2008 New Year's resolution thread - support group?

[seattlelight]

Hi everyone!

I read some of the posts on another thread here and just wanted to see if a New Year's Resolution post would be useful to anyone.

Over several months, my collection has gone from 50 bottles (I've owned easily double that over the past four to five years, but purged through that time) to about 12. It was tough, but I got some help on BN and just went for it. Letting go of scents you really don't love feels great because you feel you have control over your life. However, the danger is that you can easily keep adding more subsequently if you're not really careful! Getting into that mindset of "only quality and / or only what I love" was important for me. I felt I had enough perfume knowledge (if I do say so myself!) to choose scents that really suited me and felt right. Sometimes, you just need to trust your intuition and have confidence in your opinions; much of this perfume art really is quite subjective. Would you really want to live with a Rembrandt if what really makes your heart sing is a Jackson Pollock? Appreciation of beauty is one thing; living with it and having it accommodate your specific needs and personality are another.

Some of you have a moratorium on buying for the entire year. I have successfully, in the past, implemented a slightly different plan: one fragrance purchase four times per year: around Easter week(after Lent, for me!) is my first - and the toughest - one, Spring/Summer, Fall, then Winter. Sample purchases were permitted twice a year. It's easier to go by quarters and seasons for me. If I put a moratorium for the entire year, I'd feel too deprived - it would be like dieting rather than watching your nutrition and making wise choices. Also, the perfume purchases feel more important, because you need to put a lot of thought into it, and feels more like a reward, so it's kind of fun. Amazingly, in the past, I'd reach my deadline and find that I didn't really want to purchase anything. Not guaranteeing that will happen this year, but it's happened in the past. What I learned from this experience is that purchasing perfume is driven by emotional issues and boredom for me. I won't go into the gory(sp?) details, but that's the reality.

Anyway, Lent begins February 6, so, my next perfume purchase is scheduled for after March 22.

I purchased Caron and MPG and d' Orio samples recently: 45$ worth. They have not arrived yet, but they're going to keep me busy through March 22, while I wear them and decide if any of these scents will replace anything I currently wear. Notice I said replace - these will not be additions. The new scent needs to be more fantastic to me than anything else I currently have. Otherwise, it's not a contender for a purchase.

Does anyone else want to join me in having a thread about our specific purchase plans this year - or no purchase plans this year - as the case may be? I think we could get a nice little support group going without risking the enabling that tends to happen outside the clinic.

[plumeria]

Hi Seattlelight! I'm so glad you posted this! It's a fantastic idea, and I think it would be of great help.

I too have purged many fragrances over the last few years. I did 2 big fragrance giveaways (once at my workplace and once at my mother's workplace) and 2 smaller giveaways to my relatives. But I still keep making the same mistakes and have replaced them with more fragrances bought for the wrong reasons, although probably not as many. I really identified with what you said about purchases being emotionally driven.

I need to do a one year clean break of any purchasing before I figure out how to buy more responsibly. I feel like I never stopped to explore each fragrance I was fortunate enough to possess, including samples! There are a few fragrances I regret giving or swapping away. So I am giving myself at least one year before I decide what to do with the fragrances I never seem to wear.

I know the year just started, but I feel pretty good so far. One confession though. Just the other night, I was in Costco. They still had a few fragrances left from their pre-holiday shipment. There was nothing I wanted to buy, but I did take a look, and if I had seen Maitresse...I can't answer for sure that I would have left it there.
Good thing for me it wasn't there. Can you tell I need a support group?

[seattlelight]

Plumeria, I can totally support your decision not to purchase anything. When you mention making the same mistakes, buying things for the wrong reasons, never exploring each fragrance / sample - those issues are so familiar to me.

One thing I decided awhile ago that has helped curb my fragrance purchases is knowing what I want from a fragrance - what I want it to say about me. That eliminates a lot of potential candidates because most of them don't make the cut, regardless of how great they smell! That way, instead of me accommodating something about the fragrance, it's the other way around - as it should be. Also, it doesn't work for me to look at frags at Costco because the "buy" mode is in such high gear there.

