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The Dirty Dozen...Gentlemen Half

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Dali pour Homme by Salvador Dali (1985)

Allow me to describe it with someone else's review (the one from colormechris back from 2008), which is one of the most vivid images that a written piece has ever invoked to my mind.

"It's 1977 and Margaux Hemmingway stumbles into her bathroom at noon after a night of dancing at Studio 54. She removes her panty hose and then peels off her panties. As she's doing this, she loses her balance and knocks a 12 ounce bottle of Babe cologne off of the shelf above the toilet and it falls to the white tile floor and shatters. Still slightly drunk, she tries to navigate around the shards of glass but steps on a piece. Her foot begins to bleed and she sits on the edge of the tub with a groan. She picks up the cologne soaked panties and wraps them around her foot. Once the bleeding subsides, she tosses the panties in the hamper, where they sit for two weeks, because she has fly to Paris on the Concorde in two hours to be in Paris for Fashion Week. When she returns, the hamper smells like "Salvador Dali"; a smell she doesn't recognize but finds vaguely intriguing yet off putting. A smell she doesn't recognize because it hasn't been invented yet."

No ad available, cause half-forgotten nightmares are not something easily sold. But I guess the above picture would suffice for its absence pretty good.

Eucris by Geo. F. Trumper (1912)

Aaah, the magnetic stale air of musty attics, where you're afraid of what you might unearth, but you still want to unearth it. No masculine fragrance will ever come as close to "Victorian" as this, and how could it be any different since it was launched only 11 years after the queen and her matronymic era ceased to exist? The squalor of 19th century London in an impossible combination with the English countryside surrounding it. I guess a word like "mælodorous" should be coined after it. Its bottle is the most old-fashioned fragrance vessel I've ever seen, and had I been not into perfumes, I'd buy it hands down if anyone told me that it comes from the dawn of the 20th century. It has a solid pewter stopper shaped as a crown for goodness sake! And yes Clive Christian, you shameless copycat, I'm looking right at you now! Last but not least, I think it's also a great example of British spirit (pun intended), since its name derives from Eucharis which is a female given name in Greek, meaning graceful. Ha! Eucris graceful? Good one lads! Oh, and it's also allegedly the signature fragrance of James Bond. And this alone is enough to send the needle of the lady-killer metre way deep into the red zone. It doesn't have an ad, cause I guess these same lads thought there's nothing to be advertised. You either go for Eucris or you don't. But
here you go anyways.

Go Commander, go!

Davidoff by Davidoff (1984)

Davidoff's perfume department should have gone on a 30 years vacation after releasing this one, cause everything it launched thenceforth was a joke compared to this unapologetic roué's stentorian blares. And when "everything" also includes Zino, there's nothing more that I can say. I didn't find any ads of it either, but in this case, making one of my own would be impossible, since this toxic-green holocaust still has me stunned after 30 years. I only remember it coming in 125ml bottles, cause, you know, mayhem is always better when galore.

Jacomo de Jacomo by Jacomo (1980)

OK, we got it! There's apparently something named Jacomo involved in this...Although its vintage bottle colours always reminded me of a lightning in the night sky, it never managed to lighten the darkest facets of this ominous monolith. It's not that much of dirty literally speaking, but its smoky, shady and somewhat nefarious nature is the very essence of dark. And since "dark" goes usually well with "secrets", who wouldn't think that every dark secret has always a certain amount of defilement attached to it? It actually needs no such syllogisms to reach to a conclusion, for its dark magic starts working subconsciously upon first spray, which usually numbs your senses, if we're talking vintage. Since I wasn't able to find any decent ad from back in the days, I made one of my own, depicting everything it invokes in my mind.

I fancy to imagine it's me inside the bottle...

Russisch Leder by Johann Maria Farina (1965)

This is a very special case, and please, don't take anything about it for granted. This is not dirty in a lecherous or swindling way. This is dirty in a rather imposing way, the likes of leaving you no choice. Just like when you have to deal with situations that usually tear a man's soul to shreds, in ways which you would have most unlikely used, had these situations not occured. A truly and exclusively manly man's leather scent, with no stupid macho strings attached. It was my decorated in Word War Two grandfather's signature fragrance for almost 30 years, so any impartiality here takes a hike. But since perfumes and eroticism are always inseverable, here's an old ad which spits in the face of the stupid voguishness called politically correctness, and would have probably triggered picketing protests had it been launched nowadays.

The German text reads "The fragrance that awakens the senses", but I guess it would awaken some sort of judicial and law enforcement authorities too...

Gold Man by Amouage (1983)

It's just a very short step away from being vulgar. The step seperating it from being histrionic is already taken, since the latest Czar of Russia has chosen it as his signature fragrance. Or should I say highfalutin since it rhymes with the said Czar's last name? It redefines strong and heavy in a way that makes me snigger nervously, cause I have no idea how to deal with it. As for the way it smells, I'll take the liberty to quote myself.

"Well, it smells like myrrh and insense, mixed and burned to glorify Vladimir's grandeur, while he's trying to blow off some (testosterone scented) steam, by hunting civet cats during a state visit in Vietnam."

Surprisingly one of the least worshipped powerhouses, since it includes every aspect of a powerhouse in shedloads. Only this one is crowned with Middle Eastern cupolas and onion domes, although "King of Rococo" wouldn't be a bad idea either. It's also one of the very few niche fragrances that truly deserve the buzz around them. Not a good thing per se, but since there's no such thing as bad publicity, Succès de Scandale would make a perfect alternative name. Dirty Harry would be nice too. Good ol' Vladimir probably knows a thing or two about it. The ad I found was rather misleading about this beasts true instincts, so I decided to present it like an ancient king reposing in his last resting place.

Sort of beguiling, don't you agree?

So that was it. I'd really love to share your take on dirty fragrances, because it's always very enticing to try to interpret something through other people's senses and thoughts. I'm going to take a shower now, just to make myself clean enough for reapplying some of these magnificent dirt on me anew...

Vive la saleté!

Updated 21st August 2015 at 05:59 PM by Le_Coeur_Gothique




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