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Thread: Sorry

  1. #31
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Hang in there, my friend. It is admirable for you to be so openly frank on the forums and I'm sure I speak for the vast majority in saying that we are behind you 100 per cent and here if you ever feel the need to unburden yourself. You have created a benchmark resource here with a very special camaraderie and should be immensely proud regardless of any on-going personal issues. No apologies are necessary.

  2. #32

    Default Re: Sorry

    I am sorry you feel so rotten. I have been there, as they say, after bereavements and other major life tragedies, so I understand how you feel. The important thing is to remember that everything improves given time and a bit of effort. Many years ago a dear friend once told me two things that have helped to keep me in good stead most of my life.

    1. If you do not feel you can get through the day, then determine to get through the next hour. If you do not feel you can get through the next hour, then determine to get through the next half hour. If you do not feel you can get through the next half hour, then determine to get through the next sixty seconds if that is all you can do. If necessary, take it sixty seconds at a time.

    2. If you feel overwhelmed by all of the things you have to do, first do the one thing you dread most. (This really is a great approach if you feel overwhelmed. There is a huge feeling of relief from doing the most dreaded task first.)
    Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised, and we never know which one is which until we've loved them, left them, or fought them.

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  3. #33

    Default Re: Sorry

    Actually, and I say this with some experience with anxiety and depression, I am partially with rulopbo on this. He was a bit too blunt maybe, but I see his point and I agree with that. Sometimes the hard way of saying things is the only way, it's not a matter of empathy, it's just a matter of being honest with oneself and with others. And that's what I think someone in the position of Grant needs now. I think that the only thing he needs now is not a bunch of strangers offering him some vague help, on the contrary it's some small, but actual action - to just pick up the phone or the laptop and contact someone who can take his place in full here, either momentarily or forever. Shortly - to delegate, or to sell. Delegate would be enough. I am sure there's dozens of people out there which would be perfect for this. The reason is that this is not a personal blog, this is a collective community and, in a way, a "public service" with quite some influence on the niche market. And with paying members. Realistically, it can't all be in the hands of one person - regardless of his personality and personal issues, even if he was Rambo. It's not fair, it's too unnecessarily risky (for us) and tiring (for him). Basenotes deserves a better "shield" and protection from this kind of events. And delegating or getting rid of all of this would obviously do great for Grant as well, I can really see how all of this can be a tremendous burden for anyone, particularly if suffering from anxiety or depression.
    Last edited by Colin Maillard; 7th March 2017 at 03:30 PM.
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  4. #34
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Currently Active Users
    There are currently 2847 users online. 185 members and 2662 guests
    Most users ever online was 13,408, 7th November 2013 at 07:04 PM.


    Im not attacking Grant, and Im sure the "Grant" that decided to turn off the forums is not the real Grant...

    The real Grant is the one that created this thread to explain the situation, hence why, and now that we have the real Grant back (good to know), its the time to acknowledge the problem (with basenotes) in a effort to find a solution... we are rational human beings I suppose...

    Yes, Im not a plus member and Ive only been here for around 2 years... (even tough I have more posts than Cytherian) but this is a source of public perfume information and many many people, guests and members, search the forums seeking for perfume information... they have now an established right to do so...

    Basenotes is bigger than Grant, the Mods, and the members... Its bigger than all of us... so again, randomly closing the forum due to an emotional situation IMO is unacceptable...

    I do understand that Grant, as any other person has his own perosnal problems, and I hope him the best with them... but again, now that Grant is back into being his old self, I think is a good time for him to work on the things that are bothering him... nothing personal, just thinking about whats best for the website...

  5. #35

    Default Re: Sorry

    rulopbo is apparently still a teenager and has neither the knowledge of what depression is, on top of the typical teenager sense of knowing everything, as well as the total lack of empathy and sense of entitlement. This is proven by him thinking that someone suffering from depression is just in "a bad mood" and that that the founder of this site is "randomly closing the forum due to an emotional situation". Sigh . . . I guess since it is a forum then we have to deal with idiotic posts as well.

  6. #36
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Well, I love Basenotes. Very good foundation here, and it takes a strong person to speak to everyone honestly, and that says something about your character Grant. Hang in there.



    Rulopbo, your post was so inappropriate, I can only hope the effects will speak for themselves.
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  7. #37
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Rulopbo, I got self help for you... Free of charge.


    Asshole+admitting-your-an-asshole1.jpg
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  8. #38
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    Default Re: Sorry

    I wasn't going to reply to this thread as many have already stated what my feelings are but here I go anyway...First of all, I appreciate Grant's honesty and openness. It is rate to see that nowadays and I respect and appreciate his decision to be so transparent and frank.

    Putting personal experiences aside, depression can be debilitating and soul crushing. It's not something to take lightly. Comments to the contrary are not only in poor taste and show a lack of empathy but are also incredibly ill informed.

