Perfume Reviews

Reviews by Redneck Perfumisto

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Total Reviews: 378

Rive Gauche pour Homme by Yves Saint Laurent

Classic fresh fougère
With spicy sparks, dry woods and
Cuephoric lockcide

Which is known to cause
Chronic nostalgia in men
And acute passion

In the dear ladies
At least according to some
Chronic abusers.
21st March, 2020

Galop d'Hermès by Hermès

There's a leathery rose that I know
Which the French mispronounce as Galop
Though I'd thought it a flop
Must now have me Galop
And its tacky and saddlery sheau.

xoxoxo

Horse girl valentines
Came in both candied leather
And bittersweet rose

Tried to remember
Took a deep breath, closed her eyes
Back on the ranch, and

Rose leather Sweet Tarts
Might as well be the smell of
Stainless steel stirrups

Holding glass bottles
Bearing mystery liquids
From future and past

Too small and glass-filled
For any step but into
Dreams and memories

Through projector lens
Infinite animation
Of horse-gait story

Riding like the wind
Until ev'rything made sense
And there's that moment

Rose bouquet dropped by
Tramp-stamped wild-child daughter of
Lonestar Memories

And fateful mistress
His own private Akiko
Rose Ikebana

And then she grew up
"Ain't go'n' ta no chypre school"
She texted DM

In Tex-ty Franglish
Stinging sheep emoticon
Too many summers

With broken man-child
Though the girl never forgot
The smell of crayons

Always thought she could
Smell them apart if she tried
ROY G BIV and friends

Accent on the R
whenever she smelled Roses
Tried to understand

Slowing her escape
Bringing her back to this here
Story factory

Art will find a way
Sneaky, patient, biding time
To corrupt the youth

Script written before
Rose's floating ball and chain
Watched new home prepared

From starry daynights
Waiting for time and sunlight
To stir up drama

Pretty rings and chains
Looking for toys, not just boys
To fold their paper

Drawing not allowed
And nobody asked the Gal
What she was thinking

Riding quinolines
Wearing nose-colored Grasses
In those Pinene Woods

Now just a second
You sure you want to hear this?
OK, well, you see

She was a smoker
Wore boots and jeans ev'rywhere
She was a looker

Lookin' for trouble
No chance of not finding it
Or it finding her

Kelly somethin' French
T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Said they was sisters

Only half a lie
Leathery complications
Never really die

Needed a wing girl
Who figured it all backwards
And never got wise

Flower Girl Kelly
Flushin' the game for the kill
With Pony Puff Kid

Soft cryin' shoulder
Wild nights of bad girl solace
Sure did pay those bills

Until they didn't
When some joker called her Bluff
Suede and black patent

Can lose their effects
On rougher holster leather
In dramatic arts

Resulting in some
Headlines, mug shots and stories
Not all being true

But then Killer Kel
Simply rebranded stood ground
Into fresh roses

And candy-filled hearts
Rich men paid to see that scar
Up in the French Alps

But back to our Gal
Sister Kel lied up a storm
Gal done lawyered up

Mama bailed her out
Had her right where she wanted
On that plane to France

Next to some old guy
Said he was in some kinda
Perfume insurance

Heard her life story
Like he already knew it
(It's called "déjà vu")

And so he tells her
"You listen to Yo Mama
Good stuff will happen."

So that's what she did
The Cowgirl Perfumista
Or somethin' like that

Say there amigo
Can you spare an old guy a
Shot of that cologne?

Yeah, that bottle there
That's the one I'm talkin' 'bout
That stirrupy one.
15th March, 2020

Sleeping on the Roof by Floraïku

She bumped me with her
Coach bag of tools and vintage
Diorissimo

Gentle reminder
Of business before pleasure
And perhaps as well

The fragility
Of our various pleasures
In their dependence

Upon wrenches, drills
And WD-40
Which I hate to say

Goes really well with
Vintage Diorissimo
In a subway car

In the dead of night
When nobody thinks that your
Girlfriend is a thief.
11th March, 2020
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One Umbrella for Two by Floraïku

Hot toasted day with
Girlfriend, breakfast, rain jacket
And bicycle ride.
10th March, 2020

Rouge Eau Délicate by Hermès

Fleur fantasy and
Indole reality in
Delicate balance.
08th March, 2020

Midnight Forest by Neil Morris Fragrances

Moonlight mysteries
Moist kisses, mossy trees, and
Powdered cool of night.
07th March, 2020

Neil Morris for Takashimaya New York by Takashimaya

Did I really have
Champagne in a zen garden
Or was it a dream?
06th March, 2020

The Moon and I by Floraïku

Born of a mother
Who drank mulled wine while pregnant
And a tea merchant

Who had sailed the world
In search of the finest grades
The tea connoisseur

Was renowned for his
Legendary perceptions
Despite his blindness.

