hard liquor..but is it my thing? No. I don't really drink. You can have your wine, I'll have my perfume. I don't go, 'Your liquor stash is big enough to open a bar alone, what's with that? Am I at a casino or a house here?' No, I don't say any of those things. Live and let live, geez. Yes, it made me mad I was judged on perfume lol. It's like, your spare bedroom just gets kinda turned into a temp wine cellar after your splurge in wine country, you talk about 'bouquets of flowers' when you drink it..and you can't understand why I like perfume? Alrighty then..

    Like Tony said, everyone has their thing..to heck with it!.
    Last edited by kalli; 21st December 2013 at 05:36 AM.
    Currently wearing: Sahara Noir by Tom Ford

  17. #17
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Never had to. Never would.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I've had a variety of hobbies over the years, many in crafting, such as quilting, cross-stitch, sewing, then on into photography, scrapbooking, paper art, gourmet cooking, decorating and now perfume.

    I'm an extremely passionate person and what I've learned over the years is that I will rarely, if ever, meet another person who shares my passion at the level I have it. I sometimes find that frustrating as, at my core, I wish to be understood in my humanity and to understand others. When something that feels central to who I am is rejected, I can react by feeling hurt, and often have. But now, after 20+ years of this! I've finally learned to simply "it's just my thing" and let it go.

    If they truly want to know, they'll ask a sincere question rather than a condescending one. That is rare indeed, so I let it roll off. The sad truth is that most of us are so consumed with ourselves that we rarely take time to really know what makes someone else tick. That's not ideal,but it's reality and it's demonstrated in the scenarios described in this thread.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by danieq View Post
    I've had a variety of hobbies over the years, many in crafting, such as quilting, cross-stitch, sewing, then on into photography, scrapbooking, paper art, gourmet cooking, decorating and now perfume.

    I'm an extremely passionate person and what I've learned over the years is that I will rarely, if ever, meet another person who shares my passion at the level I have it. I sometimes find that frustrating as, at my core, I wish to be understood in my humanity and to understand others. When something that feels central to who I am is rejected, I can react by feeling hurt, and often have. But now, after 20+ years of this! I've finally learned to simply "it's just my thing" and let it go.

    If they truly want to know, they'll ask a sincere question rather than a condescending one. That is rare indeed, so I let it roll off. The sad truth is that most of us are so consumed with ourselves that we rarely take time to really know what makes someone else tick. That's not ideal,but it's reality and it's demonstrated in the scenarios described in this thread.
    The internet has been a godsend for our rare little clique of fragrance super-fans. And not just us. When I discovered a forum for an uncommon, discontinued line of Honda motorcycles from the '80's, I realized just how specific people's intense interests can be!

    So bottom line - I'm very grateful for what we have - a virtual meeting place for people with the same passion, rare as that may be.
    * * * *

  20. #20
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by danieq View Post
    If they truly want to know, they'll ask a sincere question rather than a condescending one. That is rare indeed, so I let it roll off. The sad truth is that most of us are so consumed with ourselves that we rarely take time to really know what makes someone else tick. That's not ideal,but it's reality and it's demonstrated in the scenarios described in this thread.
    Well stated and so true.

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    Remember that while it is perfectly acceptable to criticize the content of a post - criticizing the poster is not.
    Mean spirited, nasty, snide, sarcastic, hateful, and rude individuals on Basenotes don't warrant or deserve other individuals' acknowledgement or respect.

  21. #21

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Danieq, you said things better than I did, lol, I just whined! lol.
    Last edited by kalli; 22nd December 2013 at 05:51 PM.
    Currently wearing: Sahara Noir by Tom Ford

  22. #22
    Super Member lottalotta's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    People love music and food without being questioned. Why should the sense of smell not be allowed that same attention?
    Musicians are artists and cooks geniouses, right?
    If someone is lacking mental resources thats usually how I present my case, but its very rare that people question my hobby(conversation following is always interesing). A few think Im loco anyway, and thats fine with me.
    My family are all fine with it even if my mother has a hard time comprehending the pricing of products!
    But its the only thing I spend on , so I petty the person whod dare say something about that lol

  23. #23

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I never have had this problem as only my wife, children, brother and few close friends know about this passion. They are all fine with it though I got nobody of them into this hobby too and maybe they don't see the proportions it takes (expect my wife and children).

    That said, most people tend to find what they love or do to be normal or the things that others also should do.

    For example car-fanatics… I don't even drive but I respect people who polish their car on a daily basis.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    In this situation, I think the best thing to do is not try to justify it because justifying something sort of implies you're doing something wrong. If someone criticizes my hobby, I just quickly, calmly, and maturely deflect it and then move on.

  25. #25

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I have never felt the need to explain my actions to anyone, and certainly not to defend my love of fragrance. If pushed into a corner and forced to explain I guess I would say that we have five senses which help us to communicate with the world. Many of those communications are pleasurable, our sense of smell enables us to experience a new and different arena for pleasure; and there is nothing wrong with that.

  26. #26

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    You could say, "It's art for the nose," and smile. Or, "It's gourmet food for the nose!"

    As you know, I encounter this attitude daily, so I'm careful not to over-apply or freshly-apply when I'm around cranky people.
    I find that there are no right words for killjoys, so why bother?

  27. #27
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by danieq View Post
    ...If they truly want to know, they'll ask a sincere question rather than a condescending one....
    Bingo!

    I would save my explanations for those who show true interest.

    For the rest, a simple reply will do: "We all have our interests and this is mine."
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  28. #28
    kumquat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    Quote Originally Posted by SereneGreen View Post
    In this situation, I think the best thing to do is not try to justify it because justifying something sort of implies you're doing something wrong. If someone criticizes my hobby, I just quickly, calmly, and maturely deflect it and then move on.
    Wow! So many great responses! You all have my sister down to a 'T'. I always feel there are lots worse things I could be doing with my time and money. This certainly isn't hurting anyone. Although, I prefer to think of it in a more positive light. As you may have guessed, for whatever reason, my sister is simply very critical of me and others. My cross to bear, apparently. Thank-you all for the words of encouragement! Now I know why I like it here so much!

    I will say, when I was visiting her, I made the HUGE mistake of squirting - just a bit, of my perfume on while we were in the car. She rolled down the windows and the roof for 20 min! She was evidently not impressed with my fumes in the car, even though she seemed to like it elsewhere. Now when I apply fumes in the car with the husband, I always get a "mmmm, what's that?" So, I was in strange territory and didn't realize it.

    On the plus side, think of all the money I'll save as I'll never gift her any more perfume.
    Last edited by kumquat; 21st December 2013 at 03:40 PM.

  29. #29

    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    all the people who know my passion are rather enthralled by it!
    Currently wearing: Knize Sec by Knize

  30. #30
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    Default Re: How do you defend your interest/love in/for fragrance?

    I just Let the scent trampoline all over the place from my skin ...that's the only talking I do, I let the juice to the smacking around.....no need to defend here....I move on , if I see there's detractors I make an about left....in cases that involve family ...then maybe I give a lesson on the basics and a course 101 .....

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