    While I cannot speak to the issues regarding management of the site, specifically the forum, I take Grant at his word regarding the upkeep required and how it has impacted him. While some members have indicated that he should consider selling the site, I wonder what that would do to the look and feel of basenotes and if members would appreciate the end result of a sale? As is the case with other business owners, it makes sense for Grant to review options from time to time and select the course that makes the most sense to him.

    We should also remember that, while this is a public forum on the interwebs that anyone can read and become a member of, it remains private property -Grant can and should do with it what he wishes and what makes the most sense to him.

    I'd offer assistant in maintaining the site but have no background or experiance and would likely do more harm then good. Best of luck, Grant!

  9. #39

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    Default Re: Sorry

    Grant--

    We truly appreciate everything that you do and value you highly.

    Hang in there.
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  10. #40

    Default Re: Sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by rulopbo View Post
    this is a source of public perfume information and many many people, guests and members, search the forums seeking for perfume information... they have now an established right to do so...
    Several major sites have recently turned off comments and forums for various reasons... upkeep & maintenance, drama, lack of civil discourse, money drain, etc. IMDb recently closed their discussion boards. NPR recently closed their comments sections. The wealth of information that such sites offer is still there. It's just that the people who want to discuss or argue about their content have to find other places to do it.

    The forums here are wonderful. I've made many friends, met some in person, had many lovely and/or lively conversations, and learned so many things from everyone here. But to me, the forums are a social media piece attached to the greater encyclopedic resource of the directory. If the bustling social piece has to go quiet to keep the rest of Basenotes manageable for a brief spell, I am grateful Grant could make that choice.
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  11. #41
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    Default Re: Sorry

    I think it's time to move on from Rulopbo's remarks. We don't want that one post to overwhelm the thread.
    No baiting/trolling. No insults. No politics. Read the Code of Conduct.

  12. #42

    Default Re: Sorry

    The main issue here is that Basenotes is indeed a huge monster. A fantastic and very huge one. To have all this stem from a hobby is a really wonderful achievement but now it really is far too big for one back. It has become a large self propelling ocean liner now. Captains should be able to have a kip in the back office for as long as they want to with some skippers still at the helm.

    Those who understand the real needs of what is necessary to keep a site like this running well (I don't) could perhaps chip in with practical ways of sharing the driving of this most wonderful vehicle. If subs need to be a tiny tad more to accommodate another driver, then so be it.
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  13. #43

    Default Re: Sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by daverasi View Post
    While some members have indicated that he should consider selling the site, I wonder what that would do to the look and feel of basenotes and if members would appreciate the end result of a sale?
    What a great point and so unselfish!

    Yes, even if the managing and running of the site is the primary reason of his illness, he should carry on anyway just in case any changes might upset a few of us members.

  14. #44
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Putting all member concerns aside for having Basenotes available 23/7 (1 hour for maintenance), Grant makes his income from this site. If the forums are down for a long period, there's a notable hit in the revenue stream. So it would certainly be a direct incentive for him to keep it going. Yet, it's the insidious nature of depression that can subvert rationale and incur personal harm (mentally, emotionally, financially, even physically).

    But I hope this is enough of a wake-up call that Grant should leverage his lucid and normal self to guard against D-Grant (depressed). Time to put in contingency plans. The site is far enough along now that it can't really grow any further as a one-man-band.

    I think Basenotes has TONS of potential. It has some capabilities that rival other sites. For instance, the wardrobe details are far richer with options and functionality. There is a marketplace for people to sell, swap, and solicit requests. The UI is aging... it could use a face-lift. Plenty of potential here. If Grant could automate more of the maintenance tasks and streamline administration, he'd have more time to focus on that.

    Maybe a brainstorming session with experienced/veteran members to understand what aspects of the site are great as-is and which ones need to be improved.
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  15. #45

    Default Re: Sorry

    You've made my life more interesting and fun.

    Membership just purchased to show support.

    Thank you, sir.

  16. #46

    Default Re: Sorry

    Depression, Anxiety, Mental Health are all socially stigmatised labels which are not particularly useful to the sufferer, however, they are normally used by the medical establishment when trying to diagnose or categorise a particular set of emotions. Think of the word 'mental' itself, it often carries negative connotations. Invisible illnesses are quite easy to sympathise with, but often difficult to totally empathise with as each experience can vary dramatically in the most subjective sense. Therefore, it is always wise to treat such issues seriously as a means to feeling happier in ones life.

    Have you ever read the book 'who moved my cheese'? - give it a go. The story seems notoriously simple and obvious, but sometimes it's the things which are staring us in the face which we hide from or bottle up. In the story, 'cheese' is a metaphor for what we deem to be successful and it follows four characters and analyses how they adapt when the cheese runs out or is moved.