[beachroses]

I don't even go into stores and usually do shop seasonally, on holidays or special occasions. I'm going to stick to that this year and also made a resolution to stay with certain lines that use natural ingredients because most of my mistakes have been dept store style frags that didn't. My problem was that I was getting too scattered, I was all over the place and most of the things I would end up with didn't really work out that well. I want some order and simplicity, but more quality than I was allowing myself to buy.

[seattlelight]

Hi beachroses. I go into the stores if there is a specific scent I want to smell, but rarely to browse.

"My problem was that I was getting too scattered, I was all over the place and most of the things I would end up with didn't really work out that well. I want some order and simplicity..."

That pretty much sums it up for me, too...and the seasonal shopping plan is my goal as well. I'm going to allow myself 1 bottle of whatever I want, 4 times a year. I need to be willing to replace something in my current collection for that bottle - that puts a little twist on it that I haven't done in the past. We'll see how it goes.

Here is what I am currently wearing:
Vent Vert
Irisia
Corps et Ames
Timbuktu
La Chasse aux Papillons
Aimez Moi
Lady Caron
Pour un Femme
24 Faubourg / and eau Delicate
First
Iles de Or
Costes

I have a box of Guerlain and a box of Caron that I haven't gone through, but need to in the next few months.

Now that my list is posted, as I make decisions about purchases through the year, I am going to let you all know what I am purchasing and what it will replace in my current collection.

[plumeria]

One thing I decided awhile ago that has helped curb my fragrance purchases is knowing what I want from a fragrance - what I want it to say about me. That eliminates a lot of potential candidates because most of them don't make the cut, regardless of how great they smell! That way, instead of me accommodating something about the fragrance, it's the other way around - as it should be.

This is very good advice and is exactly what I need to do. When I say some of my purchases are emotionally driven, I think the cause is an underlying dissatisfaction I have with myself and a misguided attempt to improve or change something about myself. It probably explains why I'm sometimes drawn to fragrances that aren't "me" at all. For example, I have long been attracted to EL Knowing. I don't own it, but it's often on my mind. To me it is the scent of a very confident, sophisticated, and alluring woman. Of course I don't believe that wearing it would give me these qualities, but I can't help being attracted to the image. When I try this on my skin, however, it smells all wrong. It's sooo not me or my lifestyle.

Although I never bought Knowing, there are plenty of other fragrances I have bought, in a similar scenario. While I'm not willing to give up on them yet, they just aren't what I'm looking for in the morning when I'm getting ready for the day. I remember absolutely loving Floris White Rose when I tried it at the store. It's the type of scent I would really enjoy and feel comfortable in all day. As you said, it would accomodate me instead of the other way around. Why didn't I buy it? Probably because I had already spent too much money on other fragrances that now sit unused in my closet. Oh yes, I need to change my buying habits.

[seattlelight]

"When I say some of my purchases are emotionally driven, I think the cause is an underlying dissatisfaction I have with myself and a misguided attempt to improve or change something about myself."

I'm nodding my head in agreement - been there, done that so many times. Yesterday there was something on MSN news about expensive purchases and the brief - extremely brief - feeling of happiness that accompanies that act. The book they referenced - I believe the author's name is April Benson "I Shop, Therefore I Am" is the title - made exactly the point you just stated. They showcased a story of an early 20's lady and her expensive shoes; the lady stated that her amazing, expensive shoes made her an interesting and different (from the crowd) person.

With perfume, purchasing and wearing something that doesn't have anything to say about me is ultimately unsatisfying; I am either somehow uncomfortable or bored. It sounds like Knowing falls into the "uncomfortable" category for you - doesn't resonate with your personality or life at all. On the other hand, I am sure there are some frags that you own that aren't enough for you, either - they're a boring rendition of you, so they aren't fun to wear most days because they feel too safe and uninteresting.