Only perfect teas
With a delicate sweetness
Could move him to tears.
03rd March, 2020

My Shadow on the Wall by Floraïku

Her dress gun, set on
Radiant powdery pink
And (above|below|around) the knee.

His dress shirt radar
Set on freshly ironed pink
And shouldered jacket.

Criss-crossing colors
Lost in grayscale history
And projector noise.

Sillage in search of
The Mystery Barbershop
And Timeless Salon.
02nd March, 2020

Jasmin de Nuit by The Different Company

Spicy clear jasmine
Fills night with bright colors of
Its truest spectrum.
28th February, 2020

I See the Clouds Go By by Floraïku

The sun, wind and clouds
Tangled in sky and senses
Laughing at the moon.

27th February, 2020

I Am Coming Home by Floraïku

Gentle teas and soaps
In fragrant new arrangement
Prepare for their guests.
25th February, 2020

First Dream of the Year by Floraïku

Time's a tricky thing
Delicate yet persistent
Approaching midnight

A clockwork floral
Beauty's fall winds beauty's spring
Not all truth is real

Not all beauty truth
Some magic remains magic
So enjoy the show.
24th February, 2020
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Sound of a Ricochet by Floraïku

Is there a flat rock
Smooth rough white black parallel
Not placed by a hand?
23rd February, 2020

My Love Has the Colour of the Night by Floraïku

The dream was so real
I could even smell the bark
And the hot saw blade.
22nd February, 2020

Jimmy Choo Man Ice by Jimmy Choo

Pay no attention
To the perfumer behind
The white citrus smoke

Ambergris ashes
And eternal trick freshness
Of twice nice ice spice

Any resemblance
To popular fragrances
Where floral powder

Vanishes into
White hazy drystorm freshness
Should just be enjoyed

Don't let liquid lace
Linger longingly lest life's
Lovely luxuries

Waken Spring's senses
Summer's passions, Fall's comforts
And Winter's wonders

Ski-powder sexy
Cold chill smiles in a bottle
Won't last forever

Cuz why have backups
When chance dance nextness greatness
Might just be the one?

Pray tell, fragrant belle
How did you show up in some
Sin bin fairy tale?

Winter wonderland
Sunburn blue sky space cold chill
Spring thaw frosty glass

Of brisk 'n' breezy
Frost face fairy breath freezing
Laughing, get off the

Fucking lift you freaks
Can't you smell the magic of
Kelvin The Fragrance?

Powder's Profumo
Never mind the AdG
It bruises the Ice.
20th February, 2020

Dunhill Icon Elite by Dunhill

Citric wood sandwich
Of toasty fresh vetivair
With juniper sauce.
19th February, 2020

Momentum Unlimited by Bentley

The Scent of Peace for
Luxury Automobiles
Requests the honor

Of your presence at
The First Impression Wedding
Of his Most Woody

Father, Beckham Homme
And his Musk Broxy Mama
Aventus For Her.

Formal attire is
Suggested but not required.
In lieu of presents

Please wear this fragrance
If you should be so inclined
For our enjoyment.
17th February, 2020

Perry Ellis for Men (original) by Perry Ellis

Fleur de Booze, you damn
Old school weak oriental
Pre-Tom Ford For Men

Carnations fading
Softly into cigarettes
And tinkling glasses

Bar night time travel
Leather jacket mystery
Olfactive vinyl

Why you done come back
When you never went away?
You may be a bit

Light on the oak moss
Death, taxes and IFRA, boy
But you still got style

In your neighborhood
And the ladies still love you
So don't go changin'

On your damn fan club
Until you do it again
You old rascal, you.
16th February, 2020

Baldessarini Ultimate by Baldessarini

Sea, salt, pepper, breeze
Good with just a hint of bad
Firstest world problems

Thus, we speak well of
Puredistance BDSR
Its woood-grained panels

Particularly
Impressive to this here rube
Due to their texture

Their sniff-space veneer
Be they as they may beneath
A bit p'ly-wooody

Yet compl[ie]mented
By Corrrinthian leather
Deerly Bullloved

And easily tracked
By animalic dropppings
Of a manly yet

Also womanly
Grrrather Remi-Ni-scent type
Yet mostly bizness

Not so much pleasure
Although we might conduct our
Bizness on a yaaacht

In some brisk fresh way
The whole afffair thus being
Busy yet relaxed

Like morning cofffee
Sausage and eggs up on deck
With Wall Street Journal

And satelllite phone
Which is one hell of a note
Y'all'd do well to sniff.
13th February, 2020

Les Floralies by Creed

The scent of nature
Teaches by its harmony
Not mere unity.
11th February, 2020

L'Heure Bleue Eau de Parfum by Guerlain

Day's clear light fades in
to Night's cool dark eye static
Electricity

Textured iris by
Any means necessary
As the mind's eye blinks

"But Flower Puff Girls,
You say I make you tingle
Like it's a bad thing!"