    Write a list of what you value in life and see if those virtues match your behaviours. If they do, then you are living your life 'authentically'

    Write a list of things which you may want to change i.e join a gym (physical health and mental health often interlink synergistically), change ones diet, reduce alcohol, become more creative (write, paint, produce music, research fashion, create a fragrance), have a weekend break, learn to say no (don't spread yourself too thin), dedicate 1-2 days a month to a new activity (yoga, boxing, getting a massage), redecorate. It is often the small incremental changes with contribute to an overall favourable change.

    Many societies have managed to framework and institutionalise the notion of progression - In that, I mean we expected to go to school, college, university and get a great job. Whilst there may be nothing wrong with that notion, we are often in natural competition and benchmark ourselves in accordance with our peers. This can lead to a process of 'keeping up with the Jones', and this concept is very evident where I work in the corporate rat race City of London. It is so important, as I mentioned before, to lives ones life in accordance with your values (travelling? family? money? wok/life balance?) - It's never too late

    Best regards
    L

  17. #47
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Grant if you need it then by all means take a break from Basenotes on a regular basis. It will do you good. A day or so every so often without forums or the entire site won't kill any of us. The members will just have to understand. You have some good advice posted on this thread by people who really care about you. No man is an island.
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  18. #48
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Alex Krycek View Post
    You've made my life more interesting and fun.

    Membership just purchased to show support.

    Thank you, sir.
    Excellent

    I wonder how many others would be prepared to forego a bottle or two to lend support to the site. Is it really too much too ask ?.

  19. #49
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Sorry for that, Grant!
    Thought the forums were closed down for "security matters"!
    One piece of advice, find good professional help....
    with the right medication the black dog will eventually leave...try to find the right "neurochemical balance" and everything will work just fine!

  20. #50
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by JON RODGERS View Post
    Excellent

    I wonder how many others would be prepared to forego a bottle or two to lend support to the site. Is it really too much too ask ?.
    Done.

  21. #51
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Chetopa View Post
    Done.
    Wonderful

    A small price to pay for what we get in return, IMHO.

  22. #52
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Any specifics on the issue(s) with the forum?
    Last edited by Bavard; 7th March 2017 at 08:16 PM.

  23. #53
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Grant,
    Call on me if I can be of service in any way.
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    That girl, that bottle, that mattress and me.

  24. #54
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Bavard View Post
    Any specifics on the issue(s) with the forum?
    Although Basenotes is populated mostly by wonderful people, we have a couple of complex and delicate issues that are taking time and energy to deal with behind the scenes.
    No baiting/trolling. No insults. No politics. Read the Code of Conduct.

  25. #55

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    Default Re: Sorry

    Hang in there, Grant. There is always light on the other side. You have something that was once a hobby that turned into something much bigger than that. Something that many people use to learn, to be a part of something, to enjoy, and to share. You have admitted you need some help, in your life and with the seek. Now it is time to seek help in both regards. I hope you find a solution that make suit happy. I wish you the best of luck!
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  26. #56
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by furrypine View Post
    Although Basenotes is populated mostly by wonderful people, we have a couple of complex and delicate issues that are taking time and energy to deal with behind the scenes.
    Is there any way to make things easier on Grant?
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  27. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by N.CAL Fragrance Reviewer View Post
    Is there any way to make things easier on Grant?
    That depends on the seriousness of the issue. The moderators have a great deal of latitude but we do depend on his experience when it comes to knotty, gray areas, as we have been in with some members lately. It really is less ominous than it sounds like! but I can't get into specifics. We will work our way through it.
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  28. #58
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    Default Re: Sorry

    Sorry you're not well, Grant - hope you're getting good support, medical and otherwise. And sorry to hear about the problems with the forums. Basenotes is a wonderful site.
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  29. #59
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    Default Re: Sorry

    I just sold a bottle, so I can now reactivate my "plus" membership.

    Grant, I cannot fathom what courage it must have taken to establish this site, and it seems like both a blessing and a curse. It is so BIG! Did you ever imagine it would become what it is now? It's really awesome, and very cool. Knowing anxiety as I do, I imagine it feels rather like you lose control frequently, which leads to depression. I'd hide under the covers too! I get it - really and truly. I'm not going to offer any advice - you already know what you need to do for the anxiety and depression.

    If you think of anything we can do to help you, do let us know. I believe many of us care about you and your well-being.
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  30. #60

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    Default Re: Sorry

    Grant, my heart goes out to you & l thank you for your honesty.

    l have to say though that l have missed the forums terribly over the last week. For me basenotes is therapy, & participating here is one of the highlights of my day. Sorry if this makes me sound sad, but life just isn't the same without it.

    l can't help thinking that there must be another way. l completely understand the need for control, but there is no shame in accepting help when times are desperate. There have been many offers of help here, both today & on previous occasions. Please consider accepting this help & delegate some tasks to those you trust, l beg of you.
    "What is this secret connection between the soul, and sea, clouds and perfumes? The soul itself appears to be sea, cloud and perfume..." - from Zorba the Greek by Nikos Kazantzakis.
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