My buying habits changed once there was a clarity of purpose for each of my fragrances; that can help eliminate duplicate purposes, although, I still have issues with that as many of my frags say the same thing. I'm trying to adhere to that way of thinking about perfume so I can further reduce my wardrobe - it may take me most of the 2008 year to do that!

[beachroses]

I'm not a shopaholic, don't use it to avoid unresolved issues, and am not really obsessive compulsive. I love fragrances, I love cooking, I love art, I love music, I love animals, I love nature, I love books, I love dancing, I just love creative or natural things in life and never get bored. It is a part of my identity, but actually purchasing things to build it up is not and I don't think something is better because it's expensive or care what other people think of my choices. If I don't have any money to spend, I'll make something beautiful.
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With perfume, purchasing and wearing something that doesn't have anything to say about me is ultimately unsatisfying; I am either somehow uncomfortable or bored. It sounds like Knowing falls into the "uncomfortable" category for you - doesn't resonate with your personality or life at all.

Good points.

[seattlelight]

Beachroses, I admit that I have, in the past (and rarely even now) purchased things to build up my identity, including many, many perfumes. I was even going to purchase a car that was to have that effect.

There was an April Benson quote in that MSN article I really liked: "you can never get enough of what you don't really need". So absolutely true, for me.

[beachroses]

I think once you find your own mojo, you won't care too much what other people think. That happened to me at a young age, because I was in a situation where I was already different from everyone around me. I didn't have money to impress people, but I had a lot of other things going, like creativity and energy. It's also a cultural thing among age groups, mine dared to be different, those who came after us were huge on conforming. Now I think it's evened back out to something a little saner, with most people realizing we don't have the same tastes or desires... but I do think it has a lot to do with who you are around. Women who have to spend $500 on a handbag to feel acceptable are still out there, I just ignore them. If they base their opinions of me on how much mine cost, they aren't the kind of shallow people I want to hang around with, anyway.

[seattlelight]

Oh, I think mojo ebbs and flows....that's been my experience.

I agree there is more of a demand for diversity and variety now, but I don't think that translates to "nonconformist / less consumerism / more awareness"; in fact, I think the societal effect has been quite the contrary: more striving, more entitlement, more acquisition.

I have no problem with anyone puchasing an expensive purse or shoes, but I am fascinated by the behavior and how it extrapolates to my (former) perfume collecting. I just don't want to go there again, so by analysis I like to think about that behavior and what prompts it, what modifies it, what promotes it, etc.

[plumeria]

With perfume, purchasing and wearing something that doesn't have anything to say about me is ultimately unsatisfying; I am either somehow uncomfortable or bored. It sounds like Knowing falls into the "uncomfortable" category for you - doesn't resonate with your personality or life at all. On the other hand, I am sure there are some frags that you own that aren't enough for you, either - they're a boring rendition of you, so they aren't fun to wear most days because they feel too safe and uninteresting.

You hit the nail on the head on both counts. The best case scenario is a fragrance that entices you, but is also one where you recognize yourself in it. When I find a fragrance like this, it usually evokes some feelings throughout the day when I catch little whiffs of it, which is quite pleasurable.

I look forward to reading about whether any of your samples make the cut. Also, reducing the size of your wardrobe, where each decision is well thought out, does not sound like an easy task, and is an admirable goal.

Btw, that book sounds like a very good read. Will have to look it up.

[ActingTall]

Great thread! I'm simultaneously trying to prune my collection to what I truly love (and loves me back) and also reduce my spending. My resolution for 2008 is to sell as much as I can bear to part with and use only what I earn from selling to buy any new fragrances.

[Frenchie Day]

Hey everybody, what a great thread, I'm in! My New Year resolution is to buy no more than 3 perfumes this year. I might buy them in different seasons or on the same day, no rules here. One of them is going to be my wedding day fragrance so I will choose it carefully and put a bit of effort into it. I'm really excited about the challenge because I'm certain that I will end up with 3 truly wonderful fragrances that will suit me. In the last 6 month I bought so many perfumes and ended up giving most of them away. I'm determined to change my buying style and stick to a small number of perfumes that truly satisfy me. Looking forward to discussing the experience of non-buying with all of you!