Said Snow Blow Glow Go
As night descends upon the
City of Townsville

Tucked into bed by
Professor Bleuetonium
Somewhere in Paris

Safe from the monsters
Buzzy Spice with his Wood Gun
'Fumey thoughts of HYMN

So behold this here
E'r-fashioned innocence of
Oldform sniffstoffe

Me Ambroxan droogs
Iris, Jasmine, Bergamot
Rescue or rescued

One more story time
Our olfractured fairy tales
Good, bad and pretty

This precious ado
That never quite turns vintage
Cuz there's a n00b born

Ev'ry frag minute
Ready to behold the truth
None of this is real

What ever that is
And yet we're so good at it
That would be our crime

Ask your self again:
"When does it make you feel, child?"
"Twilight!" "Good answer!"
08th February, 2020

Noir by Bath and Body Works

Even the little
Anti-bacterial gels
Will get compliments.
03rd February, 2020

Botanical Blend by Bath and Body Works

O, Botanotes!
Though weak and discontinued
Forever classic!

Herbal and soapy
You stand accused of being
Halston Z-14

By unbelievers
Scoffers, cynics and pagans
Those who cannot bear

Joyous fragrant truth
That fragrances of the gods
Are still to be found

In the bargain bin
On Flyoveria's shores.
Come!  Travel with me

To Perfume City!
Queen Perfumisto awaits
To honor you, sir!

https://cologniac.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/last-call-2017/
29th January, 2020

Fatale / Fatale Black by Agent Provocateur

This calculated
Multi-genre multi-tease
Anti-satisfies

Through a balance of
Mutual imbalances
Resulting in a

Somewhat hypnotic
Failure to figure it out
Kinda like women.
25th January, 2020

Freshwater by Bath and Body Works

The faintest echo
Of perfume in the valley
Announced our return

With headspace rifles
We stalked the wild dryer sheet
Through forest and field

Following oakmoss
And synthetic bergamot
We tracked our prey to

The Chypreless Hills
Where the strange beast stood its ground
White, clean, and fluffy

With a tinge of green
Emitting those pleasant musks
Familiar to all

Cornered by Red's wife
It put up no resistance
And thus now resides

In fragrant friend zone
For going undercover
As Normal Fresh Guy.
23rd January, 2020

Jersey Eau de Parfum by Chanel

Relax on the shore
Feel the sun and breeze they will
Never leave this dream.
22nd January, 2020

Nuit by Zara

Diorissimo
Was drunk in her mini-skirt
Looking for trouble

Meanwhile, Eau d'Hermes
Leaned out her window and cheered
As she remembered

Fresh floral bouquets
When she made everyone talk
And Roudnitska wink

So just another
Warm night in old Opera
Where the joint had class

The music had style
The booze was all top shelf and
The city had life

And yes, her perfume
Smelled like the next hangover
The last drunken kiss

And her one shampoo
But I'll never forget it
As long as I live.
18th January, 2020

Seoul 532-8 Sinsa Dong Gangnam-Gu by Zara

Chromey 'quatic citric blue
Why you smell the way you do?
Kinda right
Kinda wrong
Then the way you last too long
Yes you're living here rent-free
No you're not the one for me.

Some address somewhere in Seoul
Eau so hip, if that's the goal
Why blue juice?
Makes no sense
Très generic's no defense
Yes you've got that Zara style
No you're only here a while.

What's a redneck boy to do?
Gaga for this loco brew
Eau it sucks
Eau so bad
Wish it weren't so sniffin' rad
Yes I can't stop smellin' skin
No it ain't go'n' on ag'in.

Do not buy this weirdo frag
Metal water citric gag
What the heck
Buy it now
Weirdly worldly worthy wow
Yes this stuff is cheap as hell
Know this one to know know well.

Final point of final 'vice
Chromic moxide does entice
Is it bad?
Is it good?
Seouly eauly neighborhood?
These to you my final thoughts
Love's find's pleasure's hater's naughts.
18th January, 2020

Eau de Rochas by Rochas

Eau, bold, fresh citrus
Tinged with little temptations
And complications

Satisfactions and
Rumors of satisfactions
In Eaux de Cologne

Things not of genre
But rather effortlessly
Thus reminiscent

Don't make me make you
Stay away from my wardrobe
Just linger longer

And prove your beauty
Your Coco sister magic
To this greedy boy

Just make me regret
That I found her before you
Before you soothe me

With seductive thoughts
That it was the only way
I would have found you

Then as you praise her
By the flattery of your
Coy deviations

Each one becoming
A new beauty of your own
Let me not question

Appreciation's
Appreciating magic
Nor question its loss

As loss of our own.
05th January, 2020