Red's Lumberyard
The "Scent of Peace" - Methyl Nonyl Ketone
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, 27th July 2009 at 07:16 AM (43746 Views)
The "Scent of Peace" - Methyl Nonyl Ketone
Those who loose the Dogs of War
Shall rue the day for evermore.
But bearing rue, the Herb of Grace,
The Scent of Peace doth war erase.
Today we ponder the Scent of Peace and the Dogs of War. But not necessarily in that order.
One of the joys of marriage is playing Cassandra. Spouses have a nasty habit of not believing warnings, no matter how logical. Now, I don't mean to scare young singles away from marital bliss. No - playing Cassandra is simply too much fun. I agree that not being listened to somewhat sucks. But the joy of being able to predict the future - priceless. You simply must have this, my fellow fragrance fiends.
Thus we are brought to the Dogs of War. Are you thinking of fearsome, snarling, canine monsters, let loose on some horrific battlefield? Well, think again. The Dogs of War are small, cuddly, and quite cute. And this is, in fact, the source of their intense evil. Indeed, the only thing more evil is Hello Kitty, but for completely different reasons. I will speak no further of Hello Kitty.
Now, if you have ever seen pictures of cute puppies with names like "Chloe", you very likely did not associate an odor with said picture. Either that, or you associated - wrongly, I might add - the scent of a fine fragrance, possibly even one after which the dog was named. Something like, say, Chloe. Or Tiffany. Or even a component like Jasmine. Well, I do hate to be the bearer of bad news, but cute puppies smell nothing like fine fragrance.
Of course, my dear wife did not believe this. And that was a problem. Being a bit OCD, my dear wife would never do anything to disturb the fine fragrance of our home sweet homme - much less introduce anything which might nullify necessary things. And by necessary, I mean things such as triply steam-cleaned carpets, and rooms decorated in the style of negative rococo, by which beauty arises through a profusion of absence. No - anything which would disturb the calm equilibrium of such a lifestyle must not even be discussed.
Now some folks might find it difficult to deal with this, but let me assure you that otherwise wedded bliss makes OCD extremely tolerable. Surely you've realized by now, thanks to the brilliant acting of Tony Shaloub, that people with OCD can be quite lovable. But unless the person truly desires to overcome this genetic personality trait (I hate calling it a disorder), then it is extremely unlikely that they will do so.
SO…… it was news to be received with considerable surprise that my wife needed a puppy. Even more surprising - her thought that this would somehow not impact her lifestyle. Now, I could have shock-cured her OCD by not saying anything, but this struck me as a bit devious. No - I was morally obligated to be Cassandra, and it was - simply - joyous.
Never in my life have I enjoyed being so right so often. Being a prophet must feel like this all the time, and if so, it is surely worth being tarred and feathered, unloved in one's own home, and possibly worse. I'm very familiar with the condition of not being believed by my wife, but by the special insanity of puppy logic, I was almost divine in my scorned proclamations. Behold - I predicted dog odor - and it was. I, the chosen Prophet Eitoldyasoh, predicted great yellow floods - and so they were. The Prophet spoke of crying, and wailing, and the gnashing of teeth on fine furniture (though not necessarily in that order), and by the power of the Universe flowing through me, this, too, came to pass.
Of course, being a Prophet of the Dogs of War has its down side. There is the inevitable carnage to innocent bystanders. Even those forewarned by the Spirit of Schadenfreude are not immune. Although my sacred priestly ointments were carefully stowed, out of reach of the Hound from Hell, the sacred writings were not. There are various critics who have shown no love for Roja Dove's recent book. Our demonic puppy, on the other hand, has shown great love for Dove's writing, and has brought new meaning to the term "dog-eared" pages.
Which brings me to the Scent of Peace. Some of you may think that I'm referring to the light fragrance by Bond no.9, typically regarded as a femme-leaning unisex. My wife enjoys that one, as do I, and I must admit that the thought of using this fragrance in a direct attack upon the Dogs of War had crossed my mind. Turning the Dogs of War into a mobile form of New York potpourri has some technical, if not military judicial appeal. However, cover scents are ineffective, and do nothing to prevent civilian casualties. No - higher technology is required.
Methyl nonyl ketone - also known as 2-undecanone - is a rather interesting fragrance component. It is one of the volatile components of rue oil. Thus, it is basically an aromatic herbal component. If I were to describe the scent in the style of Luca Turin, I might classify it as "sweet nothing", or "invisibly fresh". Honestly, it doesn't smell like much. It has a light odor - slightly sweet, fresh, and a bit synthetic. Some have even described it as acrid, although after a few minutes, that quality seems to disappear. In any case, it's not exactly something to write home about. It was not at all unpleasant to sniff on paper. Well, at least not for moi... Bois-ha-ha!
Apparently, humans aren't the only mammals capable of smelling methyl nonyl ketone. Animals with more sensitive noses than ours can smell it too. And, apparently, they don't like it. This substance is used as both an insect repellant and an animal repellant. It is commercially available in a number of products, including one called Boundary. One which supposedly keeps the Dogs of War in check.
Well, I may be from Kansas, but my empirical side is from across the border, in Missouri. Show me. And show me, it did.
As our war games progressed, Roja Dove and Luca Turin had retreated to the southwest end of the battlefield, nicknamed "The Den" by the grunts. It was there that French Perfumery utterly defeated French Poodledom. Retreating to The Den, with The Dogs of War in hot pursuit, the American Militia, allied with the French Culture Warriors, laid down a three-foot swath of methyl nonyl ketone. Leaving the border otherwise undefended, the Americans lured the enemy into the contaminated area. Gleefully, they watched as the enemy suddenly realized their predicament. With wrinkled nose and upturned dog lips, the enemy wheeled about and beat a hasty retreat to uncontaminated ground. Amid shouts of joy from the Defenders of Dove, the enemy turned tail and fled. Truly a victory for fine fragrance - and all thanks to a molecule that we can barely smell.
So what's the deal with methyl nonyl ketone? Why does it bother dogs and not humans? Well, I have three suspects - intensity, character, and interpretation. First, I suspect that it smells much stronger to dogs than to humans. Although I can certainly smell the stuff, it's simply not enough to get me out of my chair. But it's clearly quite odorous to the dog. Next, I suspect that it may interact with more, or different, canine olfactory receptors. Perhaps even some which signal "bad" odors. And since animals have a more direct connection with natural things, they must, by necessity, retain a greater instinctive dislike of potentially poisonous plants, rue being one of them.
In any case, that's less of a concern. The stuff works, and peace has broken out. With a fine assortment of piano legs and potted plants still available, the Dogs of War have nearly forgotten Roja Dove. And as long as the new sheriff, 2-Undecanone, is in town, order will be the order of the day.
Voices like the wind
They listen to things we cannot hear
The dogs that walk on two legs.
All face and no nose
They sense so little and do so much
The dogs that walk on two legs.
Quick to anger but quicker to forgive
They speak more words than we can understand
The dogs that walk on two legs.
But on sunny days
When they see me in the grass
I can tell that they wish they could be
The dogs that walk on four legs.
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