[seattlelight]

"I look forward to reading about whether any of your samples make the cut. Also, reducing the size of your wardrobe, where each decision is well thought out, does not sound like an easy task, and is an admirable goal.

Btw, that book sounds like a very good read. Will have to look it up."

Plumeria - I will keep you informed of the testing and will probably need some support with the decisions. Reducing the amount of frags is difficult - and keeping the amount at a reasonable number is difficult as well - but we can all support eachother in this process and make it happen. I also plan to check the local library and find the book.

"My resolution for 2008 is to sell as much as I can bear to part with and use only what I earn from selling to buy any new fragrances."

This is a great idea. Once I go through my two boxes, I may try the same thing.

"One of them is going to be my wedding day fragrance"

This will be very fun to go through with you! I want to experience non-buying (great phrase) with all of you as well. I want to be proud of my well thought out decisions and I want to be thrilled and content with the few purchases I do make. I think we can do it.

[beachroses]

I've been doing a lot of purging as I go along, but not all at once. I'm still buying, but I'm going to be a lot pickier than I was being.

[seattlelight]

I'm tempted to purchase Paloma Picasso. Very, very tempted. I've only tested at a department store.

[plumeria]

I'm tempted to purchase Paloma Picasso. Very, very tempted. I've only tested at a department store.

Interesting... Is this out of the blue or have you wanted this for a while? If it's out of the blue, this happens to me all the time. I'll valiantly hold off buying something that I really want until I feel I deserve to own it, but then suddenly, I'll take a fancy to something else that I haven't given much thought to, and feel an irresistable urge to buy it (and then I do). I don't necessarily regret all those purchases (some yes, some no) but the result is that they seem to have pushed back my acquisition of fragrances I *know* I should own.

If you purchase the Paloma Picasso, will you feel that you are compromising your goals for this year? If so, don't do it. I see it is still in production so it will be there later should you still want it.

[seattlelight]

It's a recent desire after chatting with a friend whose opinion I trust. So, not quite out of the blue, but close. I've never had a sample or decant of it to try out on consecutive days, so I would consider it an impulse type of purchase.

"If you purchase the Paloma Picasso, will you feel that you are compromising your goals for this year? If so, don't do it. I see it is still in production so it will be there later should you still want it."

Yes, I would totally feel like I am compromising my goals and you are right that it will be there March 22, should I still desire to own it. It would replace Costes, which has not been getting much wear lately. Thank you for the perspective. I'm going to wait.

[plumeria]

I know only too well how hard it is to resist such feelings. You've come up with a great plan!

[leffleur]

I have no specific plan, but I know I'm severely cutting all perfume purchases-even sampling. I think it will be easier for me than it sounds. I'm not a collector, I've simply been looking for that "perfect" scent for me. I think I've found those few scents that fit the bill.
I've sampled (made more sample purchases) in the last few months than ever before, and it turned out that even those perfume I thought I'd just have to have, I didn't, at all. I'm past the exploration phase, which I think really speaks to me being past the worry that I'll miss something. I have enough perfumes that I really love. So, if I purchase more, it will only be backups of favorites; ones that I hear are being discontinued, going up in price, or I know I will use enough to actually run out and need more of. Those are very few in number.

[Frenchie Day]

For the last 3 weeks I've been wearing the same perfume every day. That's something I never used to do. I like it - it is a chance to explore a scent and get used to it, feel comfortable in it. I have no desire to go to shops and look for new bottles. That's a good sign I think. I have 12 bottles in my collection now and it feels great not to feel the urge to expand it.

[plumeria]

For the last 3 weeks I've been wearing the same perfume every day. That's something I never used to do. I like it - it is a chance to explore a scent and get used to it, feel comfortable in it.

I've been doing this too. I wore one scent for the first half of the month, and then about a week ago I switched to another fragrance and I think I'll be wearing that for awhile. This is for during the day. At night, I've been wearing different fragrances or trying out samples. This seems to work well for me because I've always struggled with my conflicting need for variety and the desire for a signature scent, even a temporary one. Instead of getting bored, I find myself looking forward to wearing my daytime fragrance.

[seattlelight]

"I'm not a collector, I've simply been looking for that "perfect" scent for me. I think I've found those few scents that fit the bill."

Me, too. I still sample, but honestly don't enjoy it all that much. Interestingly, sampling generally confirms for me that I'm "not missing anything", as you stated. As much as I don't like to admit it, that probably means the packaging and bottle are meaningful for me, as the little glass vial and its contents are pretty easily dismissed and mostly unimpressive.

The idea of a relatively signature daytime fragrance, with variety predominantly for evenings, is appealing and something I used to do. For the past few months, I have gravitated to three or four scents almost exclusively. Because it is wintertime here, I want to see how these work through Spring and Summer prior to making any permanent decisions. Also, I'm getting used to how these scents make me feel - just to see if there are any commonalities that way that don't exist in my lesser used scents. Whether a scent works for me and compliments my life is something I'm exploring right now and it's been enlightening; I've saved a lot of money, too!

[Frenchie Day]

In the last few days I've been thinking about my 3 allowed purchases for the year. It is a little bit annoying to feel like this so soon into the year. I'll have to try and wait for at least a couple of months to buy that first one, if nothing to make a point to myself and test that will power!
Anyone out there with the same symptoms? I swear, I fel like an addict.

[seattlelight]

Yes, waiting to be able to purchase is annoying. I look at it like this: even if I breakdown and purchase more than 3 or 4 times this year (even double that), at least the waiting makes me really think about what it is I want. The issue of buying uninteresting junk that I don't wear and ultimately don't want is far less likely with this scenario, even if I slip every now and then. It's the awareness that is important.

So far this year, I've been tempted by Paloma Picasso, Carnal Flower, Spr. Flower + Fleurissimo, and Aromatics Elixir. I'm also eager to try all the Patou scents that I'm not familiar with and have been tempted to purchase Enjoy, Sira les Indes, Eau de Patou, and Sublime blind.

In the old days, I would have purchased all of these 9 or 10 scents by now and then still not be satisfied. This time, I want to slow down and think about what I'm doing and why. I find it gratifying to postpone purchases, but only if I have a fairly clear vision and motivation about where I'm going to end up; otherwise, it's deprivation and feels horrible.

[Frenchie Day]

That really sounds like me. I've been thinking about getting Jardins de Bagatelle, L'Heure Bleue, Jicky, Carnal Flower and Tubereuse Indiana. Before the non-buying decision I would have gone and bought them all withought much thought. Now I'm really trying to be sensible and think about each purchase. I can see the benefit of that already but it is so difficult. If I manage to stick to my 3 purchases this year I will give myself a pat on the back and feel like I have achieved something. After all, the change in my perfume buying habits is the goal here.

[seattlelight]

That is my goal as well: a change in buying habits - with habit being the operative word. No thought, no analysis, just "auto-pilot" usually based on someone else's perceptions. I need to halt that behavior.

[seattlelight]

I kind of blew it - a few days ago I purchased a backup bottle of a favorite scent, which I'm half way through. Actually, the SA called me - I've been trying to avoid his calls, which come about every month or so - and I requested it before I knew what I was doing.

I know this isn't a waste of my money because it's a scent that I get compliments on all the time and it is a favorite, as in, if I heard it was being discontinued, I'd grab it all up. But the purchase wasn't totally under my control, either - was kind of autopilot - and I have a backup bottle already, so that makes me uneasy. I am consoling myself by rationalizing that at least it wasn't a blind buy based on someone else's perception, but I still feel bad.

Okay, so I'm starting again fresh. Next purchase, if anything at all, will be March 22.

How is everyone else doing?

[beachroses]

I didn't buy anything for New Year's or Valentine's Day, so I owe myself two bottles.